


Starts With Goodbye

by imgoodbackup



Category: General Hospital
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Deviates From Canon, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Eventual Sex, F/M, Family, Friendship, Identity Reveal, Murder Mystery, Serial Killers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-08-31
Updated: 2013-10-09
Packaged: 2021-02-19 05:03:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 96,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22972387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imgoodbackup/pseuds/imgoodbackup
Summary: After her mother is attacked and left for dead by the Text Message Killer, Sam returns to the last place she ever wanted to set foot in again. She'd left the small harbor town of Port Charles, New York, alone and broken, when she'd learned the love of her life had lied to her while having an emotional affair with the mother of his child. She isn't returning alone or broken, however. She's stronger, now, and Samantha McCall has a few hidden truths of her own.
Relationships: Carly Benson/Jasper "Jax" Jacks, Nikolas Cassadine/Emily Quartermaine, Samantha "Sam" McCall/Jason Morgan
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some writing is directly quoted or paraphrased within memories or flashbacks and belongs to GH and its respective writer. I do not own any of the General Hospital characters. There are two original male characters in supporting roles, as well.

_"It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye." -Carrie Underwood_

  
  
  


**Prologue.**

Sam sat on their bed and hung up the phone as she allowed gravity to pull it away. She was done holding on, she'd decided, as it slid from her hand and thudded to the floor. The bitterness and hurt had finally given way to the battle weariness of having fought so long and so hard for something that she now knew would never be.  
She'd been fighting for him, for herself, and fighting for them for weeks, now, and she was just worn out. She hadn't confronted her fiance after learning that Jake was his son. Maybe it wasn't the wisest choice, but she wanted to believe the man that she loved wouldn't keep that from her if she could just make him feel safe enough in their love to open up. So, she'd set up countless opportunities for him to do that very thing. 

She'd provided Jason Morgan time after time to tell the truth about the baby he'd fathered, but he'd shot down every chance in favor of keeping his lie for another woman. No matter how much reassurance and gentle urging Sam offered, he continued to lie to her face day after day after day and she was just tired of fighting the inevitable. Jason intended to keep that lie between them no matter the cost, even if it continued to tear them apart until there was nothing left. Amelia's words from their conversation earlier that day echoed in her mind...

"If it bothers you so much, just confront him. Or is there a part of you that enjoys making Jason and Elizabeth squirm?"

Sam didn't want to torture anyone. What she wanted was for Jason to come clean about his child. She didn't care about his agreement with Elizabeth. She wanted him to tell her the truth so then maybe they could consider their options, together. She didn't want to be left out of Jason's life and that was exactly what she'd told her new boss and confidante, Amelia.

"Well, didn't you tell me that the whole reason Jason didn't want kids to begin with was because of his violent lifestyle? I mean it's obviously the reason that he's not claiming his son."

Sam shook her head as anger surged. What was obvious to Sam was that Jason was just going along with Elizabeth. Jason had put those fears to rest months ago, when he'd told her last January that he wanted to start a family with her... 

"It’s… it’s never been a question of me wanting to be a father. I do. I’ve just been afraid to bring a child into an unstable situation."

"Please don’t try to convince me again."

She couldn't bear to hear him reject the idea of starting a family with her again, but he'd continued, undeterred, and surprised her with the words she'd dreamed of hearing.

"No parent can guarantee their child a perfect life. I mean, all you can do is love your child and give the best of yourself. And you and I can do that for our child. So, if… if you still want to…"

"Don’t do this just to make me happy."

"I’m not, I’m not. I’m not. It would make me happy. I want us to have a child."

Her heart clenched at the memory of the tender love they had made that night and at how futile their attempts had been in light of the damage that bullet had done. She forced herself to recall more recent events that supported her notion instead, like how she'd witnessed Jason tell Elizabeth that day in the hospital that he wished there was some way they could share custody. 

Elizabeth had told him no, proclaiming Jason too dangerous to be around his own child. Sam remembered overhearing Jason tell their friend, Spinelli, that he couldn't be a part of Jake's life because he didn't want his son to be subjected to Elizabeth's constant fear. It was no way for a child to grow up. No. Jason wanted to be a part of his child's life, but he'd allowed Elizabeth to take away his rights, his dream, their dream to have a family. Elizabeth had manipulated Jason and effectively used his old fears against him to get what she wanted, a respectable little family with Lucky, and Jason strung along on the side. 

Sam considered her alternatives. She could keep quiet, maintain status quo, but she'd already told Amelia that she didn't want to wake up every morning knowing the man she loved was keeping a secret child from her. And that feeling hadn't changed. She could confront him, but what good would that do? She already knew his reasons for lying and she didn't care to beat him into submission with the truth. She knew Jason well enough to know the guilt was already eating him alive and, as much as his lie hurt her, she didn't want to hurt him back. She loved him. 

She once told him that she loved him enough to walk away and he'd asked her if she loved him enough to stay. She had. She had stayed and fought for them with everything she had. She just wished that he had loved her the same. When she was shot, he walked away. And now, when he needed someone to help him through the loss of his father and losing his son, he had shut down on her again and walked away, again. He didn't love her enough to stay and fight. Their last argument was only more proof to the fact. He'd barely spoken, or raised his voice. He stood there practically emotionless as she poured her heart and soul out to him, begging him to fight with her, for her, for them.

**flashback**

_Sam came through the door and placed her keys on the desk as she spotted Jason by the pool table. She'd stormed off from him in the park earlier after another arranged 'chance encounter' with Elizabeth and Jake had failed to illicit Jason's confession. She'd managed to cool down after a conversation with her boss, Amelia, outside Kelly's Diner and decided to come home. She just wanted to talk things out with him._

_"Jason, I am sorry. I'm sorry about what happened with Elizabeth... and the baby... and the park and the whole..."_

_Jason put down his cue stick as soon as he saw her. He picked up his jacket off the back of the couch and headed for the door without so much as a hello._

_"So am I." He interrupted as he brushed past her._

_Sam turned as he walked by without even stopping to look at her. "What are you doing? What, you can't walk out, Jason. We have to talk about this."_

_Jason grabbed his keys off the desk and turned to her. "You can't carry a child because of me and I'm sorry. I really am. I would do anything to change that. I just don't know what to do."_

_His tone was controlled and resolute as if he'd already given up, but Sam wasn't ready to give up. "What are you doing? Jason, we can still have a child!"_

_Jason looked at her as if confused. "What, do you want to adopt?"_

_Sam just couldn't believe he could stand there and continue to lie. "NO, I don't. Don't you understand? I want your child!"_

_Jason was visibly taken aback by her torrent of emotion and Sam sighed and tried to reign in the anger and resentment growing inside. She knew Jason only shut down when he was confronted that way. "Jason, it's just with our background, adoption would be too difficult and I don't think it would be fair to put either one of us through that kind of scrutiny."_

_Jason wasn't following. "So, where are you going with this?"_

_Sam knew she was manipulating this scenario now for the truth and she hated doing it. It reeked of something Elizabeth or Carly or even the person she used to be would stoop to, but she was desperate to find a way to break through that wall he'd built between them. "I'm out of the baby-making process, but you're not and I was just hoping that maybe we could use a surrogate."_

_Jason sighed and shook his head, not even giving the option a minute's consideration. "I can't."_

_He can't? He can't??? He already had!!! If he claimed his son, he and Sam could help raise him! Sam felt her frustration grow beyond control and before she knew it she was doing the last thing she should have done. Jason never responded well to ultimatums, but she couldn't stop herself. "What if I tell you that despite my new career I will not be at peace unless we have your child to raise together even if it's not mine biologically? What if I tell you we are not going to make it unless we are parents together?"_

_Jason blinked as guilt washed over him. He could have ended the argument then and there by telling Sam about Jake, but he wouldn't allow himself to do so. "I don't think it's fair to a child to make it responsible for our happiness. I mean to say having a baby is gonna save us, or not having one is gonna tear us apart..."_

_But he did have one and denying it was tearing them apart. Why couldn't he see that? There was no holding back now. Sam was livid. He was denying her a child when he freely gave one away to Elizabeth, when she had been willing to share hers with him. "Really, Jason? So you won't even CONSIDER a surrogate? You are not being fair. Our relationship took ROOT around my pregnancy. When I was terrified at the fact of a helpless baby being dependent on me you convinced me that I could do it, that WE could do it together. WE were gonna be a family. And now you're just simply refusing to give me that."_

_Emotion struck his voice for the first time as he took a step toward her. "I can't give you that. In fact, I'm the one who took that away from you."_

_God, the man was infuriatingly obtuse sometimes. How much more could she spell this out for him without actually saying the words? "JASON I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR THAT! How many times do I have to TELL you that? It is the REST that I can't accept. All those months that went by and we could have gotten pregnant and we didn't! And the fact that now you won't even CONSIDER sharing your child with me!"_

_Sam sighed heavily and shook her head. Shock and pain radiated through her. "Oh," She breathed in disbelief. "I can't believe it's taken me... this long to see how selfish, how selfish you really are."_

_She rushed out afterward, sick with rage and disappointment. She couldn't stomach being in the same room with him and the reality of what they had become. By the time she returned, he was gone too. Sam didn't like the way she had left things. She'd come back to apologize and tell him that she was angry, but not at him which, sitting there now, she knew in her heart wasn't entirely true. But she was too afraid to admit her anger toward him; afraid it might push him away even more. She was also angry at life and fate and most of all her own bad choices._

_She would have told him she was furious, furious and devastated that she would never be the mother of his child, but she wouldn't let anger ruin what they have. She wanted to remind him that, aside from her daughter, he was still the most important thing that had ever happened to her and she would never give up on them. She wanted to tell him all of that, but he wasn't there to tell. He'd walked away again and maybe it was time she accepted the cold hard truth staring her in the face. Maybe he didn't want to be in it with her anymore. Maybe Jason was just holding on to her out of obligation. Maybe it was better to let go before it destroyed them both, including the precious memories of every good thing they had ever given one another._

**/flashback**

That last call had been her final effort, one last attempt so she might avoid doing what she knew in her heart needed to be done. She'd called him one more time, but it had gone straight to voice mail, again. She didn't bother leaving any message. If Jason had cared to hear her voice, he would have picked up the phone. She knew Jason had his phone on him. He always carried his phone and it was always on. God forbid that he not be available for Sonny or Carly when they needed him. Sam guessed she should add Elizabeth to that list as well now. 

After all, Mrs. Elizabeth Spencer was the mother of his child and Sam knew there wasn't anything Jason wouldn't do for his son. Anything, that is, except claim him as his own and allow Jake to know the love of his own father or her, the woman that his father claimed to love more than any other. 

To think that she had once been more than willing to share her baby with him and now, when the tables had turned, Jason did everything in his power to hide his child from her as if she weren't good enough to share that blessing with him. She swallowed that pain down and wiped the tears from her eyes. 

Sam stood from the bed and stepped over her phone, not bothering to pick it up from where it had landed. She didn't even give it a second glance as she headed to their closet. She pulled her large, empty black duffel bag from the lower shelf where it was stored and walked back to the bed. 

She knew she had to do it and he wouldn't understand. 

Jason had no idea that she knew the truth about baby Jake. And she wondered, as she zipped the stuffed bag closed, if it would be kinder to tell him the truth or to never mention it at all. 

Sam was hurt, but she didn't want to hurt him in return. And if she stayed around much longer, she wasn't sure that she could prevent it. Their fight earlier had proven as much to her. The longer Jason lied to her, the angrier and more desperate and vengeful she became. She could feel it growing and that frightened her. 

Sam didn't like who this was turning her into. She had to end it before she did something she couldn't take back. She didn't want to become some spiteful woman fueled by resentment, who lashed out at everyone around her. That was who her adoptive mother had been and the thought of ending up like Evelyn Bass scared the hell out of her. But she wasn't sure that she could avoid it if she remained in the situation she was in now. 

It killed her to do it, but she had to walk away before it was too late to save herself. The hardest and scariest part of all was that, without Jason, she wasn't sure she even wanted to be saved. She had made a promise to herself after hitting rock bottom with Ric Lansing, however, that she would never allow herself to self-destruct like that ever again. 

She deserved better and so did the people she loved. And, despite everything, she did love him and her family more than anything. And, maybe, that was as much a part of the problem as any other. Maybe she needed to learn to love and respect herself just as much, if not more, she considered. And maybe, just maybe, the physical distance would help her gain the psychological break she needed to do just that.

Sam put pen to paper and took a few minutes to write a few words, deciding to end her relationship with Jason Morgan just as it had begun, with only the truth between them. She left the envelope on his desk where she knew Jason would find it. She hefted the over-sized bag from the bottom step on the stairs and, with one last long glance around at the first real home she'd ever known, she turned and walked out of the door, out of Port Charles and out of his life, for good.

xxxxx

Sam found herself alone and across town half an hour later. It was a sad commentary on her life to date that, after three and a half years in Port Charles, she could count on just three fingers the number of people that she cared to say goodbye to. She wasn't on the best of terms with her family. Sleeping with her mother's husband had apparently earned her a lifetime designation as the ultimate black sheep, but Sam figured it was fair enough. Her cousin, Nikolas, had little to do with her once she'd disregarded her mother's wishes and reunited with Jason. But, in fairness, Nikolas was also preoccupied with his own romantic woes with the love of his life, Emily. 

She wanted very much to say goodbye to her little sisters, but they were so young. She wasn't sure what to say to make them understand. Maybe it was better that way, to just go without upsetting them. Her mother had also made it clear that she thought it best they keep their distance from one another since she wasn't ready to forgive Sam any time soon. 

Oddly enough, Carly Corinthos, the wife of her former lover had been the one to push Alexis and Jason to forgive her. They were not friends, but something had changed. She and Carly were no longer enemies either and Sam couldn't help wonder if they might ever become friends, if she stayed. 

Probably not. 

Carly would always be Jason's friend first, just like Spinelli had turned out to be. Sonny, her belated baby's biological father, wouldn't make her Christmas gift list that year either after slapping that injunction on the new reality show she starred in, Everyday Heroes. That man gave the words narcissistic paranoia all new meaning. And she wondered if he would ever wake up and realize that not everything that everyone did in that town was about him. 

Probably not.

Amelia, Amelia was her producer and had also become a friend of sorts. But Sam just didn't have the fight in her that she knew it would take for that goodbye. If she'd learned anything about Amelia Joffe, it was that she never gave up on something she wanted. And, right now, Amelia wanted Sam as hostess for her company's hit show. She felt bad for leaving Amelia and the show in the lurch, but she just didn't have it in her to be what they needed now. Sam decided that she would call or write to apologize and explain things to Amelia once she got some distance. 

She'd write her mother, too. She wouldn't hold her breath for any Hallmark family reunion, but she'd told Alexis that she wasn't closing the door on them and she'd meant it. Sam briefly considered calling Maxie to meet her at Kelly's, her favorite local diner. She'd become fast friends with the younger blonde during her short employment at the Metro Court, and she would miss the feisty whirlwind known as Maxie Jones. She decided that she'd keep in touch with her as well, but not now. Right now, there were only three people that she intended to visit on her way out of town and two of them were right there in front of her.

Sam knelt before his headstone and placed fresh flowers in the matching granite vase. Wildflowers, Danny had always loved them. He loved how there were so many different shapes and colors, and had once told her that they reminded him of her because wildflowers were survivors. They adapted to grow strong out of the most brutal environments and that only made their beauty all the more special because of it. Sam felt the same way about him. Her brother had the most gentle and beautiful soul of anyone she had ever known, despite the monster that had raised him. 

"Hi Danny. It's me, your sister, Sam." She smiled remembering how Danny always insisted on introducing himself that way, even though he knew she knew who he was. He was always so proud to be her big brother.

Her smile faded into a pensive frown as she struggled for the harder words to follow. "I have to go away and I don't think I'll be coming back. I just can't stay here anymore, but I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye to you. I know it isn't really goodbye. You'll always be here." Sam placed her hand over her heart.

"But this is your final resting place; here, near my daughter, your niece, and I'm going to miss not being able to visit you. Being here with you and Lila is one of the very few places I can find any peace and I could desperately use some peace in my life right about now. That's why I have to go."

Sam sighed as she breathed deep. "I'm scared to death that I'll never find any without him no matter where I go, but I know I won't as long as I'm surrounded by constant reminders of the lie that's tearing us apart. I hope you understand. I love you, big brother, and I miss you more than words. Keep taking good care of Lila, Danny, until I can be with you both again and we can all take care of each other."

Sam stood and placed a kiss to her fingers and then brushed it against the top of his stone before taking a few steps over to her daughter. She placed the vibrant bouquet of Stargazer lilies at her daughter's grave. "Hi baby girl. It's me again, mommy." Oh, Sam thought, what I wouldn't give to have the chance to hear you call me that, even once. "I love you and miss you so much; all the time. I guess you probably heard me saying goodbye to your Uncle Danny, but I need to say goodbye to you too."

She took a deep breath to keep the emotions at bay. "I'll always carry you with me in my heart, but I won't be able to visit you here anymore. I'm not sure what you're able to see and hear up there, but your daddy and I... We just weren't able to make it work. I'm not mad at him, or maybe I am just a little."

She might try to lie to herself, but she could never lie to her little girl. "I wanted him to fight for us the way he once fought for you." Her gaze shifted from her daughter's flowers to the granite stone before her. "I don't know if you know this, or not, but there was a time I wasn't so sure I could be a good mother to you. Jason was the one who convinced me that I could. He wanted to be your dad, so much. He refused to let me give you up and his faith and love made me see just what a blessing it was that I had been given. And from the moment I heard your little heart beating inside me, I knew. I knew I would do anything and everything I could to be the mother you deserved."

She wiped at the tear at her eye as she wished for the millionth time or more that she'd only had the chance to keep that promise to her child. "I'll always be thankful to Jason for that. He never gave up on us being a family. I wish he still felt that way, but he's lost that faith in me now, lost faith in us. I guess I can't blame him. We both did things that hurt one another, but I'm tired of doing that. I'm tired of hurting him and I'm tired of being hurt. I still love Jason and, after everything, I've realized I always will. But it's become very clear that I'm just not the one that makes him happy anymore. It's time I let him go because I want him to be happy. I want us both to be happy and to live our lives in a way that honors the love we have for each other and you. Because having you, loving you, taught me so many things and one of them is that life is just too short for anything else. So, I'm leaving and I don't know where I'm headed yet. But I do know that I intend to find love, peace and happiness with myself and for myself somewhere along the way."

Sam brushed her hands through the velvety green grass as the peacefulness of her daughter's love settled over her from above. She breathed in the moment, savoring it before speaking again. "I know it's a big task to ask of such a little girl, but do you think you could do mommy a favor? Could you watch over Jason? Keep him safe and maybe even try, try to help him find some happiness? It's all I've ever wanted for him and it's all he ever wanted for you too. I don't know if he'll visit you here very often, Lila, but I do know that he will always love you. We both will. You're a part of us, the best part, and I'll never forget that, or you, no matter how many miles I put between us." Sam rose to her knees and placed a soft kiss to her hand and then to the stone as she had with Danny. "Take care, baby girl. Mommy loves you, always and forever." 

She made her way through the park, committing the views to memory. Her steps halted as she came to the little foot bridge over the creek near the giant Willow. And she watched as a gentle evening breeze swept its drooping branches lazily along the bank of water. She'd once told Jason that she'd dreamed of them sharing a picnic under that tree and feeding the ducks with their little girl. So many memories everywhere she turned. She exited the park near the Elm Street Pier and crossed the street to Kelly's Diner. It was her final stop. 

She was relieved to arrive after the lunch crowd and before the dinner guests. The place was empty, at least of anyone she knew. She dropped her bag at her feet and took a seat at the counter as the diner's manager appeared from the back, fresh pie in hand.

The graying man smiled wide as he spotted one of his favorite patrons, and carefully placed the pie under the glass cover of the cake pedestal. "Sam, it's good to see you. What can I get for you? How about a slice of fresh strawberry rhubarb? Made it from scratch and it just finished cooling from the oven."

Sam returned his smile with a genuine one of her own. Her former lover's father had always been good to her and she would miss the smile and friendly words he always had for her. "No thanks, Mike. I've got some place to be, but I wanted to stop by to talk to you about something if you have a minute."

"Of course, Sam." Mike's smile wavered. She seemed troubled. "What's on your mind?"

Sam bit her lower lip, hesitant to say the words aloud to another living person and make them real. "I'm leaving town, Mike, and I just wanted to say goodbye. You've always been really kind to me. You never judged me no matter how many opportunities there were for you to do so. I wanted you to know just how much that means to me."

Mike's eyes got a little misty. "Sam, are you in trouble? Is there anything I can do to help?"

Sam's anxiety softened at his concern. "No, Mike, not that kind of trouble. Jason and I tried, but it just isn't going to work out and as much as I've come to think of this town as home it's just too hard right now to stick around with so many memories of what might have been."

Mike nodded. He'd seen how hard things had been for Jason and Sam since the shooting and his heart went out to the both of them. "I'm sorry to hear that Sam. Are you sure?"

Sam nodded, sad that it was true. "I'm sure, but, if it isn't too much to ask, there is one thing you could do for me."

"Anything." Mike told her without pause.

"I won't be here to visit my daughter or my brother anymore and I was wondering if maybe you could visit them for me every once in a while, bring them some flowers and just... let them know they haven't been forgotten?"

Mike knew the pain of losing a child and, though he hadn't known her brother very well, he would forever be connected to him through Sam's baby girl, as well as the tragedy that had claimed both Danny's life and the life of his daughter.

He blinked rapidly at the moisture collecting in his eyes as his deep voice broke. "I'd be honored to visit my granddaughter and her uncle for you, Sam. I promise I'll make sure they know they're both still loved and remembered."

Sam gave him a weak smile as her voice trembled. "Thank you, Mike. Danny always loved wildflowers and Lila..."

"Stargazer lilies." He answered for her and then felt the need to explain further when he saw her surprise. "I figured those must be from either you or Jason since they're always there when I visit. Sonny always sends roses.” He wouldn't share with her the fact that his son, her daughter's biological father, happened to send the same roses to his sister, Courtney's, grave as well which is how he knew they were from him. And, what's more he suspected, Sonny used a service rather than ever delivering them in person. Everyone had a right to grieve in their own way, Mike believed, and so he tried not to pass judgment on his son for choosing avoidance as his way.

Sam pursed her lips, a bit emotional at his admission. Mike hadn't forgotten her daughter. He visited her at her grave. "You're a good man, Mike Corbin."

"It's easy to be good to a good woman like you, Sam." He replied honestly. "Do me a favor?"

Sam nodded hesitantly for him to continue. "Send me a postcard every once in a while and let me know how you're doing?"

"I will, Mike. Thanks again, for everything." She told him with a watery smile. Minutes later, he came around the counter and hugged her goodbye. Handing her a complimentary assortment of cookies and cup of coffee for the road, he wished her farewell and watched in sadness as Sam McCall walked out of Kelly's diner, out of Port Charles, and out of his life. But not for good, he hoped.

**1.**

It had been eight days since Sam had walked out of his life. Eight days. 192 hours. 11,520 minutes. 691,200 seconds since he'd last seen the face of the woman he loved. Jason Morgan wasn't sure if it was his confinement to a dreary holding cell or his separation from Sam, but he just couldn't manage to shut off his brain. It had been in overdrive since the moment he'd found her letter and realized she was gone. Memories and regrets hit him left and right, and he found himself doing long math, converting time off the top of his head, just to catch a break from the painful thoughts that assailed his psyche. 

He couldn't get the image of the last time he'd seen her out of his mind. The disappointment in her eyes and the pain etched across her delicate features haunted him every waking moment and even in his sleep, not that he was able to get much of that these days. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her beautiful smile, the real one that shined all the way into her eyes and lit up a room, and his heart, with its brilliance. It must have been forever since she'd smiled that smile and even longer, he was sure, since he'd been the one to put it there. 

How had things gotten so messed up? It was a question he'd never really allowed himself to contemplate until now. He'd never been one to dwell on the past. You make a decision and you live with the consequences. You move on, but how was he supposed to move on without her? How was he supposed to move on without his child, and how was he supposed to move on with his life if he was convicted of murder? The answer was simple. He wasn't, but the solution was complicated as hell. And, he learned as he delved deeper into the labyrinth of his recent choices, the path that had led him to his current state was even more convoluted. 

Despite the confusion that line of thinking brought him, Jason persisted, convinced that somewhere within the mistakes of his past lie the key to fixing it all. He had to fix it all, for everyone, for himself, but especially for her. That was what he'd always been best at after all, wasn't it? Fixing things? He sighed and rubbed the ache from his temples as he paced the confined space. 

He knew that he should be focused on beating the murder charge, but with Sam gone he couldn't seem to. He'd tried so hard to do what he believed was right by everyone and, in the end, he'd only let them all down. What hurt more than anything was how he'd let the most important person in his life down worst of all.

Sam knew about Jake, knew that he'd kept his son a secret from her. She'd told him as much in her letter. He wished that he had it with him now, but everything on his person had been confiscated during his arrest. Jason didn't need it to remember her words, though. Those were engraved upon his memory as distinctly as the paper on which they were written. He simply wanted to hold it, run his fingers over the delicate script, over her final words to him. It might be pathetic, but until he could get out, until he could find her, it was the last thing he had left of her. 

Dammit, he cursed. If only he hadn't allowed Sonny to tie him up in another one of his sordid affairs, he would have been long gone after Sam before the PCPD ever tracked him down.

Jason's mind replayed the moments leading up to his detainment over and over in his head, knowing nothing he did now could change the outcome; but wishing, for the first time in his life, that it could. He knew better than to ever ignore his instincts. Doing that only led to trouble, but he'd done it anyway. He knew, or at least his gut knew, that Sam knew the truth. 

Something in the way she had acted in the park earlier the day that she left had caused him to ask her if she'd planned that run in with Jake and Elizabeth in the park on purpose. And, in that moment, his gut told him that she knew. But he didn't listen. He didn't want to listen. He didn't want to believe it because if it were true, if Sam knew the truth that he'd been keeping from her, then he wouldn't know what to do. 

He could barely handle the truth himself. Facing accountability for the pain it caused Sam was more than he could take on top of everything else. She wouldn't just be crushed to know he had a child with another woman, one that she could never give him, now. Sam would be devastated that he'd lied to her about it. 

And now she did know, and she'd left him. And he deserved it, he knew. But it didn't stop him from wanting to go to her. He had to find her to apologize and to explain, assuming that he could explain it to himself. He wasn't sure what he would say to her when he found her, but he didn't want her to go another day thinking the things she had told him in that letter were true because they weren't.

He realized now, after eight days of little else to do but pace and think, that it wasn't her or them that he'd lost faith in. It was himself and he didn't know how or if he could ever get that faith back. If he couldn't, then maybe Sam and his son were better off without him. But he wouldn't let her go, couldn't let things end the way they had. Which is why he'd started looking for Sam the minute he discovered she had gone.

He'd come home late that night to find the penthouse dark and way too quiet. He missed the letter on the desk at first, but when he'd gone upstairs expecting to find Sam asleep and found an empty bed instead, he began to worry. He called her on her cell phone and that was when he realized that he'd missed not one but two calls from her earlier that night. 

The first call he'd heard and actually ignored. He was still upset after their fight and had wanted a little more time to collect his thoughts before they talked again. The second call, her last call, he hadn't heard over the roar of his Harley. He'd taken off on a long ride to try and clear his head. The dial tone sounded in his ear and his heart dropped as he heard her ringer go off. He followed the sound to find her phone on the floor by the bed.

He scanned the room for any signs of a struggle, searched the penthouse top to bottom and called his guards, but nothing seemed out of place. That was when he'd noticed the envelope on his desk. His heart and his world stopped when he read her message and he wasn't sure either would start again until he'd found her and put things right. 

He ran up the stairs, not wanting to believe any of it was true. She couldn't really be gone. But her empty dresser and a half empty closet proved him wrong. He remembered feeling weak, so weak his legs gave out from under him and he sat on the floor for only God knew how long just as he'd landed, with his phone in one hand and her letter clutched in the other.

Spinelli wasn't home. He'd been hiding out at Kelly's Diner and his friend, Lulu's, home a lot lately to avoid the tension, but Jason had called him as soon as his daze wore off. He needed him working his cyber connections to find her. Jason had to find her. Even if she didn't want to be with him any longer, he just needed to find her and tell her what was in his heart. He kicked himself for waiting until now to do it. Now, when it was most likely too late to hold on. Now, when she had already chosen to let go.

In true Spinelli form the kid had shown up minutes later, tracking leads. He couldn't track her by her cell phone since she'd left it behind, but he started with building and traffic cameras around town to get a lead on the direction she'd headed. Jason worked the field based on Spinelli's intel. He tracked down the cab driver that had picked her up and learned she'd been dropped off at the Queen of Angels cemetery after a short stop at the local florist's. Jason had hoped beyond all hope that he would somehow find her there, asleep at their daughter's grave. 

He'd had no such luck, however, as Sam was nowhere to be found. But traces of her were. She'd left flowers. Danny and Lila's special flowers were at their graves, so he knew it had been her.

As he made his way through the park, looking for any sign of her, he'd ended up at the Elm Street Pier entrance on the opposite side from where he'd started and spotted Kelly's Diner across the street. Of course the diner had been closed up tight by the time he got there, but that hadn't stopped him from calling Mike to see if maybe she'd rented a room. 

Mike had only confirmed his worst nightmare. Sam had come to say goodbye to him on her way out of town. She didn't say how or where she was going, or if she ever planned to return. Mike didn't think she would be back any time soon, though, and when he'd told him why, Jason knew Mike was right. Sam wouldn't ask anyone to visit Danny and Lila for her unless she planned to be gone a long while. 

He'd apologized to Mike for waking him at such a late hour and then spent the rest of the night and early morning going to every single place in town he thought she might have stopped. He'd called his sister and Sam's cousin, but Emily nor Nikolas had seen Sam in days. Alexis was less than thrilled to hear from him at the crack of dawn, but when was Sam's mother ever pleased to hear from him? She had more questions than answers, but he'd finally managed to get Alexis to tell him that she hadn't talked to her daughter in over a week.

Buses, planes, trains and rental cars had been a bust, but one of his men had called Jason with a lead down on the docks. A woman matching Sam's description had been spotted there late the previous night and, with Sam's history as a salvage captain, he knew it was quite possible she'd left by boat. He'd called Spin and had him refocus his search to every vessel leaving port within the previous 24 hours and had just been given a list Spinelli had narrowed down with three possibilities when Sonny called.

Spin had searched all available records in the harbormaster's system and found two freighters listing female crew aboard and one of the three marinas noted a private yacht as having successfully filled an available stewardess position before setting sail as well. Jason was on his way to his own boat to do... he didn't really know what yet when Sonny's urgent call stopped him. It was crazy now to picture just what the hell he would have done. Race up to a freighter and demand they let him board and search their vessel until he'd found Sam? Harbor Patrol and the Coast Guard would have loved that. It was a desperate attempt to stop what had already happened, he knew, but finding Sam and fixing what he'd broken was all he could think to do.

Until Sonny.

Sonny's love life was as complicated as ever and Jason had stopped trying to figure it out long ago. Truth be told, Jason had stopped doing a lot of things where Sonny's personal life was concerned every since Sonny had insisted on dating his little sister against his wishes. They'd made their peace after all the bad blood spilled between them, but the battle had inflicted irreparable damage. Perhaps the one good thing to come from Sonny's short affair with Emily was diagnosis and treatment of the bi-polar disorder he'd suffered in silence for years. Jason was able to turn the business back over to a now medicated and seemingly more level-headed Sonny and he was once again his loyal second, but he no longer cared to clean up his personal messes. 

He still loved him. Sonny was family. He'd just given up trying to be his keeper, or anyone elses for that matter. Unless, that is, it effected business or Sonny's children directly which was unfortunately the case more often than not. So when Sonny called him that morning with an emergency that required his and Roscoe's expert attention, Jason's mind went straight into the mode of enforcer and protector. Expert was Sonny's reference to Jason's rating as a marksman and Roscoe was code for his sniper rifle. He turned away from the marina that instant and headed straight for Greystone Manor instead after stopping at his penthouse to pick up Roscoe.

Imagine Jason's surprise when he arrived, rifle case in hand, to find Sonny on his terrace and the 'emergency' turned out to be some hulking crate hovering on a cable below a helicopter. It turned out Kate Howard, some fashion editor Sonny was in some type of battle of the sexes with, had purchased the estate next door. They had been warring neighbors every since; each besting the other with one instigating antic more outrageous than the last. Carly insisted it was some twisted form of foreplay and Jason had begun to think she was right. That particular day, Sonny had ordered Jason to shoot the cable securing the crate because he'd given Ms. Howard a copy of an injunction days ago barring helicopters from flying over his property which was clearly being violated. 

It was ridiculous, but Jason didn't have the time or inclination to argue. He made the shot on Sonny's order, sending the crate crashing through Kate's rooftop then packed up with the intention of getting the hell out of there as quick as possible and back to finding Sam. He hadn't even bothered to tell Sonny that Sam left because he didn't want to waste any more time. Unfortunately, Ms. Howard called the authorities and even more unfortunate for Mr. Morgan was the fact that the D.A.'s office had just decided the PCPD had enough evidence to issue a warrant for his arrest. When Lucky and two uniformed officers showed up at Sonny's, Jason had been cuffed by Detective Spencer, arrested for the murder of one Mr. Lorenzo Alcazar and read his rights. 

At seeing Sonny's obvious distress Kate, or Sonny's ex Connie Falconeri, as Sonny had revealed to him just before the cops showed up, had been gracious enough to drop her complaint before enough facts had been revealed to cause Jason further trouble for unlawful discharge of a firearm and whatever other charges the law would come up with. Sonny had then informed Jason on his way out that he would call Diane down to the station before heading to the Metro Court. He had to get to his wife and do damage control before she marched down to the PCPD and made matters worse.

Sonny, of course, had never been able to distract Carly for long once her sights had been set. It was only a matter of time before she'd shown up at police headquarters demanding to see her best friend. She'd used her charms, connections and even resorted to bribes in order to sneak in and see him while Jason was being detained. She was up in arms and ready to blackmail Ric and the mayor to get the charges dropped or coerce her cousin and arresting officer, Lucky, into lying for him. It had taken nearly all of his remaining patience to talk her out of yet another crazy scheme. He'd finally convinced her to allow Diane to do her job, figuring he'd be released after 24 hours and all would be fine again. Well, as fine as anything could ever be without Sam.

It hadn't quite worked out that way. 

There it was eight days later and he was still in lockup. He'd been processed and jailed until arraignment at which time Ric had convinced a judge to have him held without bail on the grounds of posing a high flight risk. Jason was beginning to wonder if he'd see the outside of a jail cell ever again. As much of a habit Ric made of being wrong, this time he'd been right. This time was different. This time he could actually go down for murder and the realization of what that would mean for the rest of his life weighed upon him heavily.

Jason Morgan had never been uncomfortable living a life of solitude. He'd thrived in it and embraced it most of his life, but things were different now. He'd changed since Sam came into his life, for the better, but those changes had made it harder for him to adapt to his new surroundings. It was too quiet. He missed her voice and her touch interrupting his thoughts at just the right moment and in just the right way. She always had a talent for knowing when he most needed to be pulled out of his own head. 

As selfish as it was he needed that now, needed her, but he was left with only his doubts and mounting fears instead. He wasn't afraid for himself. He never had been, not since the accident that stole his life as the golden boy, but he was afraid of ruining the lives of the people he cared about. Which was why he held on to the knowledge that Spinelli was still hard at work tracking down Sam so that when, if, no when he was finally released he could go to her and begin repairing the damage that had been done.

He'd become so desperate for relief from the haunting thoughts of her that even visits from Sonny and Carly were now readily welcomed. Carly, in and of herself, was synonymous with the word headache, but she always delivered one heck of a distraction. In the first couple of days, her focus had been on getting him out of there and showing her support as his self-proclaimed best friend. She'd inquired about Sam in passing, but Jason had let her assumption stand that Sam was just too busy with her new career in show business to be there. He knew she'd find out eventually Sam had left, but he'd decided to buy as much time as possible before dealing with that quagmire. 

Jason did confide Sam's leaving to Sonny, however, during his first visit because he couldn't communicate with Spin directly without giving the cops more cause to use the kid to get to him and needed Sonny to provide updates on Spinelli's search. He and Sonny had both agreed to keep Carly out of it as long as possible, neither caring to hear the rant it was sure to incur, but it turned out three days was as long as they could possibly keep it from her. She'd shown up at the penthouse one evening, unannounced, and demanded she wasn't leaving until she spoke to Sam about getting her priorities straight. Jason needed the support of everyone he loved, she'd insisted, and it was damn well time Sam step up. 

Three minutes later Spinelli had crumbled and confessed all. Three hours later Jason was in interrogation, again, trying to disarm the ticking bomb that was Carly Corinthos before it went off. She was set to explode and couldn't believe the nerve of Sam to walk out on him after all he'd done for her. Jason had spent the last several days defending Sam's actions to both Carly and Sonny, but he hadn't told either of them of her real reason for leaving. He hadn't told them about Jake. No one was ever supposed to know and too many people knew already. Besides, Jason already knew what Carly would do and he didn't want her fighting a battle for his son that he felt was already lost. 

As for Sonny, Jason just wasn't as comfortable sharing personal matters with him since the rift in their friendship over Emily. After Sonny's visit yesterday, though, another line had been crossed. Jason had argued with Sonny and expressed his disbelief, but he hadn't let on how deeply the older man's words actually affected him.

Sonny admitted that he'd gotten a little physical with Amelia Joffe behind his wife's back. Granted Carly and Sonny's most recent marriage had been entered into purely for convenience, but according to Sonny he was still madly in love with Carly and determined to make the marriage real. Apparently that 'determination' was only good for six months because that was about how long they'd been married before he'd started messing around with Sam's producer and engaging in some kind of love/hate flirtation with his ex, Connie aka Kate.

And yet, as maddening as Sonny's admission and total lack of shame had been, his next line of bull had been even harder to swallow. Sonny informed Jason that, during his tryst with Amelia, information had come to light. It turned out Amelia knew Sam long before she ever came to Port Charles and had come to town seeking revenge against her for the death of her father. Apparently, part of Sam's past included a con where she had married several wealthy men to scam them out of their money. One of those men, Amelia's father, had caught on to her before Sam could get away and had nearly beaten her to death before she shot him. The court had ruled his death an act of self-defense and all charges against Sam, then known under the alias of Angela Monroe, had been dropped. Sonny insisted Sam had tried the same scam on Jax and him and failed and was now after Jason. 

Complete bullshit. 

He knew better and Sonny should too, but he'd even gone so far in his arguments to suggest Sam tried to trap him by getting pregnant and when that failed she'd moved on to Jason. Jason stared at him wondering if his meds had stopped working or it was the lack of oxygen in Sonny's brain due to all the blood flowing straight to his dick that resulted in such fucked up thinking. Sam was the mother of his child and he'd witnessed her grief first hand when she lost that little girl. How could Sonny disregard all the good he knew of Sam over the word of a quick lay who hated her? 

Jason had been pretty much disgusted with him at that point, but kept his stance neutral. He needed Sonny's resources to help follow up on leads for Sam while he was trapped inside. When Sonny had suggested maybe it was for the best that Sam had taken off and that she'd probably run because she somehow learned Amelia was on to her, Jason had clenched his fists under the table and fought to control his initial urge to punch something. He'd managed instead to present a logical argument he thought might work best with Sonny which was that he needed to find Sam to confront her either way. To further show his willingness to remain objective in hopes of maintaining Sonny's support, he'd also agreed to meet with Amelia and hear her out with the condition that Sonny continue to follow up on every lead for Sam that Spinelli turned up and report every finding back to him.

The meeting with Amelia two hours ago had confirmed three things for Jason. One, Sam had been living in a private hell for weeks before she left. Two, Amelia was a liar. And three, Sonny was a fool to believe her. Amelia was good, Jason had to admit. He'd sat there and watched as she freely admitted to her plan of public humiliation for Sam as some form of payback for killing her father. Jason bet Amelia Joffe would come off as fairly rational and maybe even justified to most people, but Jason wasn't most people. 

Lives were held in the balance of his ability to read between the lines and see what lie hiding just below the surface. He realized now, after so much time considering his recent actions, that he'd somehow lost that edge. He hadn't read between the lines with Sam, or made the effort to look beneath the surface. He finally admitted to himself he hadn't wanted to because he was at a loss of how to handle what he might find, but he refused to turn a blind eye to Sam or anyone else ever again. He was determined to live the honest life he'd once lived, no matter how much it hurt and his edge was now sharper than ever thanks to having been surrounded by law enforcement for the past week. Cops and lawyers were always trying to trip him up. Not in any overt way that might violate his right to council and jeopardize their case, but through subtlety which had only been cause for even greater vigilance on his part.

This preparation, along with Sam's own final words to him, had made it all too easy to see right through Amelia's game from the moment she stepped into the small gray room with him. She spoke logically with a calm demeanor, her voice denoting just the right affect of indignation or sympathy when called for. Underneath, however, he could see the bitterness and rage she harbored against Sam. Amelia had dropped what she thought was a bomb on him, telling him Sam had known for weeks about Jake being his son. She had no idea Sam had already confessed that to him in her letter. Sam had also admitted to what she'd been up to in the weeks before she left, arranging situations that would allow Jason to finally admit the truth to her. He felt no anger toward Sam for that, though it was clear Amelia had wanted him to.

He retained an impassive expression, but couldn't help perking up when Amelia had mentioned hearing from Sam. She'd called her two days after she'd left town and then accepted Amelia's return calls twice on the days that followed before things became heated and Sam stopped taking her calls altogether. Amelia gave him the number and Jason hoped Spinelli could do something with it even though Amelia had told him it was no longer in service. 

From what Jason could gather, Amelia was furious her plans to ruin Sam had failed when Sam had the nerve to walk away from the show. When her friendly appeal to return hadn't worked, Amelia resorted to threatening to sue for breach of contract. When Jason had asked how Sam responded to being threatened, he'd had to suppress a proud smile as Amelia quoted Sam as telling her "You'll have to find me first" before hanging up.

Amelia had then launched into her newest campaign to scramble for whatever was left of her rapidly deflating career. She intended to use the show's popularity to hunt Sam down for her. Amelia was prepared to release a very heartfelt appeal to the public for any information leading to the whereabouts of their missing and beloved host of Everyday Heroes, Sam McCall. She was convinced the media would gravitate to such a sensational story, turning it into international news overnight. Jason knew she was probably right which was why he had immediately shut her down. 

While there was a part of him that was very tempted to resort to such measures if it might bring Sam home, an even bigger part of him knew Sam would resent having her hand forced that way and would resent him even more for any part he had in it. He wanted to find Sam, and he would, but not that way, not with all the world gawking and trivializing their private pain into some perverse form of entertainment. He'd had to threaten Amelia with exposure and losing whatever credibility she may have left with her current employer and prospective others after her show had failed, but he was satisfied that it had worked. He wouldn't allow Amelia to cause any more trouble for Sam. He just hoped Sam would find a way out of her contract without a problem.

In fact, he'd just been escorted back to his cell after discussing that very issue with his attorney. He'd asked Diane to look into it and, after balking about how his focus should be on his own legal predicament rather than his ex-fiancee's, she finally agreed to see what she could do. Acquiescing Sam was, after all, still covered under her services by his hefty retainer. He wondered if Sam's mom might be able to help too. Diane had said she would mention it to her friend and colleague the next time they spoke.

Jason laid on the lower bunk with one foot planted securely to the ground and the back of his wrist covering his eyes. At least he hadn't had to share a cell or been remanded to the state pen which was far more crowded, dangerous and noisy than the local jail. He should probably be thankful for small favors, but he wasn't. He was finding it hard to be thankful for much of anything at the moment. 

He sighed deep at the squeaking hinges of the iron gate crying out for oil as it swung open. After dealing with Amelia, the D.A., his attorney, and the police commissioner that day he wasn't up for another visitor. He cringed at the thought of Elizabeth risking another visit. She'd already been by twice since he was brought in, offering moral support the first time and attempting to console him the second after she'd heard from Lucky that Sam had left him. He'd wondered how Lucky could have possibly known, but figured maybe he'd overheard Carly ranting and raving. He was sure Elizabeth had meant well after the first visit, but something about the second visit had left him with that uneasy feeling in his gut.

Maybe it was his guilt, but after losing Sam he just couldn't bare to look at Elizabeth anymore. Looking at her was like waving all the hurt he'd caused Sam right in his face. He couldn't stand it and he definitely couldn't bring himself to confide in another woman about it, especially Elizabeth. He'd realized in that visit just how unfaithful he'd been to Sam every time he shut her out only to allow Elizabeth in and he couldn't do it anymore. He wouldn't. Besides, it wasn't safe for L!z to have any connection to him if they intended to keep Jake's paternity a secret. He'd asked her to leave and not come back. She'd dried her eyes and begrudgingly agreed. Jason prayed she hadn't changed her mind. He didn't want to be harsh with her, but he'd promised himself he would stop turning a blind eye and living a lie and he couldn't deny the truth any longer. Elizabeth wanted more than friendship with him and that was just never going to happen.

"Tell whoever it is to go away." Jason groaned to the guard, never removing his hand from his tired eyes.

"You'd love it if it were that easy, wouldn't you Morgan? Just dismiss anyone that gets in your way as if they don't even matter? Well I'm afraid I can't help you there, or maybe I can. I just won't!" 

Jason instantly recognized the man's voice and sat up to find one very pissed off detective staring him down on the other side of his cell.

"Maybe now isn't a good time, Lucky."

"Not a good time? Well, tell me Jason, when is a good time to confront the bastard who's destroyed your life? Huh??? I say now's the perfect time and since I'm out here and you're in there, I guess this time what I say goes. This time we do things my way. NOT the almighty Jason Morgan way!" Lucky seethed.

Jason took a controlled breath, but remained silent. He didn't have a good feeling.

"What, not even bothering to deny you know exactly what I'm talking about? No excuses? No sob stories and fake tears and apologies like my wife gave me?" Lucky's jaw clenched as he shot daggers at Jason.

Jason was now convinced Lucky had finally learned the truth. He was relieved in a way, but he did feel for the man's pain and his part in it. Lucky Spencer may have triggered Elizabeth's actions that night by cheating on her, but he was still her husband and Jason had had no business sleeping with her.

"I was wrong and I'm sorry." He stated calmly, and he was sorry he'd hurt him. What more could he say?

"That's it? You take a man's family from him, sleep with his wife and knock her up, allow him to love that baby as his own knowing the whole time it's all a lie and all you've got is you were wrong and you're sorry??? You know what? You're right. You are sorry. You're about the sorriest excuse for a man I've ever met and working this job I've met some real low life bastards, but you're the worst. I used to believe Emily when she said there was good in you, but whatever good there may have been you've managed to corrupt it along with every last one of any morals you ever had working for Sonny. You ruin everything and everyone you touch. You've ruined Elizabeth and destroyed Sam. Thank God she had the sense to walk away. I hope it isn't too late for her, but I know one thing Morgan. You sure as hell won't be ruining Jake's life. I don't care who's blood runs through his veins, you stay the hell away from my son!" Lucky warned with underlying threat clear in his stance.

"I have no intentions of claiming Jake. Elizabeth and I agreed he's safer that way." Jason admitted in an attempt to reassure him.

"Elizabeth and you." Lucky scoffed and shook his head. "As far as I'm concerned Elizabeth and you can both go straight to hell. And from where I'm standing, Morgan, it looks like you're halfway there already. I hope they lock you up and throw away the key. That way Jake will be free to live a safe and happy life without the constant threat of a pathetic thug like you for a father!"

Jason's jaw clenched. He held his breath and blinked his eyes unwilling to show how deep Lucky's words cut. Lucky walked back to the gate and turned just before leaving. "I hope Sam's last words to you stay with you and haunt you until your dying days. She loved you, Morgan, with everything she had just like I loved Elizabeth, but it still wasn't good enough for the almighty Morgan and sainted Elizabeth. What a crock! As much as it hurts, I know Sam and I are both just glad that we can finally see the truth. It wasn't me or her that weren't good enough. It was you and that lying bitch I call a wife!"

Jason took another deep breath. Lucky must have found Sam's letter in evidence and read it. Everything in him wanted to demand Lucky tell him what he'd done with Sam's letter. His letter, his last link to her until he could find her again, but he forced himself to remain silent and still. He would put Diane on it first thing. He couldn't risk anyone else, like Ric, getting their hands on it and using it against him or his son.

Lucky turned without another word and left him alone once again with only his thoughts of her for company. The most resounding thought of all now, how even more determined he was to find her and make up for all the pain he'd put her through. That thought, more than any other, made him realize Diane was right. He needed to focus on beating the charges so he was free to go to her once Spinelli found her, and Spinelli would find her. Jason may have lost faith in himself, but he held tightly to his faith in Diane and Spinelli and all the people who were trying to help him so he could get back to Sam. Because that faith was one of the only things he had left to hold on to. He just hoped by the time he finally saw her again, it wouldn't be too little too late.


	2. Chapter 2

**2.**

Sam collected payment in full and thanked the surly captain that had become a fast friend. A little over eighteen days and nearly 9,000 nautical miles ago she'd been in need of a means to get away and he'd been in need of a 2nd mate. His original crewman had taken ill with a ruptured appendix and would be holed up at General Hospital indefinitely. Captain Gibbs had been in a pinch trying to make a tight deadline and, when Sam had shown up on Pier 17 that evening to purchase a passenger ticket on whatever cargo ship departed next, she happened to overhear his predicament as he relayed it to the harbormaster. She'd offered her services, figuring it was better to get paid to travel than use up what little savings she had.

Of course, Sam hadn't really thought her plans through when she'd packed up and walked away from her old life. And though she didn't regret her decision, only the fact that it had been necessary, the act of leaving had been rather spontaneous and as a result she had no resume on hand. She'd provided a verbal rundown of her qualifications and guessed the weathered mariner could tell she knew what she was talking about. After verifying she was a licensed captain, they'd agreed to terms, signed some forms and shaken hands before boarding to undock.

Sam had run her own salvage operation and been her own boss for most of her years at sea which meant she'd worked and drank alongside men like Gus, as he'd insisted she call him now, for most of those years as well. So, he hadn't been too hard to figure out. He was direct to the point of being gruff at times, but Sam had quickly learned as long as you worked hard and kept a sharp mind and tight lip it was easy to stay in his good graces. And stay there, she had. He'd been so impressed by her skill and efficiency that he'd taken a shine to her and asked her to stay on with him as a permanent part of his crew. She'd considered it briefly. She loved the open sea and just being on the water again had been more freeing than she'd felt in a long while. 

Ultimately, however, Sam decided the work was just too demanding for who and where she was at that point. She told him she hoped to find something a little less labor intensive. Maybe she was getting too old for it or maybe she was just out of shape, but she hadn't remembered ever being as tired as she had been the past two weeks, even seasick at times. He'd been sad to hear it and had even admitted by journey's end that he'd never had any kids of his own, that he knew of, but if he had he would want one just like her. 

Who wouldn't want a daughter as smart, beautiful, capable, and good humored as her, he'd told her? She'd teared up at his words, her mind flashing to thoughts of the rocky relationship with her mother and the father she still had yet to meet. He'd looked at her funny when she'd followed up his admission by asking if he'd ever known an Alexis Davidovitch. He shook his head, confirming he hadn't, and she'd chuckled softly at herself for entertaining such a silly notion. She shrugged it off, shaking her head, never really answering why she'd asked. 

It was worth a shot, she figured.

It was on the second to last day of their voyage that Gus approached her with a job opening he'd heard about from an old friend. Some rich playboy was looking for a new ship's captain to command his new super yacht. According to the few details his friend had, the new captain would be in charge of hiring the crew and preparing for some tropical location to be determined once the ship was ready to make way. The timing was perfect. They were due to make port the following day only a short sail or drive away from the marina where the yacht was berthed. 

Cruise around the world at the helm of a luxury yacht on some billionaire's dime? It sounded like a sweet gig to her and she'd jumped at the chance. Gus had put in a good word for her with his friend who'd in turn put in a good word to Mr. Money Bags. Next thing she knew, they'd set up a time and place to meet. After the freighter had been moored and offloaded, Gus gave her a ride to the marina on his 49 foot sloop. He kept it there rather than a parked car since Brisbane was also his home port.

Sam had almost laughed at life's twisted humor as she sailed into Deception Bay half an hour later. She'd traveled over 8,000 miles to leave deception behind her, only to sail right smack dab into the middle of it again.

It was winter there that time of year, but nothing as brutal as those back home in New York. Back home... She shook the thought away. Port Charles wasn't her home anymore. She would make a new home for herself, new memories and a fresh start. She stood at the starboard rail, staring out over the water as the salt-misted wind whipped through her hair. The bright sun shone above and she could see a blue horizon up ahead, full of promise, just waiting for her. Getting there meant leaving things behind, but she was determined to keep moving forward in order to live in a manner that would honor the two greatest loves of her life. Peace. Love. Happiness. Every decision made, starting with goodbye, had been and would be made in an effort to bring those things into her new life. She just wished with all her heart she could have held on to them before, with Jason. She brushed the tears from her cheek. 

Sometimes life was so bittersweet.

xxxxx

It took a few minutes for her eyes to adjust to the dimly lit tavern as she stepped out of the brilliant daylight and into the local establishment. Gus had warned her that particular pub could be a little rowdy at times and had offered to accompany her. She'd declined, assuring him she could handle herself. She also needed to stop depending on others and get back to doing for herself, though she hadn't mentioned that part. She hadn't mentioned anything that might lead to questions about the life she left behind and, thankfully, Gus hadn't pushed for answers. It was all still too painful to talk about. Besides, Gus had talked of little else the last three days than finally getting home to see his woman and she hadn't wanted to delay him another minute. 

Taking a look around, she could understand his concern. It reminded her of the seedy bars she used to frequent years ago when she was in need of a quick game to score a little cash or a bottle to wash away her sorrows. Highway to Hell poured from the jukebox on the wall across from the bar as she scanned her surroundings. The dozen or so customers, she realized, were all male. A couple of the men greeted her with a cheerful g'day which she returned while others regarded her with curiosity. She ignored them as well as the few who acted more like dogs, eying her as if she were a juicy piece of meat. She stepped to the bar and asked the keep if he could point her in the direction of the man she was supposed to meet, a Mr. Jones.

His smile faltered as he studied her suspiciously. "Who's asking?"

"Sam, Sam McCall." She responded.

"He's bean expecting ewe." He told her with a thick accent.

He motioned his head behind him where a card game was in progress. "Inn the back."

"Thanks." Sam smiled and headed toward the table he'd indicated after asking if he wouldn't mind storing her large duffel behind the bar and then handing it over when he'd agreed.

As she stepped closer, Sam took in the men seated there and wondered which one was the wealthy gentleman she'd come to impress for a job. Not a single one appeared to come from money, but she guessed it was possible he could be slumming it if he was hanging out in that dive. Wouldn't be too smart to hold court amongst that clientele waving wads of cash around while donned in rich threads. She was more than halfway to her destination when a voice rang out and she froze in her tracks.

"Hahaaa come to papaaaa!" He gloated as he slow-rolled his winning hand and began raking in the cash at the table.

"Not so fast!" One of the losers ordered as they grabbed him by the wrist. "How about you roll up those sleeves first?"

"Are you implying I'm a cheat?" The winner asked indignantly.

"No." The embittered man replied. "I'm telling you you're a cheat!"

Insulted, the tall blond with his back to Sam jerked his wrist from the other man's hold and stood abruptly, causing his chair to scoot back and fall on its side. The other man stood to his feet as well, prepared for a fight. Sam wasn't sure what came over her, but she felt the need to quash things before they got any more out of hand. She was there to do a little business with one of those men and doubted they'd be in any mood to negotiate after a brawl.

"Gentleman, gentleman, please." Sam implored in a honeyed voice. "Allow me to settle this once and for all."

The five men turned to her, allured by her words and beauty, but she'd only cut the tension by a hair.

The sore loser with a stout build and dark features was the first to address her. "And just how do you intend to do that?"

Ignoring the tall blond to her left, she met her challenger clear in the eyes. "By beating the pants off of this," she tilted her head toward the winner, "wanker and proving it doesn't take a cheat to beat you!" 

She heard the man to her left scoff at the notion that he could be beat, or maybe at being called a jerk-off, she mused, as a player to her right murmured, "Will you take a squizz at this," to which she wasn't sure if she should be offended, or not, but she kept her attention on the man who'd started the altercation.

"Listen sheila, no offense, but this game here isn't for the soft of heart." He replied.

"It's Sam not sheila." She corrected as she pulled out a stack of bills she'd just been paid. 

"And I guess in that case it's good I only deal in cold hard cash." She finished as she slapped her money down on the table.

"Bonza!" One man exclaimed, seemingly ready to accept her deal.

"I'll be stuffed!" Another said in surprise.

She glanced down at the paltry jackpot. It couldn't be more than a couple hundred, though she wasn't certain of the current exchange rate for the U.S. to Australian dollar. The money she'd laid down was only a third of what she'd earned, but well over four times the amount lying in that jackpot. She caught the gleam in the losing man's eye and knew she had him, but he was trying not to appear too anxious. She knew exactly what he was thinking and she loved it when people underestimated her abilities.

"We're already playing with a full table." He argued weakly.

"I'll sit this one out." One of the five offered readily then turned to Sam with an innocent smile. "As long as Sam here agrees to share a drink after?"

Sam looked him over. He was young, maybe just out of college, and appeared harmless enough. "Deal. And thank you." She smiled, earning a blush from the young man as he stood and held his chair out for her.

"No, thank you." He insisted.

"Well, gentleman," Sam said as she picked up her money. "Are we good, or shall I just take my money some place where it's wanted?"

She smiled inside when she saw the man who'd been so much trouble tense up at the possibility of losing out on a score like hers.

"Your loss." He shrugged as if her staying or leaving mattered little then relaxed and sat back down at the table.

Sam rounded the table to her seat one chair away from the troublemaker and one chair away from the winner who was now smiling broadly, but she knew him well enough to know he was still miffed underneath. 

"Bartender!" He called as he looked back to the bar. "It's my shout! Schooners of Toohey's all around." He ordered as the bartender nodded and a few cheers erupted from the other patrons.

"As a show of good faith, gentleman." He extended. "And lady." He addressed with a tilt of his head in deference to her, but with a smile that couldn't hide the irritation sparkling in his bright blue eyes.

Five hours later, the game had come to an end and Sam was the only one smiling other than the young man she'd promised a drink to. It probably had something to do with the fact that all the money was now stacked in front of her. She felt no remorse. She'd warned them fair and square she intended on beating them all, but she was also a good sport.

"Bartender!" She called a little louder now as the tavern had filled with a bigger crowd as the day had turned to night. 

"I'll have a... shout." She announced, uncertain she'd gotten the term right. "A round for everyone." She ordered to which a loud roar and whistles could be heard ringing throughout at her generosity.

She looked around the table to see her fellow players now smiling as well and was relieved not to have been called out for cheating as well. She hadn't, but she was certain the last winner hadn't either. 

"She's alright." The man across from her, now known as Adam, said to the stout man, Carl, who'd originally called the blond man out.

"Yea, yea." He admitted grudgingly. "She's alright." Then his mood brightened as the waitress delivered their drinks while Sam laid a hefty stack of cash on her tray. He held up his glass. "To Sam!" He cheered loudly and the entire bar held up their drinks as well and followed. "To Sam!"

The tall blond man with the striking blue eyes couldn't help but chuckle and shake his head at the petite spitfire. She'd just charmed the pants off the entire pub. Sam smiled back at him with a flirty wink and a mischievous twinkle in her eye. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had that much fun.

Sam kept her promise and had that drink with the young man. Her instincts had been right and he'd been a perfect gentleman with her the entire time. He'd been very interested to hear how she'd learned to play poker so well and she'd given him the cliff notes version, making sure not to incriminate herself. She kept an eye on the table, still trying to figure out which player was Mr. Jones. She'd only gotten their first names as they played. She decided to end her suspense. 

"Marty," She entreated upon the young man. "Tell me, which gentleman is Mr. Jones?" She asked glancing from where they sat at the bar back over to the table.

Marty smiled, glad to oblige the lovely lady of whatever she asked. "Oh, that would be the tall blond one you beat the pants off. Otherwise known as wanker." He chuckled as Sam's face grew pale.

Impossible.

She knew damn well who that was and his name certainly wasn't Mr. Jones. Sam suddenly had an urgent desire to speak with that wanker in private. "Marty, I've had a really nice time. Thank you for the drink and great conversation. I hope you won't mind, but I have some business to attend to with Mr. Jones. It's why I came in here actually, only I didn't realize who he was until just now."

"Oh!" Marty jumped down from his stool to stand as Sam did as well. "No worries. I hope he doesn't take offense and everything works out alright."

Sam gave the charming younger guy a warm smile. "You're sweet. Thank you. Goodnight, Marty. It was nice meeting you." She waved as she walked toward Mr. wanker who was now at the opposite end of the bar, near the exit.

"Nice meeting you, too, Sam! Hope to see you around again sometime!" He declared as she turned back to him again to smile and nod wordlessly then made her way to the man she'd come to meet.

"Tommy, settle me up will you? I have an early day tomorrow and I'll be knackered." The blond man spoke.

"Sure thing, Mr. Jones." The bartender replied, anticipating his departure and handing him his tab that had been waiting for him.

"So, Mr. Jones, is it?" Sam stepped to his side, further irritated at the humorous smirk her confrontational stance evoked from him.

He ignored her as he glanced at the tally and pulled enough from his billfold to cover it with a generous tip. Tommy was at the other end serving a customer, but nodded that he'd seen the money. He noticed Sam leaving and pulled her bag from where he'd stored it earlier and returned it to her. She'd thanked him hastily as the object of her anger turned to leave the pub with the feisty woman hot on his heels. He stopped to hold the door for her to exit first. "Let's take this some place a little more quiet where we can talk, shall we?"

"Fine by me." Sam huffed as she breezed past him. "Because you've got a lot of explaining to do!"

xxxxx

Fifteen minutes later, he held another door open for her as she entered what she assumed was his home. She wasn't sure exactly where they were since it was dark out and she'd only visited the coasts of Australia a few times, but she could hear the waves breaking loudly and knew the ocean was close. This must be one of his vacation homes, she thought. Sam stepped through the large double doors and walked into the open plan villa. It was a beautifully appointed grand room with a dining area off to the side. There were white sofa cushions and richly toned wood frames, cream accented walls and natural polished stone floors. It was all very tone on tone, but not at all sterile. It was fresh and welcoming with an air of elegance. Quite honestly, she'd expect nothing less from the man. He always did have impeccable taste.

He closed the doors behind him and stopped short of her by a few feet. "Sam McCall as I live and breathe." He smiled slightly with a puzzled expression. "What on Earth are you doing here?"

Sam turned to meet his questioning gaze. "I could ask the same of you, Jasper Jacks, or is it Jones now?"

He gave a half smile at her annoyance and headed toward the bar. He held up the decanter and she nodded, making her way over to one of the padded bar stools as he poured them both a drink and she awaited his response. "Sorry for the deception, Sam, but I was so intrigued when my man Roger informed me a Ms. Samantha McCall had inquired about the new position as my ship's captain. I thought, surely, it couldn't be the Sam McCall, but my curiosity was too piqued not to meet with you to find out. I thought it best I not reveal my identity until we were face to face. I wasn't sure you would have shown, all things considered."

"By all things, I take it you mean the fact that your brother was the one who held us all hostage at the Metro Court a few months ago and attempted to blow us all up." Sam challenged, but didn't miss the pain that crossed his handsome features as she did so and suddenly regretted her callous words.

"Those would be the things." Jax agreed and took a long sip of his scotch. "Along with a few others." 

Sam knew he referred to Jason and Sonny, but their dislike of Jax had nothing to do with her opinion of the man. He'd earned what she thought of him all on his own.

"I'm sorry, Jax. That was uncalled for." She apologized. She hadn't meant to snap, but she was exhausted and her muscles ached. It was late and she still hadn't made arrangements for where she would stay and now she was uncertain about her chances of scoring the job, or if she still even wanted it considering her former lover would be her boss.

"It's alright, Sam. You're entitled to your anger. I assure you, Jerry's betrayal has earned mine as well. He came to me for help, you know, after he'd managed to somehow escape U.S. authorities. As you know, I wasn't there at the time of the hostage crisis. I was here, licking my wounds so to speak."

He swallowed painfully. "Handing my brother over to INTERPOL was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It just about killed my mother. I'm not sure she'll ever forgive me which is why I've settled here in Brizzie rather than Sydney. I wanted to be close in case she needs me, but far enough away that she doesn't have to see me. Even still, our social circle is very small which is why I've taken to places my mother and her friends wouldn't dare patronize."

Sam's heart went out to him. He'd lost everything too. His family and the person he loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with. She could relate to his pain. He loved Carly with everything he had, faults and all, and she'd still given him back his engagement ring and married Sonny for a fourth, or was it fifth time? She'd lost count. Jax had been devastated, according to Alexis, and had left town the same day Carly followed Sonny down to the justice of peace and exchanged I do's.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Jax. I was sorry to hear about you and Carly too. I know you loved her." She consoled and wondered if the past tense was accurate. Probably not if the look of anguish on his face as he'd heard her name was any indication. "If it's any consolation, she isn't happy with him."

Jax scoffed. "No, I expect she wouldn't be by now. It's been just over six months. Sonny never was very good at keeping his women happy for long. Winning them, yes. Keeping them, no." He commented bitterly as he took another drink.

Sam didn't know what to say to that. It was true. She took a sip of her drink too.

Jax let out a frustrated sigh and scrunched up his shoulders to relax the tension in them. "Sorry. I know you're still very close to Sonny and Jason."

Sam tried not to let it show just how much it stung to hear his name. Halfway around the world and just his name alone filled her head and heart with so many memories both beautiful and heartbreaking. 

"No, it's okay." He looked doubtful, so she continued. "Really. Actually, Sonny wasn't all that happy with me when I left."

Jax smiled devilishly. "Do tell." And she had to admit he was boyishly cute when he did so.

Sam smiled and shook her head. He was enjoying it way too much, but she wouldn't begrudge him a little happiness after living with so much pain. So, she proceeded to tell Jax all about her fifteen minutes of fame during the hostage crisis that had resulted in her starring role on a new hit show. Jax hadn't been surprised to hear she was so popular, reminding her he'd always thought her to be a very intelligent woman and so full of life. 

That much was true, but she also remembered how even though he'd recognized that about her it hadn't been enough to keep him from walking away. Why was she always so easy to walk away from? She knew from Jax's perspective, it had been that she'd never been able to trust him with the truth or with her heart completely. And that was true. She'd never learned how to trust anyone before, until Jason. His patience, love and understanding had shown her how to trust in herself and him. Another thing she would always be thankful to him for, even though it was hard not to kick herself for trusting him at the end.

Once she'd finished her story about Everyday Heroes and how Sonny had felt threatened by the media attention it was bringing to his business which prompted him to get an injunction to stop the show from airing, Jax had gone off on a tear. He'd poured them several more drinks during the course of their mutual ranting over Sonny's nerve and Sam had to admit it felt good. She'd wanted to share those feelings about Sonny with Jason, but he'd been too busy avoiding her and when he had been around he never wanted to talk anymore. 

Of course, now she knew why. It was his guilt eating at him, but she couldn't find it in herself to feel sorry for him, not for the lie. For feeling like he had no other choice than to give up his son? Yes, but she had no pity for him when it came to lying to her for months in favor of confiding in Elizabeth behind her back. And that was the most painful part of all, waiting for Jason to come home to her those past few weeks since she'd learned the truth and wondering if he was really working or off somewhere with her, turning to her, telling her about all the things he refused to share with Sam.

She didn't even realize she'd started crying until Jax' worried voice broke through to her and she felt the wetness against her face.

"Sam, what's the matter? What's happened to send you so far from home?" Jax asked, concern evident in his gentle tone.

They'd moved to one of the sofas during their conversation and she turned to him as he sat next to her. She tried to get the words out, tried to explain, but they just wouldn't come. All she could do was close her mouth and eyes tight as she shook her head and more tears pushed from her closed lids down her flushed cheeks. Alcohol always did that to her after a certain limit. It made her cheeks flush with color. Maybe it was responsible for her breakdown now, but she'd held it all in for weeks and it just couldn't be contained another tortuous second. She'd focused on work until she was so beat each day she nearly passed out as soon as she laid her head down. Even still she'd been haunted by him in her dreams, him and everything they'd lost.

Jax felt so bad for her. She was in agony. He opened his arms and drew her to his chest. She allowed him to comfort her and buried her face in his solid torso as she cried. Sam had never been prone to emotional outbursts. Well, unless you counted throwing a punch or two, but she never cried. Not like that and he knew whatever it was, it was bad.

"Jason and I broke up." She cried. "It's over, Jax. It's really over this time."

He tightened his hold around her and did his best to console her. He could feel her pain, had felt her pain, and was still feeling it. It made him sick to see her hurt as he had been hurt.

Anger rolled through him. What kind of ass would let a good woman like her go? He realized with sudden clarity, he'd been one of those asses. Maybe it was true what they said, you don't know a good thing until it's gone. He wasn't rewriting history. He remembered exactly why he'd walked away from Sam. No matter how hard he tried, he was never able to earn her trust. Not completely, and that was just one thing he hadn't been willing to compromise on at the time. He still wasn't. He'd rather someone cut him to the quick with the truth than feed him a beautiful lie. It was one of the reasons he and Carly had clicked. He knew she had no problems lying with the best of them at the drop of a hat, but she'd never been anything but brutally honest with him and his heart still had the heel marks to prove it.

Hindsight could be a pithy wench sometimes and, as he sat there with Sam's silent sobs soaking through his shirt, he had one heck of an awakening. He had never afforded her the understanding she'd needed to learn to trust him. She'd never been taught to trust. Her father, well adopted father they knew now, had certainly never shown her an ounce of true understanding. Considering the childhood she'd grown up in, Sam had already made great strides by just admitting back then that she loved him. Maybe if he had been more patient, given her more time, Sam would have finally felt safe to truly let her guard down and really let him in, all the way in, as he knew she had with Morgan.

He decided he wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. He refused to write Sam McCall off ever again. He'd been terrible to her when he'd thought she might be carrying his child and he'd said some unconscionable things, but he intended to make it all up to her. He'd be damned if she suffered another moment's pain, at least not at his hands and not by anyone elses if they knew what was good for them. He glanced down at her, noting the way her breathing had evened out. She'd fallen asleep in his arms.

He carefully lifted her and she shifted against him in her sleep without waking. She must be exhausted, he thought as he carried her to one of the villa's five bedrooms. He used one hand to pull down the covers and placed her gently on the bed before removing her boots. He thought of removing her jeans so that she might sleep more comfortably, but thought better of it. He didn't want to overstep, or do anything to make things awkward between them when morning came. He pulled the covers over her and dimmed the light in the connecting bath and pulled the door, allowing only a sliver to show in case she woke in the night.

He then stepped from her room, closing the door quietly behind him and turning to make his way to his car. He wanted to retrieve her bag for her so she could shower and change at her leisure.

"Oh Roger." Jax halted, surprised to find him up that time of night.

"Forgive me sir, but I heard voices and thought I might come up to see if there were anything you needed." The older man offered as he stood in his nightcap, dark burgundy robe and slippers.

Jax smiled. Roger had been in his employ for years. His father had hired him, actually, when Jax was only a boy and his job had been to tend to his needs. Years later, he was still doing that today and he was quite good at anticipating Jasper Jacks' every need. Jax would have brought him along to Port Charles when he'd moved there, but he knew Roger would miss his homeland too much. He'd lived there his entire adult life. So, he'd simply tasked him to overseeing all of his Australian affairs and with keeping him abreast of important news regarding his mother and he'd never let Jax down, not once.

"Thank you, Roger, but I think I've got it taken care of for tonight. I will require your assistance in the morning. We have a guest. I've given her the large room at the end of the East wing. Ms. Sam McCall will be staying with us indefinitely and I'd really appreciate it if you would help me make her feel at home while she's here." Jax requested.

"Of course, sir. Might I inquire if the lady is a coffee or tea lover, sir?"

"Coffee; strong and black. Three sugars." He smiled, knowing Sam would be getting nothing but Roger's five star treatment.

"Very good, sir. Any dietary concerns I should be aware of?" He inquired further.

"Only that food is one of Sam's great loves. She's had a hearty appetite for as long as I've known her. No restrictions that I'm aware of." He answered with a smile, recalling the time he'd tried to teach her to be a lady at the dinner table and she'd tried to steal his steak and potato.

"I shall see to it there is a wide variety for the morning's meal whenever she wakes." Roger assured him.

"Thank you, Roger. Ms. McCall has had a very long day. I wouldn't be surprised if she slept in tomorrow. Feel free to tend to any errands you may have in the early morning. I know your penchant for adhering to your well-oiled routine. I'll be at Sam's disposal until you've finished up anything you need to do." Jax told the older man who was more like a member of his family than employee.

"Very well, sir, but I assure you I shall have no trouble attending to my normal schedule as well as anything Ms. McCall may need." He insisted and Jax knew better than to argue with him. Roger was nothing if not a multi-tasker.

"Thank you. I'm just going to retrieve Sam's bag from my car and leave it in her room then I plan to turn in. You should do the same. I'm sorry to have woken you at such a late hour." Jax apologized. Roger turned in every night at 8 and was asleep by 10pm. It was well after midnight now.

"Not at all. I'm always happy to be of service." He told him.

Jax smiled again. "Goodnight, Roger." He bid him as he headed toward the front door.

"Goodnight, sir." Roger returned as he watched the young man he'd known since boyhood walk away with a smile bigger and brighter than he'd seen in more than half a year. He was certain this Sam McCall must have something to do with it and he couldn't be happier. Yes, this Ms. McCall would definitely be receiving his five star treatment alright. She deserved nothing less for putting that smile upon his face.


	3. Chapter 3

**3.**

Roger had retired to his room on the garden level below by the time Jax walked back through the main level with Sam's bag in hand. He opened her door and stepped in quietly so as not to disturb her from her sleep. Jax set the duffel down gently against the wall near the bathroom where she would be sure to see it when she woke. He was on his way out when he was halted by the sound of muffled cries. He turned to look at her. The room was dark, but the small amount of light escaping the bathroom allowed him to make out her small form on the large bed. Her back was to him and she was curled on her side clutching a pillow as she wept. Her entire upper body shook with the force of her softened sobs.

Empathy filled him as his jaw tightened and blue eyes teared up at seeing her that way, so broken. He knew exactly what she felt because he'd been feeling that way too. It was a piercing pain that sliced through his heart at the worst of times and remained a dull ache at best, but never completely gone. It was always there just waiting for some reminder of what might have been, some trigger of what he'd lost to strike and shatter his heart all over again. 

He thought he'd been doing better the last few months, but the truth was he'd just gotten better at denying it. He'd tried everything he could think to rid himself of his love for her, but his heart could not forget. Every exciting wonderful chaotic infuriating moment he'd shared with Carly was tied to every beat of his heart. And, in an attempt to guard himself from the worst of it, he'd slowly found himself closing off all emotion, any feeling that might remind him of her. 

Standing there now, watching Sam experience the worst of it, brought it all rushing to the surface for him again. But for the first time since losing Carly a more dominant emotion took over than the pain, compassion. He was overwhelmed with a fierce desire to help the devastated woman before him. Jax made his way to the edge of her bed and sat, cupping her upper arm and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Sam, I'm so sorry."

It wasn't much, but he knew from experience there was nothing he could really say to make it better. All he could do in that moment was be there for her.

Sam hadn't noticed his presence over her cries. She startled at his hand on her arm. She hadn't even felt the bed dip as Jax sat next to her. She hoped she hadn't woken him. She had no idea how far his room from hers might be, or how long she'd been sleeping when she woke moments ago with a full bladder. The last thing she remembered was falling apart in his arms on the couch. She knew he must have carried her to his guest room and was thankful for all of the kindness he'd shown her tonight. 

She'd followed the light to use the commode and washed her hands before removing her socks, jeans and bra to sleep more comfortably. It was when she'd gone to climb back in that empty bed all alone that the painful memories began to sift through her mind with relentless fluidity. It was always worse at night and, truthfully, she wasn't sure how many more like it she could take. She'd barely survived when she lost Jason the last time. Somehow, they'd managed to hold on to their love through all the pain and find their way back to one another, but Sam knew there would be no going back this time. 

She turned on her back to face him after managing to stifle her sobs, but couldn't stop the trembling of her lips or the tears from falling. She blinked them away, and was touched by the tender concern she found in his expression as they stared at one another. Finally, he could take the pain in her eyes no longer and pulled her up and into his arms once again as she allowed him to just hold her.

Memories continued to flash through her mind as she leaned against his chest with one hand near his heart and the other around his back. Sam closed her eyes as he wrapped his arms around her and cried as she remembered all the times Jason held her that way and how safe she'd always felt. She just wanted the pain to go away. She wanted, needed, something to stop the memories and all the unanswered questions that left her feeling inadequate and unworthy.

Sam felt his cheek against the top of her head as he rubbed her back in a comforting gesture. She pulled back as he lifted his head to find her looking up at him in silent question. She looked into his eyes and saw her own pain reflected there and knew Jax was hurting the same as her. An intense moment passed between them as she debated her next move. Peace. Love. Happiness. This may not bring her happiness and it wasn't really love, but it wasn't a reckless act of self-loathing either. This would bring her peace, if only for the night. She could see he needed it too and they could give that to each other. It didn't have to mean anything more, that gift alone was enough.

She sighed with trepidation, praying she was making the right choice. "Stay with me?" She whispered with a hint of vulnerability that brought out every protective instinct he'd ever had.

He smiled down at her softly as his hand found her cheek to caress. Such pain and still such beauty. He was reminded of what an incredibly desirable woman she'd always been. It would be so easy to kiss her, make love to her, if she were to ask that of him, need that from him. "Maybe we shouldn't. We're hurting and we've both had a fair amount to drink tonight. I don't want us to do anything you'll regret in the morning."

She did have a lot to drink, but it would take a lot more to make her drunk. She knew what she was doing. She was also clearheaded enough to notice he hadn't included himself in having regrets of anything that might happen. He would make love to her if she wanted, she could see it in his eyes, but he put her first. It felt nice to be put first. Sam stared up at him feeling even more confident in her decision. "I'll worry about the morning when it comes. Right now, I only know I'll regret it if I let you walk out of here and leave me alone again."

Jax nodded in solemn understanding. He'd endured many lonely nights since losing Carly and it was hell. He rose from the bed, walked to the other side and removed his shoes. Sam held the covers open for him and he laid down next to her, welcoming her into his arms as she moved closer to his body and rested her head on his chest. It wasn't the safety or love she'd always felt when Jason held her, but it wasn't alone either. And there was comfort in being held by someone that understood her pain. 

She lie there like that for several moments, his heartbeat nearly lulling her to sleep until she recalled how Jason's heartbeat had always done the same. She felt like she was betraying him, lying there with another man that way, but she needed it. She needed the comfort, needed some peace and for once in what felt like forever she chose to love herself enough again to put her needs first. She turned to her side with her back to his chest, drawing his arm around her as Jax pulled her close. She sighed in sweet relief feeling sleep slowly claim her once again as the peace she'd been denied for weeks finally enveloped her in its warm cocoon. 

It was hours later when Sam opened her eyes and found herself surrounded by simple beauty everywhere she looked. She had no idea of the exact time, but as the bright rays of daylight filled the room she could tell it wasn't too long after sunrise. A gentle breeze caressed her exposed skin above the luxurious white linens and matelasse coverlet as she lie entranced by everything she saw. She was lying in a beautifully carved four poster mahogany king-sized bed a comfortable distance from Jax. Her one hand lie under her cheek against her pillow and the other rested over his warm chest as it rose and fell in an evened pace that told her he was still sleeping. The warmth of his body next to her should have felt awkward and wrong, but all she felt was contented. Peace had found her the night before and she was relieved to find it hadn't left her in the morning light.

Her gaze drifted from Jax to what had to be the focal point of the room. Three sets of double French doors were centered on the wall directly across from her. The folding glass doors and pistachio green plantation shutters had been closed last night, as the winter temperatures were pretty chilly after sunset, but were fully opened now. She remembered the bed shifting and hearing the toilet flush and sink running in the early dawn and figured Jax must have opened them then. 

There was a very large window open as well on the wall to the right of the bed and, together with the wall of French doors, she was afforded a 270 degree wall to wall view, expanding the room to seemingly draw the blue waters she'd sailed yesterday right to her bedside. A private pergola covered terrace sat just off the French doors and she could see a small wrought iron table and chairs. It would make for a splendid place of repose to enjoy shore breezes and be captivated by the endless azure and turquoise palette of the sky and sea. She, however, was happy for the moment just to continue enjoying it right from her spot in the bed.

She turned onto her back, careful not to wake her bed-mate, and rearranged her pillows to see better. Tearing her gaze from the mesmerizing pull of the view outdoors, she took note of the beautiful interior as well. There was a small writing desk with an intricately carved mahogany desk chair to the right of the bed. To her left, on her side, was a round walnut night table holding a lamp with an ebony marble classic urn-shaped base and golden-caramel raw silk shade on top. The wall to the left had two doors. One led to the adjoining bath and the other, she assumed, to the rest of the house. She saw her black duffel on the floor between the two and smiled. Jax must have brought that in for her last night. That must have been when he'd heard her because her bag hadn't been there when she'd gotten up to use the bathroom.

She turned to her side, her back to Jax, and hugged an extra pillow, enjoying the peacefulness of that quiet moment. She curled her legs up into the bottom of the king pillow as she hugged it and sighed into it. She hadn't felt that relaxed in weeks. She felt the bed shift behind her and a hand on her upper arm as his soft kiss landed on top of her head. "Good morning."

She turned to her other side to face him, still hugging the soft pillow that now lie between them.

"Good morning." She returned with a smile.

He was on his side, smiling back at her with his head propped up by his hand and elbow.

"Any regrets?" He asked with a hint of worry in his light blue gaze.

Her brows rose then softened. "Of last night? No." She told him. "I needed some peace and you gave me that, if only for a little while, and I don't regret allowing myself some comfort."

She paused and looked up at him thoughtfully. "Do you?"

He shook his head, a soft smile still in place. "No. I needed some peace too Sam. It's why I bought this place."

He motioned his head around the room. "Being close to the water relaxes me and there are no memories here to haunt me. I thought it would help, and it has, some, but it's hard to outrun the ghosts. Last night was the first night since leaving Port Charles I was actually able to let the pain go and feel me again."

"For me too." She admitted, not wanting to think of all the lonely nights ahead of her. She couldn't ask Jax to stay with her every night, could she?

"I'm thankful we were able to give each other something we both needed so much." His gaze shifted down while considering his next words. Jax didn't want to be presumptuous, but he needed to be honest. He wasn't sure where things might lead if he continued sleeping in Sam McCall's bed and, while the last thing he wanted to do was anything that might bring her more pain or regret, he knew he would never deny her if she wanted him, needed him that way.

Maybe it would help if they established where they stood right from the start. He looked back up at her again. "It's just... I don't think either of us are ready for another relationship, not when we're still clearly in love with other people. I'm just not sure what that leaves us with."

Sam considered his words and had to agree. Despite welcoming him in her bed last night, she wasn't ready for a relationship with anyone else. She wasn't sure she would ever be ready.

"How about with friendship?" She offered.

"I could use a good friend." He smiled then grinned widely. "One who isn't halfway around the world, that is."

"Ugh." Sam groaned into her pillow. "You and my mother, don't remind me." 

She pulled her face to look at him again. "Is it too weird for you?" She asked him in earnest. "Us being close like this again, I mean?"

He was once her lover, but she hadn't thought of him that way in a long time. He was just Jax and, more recently, known to her as her mother's best friend.

"No, Sam." He assured her. "You and I were together long before we ever knew your biological mother happened to be my best friend. You are your own woman, a tough beautiful woman I might add, and how I identify you is completely separate from my relationship with Alexis."

Sam bit her bottom lip and studied him. "Really? You're sure because, I mean, I understand if you'd rather I go because you think this is going to put a strain on your relationship with my mother. She doesn't know where I am Jax, and I'm not ready to tell her. I don't even know if she's aware I've left town."

Jax nodded. He was sad to hear Sam hadn't told Alexis goodbye. Alexis had confided in him and he knew all the reasons for the tension between the two, but also knew there was still love there on both sides. He hoped he might convince her to at least call her mother to let her know she was safe, but he would respect Sam's choice either way. Her presence was already helping him and he hoped to do the same for her. Besides, Alexis would want him to look out for her eldest daughter as long as Sam would let him.

"I'm positive that I'd rather you stay, not go. It might take some time, adjusting to the new dynamic, but I promised myself last night when you first fell asleep in my arms I would never write you off again Sam, and I meant it. I want this, whatever this turns out to be. I know I want you in my life again and I'm not letting you go this time. I won't walk away from you, never again." He vowed as he held her gaze and she felt her eyes water at his sincerity.

"Thank you, Jax." She whispered, her voice full of emotion. "You don't know how much I needed to hear that."

"No need to thank me. I'm just realizing something I should have seen years ago."

"What's that?" She sat up suddenly, curiosity filling her as the pillow she'd grown attached to covered her underwear and bare thighs.

Jax lifted and fixed his pillows to sit up against the headboard. "That I was a fool not to give you the time and understanding you needed to really trust in me so that we could have made it work."

He touched her heart with his admission, but she didn't want him harboring any regrets, new or old, because she didn't. "I just don't think it was meant to be back then. I think the fears and expectations we each had at the time were always going to get in the way, but maybe now that we've overcome a few things, learned a few things, we'll end up with something even better. Whatever that something turns out to be." She smiled.

"Why Sam McCall," He grinned at her in surprise. "You've gone and wised up on me while I wasn't looking!"

"You know what they say." She told him wryly. "Never turn your back on the ocean, or Sam McCall. We just might surprise you."

"I'll keep that in mind." He replied with a smirk.

"See that you do." She told him in mock sternness, then grinned.

Jax grinned too. He couldn't help it. Her smile was contagious. "Now, what do you want to do today?"

"Have breakfast? Lounge by the pool? Maybe tour the grounds or your new command?" He asked as he sat up straight.

"Command?" She said, surprised. "You really want me to captain your boat?"

"I do." He nodded. "I mean, if you want to. I'd love to sail off on another adventure with you. You pack a mean survival kit." He winked playfully.

Sam laughed at the reminder. "Planning on getting us stranded on another island?"

He shrugged his shoulder. "I can think of far worse people to be stranded with."

"Like who?" She wanted to know. "And don't say Sonny, too easy." She told him with a smile.

"Tracy Quartermaine." He said without hesitation.

"Uh-huh, I see. So, I'm just a cut above Tracy, huh?" She narrowed her eyes and tried to hide the grin at the corners of her mouth.

"I'd say you're a cut above everyone." He quipped.

"Flatterer." She accused with a roll of her eyes.

"Guilty." He confessed unabashedly and they both laughed.

She thought seriously for a moment of what he'd just suggested. He wanted her to work for him. The job was exactly what she needed right now, but she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. "Maybe we shouldn't mix business with personal. We tried that before, remember? It didn't work out and I don't want to start my new life taking advantage of our new friendship."

Jax shook his head. "First of all, you wouldn't be taking advantage. This is a legitimate opening I need filled and you are more than qualified for the job. I'm not offering you anything more than I would any other qualified candidate. It's true our last business relationship together didn't work out, but not because of any problems with us clashing in the office. On the contrary, I recall us working quite well together. Your heart just wasn't in the work, but this is totally different. You love being on the water and you will be the boss where that boat is concerned. You're the expert, the captain, and it will be your orders everyone follows, including me. I just get to set the destination and enjoy the ride, and the company."

"Sounds pretty good." She had to admit.

Jax huffed in mock smugness. "I don't mean to boast, but I think it sounds pretty perfect."

She thought it over another minute. "I'll accept on one condition."

"Oh terms!" He enthused. "My favorite part of the negotiation. I should probably inform you now the salary and benefits with my company are extremely competitive. You'd be hard-pressed to find a better offer."

"I have no doubt." She smiled slyly. "But this condition is a deal-breaker."

His brows furrowed. "Let's hear it."

"If I take the job, as your ship's captain," She maintained a serious expression. "You have to swear to never touch another flare gun again, ever."

"Oh ho!" He called out as she laughed. "Low blow." He told her for bringing up the time he sunk her boat after shooting it with a flare.

He shook his head chuckling at her antics. "You drive a hard bargain, McCall, but you have got yourself a deal." He held out his hand to shake.

"Then you, Mr. Jacks, have got yourself a ship's captain." She accepted with a shake of his hand.

"And a friend?" He added as he gripped her hand tighter.

"And a friend." She agreed happily as he smiled and shook again.

"Wonderful! Now that that's settled, how about some breakfast?"

Her eyes lit up as her stomach came to life with a grumbling roar. "Now that sounds perfect, but I'd like to shower and change first."

"Great." He told her, standing from the bed and retrieving his shoes. "I'll leave you to it and let Roger know you'll be joining us shortly."

"Roger? The man that told you I was interested in the job?"

"Yes. He's my personal assistant. He's been with the Jacks family for years. He handles all my affairs in country and coordinates my schedule with staff abroad as well. He's also the house manager here and butler of sorts. He juggles a lot of hats and one of them is as an excellent chef. Truth be told, he's more like family than an employee."

"He sounds really important to you. As long as you've known him, I'm surprised we never met before." But Sam was glad to hear Jax hadn't been completely alone all that time.

Jax sat back on the bed for a moment as he continued. "Roger always remained here in Australia. He could never bear to leave it for longer than the occasional business trip. My father hired him shortly after making his fortune in Alaska. Our parents didn't want to uproot the family until they were certain the move was worth it, so my brother and I were still living here in Australia with our mother and her widowed sister. My father felt bad knowing my mother was struggling to keep up with us on her own. Jerry and I were quite a handful at 10 and 15 and needed a strong hand, so my father hired Roger as our butler and to also act on his behalf with disciplinary enforcement when necessary. I credit his guidance for keeping me from following in my brother's delinquent footsteps. Unfortunately, some very bad life experiences led my brother down a darker path than even my parent's or Roger's good influence could overcome." He admitted grimly then brightened somewhat as he spoke again. "I can't wait for you to meet him. He's going to love you." He assured her.

"I look forward to meeting him too." She told him and she did. By the time they had gotten to Jax' father, it was too late for Sam to meet him. He died just before Jax could give him the infamous cards known as the dead man's hand which Jax had reclaimed for his father after they'd been stolen. But this man had known Jax since he was a child and to hear the love and admiration in which Jax spoke of him suggested he'd been like a second father to him.

"Excellent!" Jax beamed.

"Meet me in the great room when you're ready. The layout is a little unusual, but just follow the gallery to the door at the end and you'll find us." He instructed.

"See you soon." He left her with a parting smile.

"See you soon." She echoed, smiling too as she watched him close the door behind him.

Once alone, Sam unpacked her toiletries and an outfit and went into the bathroom. It, too, was beautiful yet very simplistic. There was something very soothing about every single thing her eyes set sight on in the home. Again, the walls were cream with bright white trim. The stone floors were different, but similar with varying shades of mocha to latte. The bathroom had a decorative tile border centered on the dark finished cabinetry that housed a white under-mounted sink with a latte polished marble surround and back-splash. The marble extended to the over-sized tub on the right that featured a large window running the length of it with the same folding glass windows and pistachio plantation shutters that adorned all the doors and windows. Those shutters were wide open as well, overlooking gardens and the sea. A set of double French doors led from the bathroom to a private deck with an outdoor shower. 

She peered out, afraid of being discovered half clothed, only to find herself totally alone. It was as if the house really were stranded on its own deserted island. The only sounds to be heard were the waves crashing into shore and the occasional sea bird squawking overhead. There was also a secluded garden off that room with an inlaid mosaic tile fountain. She stepped into the large glass enclosed steam shower to turn it on and stared at the tub and its incredible view while waiting for the water to warm. 

It was just begging for a bubble bath. She wasn't sure how long she would be there, but hoped to make good use out of it at least once before she left. Of course, she'd have to buy more bubble bath, she thought, as she'd left hers behind. She wondered how long it would take Jason to notice and throw out when he did?

Thirty minutes later Sam was dressed and refreshed. Although it was winter, the temperature was fairly warm. Gus had told her the weather there that time of year was usually in the seventies with mostly sun and occasional rain. So, she dressed in a pair of olive capri pants that accentuated her golden skin tone and a white tank top. She threw on a pair of sandals in case she decided to take a walk after breakfast then gave herself one final check in the mirror before leaving her room in search of Jax and food. She considered making her bed before she left, but her stomach growled in dissent and so she left it a mess intending to make it as soon as she'd eaten.

Sam followed the hallway and Jax had been right. The layout was a bit unusual. It was as if her bedroom was a separately air-conditioned pod that was securely linked through an open-air gallery to the main part of the home. The elegant covered hall featured traditional floor to ceiling pistachio colored wrought iron gates and Tuscan columns entwined with heavenly smelling night blooming Jasmine and some other green and flowering vine she couldn't identify, perhaps a hibiscus. The floors were finished in the same Travertine tiles as the outdoor terraces in her bed and bath, and just beyond the gates she could see a lovely garden.

She followed the hall to the end and immediately recognized the great room as she made her entrance there. It was a masterpiece of elegance and design. The main living area consisted of a 42 foot great room, a separate kitchen and a cozy alcove that looked to be a combination of a library and home office. Jax was seated at a large walnut desk, facing her on his cell. He had showered and changed as well and was once again dressed in casual attire. It was odd, but in a good way, to see him dressed that way rather than in his typical power suit.

He wore a loosely fitted champagne linen shirt with an open collar and cuffs similar to the one he'd worn the previous day and she could see below the desk it was paired with a pair of toffee colored chinos. The most shocking part of all was that he was barefoot. He looked comfortable and totally relaxed as he finished up what she assumed was some important business transaction. He smiled up at her when he noticed her presence and held up a finger indicating he'd be a moment. She nodded and continued to look around.

It had been dark when she arrived, but in the light of day the house simply took her breath away. She walked about the room just taking it all in and stopped at the front door which had to offer the best view of all. Entering the covered front veranda and the arched foyer instantly presented full stunning views of the ocean and pool. A 24 foot cathedral ceiling was the crowning point of the room with all hand painted and hand rubbed wood. A formal dining area set to the left just off of the kitchen and appeared to comfortably seat eight. It shared the same panoramic ocean views as all the other areas of the home she'd seen so far and it was amazing.

Jax told his human resources director he would have to call her back when he saw Sam, and exited his office to join her. "There you are." He said as he approached her near the front entrance. "Did you find everything okay?"

"Everything was wonderful, Jax, thank you. This place is amazing." She told him in sheer wonder as she took another look around.

Jax smiled. "That's the exact reaction I had when I found it. It was a rental at the time, but I had to have it so I made the owner a deal and now it's my own little piece of paradise."

"It's beautiful. I can't wait to see the rest."

"I'd be happy to give you a tour after breakfast. I think Roger may be ready to serve any moment now." As if on cue, Roger appeared from the kitchen.

"Pardon me, sir." Roger announced his entrance awaiting the okay to continue.

"Breakfast?" Jax said.

"Yes sir. I thought you and your guest might like to dine on the ocean-side veranda. The weather report calls for an especially nice day. I have taken the liberty of setting places for two. I shall see to it your meals are served as soon as you are ready." Roger informed him.

"Excellent. Thank you." Jax replied. "Sam," He looked back to her. "This is Roger, my go to guy for just about everything around here. I'd be lost without him. Roger," He looked back to his dear friend and employee. "This is Ms. Sam McCall, an old and new friend." Jax grinned remembering their renewed vow of friendship.

"Welcome to Shambhala, Ms. McCall. It is a pleasure to meet you." Roger greeted with a warm smile and welcoming nod.

Sam smiled as her brows furrowed to the name. "Thank you, you can call me Sam. It's very nice to be... here and it's nice to meet you too, but what is Shambhala? Are we not in Brisbane anymore?" She turned to Jax in question, not that she really cared, she was just curious.

Jax chuckled.

"My apologies." Roger explained. "Shambhala is the name given this estate by the original owner. In Tibetan Buddhist tradition, Shambhala is a mythical kingdom hidden somewhere in Inner Asia. It is commonly understood to be a 'place of peace, tranquility, and happiness'."

Sam smiled. "I think the name suits it perfectly."

"As did I which is why I decided to keep it when I bought it." Jax agreed.

"Roger, I think Sam and I will head out to the veranda now." He informed, recalling the way Sam's stomach had growled in her room earlier.

"Very good, sir. Breakfast shall be served momentarily." Roger gave a parting nod and smile to Sam and made his way back toward the kitchen.

Jax led Sam out of the living area through more French doors with open plantation shutters to a 42' by 16' covered ocean-side veranda with outdoor seating areas and an outdoor dining area with bar fridge and Alfresco BBQ and grill. The veranda overlooked a 40 foot infinity edge pool and hot tub as well as the ocean which could be reached by following a trail of gently winding stepping stones from the deck to the sea. "Jax, every time I think I've seen the most spectacular part of this home I take another step and find something even more beautiful. You really have found your own little piece of paradise."

"Why thank you, Sam." He told her as he held out the chair for her where Roger had set a place for her to the left of the head of the table. 

"I hope you will consider it your little piece of paradise too. I would love for you to stay as long as you like." He invited.

"Wow, Jax, that's really generous of you, but won't you need me on board." Sam had just assumed he would want her on call and ready for duty at any time.

"Only if you prefer it. I made sure the captain's quarters were provided with ample luxury, but even still I'm not sure it compares to what I have here. Your salary will afford you to buy a place of your own as well if you like, but I'd really love it if you stayed on as my guest, at least for a little while." He implored. "This place feels happier already with you in it."

Sam thought about it. It really was beautiful there and having Jax to talk to was a nice distraction. She had about seven grand in savings plus the three grand she'd made working for Gus, but it was comforting to have that to fall back on. She didn't want to use it unless necessary. From what Gus had determined from his friend, the job would start immediately, so it wouldn't put too much of a dent in savings if she rented a hotel room until her paychecks started coming in. She looked over at Jax as she considered it. He looked so hopeful that she would stay. She'd enjoyed his company and he'd seemed to enjoy hers too. She figured she could always find another place if she began to feel like a burden so why not accept her friend's offer in the generous spirit it had been given?

"Thank you, Jax. I'd love to stay, for a little while at least." Sam accepted.

"Best news I've heard all day, aside from your acceptance as my captain. Speaking of, I was just on the phone with HR. They're sending some forms over they'll need you to fill out. I'll check to see if they've arrived after breakfast. If we can get them sent back by noon tomorrow they can make the cutoff for payroll and your paychecks will start next week."

"That sounds great." She answered as Roger appeared with a tray of a piping hot pot of coffee, sugar, cream and two mugs.

He set it down on the bar and turned a moment later with a mug for Sam. "Black, three sugars ma'am."

She looked at him pleasantly surprised. "Thank you, how did you know?"

"A little birdie told me." He joked.

Sam smiled and looked back over to Jax. Did he really remember how she took her coffee after all this time? Jax shrugged as if he had no clue.

"If you happen to see that little birdie, let me know will you? Roger's been swearing by him for years and I still haven't figured out how he knows everything." He whispered conspiratorially.

Roger released a sly smile as Jax smirked and accepted his coffee.

"Breakfast will be right out." Roger informed then retreated toward the kitchen.

Four hours later time had flown by and Sam was having the best day she remembered having in weeks. She'd been having too much fun reacquainting herself with Jax and getting to know Roger to dwell on what she'd left behind. Roger had outdone himself with breakfast. They were first served with fresh squeezed orange juice, a fluffy spinach and cheese omelette and an assortment of sliced melon, followed by decadent strawberry and cream Belgian waffles, a side of tender crunchy bacon and more coffee. The conversation flowed naturally at breakfast and Sam was thankful there didn't seem to be any awkwardness. 

After clearing the dishes, Roger had poured them a final cup of coffee and informed them the e-mail Jax had been waiting on arrived. Roger had taken the liberty of printing her forms out and leaving them on the writing desk in her room for her. When Sam returned there after breakfast to make her bed and fill them out, she found Roger had already made her bed for her. Roger also left a note that if she would leave them on the desk in the library when she'd completed them, he would see to it HR had them before the cutoff. 

What's more, when she used her bathroom before taking the finished forms to the library, she'd found a lovely little basket filled with two different scents of lotion, soap, shampoo, conditioner, bubble bath, candles, a popular brand of women's disposable razors, long-handled loofah and a thick white terry robe with matching bath slippers. It was incredibly thoughtful and when Sam had thanked Jax she learned he knew nothing about it. It was all Roger. What a sweetheart. The only other person to have ever anticipated her needs better had been Jason. When she'd tried to thank him, he'd claimed ignorance as well, stating it must have been that little birdie who'd made her bed and left the basket.

Next, she made Jax hold to his word and give her a tour of the home and surrounding grounds. Shambhala was a 7,300 square foot Barbadian-style beachfront villa, where interior and exterior spaces flowed seamlessly into one another. It was situated on over two gorgeous acres in a secluded community with only a smattering of other residences to share a 3-mile long pristine beach. The open plan included five bedrooms, six and a half baths, and three car garage.

During the tour, Jax had also shown her where they kept the Sea Kayaks, diving equipment, kite boarding and snorkeling gear and Sam couldn't wait to put it all to use with him. They were both excited with all the plans they were making to enjoy their time together.

After breakfast and the tour, Jax insisted on bringing her down to the marina for her first glimpse of her new station. When she caught sight of it standing on the dock she'd been as excited as a kid on Christmas morning. She shouted and jumped up and down like she'd won the lottery. She'd seen super yachts before, but this one was the sleekest ship she'd ever seen. It was 354 feet long with a beam of 54 feet and she had never in her life been in command of such a stunning vessel. Before she knew it, in her excitement, she'd grabbed Jax and kissed him full on the lips. She pulled back grinning, and he'd just laughed at the childlike jubilence dancing in her eyes then hugged her and swung her around in a circle as she laughed with him. It was the most fun he'd had in months and it felt incredibly good to be able to make someone happy, especially someone who hurt as much as him.

Jax took his time showing her around The Lady Jane personally. It was hard to tell just from the sweeping profile, but the emphasis had been placed on large indoor gathering spaces, all air-conditioned of course, not extensive alfresco entertainment. Whether guests boarded from a dockside passerelle or via the water, the starboard side of the lower deck had a hatch, they could gather in a large reception area outfitted with both an elevator and a grand staircase. 

Ten guest suites occupied the forward portion of the main deck, with a saloon aft that led out to a swimming pool and seating/sunbathing area. Nearly the entire deck above was devoted to the owner, complete with an office, gym, sauna, private dining room and even accommodations for a personal assistant. Two additional suites for relatives as well as a family saloon were also on the owner's deck, aft of the above-mentioned rooms. 

The dining room was one more level up, on the bridge deck, for the most incredible vistas attainable aboard ship. Thirty-three people could gather there at a U-shape table, keeping everyone within eyesight and easing conversations. The engines, technology and performance were second to none including every security measure known to man and the ability for a helicopter to land and refuel on the sundeck to take people anywhere they wanted or needed to go. The jet-skis and other toys were limitless as well and this was only touching the surface of everything this floating palace offered guest and crew.

It took nearly two hours to tour the entire ship and even that was only a basic tour. It would require weeks for Sam to learn it inside and out. Her brain was racing with all the things she would need to do; interview for a full crew, hire them, ensure they were trained to her standards as well as the capabilities and features of that particular vessel, plan and run drills for safety, chart a course as soon as their destination was set, stock the boat with food, fuel and supplies, make sure all the paperwork was in order and start a new captain's log. She couldn't wait to get started. 

She hadn't felt that much passion for anything in a long time, but it was like a dream come true for her. She was her own boss and though she did have an 'in' with the man who hired her she knew when it came to that particular area Jax had been right to say she was more than qualified for the job. She found it impossible to put into words just how good it felt to know she landed a job she loved on her own merit that would allow her to take care of herself without depending on anyone else for anything unless she chose to do so.

She couldn't thank Jax enough for helping her realize that goal and, when she tried, just the significance of how much it meant to her had brought tears to her eyes and a lump to her throat. But they were happy tears. For the first time in she couldn't remember how long, they were happy tears and she hugged her new-found old friend to her side and simply choked out, "Thank you," as they made their way back down the dock, back to their own little piece of paradise.

xxxxx

Sonny sat at his desk at home waiting on a call he wasn't sure how to handle. It was nearly 10pm and his mind was reeling. It had been eighteen days since Sam McCall ducked out of town, leaving his best friend high and dry. Eighteen days with no word, even to her mother who was still undergoing chemo. No word to anyone other than a call to Amelia in which Sam refused to return and had basically left her producer holding the bag. 

Not that Sonny gave a damn about Everyday Heroes tanking. That show had been nothing but a pain in his ass since Sam started filming. Truth be told, he wasn't all that concerned with how it had sent Amelia's career into a nose-dive either. She was just a passing fancy to keep him from focusing on what he really wanted and couldn't have, what Carly refused to give him, a real marriage instead of one based solely on her desire to keep her son's father out of prison. 

In fact, he'd already written Amelia off which was just as well since she'd packed up a few days ago and headed back to the big city. Now it was Kate claiming more and more of his attention each day. That is, when his thoughts weren't devoted to getting his enforcer and friend off a murder rap. So no, he wasn't concerned with some show failing or how it effected a former fling, but what did concern him and what did matter to Sonny was what Sam's actions toward Jason and Amelia, the man she claimed to love and woman she called a friend, said about her, what it really said about her. After all, actions spoke louder than words. Right?

Jason's arrest had made international news and yet Sam had yet to return to offer help, or even make a phone call to see how serious things really were this time and express her concern or sympathy. It told him Amelia must be right. It was all a con. Sam didn't really give a damn about Jason, or any of them. Jason, he'd promised him that he would follow up on every lead that computer geek Spinelli came up with and report it back to him and so far he'd kept his word. They followed two out of three leads that had left them with nothing. The last lead had been a cargo freighter listing a last minute female crew addition. Sonny had paid off an informant down at pier 17 who confirmed the crew member was Sam McCall according to what he'd overheard the harbormaster mention to his assistant. 

Spinelli had also been able to trace the phone Sam had used to call Amelia as having been purchased, along with three other phones and several hundred hours of minutes, with a credit card in the name of Augustus Gibbs. Augustus Gibbs happened to be listed as captain of the ship Sam was supposedly on and was reportedly headed for port of Brisbane, Australia. Sonny had felt obligated to keep his word to Jason and follow up on the lead. He'd called in a favor from a business associate overseas who was able to refer him to two men familiar with Brisbane. He'd sent them a recent photo of her and hired them to keep tabs on Sam without being spotted. They'd been waiting for her the minute she'd stepped off the freighter. She'd surprised them by taking off on a sailboat rather than by car and they'd had to scramble to follow, but fortunately everyone had a price and there had been a man with a speedboat willing to give chase.

Sonny's hired men ended up following her to a marina where she had walked to a nearby bar and proceeded to hustle a bunch of men out of their money. While one of his men kept an eye on Sam, the other had taken time to procure transportation. So, they were able to follow her again when Sam ended up taking off with one of the guys she'd hustled. He'd taken her back to his place where she'd spent the night. That was the last Sonny had heard and none of it sat very well. 

He'd told his contacts he wanted a photograph of her and the man she was with. He knew Jason would never believe him without proof. About an hour ago, he'd been enjoying a night cap when his phone beeped alerting him to an incoming e-mail. It was a message with a picture attached and he'd had to knock back the rest of his scotch when he saw it. Shocked couldn't even begin to describe how he'd felt when he found out the guy Sam had obviously taken up with was none other than Jax! The message said they were on the move again and Sonny had messaged back to keep an eye out and call him in an hour for report. He had to get his mind around it and he needed to know just what the hell was going on.

Jasper Jacks had run out of Port Charles like a wounded puppy with his tail between his legs the day Carly gave him his ring back. Of course, Sonny couldn't have been happier to see Jax go. That man didn't deserve Carly. He could never appreciate her the way she needed, but he had felt bad for the way the man had stomped on Carly's heart. She'd tried to explain to Jax that he was the man she loved and wanted to be with as soon as she could. She'd explained the marriage was something she had to do for her children, but that bastard was too self-righteous to hear it. Carly had been devastated when he'd left and still was, he suspected, though she refused to discuss Jax with him. He had a feeling that was why she'd been pouring all her time and energy into the Metro Court though. It was her way of staying connected to Jax somehow, and avoiding him.

His phone rang, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"Corinthos." He answered.

"Sonny Corinthos?" The guy wanted to confirm.

"Yeah. What do you have for me?"

"Mr. Corinthos, this is Richards. Sir, we've followed them from the beach house to the marina where they boarded a yacht. They remained on board for a couple hours and have just pulled back in to the beach house." The man told him.

"Good. Did you get any more photos? How did they act around one another? Contentious? Friendly?"

"Definitely not contentious. Friendly, I'd say, very friendly. She kissed him on the docks." Richards informed.

Sonny cursed under his breath. "What are we talking here? Kiss on the cheek, lips? What?"

"Lips, sir, and by the way they were hugging one another before and after they left the ship I'd say if they weren't already sleeping together it's only a matter of time." He ventured.

"Son of a ..." Sonny rubbed his hand over his mouth in frustration. Fuck! This was going to tear Jason and Carly's hearts out.

"Did you want us to continue tailing them, sir?"

Sonny thought about it. If Sam was linked up with Jax, it would be easy enough to find her later and from the sound of things she wouldn't be going anywhere any time soon. "No. Just get me those photos, addresses and name and location of the boat they were on and I'll send final payment to the same account as the deposit once I get them."

"Will do. Nice doing business with you, Mr. Corinthos. If you should need anything else, feel free to call again." The man told Sonny.

"One more thing." Sonny interrupted before he could disconnect. "Anyone ever comes asking, you never saw this woman or man and, most importantly, you never heard of me. Understood?"

"Absolutely. Part of our service is our discretion. Secrets are safe with us, sir." Richards assured him and then ended their call.

Sonny sat back in his seat, set his phone down on the desk then stood again and began to pace. What the hell was he going to do now? On one hand, he could march down to the PCPD lockup and show Jason just what a lying con Sam McCall really was. He could show Carly how Jax had obviously moved on and wasn't worthy of her pining over him another minute. Sure it would hurt, but Jason and Carly would both be free to move on. They wouldn't have to live with the guilt they were drowning in now over two people that could care less about them.

On the other hand, he couldn't really predict how they might react to the news. He knew it would hurt them, but that didn't mean either Jason or Carly would be satisfied to just let it go at that. In fact, if Carly found out Sam was with Jax it would almost guarantee her going off to confront them. As for Jason, he'd probably want to confront them as well. Maybe even try to win Sam back. Jason was in total denial and hadn't listened to anything Sonny had said. He probably wouldn't believe the photos either until he'd gone to Australia himself and saw them together with his own eyes. Not to mention the pain it would cause him and Carly. All their thoughts would be consumed by that news when what they all really needed to be focused on was getting Jason out from under Alcazar's murder charge. No. Maybe it was best, for now at least, that Jason and Carly not know anything about any of it. Sam was gone for good, off scamming her latest mark and, as far as Sonny was concerned, it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.


	4. Chapter 4

**4.**

Jason stood at his terrace doors, lost in thought, as he gazed out unseeingly into the night and took another swig of the bottle. There were no stars shining bright for him tonight, no moonlight to be seen. The sky was as dark and empty as his penthouse; as dark and empty as he felt inside, and he was tired of feeling. He took another long pull and swallowed with a small bit of comfort in the knowledge that his heart and mind would soon be as numb to the burning pain as his throat. His stars had been the mischievous twinkle in her eyes whenever he'd challenged her. His moonlight, the glowing smile that wreathed her face every time he'd told her he loved her. He missed it, missed her light. He missed her.

He took another drink.

Jason Morgan had no business drinking that heavily and he knew it. Losing control could get him killed which was why he usually held firm to his self-imposed rule of no liquor. Not on this night, however. He'd endured two, too many of these anniversaries sober and awake and had since learned inebriated to the point of passing out was the only way he would survive another. And if that made him a coward, so be it. He'd settle for taking the coward's way out once a month in exchange for dulling the worst of it. 

His stomach growled in protest and he silenced it with another gulp. He really shouldn't be drinking on an empty stomach, but there hadn't been groceries in the house since Spinelli moved out, and he'd been too close to losing it to wait another second for his carry out after the scene at Kelly's earlier.

He finished off the bottle in his hand with a sigh as he turned to walk back to his liquor cabinet and grab another. He set the empty down next to the first and opted for the big bottle of tequila and a glass for his third course. He made his way over to the sofa with both in hand and plopped down most uncharacteristically. Then again, he was getting good and drunk and that was pretty characteristic of a good drunk, he mused, then chuckled derisively at his own joke.

Who said he was humor-impaired?

He shut his eyes tight to the memory of that moment, denying freedom to the tears that formed, as the intoxicating lilt of her playful teasing echoed in his mind. 

"I'm serious Jason. Children model their parents behavior and suppose she, she grows up and she doesn't know how to smile? Do you really want to be responsible for a humor-impaired child?"

Numb, he had to get numb. He poured a healthy serving and pressed the rim of the glass to his lips to knock it back along with the earlier events from that night threatening to revisit his deteriorating consciousness.

~flashback~

He felt the weight of each and every stare as the bell jingled upon entrance. Sure he'd been acquitted of all charges for the murder of Lorenzo Alcazar over a month ago, but that didn't mean he hadn't been tried and convicted by his peers. What other people thought of him never really phased him, with the exception of a select few, but the feelings rising up at seeing himself through the public's eye were getting harder and harder to dismiss because he feared one day his son would look at him that way too.

A deep sigh and momentary tightening of his jaw was the only tell of Jason's true feelings before his trademarked impassiveness slid into place. He walked swiftly past the crowd of onlookers, ignoring their hushed whispers, and focused instead on Mike's welcoming smile. Jason stopped at the counter, waiting with what little patience he had left these days, for his food to be ready. Mike had told told him the order he'd called in was almost up before disappearing in the back to check on it. That had been three minutes ago and those three minutes were three minutes too long. In fact, they'd stretched into an eternity the second he'd noticed the little family at the table across from him enjoying their meal.

They were perfect and a perfect reminder of what he could have had, of what his choices cost him. The mother was dark-haired with brown eyes and a small frame. That was pretty much where the similarities between her and Sam ended, but that was enough. Sam was never far from his thoughts, no matter how hard he tried to focus, and it never took much to remind him of her. The young mom fed small bites of her dessert to an exuberant baby boy in a high chair that sat between mother and father. The dad was a similar build to Jason with blue eyes, but maybe a little taller and his hair was a much lighter shade of wavy blond. The little boy looked just like his dad and the thought of it gripped Jason's heart in a painful squeeze. His baby boy looked just like him too.

The baby made one of those high-pitched happy squeals followed by an enthusiastic lunge for the next bite of ice cream, eliciting smiles and laughter from both parents. Jason wiped the trembling half smile from his lips and blinked. He could see the love the couple had for each other and their son when their eyes met across the table. The man took her hand in his as she gently smoothed her other one through the baby's golden locks and Jason had to turn away. He'd had a million chances to have that with the woman he loved. Sam wanted that with him more than anything and now he wanted it with her more than anything too, but it was too late.

Keeping Elizabeth's lie had cost him Sam and his son. He'd tried everything to get them back, but the more time that went by the more he began to fear it may never happen. He hadn't given up all hope yet, but it was getting harder to hold. Spinelli had exhausted all leads that might bring Sam home and Diane had, at least for now, exhausted all possibilities of Jason gaining custody of his son.

A lot had changed in the four months since Sam left. Jason had spent the first two and a half of them locked away and alone. The time had given him perspective and some much needed clarity. It had only taken a week and a day in lockup to decide he wanted to become the honest man Sam had fallen in love with again and to live an honest life from there on out, but it would take another week before he'd realize the full impact of what that intent required.

The internal conflict had been pure hell; living with the lie to keep his son safe versus living with the truth to save himself. He'd had a lot of time in prison to reflect on Sam's advice about Jake in her letter, a letter which had gone missing from evidence and had yet to be recovered, but her words hadn't really hit home until Jake's kidnapping. He wanted to do right by Sam and his son, but to claim him felt like such a selfish act considering the dangers of his life and his current circumstance. It wasn't until the day he learned his son had been abducted in broad daylight with Elizabeth not ten feet away that everything changed in an instant and suddenly what Sam had been trying to get him to understand sunk in. 

She'd told him giving Jake to Lucky and Elizabeth to raise was no guarantee of his safety. Terrible things happened to innocent children every day. The important thing was making the most of the time we were given. Lila had been taken from them before she ever had the chance to breathe, but Sam was certain that baby girl had felt all the love she and Jason showered her with every moment she was alive inside her. Knowing that, Sam shared, had been one of the few things to give her any solace after losing her. Didn't Jake deserve to know the same kind of love from him? Would Jason be able to live with the regret of denying him that if, God forbid, something should ever happen to take him away? Of course he'd asked himself those questions, but he hadn't known the answer until that day.

He'd been a wreck when he learned of his son's kidnapping in passing from his attorney during one of their meetings, but he had to keep his emotions hidden. No one knew the truth of Jake's paternity at that point except Lucky, Elizabeth, Spinelli, Lulu and Sam. The last time he'd felt that helpless was when Sam had been shot. He was behind bars with limited information and there was nothing he could do to help his son. It was actually Lucky that found Jake days later after following up on a lead. It turned out that the woman, Maureen, had recently lost her infant in a house fire and in her grief had stolen Jake from the park while Elizabeth's back was turned. One of the nurse's in a nearby doctor's office had recalled hearing about the kidnapping and became suspicious enough to alert authorities when Maureen called the child by two different names.

The day Jacob Martin Spencer was returned home safe to his mother was the day Jason decided to do whatever necessary to be a part of his son's life if God would only give him another chance. He could have lost every opportunity to ever know his son or have his son know him and it had nothing to do with the violence in his life. Maybe if he had claimed Jake as his own from the start then he never would have been kidnapped at all because Jason would have had guards on him. 

He prayed to somehow be cleared of the charges hanging over his head, so he would have the chance to know and love his little boy. Unfortunately, a positive outcome didn't look very promising. Diane waged an impressive battle against Ric, but the D.A. had a very good case this time. If not for his best friend, Carly, and her notoriously deviant uncle Luke, Jason had no doubt he would have been sentenced to life in prison. That was one time though, thankfully, Carly's crazy plan worked out and Jason had never been happier for her refusal to count to ten. 

The hard work, for him, actually began after his release on August 16th. He had to walk the talk and he wasted no time in doing so. He met with Diane later that day to begin the process of filing for joint physical and legal custody of his son. She'd then exhibited momentary slack-jawed speechlessness at his revelation before jumping in head over haute couture heel to aide in his pursuit. Never one to mince words, Diane had hit him with some tough decisions he'd already known he would have to face if he wanted a fighting chance.

Jason's very next visit had been to see his boss and longtime friend, Sonny Corinthos, where he finally revealed the truth to him about Jake. He needed Sonny to understand his actions and he felt after all they'd been and done for one another he owed him the truth about why he wanted out. Sonny had tried his best to offer some type of compromise so that he wouldn't lose his best friend as his most trusted business partner, but relented when he realized Jason's mind was set. It was ironic to think the very life Sonny gave him was what actually prepared him to make the hard and fast call that allowed him to walk away from it.

Jason assured Sonny that he would always be like a brother to him and he would always look out for his family, but he now had to put his own family and their needs first. Sonny told him he understood, how could he not, and gave him his blessing to go. A week later, all legal ties connecting Jason Morgan to any business or entity owned or operated by Sonny or the Corinthos organization had been severed. 

Sonny bought him out at a fair price, adding another 56 mil to Jason's net worth. Sonny had also offered Jason his choice of any one of the legitimate holdings, but Jason declined. He wanted his new life to have a completely fresh start. He'd agreed to stay on in an unofficial capacity until Sonny was satisfied with Jason's replacement, but wasn't surprised to hear Sonny was more than satisfied only two weeks later. Cody, after all, had been Jason's second when Jason was in charge and was already familiar with the men and their operation. 

It had been a strange and liberating feeling and also very unnerving to know his future was now free to do with however he chose. Jake and Sam, they were the future he chose and he'd hoped and prayed like hell it wasn't too late to have it.

Jason followed up on every lead Spinelli had given Sonny, but came up with the same dead ends Sonny had reported. He'd asked around town about her to all the people who'd known her, but other than Mike if anyone had heard from her they weren't talking. The one thing he had learned from Diane was that Alexis had taken over Sam's case at her written request and she'd actually gotten Sam out of her contract with some loophole that she'd failed to share with her fellow colleague.

Diane had inquired further out of a professional curiosity more than anything, but Alexis had been very closed lip stating to reveal the condition would be a breach of her client's confidentiality. That reaction had made him curious to know how Sam had gotten out of her contract too, but he let it go knowing he would probably never learn the real reason. It was so hard to hear about her life and not be a part of it. 

Mike had been honest with Jason when he'd asked and told him that Sam sent him a postcard once a month. They didn't say much and there was no return address, but he'd let Jason see them and it was a relief to see in her own handwriting that she was safe and doing well wherever she was. He tried tracking her by her remarks, postmarks and pictures on the cards, but nothing came of it. He wasn't surprised, only disheartened. Sam was clever and extremely resourceful and would probably never be found unless she wanted to be. Jason still had Spinelli working on it, but hope dwindled with every day, week and month that went by without word.

As for Jake, not surprisingly, Elizabeth and Lucky fought Jason tooth and nail. He'd had Diane file for a change of venue and gag order on top of the fact that it would be a closed hearing to protect Jake in case the worst happened. Jason wouldn't be allowed to place guards on his son if he lost custody, so he didn't want his paternity revealed to the public unless he could ensure his safety. 

Lucky and Elizabeth hired Alexis Davis to represent them since she'd done so well with keeping her daughter, Kristina, away from Sonny. Jason knew for a fact Lucky had every intention of divorcing and suing Elizabeth for custody of the boys himself, but as soon as they'd hired Alexis they suddenly became a happy loving couple by all outward appearances. Jason knew that had been Alexis at work in order to better their chances against him in court. 

He was also sure they'd agreed to the change of venue and other measures to help prevent Elizabeth's crime from coming to light. She'd perjured herself on the stand during Jason's criminal proceedings when she swore in an open court of law that Lucky was the biological child of young Jacob Spencer. Pointing this out would have helped Jason's case for custody, but he couldn't in good conscience hurt his son's mother for only doing what they both agreed at the time was necessary to protect their son.

The hearing began after the holiday on September 4th and, two weeks later, Jake's custody had been determined, for the near future anyway. Alexis, on behalf of Elizabeth and Lucky, pointed out Jason's rap sheet for all his arrests; including the most recent one for murder in the first. They pointed out how he surrounded himself and his business with guards. How Jason himself was obviously so fearful of the constant threat of violence that he felt the need to have a gun on him at all times. 

They pointed out that the nanny Jason hired, for the nephew he claimed to want to raise as his son and then gave up, was murdered and the prime suspect was a mob boss who targeted his rival's families. They pointed out that Jason was a single man with an unpredictable schedule. And, finally, proving they were throwing in everything including the kitchen sink, opposing counsel pointed out Elizabeth still breastfed and to deny her or her child that healthy start and quality bonding time was unconscionable.

Diane countered that Jason had never been convicted of any crime. Plenty of family men had businesses with security in place and that even if he was still in the employ of Mr. Corinthos, which he wasn't, that should only prove how serious Mr. Morgan took the safety of not only his family, but his employees as well. Diane reminded the court, the last time she checked, which had been that morning in fact, it was not a crime to carry a concealed weapon when you have a permit to do so. There were plenty of law abiding citizens, such as Detective Spencer himself, that carried a weapon. Should that imply he had criminal intentions? 

She acknowledged that what happened to Leticia was a tragedy, but to suggest her murder had anything to do with organized crime was simply the highly speculative machinations of the opposing side in order to sway his Honor with prejudice and fear. She'd pointed out that Jason was now a man of leisure with all the time in the world to care for his infant son while the schedules of a nurse and police detective were quite demanding. And as for Elizabeth breastfeeding, Diane actually pulled two boxes from under her table and presented Elizabeth with a breast pump and a pack of bottles, stating she was sure Elizabeth would agree denying her child and his father quality bonding time was equally unconscionable and suggested that should take care of that.

Jason still had to chuckle at that. Alexis had narrowed her eyes and bit the inside of her cheek to hide her own smile at being outmaneuvered in such a clever way while Elizabeth's face had turned beet red as she shot Diane a hateful glare and Lucky had looked ready to punch someone. Probably him, Jason would bet. Diane had provided stellar arguments including testimony from character witnesses of one of his oldest and dearest friends, Dr. Robin Scorpio, as well as his sister and mother. All of which were highly respected members of the community. Of course that meant they also now knew the truth about Jake being his son, but Jason trusted that even if Robin, Emily and Monica hadn't been sworn to silence by a judge he could trust them to keep the secret.

Unfortunately, when it was all said and done, the judge had decided to read between the lines and deny Jason's request for shared custody. He had no choice, however, but to accept the new DNA results proving Jason was Jake's biological father which allowed Jason to be named as the father of record if he so desired. The judge ordered sole physical and legal custody to remain with the child's biological mother. Which meant Jake would continue to live full time with Elizabeth and Lucky and that Jason would have no decision-making authority relating to the health, education, religion, or safety and welfare of his child. 

The judge permitted Jason 16 hours per week of court-appointed supervised visitation with Jake which was to be scheduled into no more than four hour blocks of time at least four times per week for a period of six months. At which time the judge would hear from the child's advocate and counsel for re-evaluation of the father's request for shared custody. Diane advised Jason that he would have a much better chance on re-eval after showing how he'd bonded with his son, had NO arrests and also had a longer history of separation from his partnership with Sonny. But that was still months away and he was tired of losing precious time. In his foolishness, he'd already lost too much time that he could never get back. He was tired of waiting for his new life to start, the one he and Sam had dreamed of, and he was ready to put in the work to have it.

Mike was still in the back when the bell rang again and Jason turned to see who entered out of a trained habit. His heart beat a little faster at the sight. Elizabeth entered first with Cameron at her side as Lucky held the door for them. Jake was in his arms and Jason was mesmerized by the sight of him. He'd held him during visitation only yesterday, but his arms ached to hold his son again. He wasn't permitted visitation today though, so his wish would have to wait. Jake looked well though. He was smiling. Jason was learning Jake had a very happy disposition, unlike Michael who'd had colic. He was dressed in a bright blue outfit that deepened the blue of his eyes and his head was full of what could only be described as peach fuzz.

He soon realized his interest in his son must have been made because suddenly Jake was handed off to Elizabeth as she and the boys found a table, while Lucky glared at Jason as he made his way over to him. "This is a family establishment and as a member of the family that owns it, I think you should find another place to eat!"

Before Jason could speak for himself, someone spoke for him. "This restaurant is open to the public and Jason has every right to dine here whenever he likes Lucky. What's gotten in to you?"

It was Emily. When had she gotten there Jason wondered. Maybe she'd been in the restroom when he arrived.

Lucky huffed at Emily and narrowed his eyes back on Jason as he spoke loud enough to make a scene. "Jason may not have been found guilty of Alcazar's murder, but that doesn't mean he's innocent!"

Emily shook her head. "To the contrary, Lucky, that is exactly what it means."

"Emily, it's alright ..." Jason began. He didn't want his little sister fighting his battles or to cause problems with her friends.

'No, Jase, it's not alright." Emily cut her brother off. She was more fired up than he'd seen her in a long time as her focus shifted back to her friend. "Lucky is a man sworn to uphold the laws of justice and as such he has a responsibility to set an example to all of the small minds ..." She paused to look around at all the gawking patrons. "This town seems to be littered with. In this country, a man is innocent until proven guilty. The D.A. had his shot at proving Jason's guilt and he couldn't do it. The judge knew it, the jury knew it and every intelligent person in that courtroom knew it. Jason was found NOT guilty and I'll be damned if I stand by and let anyone treat him like he was!"

Lucky was equally heated now. "How can you be so blind? You know what he's done for a living Emily! You know the violence that surrounds him and just because he says he's given all that up doesn't mean he or anyone else he's around is out of danger. It's unfair to expect our children, or anyone elses, to be subjected to that kind of constant threat. Who knows when one of Sonny or Jason's enemies will decide to strike next? All I know is it is inevitable at some point they will and I don't want Jason Morgan anywhere near my family when they do. And I think I speak for everyone else here as well."

"Not for me you don't!" Emily shouted.

"Or me." Mike added as he stepped from the back with a bag for Jason. "And by the way, I think you're forgetting Luke is only half owner and, while he may be indifferent to this issue, Bobby owns the other half and you know how much she and Carly adore Jason. I don't think Bobby would appreciate you trying to bar him from a place she herself has invited him to share meals with on many occasions."

Jason gave Mike a thankful glance and Mike just stood firm and gave a slight nod as he stood his ground.

"Not only that, but if you kick my brother out you may as well throw me out too. I don't want any part of any place or any one that abuses their power to persecute an innocent man." Emily challenged.

"Emily, don't." Jason insisted again. "This isn't worth ruining your friendship with two of your best friends." But Emily refused to back down. She kept a hard glare on Lucky.

"Fine! Whatever Morgan." Lucky gave up. "Just keep your distance from my family. It probably wouldn't look good to the courts in a few months if you get picked up for harassment and stalking charges."

Jason's jaw and fists clenched as Lucky turned and stormed off back to Elizabeth and the boys without another word. Emily shook her head in disbelief. Jason had to get out of there. He wasn't hungry now anyway. He hated being in the spotlight and right now all eyes were on him. He was headed for the door when Emily caught up to him right as they passed Lucky and Elizabeth's table on the way out.

"Jason!" She called to him and he stopped and turned to her out of respect, even though he felt like he would explode if he stayed another second. "It isn't just about this and you know it. They know exactly what they did to ruin our friendship." Emily's eyes cut over to them as they stared back silently at her and Jason. "And this is just further proof of how right I was to walk away in the first place. Lucky, Elizabeth," She addressed them. "You both have good hearts. I've seen them and I know you've both seen Jason's too, but I think you've allowed your anger and fear to corrupt them considering what you've done to Jason and Jake. I hope you can live with yourselves, but until you both come to your senses I won't be having anything further to do with either one of you."

"Emily, please..." Elizabeth cried as her eyes welled up with tears.

"I'm sorry Elizabeth." Emily's words softened slightly, but remained firm. "I really am, but you're wrong and one day your son is going to resent you for what you've done."

Lucky shook his head with another huff. "At least he'll be alive to do it."

Emily shook her head sadly and turned to follow her brother out of the diner. Though he'd done a good job of hiding how upset that confrontation made him, she'd seen it because she knew him so well. He'd spent the next ten minutes assuring her he wouldn't do anything dumb. He was going home for the night and he'd call her in the morning. Maybe they could surprise Monica at the hospital for lunch.

Ever since he'd been honest with his mother about Jake, their relationship had taken a good turn. It still had a really long way to go, but he'd begun to let her in slowly and she'd given him some great advice about Sam that had helped him with all the anger he'd been too ashamed to admit he felt toward her for leaving. It was his fault and he knew it, but dammit how could she just leave without even telling him goodbye after everything they'd meant to one another, and not in just some damn letter?

Monica still grieved Alan's death and she'd told him, in a way, Jason was grieving Sam the same. She was still alive, but he was still grieving the loss of her. She was a vital part of his life and so the loss he felt was just as significant. It kind of made sense and their talks had helped. She told him about the five stages of grief and he was very surprised to find he could identify with them once they were laid out. 

He'd definitely experienced the denial and bargaining stages. Sometimes, depending on whatever memories or thoughts hit him during the day he went back and forth between all the stages and Monica told him that wasn't unusual, though he found himself stuck mostly on anger or depression. The depression he could understand, even anger at himself and Elizabeth since they were at fault, but it was his anger toward Sam that hurt him the most and made him feel the most shamed. How could he love her and hate her at the same time when she wasn't the one to blame?

Monica had then shared some of her revelations from counseling. She'd told him anger was a necessary stage of the healing process. She said there were many other emotions under the anger that he would get to in time, but anger was the emotion we were most used to managing. The hard truth was that anger had no limits, so it could extend to family, friends, God, himself, and even the loved one he lost, but that he shouldn't be ashamed to feel it because under that anger was pain. It was only natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but there was no reason to fear his anger. His anger was his strength when he needed it most and it could be an anchor; giving temporary structure to the emptiness of loss.

Monica had learned that, at first, grief felt like being lost at sea: no connection to anything. Then you got angry at someone and suddenly you had a structure, your anger toward them. The anger became a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them. It was something to hold onto because a connection made from the strength of anger felt better than nothing. She said people usually knew more about suppressing anger than feeling it, but that his anger was just another indication of the intensity of his love. If that was the case, he'd thought darkly, Lord help the person who caught him during one of his bouts of anger.

Emily had accepted his offer for lunch and his promise to not do anything crazy that would hurt his chances with Jake then he'd escorted her to the launch. There was still a killer on the loose, after all, and even though everything in Jason and Spinelli's private investigation to date pointed toward it being an enemy focused on Sonny's immediate family that didn't mean Jason was taking any chances with his.

~end flashback~

Jason couldn't tell you how many shots of tequila he'd downed, or exactly when his blinding rage had seized him causing him to send all of the framed photos on his mantle crashing to the floor. He couldn't tell you which punch it was that finally broke through the drywall and split his bloodied fist on the metal stud, or the amount of force it had taken to overturn all of tables in his living room, including the pool table which was now knocked over on its side. He couldn't tell you any of this because Jason was finally and most blissfully inebriated to the point of passing out. Exhausted from his tirade, he'd fallen half on and half off his sofa and promptly fallen asleep and that was exactly how his best friend, Carly, found him one hour later. 

It was late and she had an incredibly long and early day beginning in a few hours with a highly sought after consultant whose suggestions, upon implementation, had brought in hundreds of thousands to millions in additional profits for various other clients. Carly was determined to make the Metro Court one of those clients. She wanted it to be the highest rated hotel and restaurant in the state, coast, nation and maybe even world by the time she was done. 

The hotel was her connection to Jax and as long as her connection was thriving, there was still hope that they might thrive together again one day too. Even though it had been months since the hostage crisis and all effected areas of the hotel had been completely renovated and, even though Jason and Spinelli had seen to it that only the best security had been set in place, there was only so much revenue her great marketing could overcome. She needed help from a professional and she was determined to get it. So, tomorrow's interview was an important day for not only her hotel's future, but her own as well. 

She should be at home right now getting a good night's rest, but she'd just had this feeling gnawing at her when he hadn't answered any of her calls. And, after remembering how she'd found him one month before and what he'd said to her in his drunken haze that night, there was no way she'd have been able to get any sleep until she checked on him.

Her heart broke at seeing him that way, drowning. She knew the feeling only she'd never been afraid to share her pain with the ones she held accountable for causing it, usually through some half-cocked plan for revenge or demeaning outburst against them. But Jason kept his pain locked away. He carried it on his own, never wanting to burden anyone else with it. Meanwhile, it was eating him up inside, especially each month when the anniversary hit.

"She left me, Carly. Three months ago today, she left me. Why did I let her go? Why didn't I hold on tighter? She's my life Carly. I threw my life away." His slurred and pained words came flooding back to her from one month ago that day as her eyes landed on his resting form, and Carly Corinthos doubted she would ever forgive Sam McCall for hurting her best friend that way. 

She'd tried for months to understand it, but she just couldn't wrap her head around why Sam had just left him. She'd heard all about Sonny's theories, but she wasn't buying that for one second. Well okay, maybe she'd let herself buy into it for a few seconds, but Sonny had a way of only seeing what he wanted to see which, if she were being honest, so did she. But even she couldn't forget the love she'd seen between Jason and Sam. 

Carly had seen Sam's grief when she lost her daughter. She knew that grief, too, and she'd seen how Sam had fought for her best friend's life when Jason had been ready to let go. At first she'd thought Sam had just been too caught up with becoming a celebrity and lost focus of her priorities, but after Sam had walked away from it all, including Jason, his money and all the fame her new career promised, that just didn't make sense any more. And as tempting as it was and as convenient as it would be to forget all of the good she'd seen in Sam, she just couldn't do it anymore and she didn't know why.

She didn't know how Sonny could ignore those truths either. Maybe he'd changed, or maybe she had. Maybe she'd grown, or was growing into someone more evolved than the selfish woman she'd been most of her life. She didn't know, couldn't be sure, because at times she still felt like the same selfish bitch she'd always been and she made no apologies for it. Still, sometimes, sometimes she felt a hint of something deeper, something more enlightening pulling at her conscience and daring her to grab hold and never turn back. And, some days like today, she almost felt ready to take that challenge.

So, here she was, guards in tow ready and willing to help him in any way she could, because he was the best friend she'd ever had and that's what best friends did for one another. She had the guards wait outside. She didn't want them to see him or his place looking the way it did now. 

She headed to the kitchen and set the coffee maker's automatic timer to brew a couple hours later than usual. She opened the utility closet and donned the cleaning lady's yellow gloves, broom and dust pan and doubled up on garbage bags for all the broken glass. Thirty minutes later, all the glass had been thoroughly swept up. The broken picture frames had been discarded after retrieving the photos from them. She'd buy new frames for them tomorrow after work. 

She'd need to add a table lamp and a vase to that list as well. She'd returned the glass and decanter of tequila to the bar, which amazingly had been the one thing left unscathed other than the couch, and thrown the empty bottles away. Finally, she'd righted all of the smaller tables in the room, though it would take the guards help to return the pool table right side up again.

After tending to his bruised and bloodied knuckles with the first aid kit, she set a bottle of water and two ibuprofen on the coffee table where he'd see them when he first woke and then attempted to move him more fully onto the couch. She lifted his legs and heaved them from the floor and thanked God nobody was there to see the comedy of errors as she toppled over and had been trapped under his weight. It took another five minutes before she'd been able to pry herself free again. She huffed hot air upward causing her long bangs to part from in front of her eyes and fell into the chair for a moment to catch her breath.

She sat there watching him as he slept. It was rare that she ever got to see him so unguarded. Her thoughts drifted back to days in a room above Jake's Bar spent with her boy on the side as she'd watched him sleep and a nostalgic smile fell into place. Jason Morgan was the best mistake she'd ever made and though she doubted he would say the same of her it only made her love him more. Despite all the trouble and grief she brought into his life he remained loyal, his love endured and she knew he would always be someone she could count on. Her mind drifted back to the present and as she refocused on his resting form she was hit with an overwhelming desire to be as good of a friend to him as he'd been for her, to be someone who put their loved ones best interests ahead of their own selfish wants. 

He was laid flat across the couch on his back with one hand resting over his heart and the other hanging over the edge. His face was turned toward her and she'd hoped to see he'd finally found some kind of peace in his drunkenness, but that didn't appear to be the case. His face shifted with a pained expression and his brows raised as if in question or pleading. His breathing was heavy and quickened as his jaw clenched and unclenched. He appeared lost in some awful dream. 

Carly rose from the chair and knelt by his side to offer some small form of comfort. She smoothed his furrowed brows and whispered everything would work out somehow, though she had no clue how.

She wondered, as she studied his face, what it was that had finally made him walk away from the business. She knew narrowly escaping a murder conviction was reason enough to give most people room for pause, but Jason wasn't most people. He was exceptionally loyal, to his own detriment at times. She knew losing Sam had also given him reason to re-evaluate his life, but there was something more, something she was missing. She didn't know what it was, but she hoped one day Jason would confide in her about it.

She was brought out of her thoughts as his entire body shivered beneath her hand like he was freezing, but he was warm to the touch. She reached over and pulled the throw from the back of the sofa to cover him just the same. As she tucked it under his neck, he turned his head and began to mumble.

She couldn't make all of it out, but what she did broke her heart a little more. "Took her too long, too long to see how selfish I really am."

"Oh Jason." She whispered as she pat her hand against his chest. "You weren't selfish. You were just living scared, but you're not living scared anymore. You're going to get through this. We both will, together." 

Of course Carly had no idea how true her words really were. Jason had told her Sam left because he'd shut down on her after Alan died. He'd admitted he'd refused to share his feelings and, no matter how hard Sam tried to get him to open up, he only pushed her further away until he'd finally made her believe he must not want to be with her anymore. 

It was part of the truth and he knew it which was why he'd shared that much with her. Carly hadn't commented further on the matter after his revelation in consideration of her friend's obvious pain, but his explanation didn't excuse or satisfactorily explain Sam's actions. After everything Jason had helped Sam through, how could she just walk away when he needed her? She'd thought Sam knew him better, loved him better, but obviously she'd been wrong.

She took another moment to compose herself then opened the door to have the guards fix the pool table before ushering them out once again. With a final troubled brow his way, she turned out his lights and locked his door behind her.


	5. Chapter 5

**5.**

Sam stood in the peaceful retreat of the place she now called home, gazing out at the moonlit waves as the rising tide crashed to shore. She breathed deep, hands tucked loosely under her arms as they crossed over her chest and savored the contentment her little piece of paradise never failed to deliver. She loved it here and she loved the life she'd made here too. It was here that she'd finally managed to find the things Port Charles and the people there had either denied or taken from her. 

Things, she supposed in all honesty, she'd allowed to be taken or denied as if she'd never really deserved them. Everything was different now though, now that she knew better. It hadn't been easy. She had to fight her fears, guilt and uncertainty nearly every moment of every day in the beginning, but peace love and happiness were near constants in her life now which was why the mere thought of returning to the town and turmoil she'd left behind had her stomach tied in knots.

Not quite a year ago, as she'd cruised out of the little port town, she'd left with no intention of ever returning. She'd wanted to put that life, those hurts and her mistakes behind her and start over, and she had, much sooner and in ways she never could have imagined. Honestly, who could have predicted a year ago that a renewed friendship between her and Jax would have blossomed into something so wonderful? Certainly not her, or Jax for that matter, as he'd readily admitted on any of their given talks on the subject. What had grown between them had caught them both by surprise and, odd as it may seem all things considered, they were closer now than they had ever been.

Jax had been a true friend and so much more to her in the weeks and months after she'd left Jason. He'd been her lifeline, pulled her from drowning in her pain, and Jax insisted she had done the same for him. They'd helped one another begin to heal. Every day she felt more of her strength and spirit return, but although she and Jax both agreed they were now stronger, they had to admit they might not be strong enough yet to confront their past as it lived and breathed. Unfortunately, they didn't have much choice. Alexis needed them and there was no way either would let her down.

Jax had woken her in the middle of the night two hours ago to relay the news. Nikolas had called to inform him Alexis had been attacked by an unidentified assailant and left for dead. She was currently listed in critical condition and on life support. Nik hadn't had any use for Jax since he and Carly attempted to keep his son from him, but the doctors had told him it didn't look good. Robin had advised that it might help if her patient were surrounded by the people she loved. Sam could just picture him bristling at Robin's mentioning of Jax, but if there was the slightest chance his presence might help his aunt ... 

Nik must have shelved his animosity for Alexis' sake and made the call.

It was only an hour ago, when Sam called Nik back directly, that he'd first learned Jax had been in contact with Sam nearly the entire time she'd been gone. She could tell Nikolas was shocked to hear it and to hear from her, to say the least, but had remained indifferent in his tone and words to her. He shared the very limited information he had and then simply said he was glad she was aware of her mother's condition and was sure Alexis would appreciate her concern. To most that would sound like polite reassurance, and it was, on its surface. But Sam had spent enough time in Port Charles to learn the secret language of Cassadines. 

It was a cryptic language where true meanings often lie more in the silence between the lines than in the words actually spoken. It was evident Nikolas still held a grudge against Jax and, while Sam couldn't blame him for his reasoning, she could also hear the disapproval he held with her. She'd reminded herself the only opinion that really mattered was her own, but somehow the sting of rejection still hurt. He probably didn't like the way she'd left Alexis and her sisters and he most certainly didn't care for the relationship she had with Jax, she was sure, but she couldn't help wish to just once receive the kind of unconditional love families were supposed to share with one another.

Nikolas may be a prince, but he certainly wasn't perfect. Yet, Sam had accepted him brooding manner and all right from the start. She'd never had a cousin before and had looked forward to building a close relationship with him. He'd originally expressed a similar desire, but it hadn't seemed meant to be. She wondered if her return might give them a chance to get closer, or only drive them further apart. She hoped for the former and not just for their sake, but for her sisters as well. 

Nikolas informed her the girls were staying with him and Spencer at the Metro Court. Sam had thought that odd and asked why they weren't with their fathers or at Wyndemere to which he'd quickly answered the hotel was closest to the hospital if Alexis should need them then deferred any further explanation until they spoke in person. It sounded plausible enough, but something about it hadn't rung completely true and Sam wondered briefly what it could be before her thoughts shifted back to her mother once again.

Sam had kept her promise about not closing the door on the possibility of a better relationship with her mother. She'd started three weeks after her goodbye with a single letter and no expectations. She'd explained her reasons for leaving as much as she could without giving away secrets that weren't hers to tell and had apologized for not saying a proper goodbye before she left. Sam had been surprised a week later when Roger delivered an envelope to her that had been forwarded from the address in Rome she'd given Alexis for reply.

Sam hadn't been ready to reveal her true whereabouts at that point, but she wanted to offer Alexis the chance for open communication. She could have just called on a secure line, but she was still emotionally raw and a letter felt safer. It was less confrontational. She wouldn't be subjected to the condemnation so frequently laced in her mother's voice and if her mom rejected her attempts to reach out again it wouldn't feel so immediate and cut so deep if Alexis just never wrote back as opposed to telling her over the phone.

Surprisingly, there had been no condemnation or rejection in her reply. Alexis expressed what appeared to be genuine relief Sam was alright and sincere thanks for letting her know. She'd informed Sam of what she'd heard from Diane about the pending lawsuit with Everyday Heroes and asked that Sam allow her to handle it. If that offer was amenable to her, Alexis requested Sam have the attached documents signed, notarized and returned to her so she may proceed. 

Sam guessed she shouldn't be surprised to learn Jason had instructed Diane to get involved, but she was. He hadn't been very attentive to her needs in the months before, so it came as somewhat of a shock to know he was looking out for her interests after. She wrote her mother back immediately, issuing her power of attorney. If she was going to make a clean break with Jason, she could no longer accept any favors from him.

Alexis was a formidable opponent, but the network put up quite a fight. Initial negotiations failed. They not only refused to release Sam from her contract, they also threatened suit for damages. Alexis did her best to reassure everything would work out in time, but Sam knew she was still undergoing chemotherapy and feared a drawn out battle might jeopardize her mother's health. She didn't want to be the cause of her sisters losing their mother, so she took another leap of faith and prayed it wouldn't come back to haunt her. She called her mom and confided in her about living with Jax and also another bit of news she'd recently discovered that just might help her out of her legal bind. 

A week later, Alexis called Sam to tell her she'd been released from her contract and the network had also seen fit to issue a fat settlement check as well. Turned out, according to her mother who'd eventually been clued in by Diane, Amelia Joffe was Bill Monroe's daughter and had not been her friend at all. She'd been on a mission to destroy Sam's life. Hearing of Amelia's deceit and realizing she, an exceptional con, had been so thoroughly duped had been a real sucker-punch to her ego. 

It was enough to tempt her to fly back to New York to confront the woman herself, but Alexis convinced her it was unnecessary. She'd ensured the woman paid for what she'd done by using that information as leverage to get Amelia fired and to also secure a sizable lump sum from the network in exchange for silence and giving up all future rights regarding the matter.

Having her mother fight for her that way coupled with her lack of censure in Sam's recent choices had been a new beginning. It was the beginning of working their way toward a real relationship. They still weren't as close as either longed to be, but when they talked now they were finally able to listen with open hearts and hear what the other really meant rather than the spin guilt and insecurities had always placed on their words. Sam was a grown woman, but there were still so many things she wanted to do and share with her mother. She couldn't lose her now. She just couldn't.

"I think we're all set." Jax announced in a gentle voice as he walked up behind her.

Sam dried the tears that had gathered and turned to find him holding her entire world.

"You look good with a baby in your arms." She murmured with a smile.

"I have you to thank for that." He returned, as he closed the distance between them and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

She smiled and closed her eyes to the soothing gesture then opened them again to study the little miracle cradled so contentedly. She felt as though she could spend every waking moment watching and still never get over the awe of what it meant. She was a mother. She was a blissfully happy mother to a healthy beautiful baby and she'd never felt more blessed in her life than each time she looked upon that sweet face and tiny little body.

"The jet is fueled and ready and Roger has seen to it that everything is loaded in the car. He's waiting for us out front with the driver." Jax told her.

Sam sighed as her gaze held on her child. "I guess it's good we were already packed, huh?"

She rubbed her hands over her upper arms to ward off the sudden chill as her eyes left her sleeping baby to look up at Jax. She bit her lip tentatively before speaking. "We should probably be on our way."

Jax studied her. He'd learned to read her pretty well in the months they'd spent together. She was nervous, and so was he, but she seemed even more hesitant than he, as if second guessing things. "Sam, are you having second thoughts? I can go and offer my support for both of us. I know Alexis would understand. She would want you to put yourself and the baby first."

Sam shook her head. "No. I'm sure. Alexis needs me. She's been there for me these last few months when I really needed her and this is my chance to be there for her too. I need to be there for my family and this little munchkin..." Sam caressed a perfectly rosy little cheek with the back of her finger. "will be just fine with you, Roger and I looking after him."

She smiled and shook her head again. "I still can't believe we got Roger to leave Australia."

Jax nodded thoughtfully. "I have you to thank for that too. You helped him in a way no other person was ever able to do, including me."

"There's no need for thanks. Roger has been good to me. It felt good to help him reconcile with his past. I'm hoping you and I can help one another do the same once we're back in Port Charles." Sam confessed.

"We will. We're in this together, right?" He assured her.

"Right!" She smiled. "So, I guess there's no putting it off any longer."

She made her way to the living area. "I just need to hide the keys near the door."

She grabbed the spare set from the table where she'd left them. "Remind me to call the agent later and let her know where to find them."

"You're sure about this? I know it used to be a rental, but it's your home now and it's perfectly understandable if you aren't comfortable opening it up to strangers." Jax questioned as he shifted the infant in his arms.

"I wasn't so sure about it when the rental agency first called, but after hearing the story I just couldn't say no. This place was very special to the agent's client. She says he spent some of his most treasured memories here with the love of his life and now that he's lost her, sharing this place and those memories with their daughter is the only way he knows to help his little girl feel closer to her mother. Besides, I've made sure to put away all of our personal affects and it looks like we could be needed in Port Charles that long now anyway." Empathy weighed heavily on her heart just thinking about what the man and his little girl must be going through. She hoped their time there would be as healing for them as it had for her.

"You have a really good heart Sam."

"Why thank you, Mr. Jacks." She smiled and inclined her head toward the door. 

"Shall we?"

"You're very welcome, Mrs. Jacks. After you." He insisted as he followed her out and watched as she turned to close and lock the door behind them.

xxxxx

"I can't believe you're taking her to Hawaii and not me!" Carly grumbled as she shut the door to his Range Rover a little harder than necessary causing him to cringe as he handed off his keys to the valet.

"Carly." Jason groaned as he rounded to her side. "We've been over this ..."

"I know, I know, and I've accepted it." Carly pouted. "Still doesn't mean I have to like it." She mumbled and Jason sighed as he held the door for her.

"It's just ... a whole month Jason? That's too long. I'm going to miss you too much." She frowned and tried not to smile, knowing she was giving him the full court press.

"You're going to see us in two weeks when you visit. Besides, something tells me I'm not the one you'll be missing." Jason smirked as she entered the lobby ahead of him.

"Maybe you're right." Carly huffed petulantly. "At least she takes me seriously."

"That's because she doesn't know any better, yet." Jason quipped, feeling Carly's narrowed eyes on him immediately with that remark.

"Oh, come on Carly. I take you seriously." Jason insisted as he halted next to her just inside the entry.

Carly looked at him dubiously for a moment as she held his gaze before accepting his olive branch by relaxing her frown.

"As serious as a heart attack." He mumbled, but not quietly enough to avoid a shove and a slap to his shoulder which caused them both to laugh for the first time in weeks.

Carly smiled and tried not to feel guilty for the brief moment of levity. It was good to see him smiling and laughing. He'd had so little to smile or laugh about for so long now. It was one of the reasons she couldn't help love the new addition to his life rather than be resentful of her as she was with most females that vied against her for Jason's attention. How could she resent the first and only person to bring that light back into Jason's world since Sam had walked away and left his heart in pieces? She was just thankful he'd finally found a way to love again. After the number Sam had done on him, she was starting to think he'd never let himself feel for anyone else again.

Sam was the first to spot them. She and Jax were in the middle of the Metro Court lobby waiting for Viola to meet them. Roger loved her little boy, but still wasn't quite comfortable caring for someone so tiny on his own so Sam had called Nikolas who'd given her Viola's number. She was on her way back from taking Kristina to dance and had agreed to look after her little one too while Sam and Jax went to visit her mother. Sam had both longed for and dreaded that moment since the minute she'd left him, the moment she would see him again. She'd envisioned it countless times, dreamed of it. How would he look? What would he say? What would she say?

It took her a long time to stop wishing he'd been waiting for her the day she stepped off Gus's freighter, that he'd cared enough to track her down, but she'd finally put those destructive thoughts to rest. Wishing to change the past was a wasted effort and she had too much to love about her life now to waste time on anything else. Besides, it was obvious she'd been right to leave. It wasn't like she went to great lengths to hide herself. If he'd really wanted to be with her, his heart should have led him straight to her. The fact that it hadn't only served to prove things really had been over for them and all that was left was the goodbye.

Sam took a deep breath, already missing the tranquility of her home as anxiety filled her. As many times as she'd pictured that moment and how gracious and civil she planned to be, she found herself caught completely off guard by reality. He wasn't heartbroken or miserable without her. He wasn't weighted down with remorse or guilt. He was laughing, with Carly, the woman who had stomped on her best friend's heart. She wasn't really sure where it came from, but as she took in the scene before her the anxiety was replaced with a level of anger she hadn't felt since she'd left that town.

She glanced up to see if Jax had noticed and found him frozen in place, eyes glued to Carly. She knew he'd recognized her laughter the instant he heard it the same as she had Jason's. He pulled himself out of his trance to offer his friend some reassurance, but before either could say a word they were greeted by Viola and one very excited little girl. Kristina rushed to Sam's side, forcing all thoughts of their exes to the background, as Viola trailed behind with Molly in her stroller.

Krissy didn't speak, but her little arms locked around Sam in a death grip. Sam hugged her sister tightly before lifting her up into her arms. Kristina wrapped her legs around her big sister's waist and pressed her face into Sam's neck as she hugged.

It felt like she was holding on for dear life and Sam could tell in that moment just how much of a tole recent events had taken on the little girl. She rubbed her back soothingly and kissed the side of her head as she squeezed her tight. "It's okay, Kristina. I'm here. I'm here for you now and Molly too. Okay?"

She felt Kristina nod against her neck and shoulder, but she refused to let go of her tight hold. Sam kissed her on her head again with a sigh and just held her. She had no idea how she would make it all better, but for her sister's sake she needed to find a way.

"Hi Molly girl." Sam called down to her baby sister who smiled back, seemingly unaffected.

"Sam, Mr. Jacks, welcome back." Viola greeted them both.

"Thank you, Viola. It's good to see you as always and please, just Jax." He reminded affectionately.

Viola nodded with a kind smile.

"Thank you, Viola. I know it's short notice. I really appreciate you looking after him for us. He just nursed and we should be back before his next feeding in two hours, but I've left a couple bottles here in his diaper bag just in case. He usually does about 3oz per feeding and it's easier for him to burp if you do it halfway through and again at the end. His fussy time doesn't usually start for another hour and a half, but I'll do my best to be back by then." Sam rambled as she absently stroked her little sister's back.

"Don't worry. I'm sure we'll be just fine. Take all the time you need." Viola reassured her.

"So, this is your little guy?" Viola smiled bright as she took a closer look. "What's his name?"

Sam smiled at Jax who beamed proudly with the answer. "Daniel John."

Sam felt Krissy relax her hold and lift her head from her shoulder to see who they were talking about. "Who's baby?"

"Krissy, I'd like you to meet my son and your nephew, Daniel." Sam stepped closer so she could see him better.

"You're his mommy?" Kristina's little brows rose in question as she looked from the baby in Jax' arms back to Sam.

Sam nodded. "I am. I'm Daniel's mommy." She smiled as the love and wonder of that simple fact filled her.

Kristina looked back at the squirming bundle as his head turned toward his mother's voice. "He doesn't look like you." She noted innocently.

Sam frowned in a mock pout. "You don't think so, not even just a little?"

Kristina shook her head. "He looks like his daddy. He has the same hair and eyes as Jax."

Jax and Sam met in an awkward smile. "Yes. Yes, we do have the same color hair and eyes don't we?"

Kristina nodded assuredly and Sam suddenly felt a weight pressing down on her. She knew if she turned at that moment she would find Jason's intense gaze on her, and Carly's too. "Kristina, baby, I need you to do me a favor. Okay? I need you to help Viola look after Daniel while Jax and I go see mommy."

"I want to see mommy too." Krissy pleaded.

"I know you do sweetie and as soon as mommy's feeling better I'll take you to see her myself. I promise, but the doctors are only allowing grown ups to visit right now." Sam explained.

Kristina's lower lip poked out, but she nodded in slow resignation having heard the same response from her big sister that she'd heard from every other adult she'd asked so far.

"Kristina, would you like to push Molly in her stroller while I hold Daniel?" Viola offered and Krissy nodded in excitement as she slid down her sister's side.

The adults all smiled at how easy it was to please a child sometimes. Sam handed Daniel's diaper bag to Viola who placed it in the basket under Molly's stroller. She then reached for her baby boy as Jax handed him over.

"Come here to mommy." Sam cooed as she drew him to her chest.

He made a little face and squirmed in her arms as she kissed and nuzzled his cheek. "We'll be back before you know it. Okay baby? Viola and your aunt Krissy and aunt Molly here are going to take the best care of you until then."

She kissed him one last time then smiled as Viola held open her arms and Sam placed her infant son into them.

Viola smiled down at the newborn as she bounced him gently then back up at Sam. "You have my number and I have yours. I'm sure we'll be fine, but I promise I'll call if I need anything at all."

Sam chewed her lip. Viola knew just what to say to make her feel better and she trusted her to a fault. Viola had always taken the very best care of her little sisters, but she still felt nervous leaving him for the first time since she'd come home from the hospital even if she was only going a block away for less than two hours. "Thank you and, as I mentioned on the phone earlier, Roger is in our suite and is more than happy to lend a hand if needed."

Viola nodded as she moved Daniel up over her shoulder and gently pat his back. Sam sighed and Jax squeezed her shoulder in comfort, realizing how hard the entire situation was for her. She gave him a brave smile then turned to watch Viola as she made her way with Danny, Krissy and Molly into the waiting elevator.

There had been very few times in her life Carly had been rendered truly speechless, but walking in to her hotel lobby and spotting the man she loved holding a brand new baby in his arms, a baby they named after Jax' father that he shared with none other than Sam McCall, had done the trick. The initial joy of seeing him again was snuffed out as her heart constricted in her chest. Jax hadn't come back for her. He had moved on, and rather quickly if her math was right. He obviously hadn't been as affected by their breakup as she had.

Her mouth had gone dry and she'd apparently stopped breathing as she'd watched the scene unfold. The door to the elevator closed signaling the return of her senses. She caught her breath and swallowed hard, throwing a concerned gaze to her best friend. At least Jax had waited six months, but Sam had barely been gone long enough to have a baby which meant she must have jumped in bed with him right after she'd left town. She felt sick for herself and for Jason and when she saw the pain that crossed her friend's face before he concealed it, she felt mad as hell.

Jason continued to blink, but every time he opened his eyes she was still there. Sam was really there just a few feet from him. A cautionary glance Carly's way told him his eyes weren't betraying him, but he couldn't say as much for the rest of his body. He wanted to go to her and tell her everything he'd dreamed of telling her since he'd lost her, but he was rooted to the spot. His muscles wouldn't give an inch. He felt helplessly frozen within himself as he watched Sam hug her sister and then introduce her to her son. Sam had a son. He knew it had been too much to hope for when Krissy pointed out her baby had blond hair and blue eyes like his daddy. No one had corrected the little girl when she assumed it was Jax. No matter how they ended, Sam would never keep a child from him. Jason was sure of that which meant her dearest wish had finally come true and it had been another man to give it to her ... Jax.

He felt Carly watching him and quickly pulled himself together. He forced his eyes from Sam to take measure of his friend's current state. She'd been through hell, especially in the last few weeks. Her emotional highs and lows had been epic as of late, even by Carly standards, and though he wasn't sure just how the scene was about to go down the one thing he knew was that Carly was in no shape to confront them right now. He knew there was no way he would get Carly to walk away, but he needed to take control of the situation.

He felt Carly slip her hand in his and he gave it an encouraging squeeze as they approached the happy couple.

Sam's anxiety tripled the second the elevator doors closed. She'd known the reunion was unavoidable, but had hoped to put it off at least until after she'd checked on her mom and maybe had the chance to arrange the encounter on her own terms. No such luck. She sighed deep, feeling Jax' comforting hand on her back. They looked at one another for a moment, each gleaning strength from the other then turned to face their past head on.

Jason was much closer than she'd anticipated. He spoke first which surprised everyone. "It's good to see you. I'm sure you came back to see Alexis. How is she? Any change?"

Sam stared at him, recalling the laughter that had been on his lips moments ago and felt some of that anger return. A part of her would later be ashamed to admit she was glad she'd wiped that smile off his face and that she let her anger get the better of her. "Please. Don't add insult to injury acting as if you care now. You never cared about my mother."

"Hey!" Carly interjected as she pulled her hand from Jason's and waved it in front of Sam.

"Carly." Jason interrupted sharply then shook his head no when she paused to look at him.

Jax took that opportunity to cut in. Carly was in attack mode and Sam wasn't ready to deal with that right now. He needed to back them off until they had time to regroup and come at things in a more controlled setting. There were very few things he could say that might work, so he used what he knew would be most effective. "I would appreciate it if you would refrain from upsetting my wife any further. She's been hurt enough!"

Jax wrapped his arm around Sam's shoulders as she placed an arm around his waist. She leaned into his side, feeling like she might fall over any minute if she didn't. Her heart was nearly pounding out of her chest. She felt weak. Where had all her strength gone?

It took everything in her to meet Jason's piercing gaze. He was silent, never said a word. He just stared into her eyes and despite his best effort not to show it and her best effort not to see it, there was no denying the hurt that flickered in those blue depths.

Jason's phone broke the silence before Carly could. He pulled it from his pocket and checked the caller ID before giving Sam one last look then stepped away to take the call. Business. Sam shouldn't be surprised. He hadn't seen her in months and two minutes into the conversation she still wasn't a priority.

"You married her, fathered a child with her and you have the nerve to talk about hurting people?" Carly accused.

Jax scoffed at her accusation. "As I recall, you married Sonny first. I had every right to move on with my life and so did Sam."

Carly narrowed her eyes, refusing to give them the satisfaction of the tears forming there. Her voice was almost a whisper. "You know why I married Sonny."

"Ah, right!" Jax summed mockingly. "Marriage of convenience. So I take it that means you've gotten that divorce now that he's escaped yet another attempted murder conviction?"

Carly shook her head with a small huff. "Say what you will about Sonny, Jax, but he was the one who was there for me after you left me and after Michael ..."

Carly swallowed back her pain as her voice cracked. It was still so hard to even think his name let alone say it.

Sam was confused and alarmed by the emotion that overcame Carly at the mention of her son. Her anger gave way to immediate concern. Had something happened to Michael?

"Carly, I'm sorry. What happened to..."

Sam never got to ask what happened to Michael. "Save it Sam!" Carly's rage was redirected by the sound of her voice. "Where the hell was your concern when Jason needed you most? Oh, that's right. Off living your happily ever after with your new husband while Jason was left to pick up the pieces. Thank God we had each other and Sonny." She added for Jax' benefit, hoping it might hurt him like she was hurting now.

Sam exhaled sharply in part exhaustion and part contempt. Why was she surprised nothing had changed? "It always was the three of you. There was never really any room for anyone else. Anyone who ever thought otherwise was only fooling themselves. I'm sure Jason had plenty of women; you, Elizabeth, Emily ... all coddling to his wounded hero routine. He didn't need me. He made that perfectly clear before I left."

Carly shook her head. "You heartless bitch!"

"Carly!" Jax warned which Carly swiftly ignored. "How dare you bring up Emily?" Carly knew Jax had half the staff working as his informants and she knew he knew about Michael which meant they had to know about Emily too.

Once again Sam was slightly confused. "What?" Sam shrugged with a puzzled look. "Emily is devoted to Jason. He can do no wrong."

"Was devoted. Emily was devoted to her brother." Carly responded heatedly.

"What?" Had Jason and Emily had some kind of falling out?

She looked up at Jax to see if he was as confused as she, but all she saw was guilt and sadness. Had he kept something from her?

Carly couldn't see past her blinding anger to break it to her nicely. Besides, as Sam put it to Jason moments ago, it wasn't like she gave a damn about Emily or any of them either if she could hurt Jason that way. "She was murdered by the text message killer like your mother would have been had Jason not cared enough to save her! And you better believe Sonny and I were there for him. It's called unconditional love, standing by someone when they need you even when they're wrong, not running off in the night like some coward." Carly huffed, disgusted by her own poor judgment. "There were a lot of things I pegged you for Sam; a liar, thief, gold-digging tramp, but never a coward. Guess my opinion of you, such as it was, was still too high. To think I actually talked Jason into taking you back!" Carly shook her head. "You can make damn sure I'll never make that mistake again! Stay the hell away from Jason. He's been through hell this past year. He doesn't need a reminder shoved in his face of yet another thing he's lost, even if you have just proven you were never good enough for him anyway."

Carly stormed off to the front desk leaving a stunned Sam to be consoled by Jax. He rubbed her arms for comfort. "Are you sure you still want to stay here? I can have my agent find a rental for us. I'm sure there's something available close by."

Sam shook her head. "No. My sisters are here. We're only a block away from the hospital. We knew what we were getting ourselves into and, while Carly didn't fail to disappoint, I won't allow her to run me off."

Jax sighed deep with a nod, acknowledging her decision.

"Is it true, Jax? Is Emily really gone? Murdered by the same person that attacked my mother?" Sam couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe someone she'd once loved as a friend, Jason's sister, was gone.

Jax nodded sadly. "I'm sorry. I don't have the latest information on the case, but Emily was killed at Wyndemere on Halloween night during a black and white ball hosted by Nikolas. The last I heard, one of Sonny's enemies was the prime suspect. Police even suspected Nikolas briefly before ruling him out. This was the first I've heard of a text message killer. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but your pregnancy was so high risk. I knew her death would upset you and I was afraid to take the risk during and then after he was born you ..."

Sam shook her head silencing him. "I understand. You had Daniel's best interests at heart and I would expect nothing less." She reassured him. "But now that we're both okay I need you to tell me everything."

She paused, studying his features and could see there was more he'd been keeping from her. "What happened to Michael?"

Jax glanced subconsciously at Carly who busied herself as soon as he looked her way before his focus returned to Sam. "I promise to tell you everything, but not here. Not right now, okay?"

Sam wanted to know. She didn't like the feeling of being left in the dark. It reminded her of how she'd felt when Jason had been keeping his secret from her. She knew it was nothing like that with Jax. He'd had a very good reason for keeping quiet, but the idea of being blindsided again as she had that day in the hospital and just now left her unsettled. She noted the heavy sadness overshadowing him and knew whatever happened was bad. He also didn't seem to want to talk about it in front of Carly. "Okay, we can talk later tonight."

Jax nodded as his phone went off. Sam rolled her eyes and forced a smile. "Take it." She told him. If she didn't, he was sure to end up entangled in a call three times as long later on.

Jax answered and quickly apologized to Sam. It was urgent and he needed to retrieve some figures he'd left in his briefcase up in the suite. Sam assured him it was fine and she was fine. She told him she'd meet him at the hospital. After hearing about Emily, she was even more anxious to see her mother.

Instead of leaving as she'd intended, Sam found herself watching Jason on the phone. An actual smile crept over his lips as she overheard him tell the person on the other end... "I love you too, baby."

It wasn't business he'd passed her up for, which was bad enough, it was another woman and that felt ... worse somehow. Was he happy and in love with someone else? Ugh. Why was she doing this to herself? She needed to get out of there.

Carly witnessed Jax and Sam holding and touching one another and it was more than she could take, yet she couldn't bring herself to walk away. When she spotted Sam watching Jason on the phone she saw it as a chance to hurt the woman who had hurt them and she took it against her own better judgment, which was still a new forming concept for her. Carly stepped over to Sam and leaned in slightly to her ear. "You see it too, don't you, Sam? That is the look of a man totally in love. He let her get away once, but now that he's got her back he's determined to do whatever it takes to never lose her again."

Sam turned to Carly, secretly wondering if it was Elizabeth on the other end of the line.

"If he's happy, I'm happy for him." Sam told the woman, unwilling to reveal how it really made her feel.

She was happy for him. Right? She knew she should be. It's what she'd asked of Lila for him before she'd left him after all, wasn't it? For him to find a little happiness in his life? It was only fair considering the happiness she'd been given. So why was it that the sentiment didn't feel particularly genuine at the moment? If she were honest, maybe it was because a part of her still wanted to be the one to make him that happy.

"Oh, she makes him happier than I've seen him in a very long time." Carly taunted.

Her words were constructed to sting like the slice of a razor and she knew she should stop. A tiny part of her even wanted to stop, but she didn't. "You didn't think you were the only one allowed to move on did you? Things have changed around here. Jason has moved on too and he wants to give her the world. He's even taking her to Hawaii for a month long vacation, just the two of them, no interruptions. He wants to make it a special place for both of them."

Sam took a breath and steeled herself against Carly's verbal blows. She turned to look her straight in the eye and smiled innocently. "If she makes him half as happy as Jax has me, I guess everything worked out just right."

Mission accomplished. Sam watched the smug smile on Carly's face morph into a wicked scowl.

"Enjoy the rest of your evening Carly. I have something of actual importance to tend to." She walked away with absolutely no interest in anything else the blond had to say.

Jason was ending his call when he looked back over to check on Carly. He saw Sam storming toward the door and Carly looking like she wanted to chase after her and snatch her hair out. She was already headed in Sam's direction when Jason stepped in front of her, cutting off her advance as Sam slipped out the front doors.

"Are you alright?" It was a dumb question, he knew, but he wasn't so good with emotional stuff.

Carly pursed her lips together and clenched her teeth refusing to cry. "He didn't deny it was his baby. She says they're happy. She thinks everything worked out right."

Jason took a deep breath. He wanted to be happy for her, and he was, but it hurt too, so much more than he ever imagined it could. Sam had moved on and was happy, without him.

"I'm sorry Carly." Jason put his hand on her shoulder to console her.

She smiled, guiltily, still fighting tears. "You may not feel so bad for me once I tell you how much of a bitch I was to Sam just now." She confessed causing Jason to sigh. "I was hurt and I lashed out like a child. I wanted to hurt her, blame them both and hate them, but the truth is none of this would have happened if I hadn't fallen for Sonny's lie. I can't believe I'm going to be living with him again. Are you sure you can't just assign more guards on us at my place?"

Jason sighed. The last thing he'd wanted to do was leave Carly alone with Sam and Jax. Given the state she was in these days and the bomb they'd just dropped on him and Carly, there was no question she would let loose in a most brutal fashion. He hadn't wanted to walk away from Sam either, for fear she would disappear on him again, but one glance at his caller ID and there was no way he could ignore the call. It was the first time they'd been apart since reuniting and he'd only felt that level of separation anxiety with one other person before and, obviously, Sam was fine, better than fine by the sound of things. 

She was a newlywed and a mother and apparently wanted no part of Jason or his life anymore. Feeling partly responsible for not helping his friend face the confrontation, he decided to give Carly a pass on the lecture today. He also felt bad about insisting she move in with Sonny while he was out of town. "Sounds like it isn't me you owe the apology to." Jason said simply and Carly sighed and nodded with a reluctant sort of almost disgust on her face knowing he was right. "And I am sure. It isn't safe for you there while I'm away. You and Morgan are safer at Sonny's until your new place is ready upstairs. Maybe I should just cancel my trip and stay here. I need to talk to Sam anyway."

"No! Jason, you can't. You've been planning this trip since you two found each other again. Hawaii is practically all she's talked about the last two weeks. You promised her. You can't start this relationship off right if you go breaking the first promises you ever make to her."

Jason nodded. He needed to focus on the most important person in his life now. After everything she'd been through recently, after everything they'd both been through and maybe even because of it, their bond had grown faster and closer than it had ever been. They spent almost every waking moment together, just the two of them, except for the times Carly and Monica visited. "True, but what about Sam? I need to talk to her about this. She has a right to know and she deserves to hear it from me."

"Jason I know what you both wanted, but considering Sam has moved on maybe you should..."

"No. I'm done lying and making decisions for others. I'm going to tell her and how she chooses to react will be up to her."

Carly fretted, chewing her cheek. "Fine, but are you really ready for that conversation? I say go as planned. Even if you cut the trip short at least give yourself a few days to get your head right. It isn't just you anymore. You have to think about what's best for her too now. Sam returning could change everything, or it could change nothing at all and you need to be sure you're both prepared for either outcome."

"What if she disappears before I get back?" Jason was torn.

He really did need to think things through now. He never thought she would have a new family once he found her.

Carly shrugged. "I'm sure Spinelli could track her down pretty easy now that she's the wife of an international corporate mogul."

Jason swallowed thickly with a nod and Carly sighed, both too drained to do little else.

He weighed his options. He'd promised her Hawaii and that's what he was going to give her. Carly was right. If their world was about to take a turn for the worst, they needed a few days to prepare. "Just do me a favor. Keep me updated on Alexis and let me know if it looks like Sam is getting ready to run again."

"If you're sure..."

"I'm sure."

Carly nodded. "Okay. Okay, I'll keep an eye out. Just don't let this ruin your time with her there."

Jason shook his head. "This trip is the first thing she's been truly happy about in months and I intend to make every moment count."

Carly smiled and nodded appreciatively. They'd both learned the hard way how important it was to never take the time you're given for granted.

She hugged him. "I guess this is goodbye then. Call me and let me know you arrived okay."

He hugged her back as he nodded. "I have one last errand then I'm meeting her at Kelly's. We're having dinner with Monica before heading to the airport."

"Have a safe flight. I'll talk to you guys soon." Carly replied.

Jason nodded as he let her go. He turned one last time at the door to see her wave goodbye, brave smile planted firmly in place. He gave her a half smile with a slight wave and was on his way.


	6. Chapter 6

**6.**

Jason knelt on bended knee to place the flowers at her grave then brushed the freshly fallen snow from her headstone with great care.

"I saw your mom today. She's as beautiful as ever, even more beautiful than I remembered. She seemed happy, until she talked to me. I wish she still smiled at me the way she smiled at him, with that happiness shining in her eyes." 

He pulled his gaze from far away to look back down at her name, and ran his fingers over it.

"I never got to see your eyes, but I've always pictured them just like hers, heartwarming amber that can melt your soul and make you want to move heaven and earth just to see them light up." They were alight today, he reflected. She'd finally got her family, the one she always wanted.

He took a deep breath as his head hung low.

"I saw your baby brother today and he's beautiful. Boys aren't supposed to be beautiful, but he is, any child of Sam's would be. I couldn't get too close, but I could see he had your mom's smile that lights up his eyes. His eyes..."

He swallowed the painful dose of reality down in attempt to find his voice again.

"His eyes he must get from his dad. The shape is all your mom, but the blue ... The blue is like Jax." 

Another lump formed as those words spilled from his lips, requiring a concerted effort to swallow.

"Sorry. I don't want you to think I'm not happy for your mom, Lila, because I am. I'm so thankful that bullet didn't steal her chance to be the amazing mother I always knew she'd be. I just wish..."

His head looked out across the frozen landscape blanketed in innocence, searching, yearning for something he now knew would never be. 

He shook his head.

"Doesn't matter what I wish. She's moved on. She's happy and that's all I ever wanted for her. I guess I'm just a little sad today. I've been thinking a lot about your aunt Emily. It was my birthday yesterday, and she used to surprise me every year with key lime pie."

He smiled faintly at the recollection of better days.

"It was grandmother's recipe and she knew I loved it, even though I never admitted it. So, she'd sweet-talk the guards into letting her inside my penthouse while I was out. I'd come home and open the fridge to grab a beer and find it sitting on the shelf with a candle in it, every year."

He huffed at his own remembered foolishness.

"I always grumbled about it, but I love that she did that for me. Last night, after I finally left the hospital, I came home and went to grab that beer. I missed it this year; I miss her. You never got a chance to meet her when you were here with us, but she would have spoiled you rotten with love and affection and every other little thing you could ever want."

He brushed a frozen tear from his cheek.

"I'm glad she's with you now. I know she'll give you, give you all that love your mom and I dreamed of giving you when you were still safe inside her. You have a lot of people up there to love you now; aunt Emily, uncle Danny, your great grandmother - she's your namesake you know, grandpa Alan, your big brother Michael and..." 

Jason's voice cracked as he rubbed his fingers over his mouth and held his fist over it, denying the cry that begged releasing. He couldn't bring himself to say the last name aloud.

"But I hope you know you still have lots of people down here that love you too. I know you're in good hands though, until the day that I can hold you again. I hope I get that chance, Lila, but I may be destined for another place. If so, just know not a day will go by in this life or the next that I won't think of you, and love you, and want the best for you and your mother."

He took another deep breath welcoming the freezing cold into his lungs in hopes it would freeze his burning heart as well.

"I hope you'll do me one favor. I don't really have a right to ask after the way I hurt your mom, but it would mean a lot to me if you would watch out for her and her little boy. I want them to have a long and happy, healthy lifetime to spend together loving each other the way I know you and your mom would have, had you lived."

He pressed his warm palm to her name and allowed the warmth of his love to seep into her stone.

"I love you, Lila McCall Morgan, and in my heart you'll always be my baby girl."

xxxxx

Sam sat at her mother's bedside for an hour, ignoring ICU visitation time limits and daring anyone to ask her to leave. She spent it longing to hold her hand or give even the simplest of touches so her mom would feel she wasn't alone. To do so, however, might risk further tissue damage. She fought to keep the tears at bay, to stay strong, as she watched her mom's chest rise and fall with mechanical precision. She was so still and pale and cold that if the ventilator and monitors weren't in constant motion Sam would question if her mother were even alive.

It was bad. 

The nurse told her Alexis had been unconscious since she'd been admitted. There were I.V.'s in each arm for medications and they'd had to cut a hole in her neck for the breathing tube rather than insert anything down her swollen esophagus. Her heart was beating steady, but slower than it should and she was fashioned with some type of warm water jacket over her torso. 

The nurse said it was to help get her body temperature back up. Her extremities were elevated and her ears, fingers and toes were treated with something Sam thought might be aloe vera. The breathing tube was supposedly only temporary until her damaged throat had a chance to heal, but they wouldn't know for sure if Alexis could breathe on her own again until she did it.

"I'm here mom, and I love you. Krissy and Molly send you their love too." Sam repeated for the countless time as she formed a fist to halt her hand's automatic impulse to clasp her mother's hand in her own.

Aside from reassuring Alexis the girls were okay and that her friends and family were all there now to help her pull through, Sam was at a loss for what to say. So she'd just been saying the same things over and over, hoping the message might permeate the darkness holding her mother prisoner.

"Sam, I'm so glad you're here." A soft voice spoke and Sam turned to find Robin just inside her mother's room with a chart in her hand.

Sam nodded solemnly. "Thank you for convincing Nikolas to call Jax."

A sympathetic smile formed, highlighting Robin's compassion. "I really think it could make all the difference."

Sam nodded again and pointed toward the door, not wanting to ask the questions she had for her where her mother might hear. Sam stood and hesitated a moment before leaving her mother's side. Robin stepped into the hallway with Sam, both acknowledging the armed officer posted outside her door as they walked by him. "How bad is it? What happened?"

Nikolas had been suspiciously uninformative and now that she knew he'd lost Emily and the same person that had killed her had probably attacked Alexis, she knew why he'd been reluctant to share details over the phone. She'd asked him to meet her at the hospital when she called for Viola's number, but he'd stated he had a pressing matter to take care of and would call later once he was free.

"Right now, Alexis is listed in stable, but critical condition. As you must have noticed by the severe bruising, her airway was compromised when she was attacked. She's also suffering effects of hypothermia. If Jason hadn't found her and pulled her from the freezing water when he did..." Robin pursed her lips with her eyes cast down and shook her head as if willing the dark thought away. "She wasn't breathing and had no pulse by the time he found her. He called 911 and administered CPR until paramedics arrived."

Sam's eyes were stinging again, her heart heavy with erratic thudding. It was hard to breathe in, all the air in her lungs insistent on whooshing out. Carly told her Jason was the one to save Alexis, but hearing it from Robin made it believable. She owed him. It didn't change things between them, but he'd saved her mother's life and for that she owed her thanks. "When will she wake up?"

Robin sighed, hugging her chart to her chest as she spoke, "It's hard to say. She's been unconscious since Jason found her. She must have passed out during the attack before reaching the water since there was very little fluid in her lungs. Fortunately, there was no major damage to her neck other than the bruising and cuts we've treated which should heal without scarring. We're monitoring her vitals and fluids and electrolytes as well. We're also giving her anti-inflamatories to help reduce swelling of the area and also for frostbite. You may see blisters form on her toes and possibly fingers over the next few days that are hard and blackened, but it looks much worse than it is. We gave her a tetanus shot and are watching the condition closely. We may need to administer antibiotics if a deep infection presents that doesn't respond to local wound care. We're turning her every two hours and keeping the affected areas elevated and cushioned to help prevent further tissue damage. It's important not to rub or grasp her skin right now for that reason as well. I've prescribed something for pain as the frozen body parts reawaken. She's scheduled for a bone scan and MRI with angiography as soon as her vitals are a little stronger and we'll have a better idea then of the extent and depth of frozen tissue. For now, we're treating her ears, fingers and toes which sustained 2nd degree frostbite with aloe vera. Most injuries of this kind heal in a month, but we'll have to wait and see if there's any permanent insensitivity to heat and cold. Her persistent state of unconsciousness is most likely a direct result of the hypothermia she sustained from exposure."

Robin paused for a moment to consider her next words as well as to allow Sam to process what she'd just been told. "The body's normal temperature is 98.6°F/ 37°C. Alexis presented with a core temp of 89°F/31°C. We immediately began a rewarming protocol to treat moderate hypothermia, but were unable to push meds until her core temp was above 90°F/32°C. I don't mean to scare you by telling you this, Sam, but I want you to understand. Alexis has already come a long way from the fragile state she was in when first admitted less than 24 hours ago. We're doing everything in our power to see that she makes a full recovery, but there is only so much medicine can do. Patrick has run as many tests as possible until she's further stabilized, to determine any other possible cause for the coma and has found none. Her body may just need time to recover from the trauma. There's no other reason our tests have shown for it which is why I wanted her family and friends here, surrounding her with good energy. It can only help."

"Is she ... was there ... brain damage?" Sam held her breath in silent prayer as tears welled again.

Robin shook her head. "Her initial tests show no sign of damage, but we won't know the extent of her cognitive abilities until she regains consciousness."

Sam just wanted answers, but it didn't seem like they had any, at least not any she wanted. "So you're saying you don't know when, or if, she'll be able to breathe on her own again. You don't know when, or if, she'll wake up and if she does you have no idea how much damage her brain may have sustained?"

Robin's heart went out to her. "I'm sorry Sam. I wish we had better answers for you, but in cases like these there isn't anything more we can do than watch for progress and continue to do our best to strike preemptively against further setback."

Sam exhaled harshly and rubbed her hands over her face. She was exhausted, physically after the long flight with a newborn and now emotionally. 

"Hey." She felt his hand at her back as he wrapped his arm around her. She turned into him, into the comfort of his strength, as he hugged her.

"Robin." Jax nodded as he held Sam.

"Hi Jax." The young doctor greeted. "It's good to see you. I wish it were under better circumstances."

There was something different that caught her eye as his hands rested on Sam's back. "Is that, is that a wedding ring?"

Sam tensed and shut her eyes. Everyone was bound to find out eventually, but she was too tired to talk about it now. Thankfully, Robin let it go without fishing for details.

Jax smiled and squeezed Sam's arms in reassurance as he felt her tense in his embrace. "Yes. Robin, allow me introduce you to the missus."

Sam turned and smiled sheepishly as she held up her left hand to display the simple gold band there on her fourth finger. Robin paled. Surprised wasn't the word. Flabbergasted was more appropriate. "I, Iuh, uhSam, and Jax ... I, um ..." she shook her head backward, eyes closed before she recovered. "Congratulations."

"Thank you." Sam replied, praying she would remain stunned long enough to avoid further questioning.

"Thanks Robin." Jax chimed in.

Robin nodded. "Married." She announced still rather dumbfounded. "Wow."

"Robin, what can you tell us about this text message killer? I've heard rumors they're responsible for Emily's death as well as my mother's attack." Sam hoped that would effectively put an end to their current topic of conversation. She also needed more information. Robin was the police commissioner's niece as well as friends with half the town, so she probably knew more than most.

"Emily wasn't his first victim. It started last September when Leticia was strangled to death with a phone cord. The boys weren't with her. Sonny and Jason believe Carly was the intended target."

"Oh my god." Sam shook her head.

"At first everyone believed it was one of Sonny's enemies, but now they aren't so sure. Emily was strangled with a garrote the night of the black and white ball in October. At the time, the police couldn't tie the two murders together and actually suspected Nikolas for a while."

"How could anyone ever believe he'd hurt Emily?" Sam wanted to know.

"I really can't get into that part without violating confidentiality laws. You'll have to ask Nikolas." Robin deferred.

Sam's brows furrowed. That didn't sound good.

"The next victim was Maxie." Robin admitted painfully.

"No. No no no, Robin. I just talked to Maxie!" Sam protested vehemently, her heart racing.

Robin nodded. "He tried, but failed. Georgie scared him off."

Sam breathed in deep relief. "Thank God."

Robin's eyes teared up. "Unfortunately, nobody was there to scare him off five days later. Spinelli found Georgie lying in the park with a cord around her neck, but it was too late."

"Robin, I'm so sorry." Jax offered. He had no idea about Georgie. Alexis must have known, but hadn't told him. Probably to keep him from worrying about her living in a town with a serial killer, and also to avoid putting him in the position of keeping anything else from Sam. She knew how bad he already felt about keeping Emily and Michael's deaths from her, as well as Jason's incarceration.

"I'm so sorry about Georgie, Robin. I knew there was something more going on with Maxie than she would say, but I had no idea ..." Sam wished she would have known sooner, so she could have been there for her friend.

"How does the text message tie into it?" Jax wondered.

"All of the victims with the exception of the first, Leticia, received the same text message just before they were attacked. It said, 'I'm coming for you.' That's part of the reason it took police so long to tie the first two attacks together. They were both strangled, but by different means, and Leticia never received that text."

Sam felt a shiver up her spine as did Jax imagining how terrified the women must have been. Alexis was one of those women, Emily and Carly if she really had been the intended target. Jax couldn't help his concern for her.

Sam turned back to Jax. "Would you stay with Alexis for me? I need to check on Maxie."

Jax shook his head. "Sam, did you not hear what Robin just told us? There is a serial killer loose in Port Charles, targeting women. There's no way I want you going anywhere by yourself."

"Jax, I'll be fine. I can handle myself." Sam argued.

"Yes, you can, but you're out of practice and you're still recovering. It isn't safe and it isn't smart, Sam. Think of Daniel." He implored.

Sam sighed and spoke in a quiet, but firm voice. She knew he was right, but... "I need to see her, Jax. She's one of the few friends I still have in this town and she just lost her sister. I need to see her."

"I'll go with you." Robin suggested. "My shift ended an hour ago, but I got tied up with a patient. Sam, why don't I take you to see Maxie. That way neither of us will be out there alone."

Jax smiled, liking her idea better than Sam's and also having recognized that tone she'd used with him. There was no way she wasn't going to go. He would have gone with her, of course, but this way he would also get to spend time with Alexis. Sam reluctantly nodded knowing it was the safer choice. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. I'll just sign out, change and we can give Maxie a call on the way." Robin assured her.

"Thanks." Sam told her as Jax squeezed her upper arm for comfort.

xxxxx

"It makes me nervous that she isn't answering her phone, but according to Lulu she should be here. If not, we can call Mac and have him contact the officer assigned to her. I can't believe she went out in this weather on foot." Robin mothered with a reproving shake of her head. "She's going to catch pneumonia. She refuses to wear sensible winter attire and don't get me started on her choice of footwear." She added as she pulled into the empty parking lot.

"That's Maxie." Sam smiled thinking of her friend, the fashion diva, whom she'd missed so dearly the last several months. Their relationship had grown closer through near daily texts and phone calls since she'd been away. 

"I'm just glad she's under police protection until they catch this guy." Sam admitted and prayed the PCPD was competent enough to do their job right this time.

They stepped out of the nice warm car, frigid air encircling them, as they walked down the shoveled walk and through the gates. "It's this way." Robin pointed and Sam followed.

"I guess we missed her." Robin sighed softly, pursing her lips as her vision blurred to the stone before her.

Sam looked around. "It's a beautiful spot."

Robin nodded and wiped a tear away. "Mac chose it. It's not far from BJ. Maxie must have left the flowers. They were Georgie's favorite."

Sam nodded sadly, not knowing what to say and also knowing from experience sometimes the only thing that mattered was to know you weren't alone. She placed her hand on the back of Robin's shoulder and felt Robin tense and then relax under the weight of it. "It's been over a month and this is the first time I've been here since her funeral. Lulu said Maxie visits every day. God, I'm a terrible cousin. I haven't been there for either of them."

"You're hurting too. You lost someone very dear to you and you're just trying to get through it the best you can. Maxie knows you love her and I'm sure Georgie did too. Maxie never has anything but the best to say about you." Sam reassured.

Robin smiled in thanks as she wiped at her eyes. "I've been so worried about Mac and Maxie. Mac has been working non-stop, focused on finding the person responsible. And Maxie; Maxie won't talk about it, about anything. She's been spending a lot of time with Spinelli. I think maybe they're helping each other through it."

"I can't imagine what Spin is feeling right now." Maxie had told Sam all about how he and Georgie finally admitted their love for one another and were engaged to be married. "I should stop by the penthouse to see him."

"Oh." Robin looked at her surprised. "Spinelli doesn't live with Jason anymore. He and Georgie got a place of their own shortly after they started dating. Spinelli couldn't very well work for Jason and live with Georgie at Mac's and there was no way Mac was comfortable with Georgie moving in with Spinelli at Jason's, so they rented a loft together near campus."

Maxie hadn't mentioned that part, probably because it had to do with Jason. One of the very few rules they'd established right from the start, they were both horrible about breaking them so it was better not to have many, was that Maxie would never tell Jason anything about her or tell her anything about Jason. It was easier to move on that way. Sam often wondered if Jason had ever taken the advice in her letter, but couldn't really ask the girl without giving it away. Besides, rule or no rule, Maxie would never have been able to keep her mouth shut if Jason had claimed Elizabeth's child. That gossip would just be too juicy for her not to share. The fact Maxie never said a word about it proved to her that he must not have.

"Oh, well maybe I could get the address from you and visit him later. I don't have much time before I need to get back." Sam didn't mention Daniel. Again, it was a conversation requiring more energy than she had at the moment. Frankly, she was surprised Robin hadn't asked for any more details about the wedding or asked who Jax had meant when he'd mentioned Daniel in the hospital. Although, truth be told, Robin was probably too worried about her own family to wonder about her's. Her family, part of her family lie in that very cemetery and Sam felt compelled to visit them again. So much had happened since she'd said goodbye to them. She couldn't come and not see them again.

"Sure. I guess we should probably get going before we catch cold." Robin suggested.

Sam hesitated, then spoke. "Robin, I... I'm sorry, but do you think we could stay for just a few more minutes? I'd like to visit my brother, and my daughter."

Robin pursed her lips in understanding. "Of course."

They walked together across the snow to where they were buried. Robin halted and Sam turned to see why she'd stopped. "I'll just hang back here to give you a moment alone."

Sam nodded in thanks and continued on, still in Robin's line of sight. She noticed she wasn't the only one to visit that day. There were boot prints in the fresh snow. She stopped at her brother's grave first. The headstone had been cleared and there were wildflowers in his granite vase. Mike must have been there. She paid her respects then moved on to her daughter's grave. Her marker was clear of the snow too and a bunch of Stargazer lilies were resting against it with a pink bow tying them together. She stood there for several moments just missing her, remembering her, and loving her ... still, always. Sam wasn't sure how long she stood there, but she didn't want to keep Robin any longer. She was about to turn and walk away when she noticed the boot prints trailed off to the grave behind her daughter's and stopped. Curious, she followed them.

Her heart broke reading the name etched in the chocolate stone, and her eyes flooded with tears. 

Michael Morgan Corinthos III  
December 29th, 1997 - December 31st, 2007  
Beloved brother, son, nephew and grandson

No, not Michael. Not Michael too. Sam knelt down on her knees, wiping at tears that wouldn't stop. That sweet mischievous boy she loved so much, that Jason loved like a son, was gone. He died and he'd been buried next to his baby sister, their headstones resting back to back.

"Sam, are you okay?" Robin watched as she'd fallen and rushed to check on her. She sank down beside her, feeling her own heart break for the little boy she'd once help raise for a time.

"How, how did this happen Robin? What happened?" Sam cried. She would never understand how innocent children could be taken away so cruelly.

Robin swallowed thickly, trying to maintain enough to explain. "He was shot. Carly left Sonny a few months ago. I don't know all the details, but she took the boys with her and moved the three of them into their own home. It's where Leticia was murdered. Michael overheard Sonny and Carly arguing afterward. Sonny wanted Carly to move back in with him. He was worried she was the actual target and that Carly and the boys weren't safe there. Carly refused. Michael was terrified for his mom, so Jason moved in temporarily as a precaution and added more guards. Jason did his best to reassure Michael he would keep Carly safe, but something ... urgent came up and Jason had to leave town unexpectedly. Michael decided it was on him to keep his mom safe while Jason was away. Somehow he got a hold of a gun and, while Carly was hosting a charity event at the hotel on New Year's Eve, Michael sneaked out on Mercedes. She's Leticia's cousin and the boy's new babysitter. Mercedes called Carly as soon as she found him missing, but by the time they found him it was too late. Mac said it looked as if he'd been target practicing and had accidentally shot himself. They rushed him to the hospital and Patrick did everything he could, but the head trauma and loss of blood was too extensive. He didn't, he didn't make it."

Robin wiped her eyes and Sam could only shake her head, not wanting to believe, as she looked at her. She put her face in her hands and continued to cry. That poor boy. That poor poor boy. Her heart went out to Carly too. No mother should ever have to outlive their child. And Jason. God, Jason. Within a couple of months, he'd lost two of the people he loved most in the world. She found herself wanting to go to him, but at the same time she was scared to open up old wounds. He'd been smiling. Maybe he was happy now and what if seeing her and talking about things only made it worse, for both of them?

"I have a feeling where Maxie might be." Robin spoke after several moments of silence.

Sam dried her red eyes. "Where?"

"Kelly's. She and Spinelli hang out there a lot. I think it helps them feel closer to Georgie." Robin told her.

"Let's go." Sam said as they stood again. "I'd like to thank Mike for leaving the flowers too while we're there and I'll see if I can't talk Maxie and Spin into coming back to the hotel with me."

xxxxx

Jason walked into Kelly's looking for his mom and favorite girl. He'd spotted her car parked out front and knew they must be there already, but a cursory glance of the small diner left him wanting. He didn't see either of them. He noticed Mike at the register and nodded a hello. Mike smiled as he approached. "Looking for your girl?"

Jason nodded with a smile at just the thought of her. "Have you seen them?"

"Bathroom." Mike told him while running a card through the machine and Jason nodded as he took a seat at the counter to catch up with Mike while he waited. They hadn't touched base since a few days after Michael's funeral and Jason wanted to see how he was doing.

"Seriously, Sam? A double bacon cheeseburger, extra fries and large chocolate shake?" Robin chuckled as they entered the diner. "I don't know where you plan on putting it."

"I was born with a hollow leg." Sam smiled and then felt it freeze on her face as she looked from Robin to see Jason sitting at the counter, staring right at her.

She swallowed. She hadn't expected to see him again so soon, in the same day, but that was a small town for you. She was filled with an awkward energy, wanting to thank him and also give her condolences, but not wanting to upset him. Robin noticed the change in Sam and followed her gaze toward Jason. Well, this wasn't awkward at all. She put on a smile and pressed forward, hoping to help the exchange go easier for them both. "Hi Jason. Hi there Mike. You haven't seen Maxie or Spinelli around today have you?"

"Hi Robin. Sorry, no." Mike answered, but not taking his eyes off Sam.

Jason nodded. "Robin. Sam." He acknowledged, not sure what else to say. Sam had been furious with him earlier and after having Carly lay into her, well, he doubted that helped his chances with her any.

He noticed her eyes were bloodshot and swollen and that only happened when she'd been crying really hard. He wondered if Alexis had taken a turn for the worse, but if that were the case Robin and Sam wouldn't be there smiling now. He wondered what had made her cry and he wondered who had been the one to make it better. Not him, obviously, and he didn't like it. She couldn't really be married to another man, could she? It just felt wrong.

"Hi." Sam replied with something that wasn't quiet a smile, but it wasn't a frown either.

He'd take it.

He relaxed muscles he didn't even know he'd been tensing. She wasn't looking at him with contempt right now and that felt nice. It was far more than he deserved, he knew that much, but he wasn't sure what the other look had been about, almost like she felt bad for him.

Sam turned her attention to the man next to him. "Mike, it's so good to see you again!"

Mike had been delighted and surprised as hell to see Sam walk back into to his diner out of the blue, but he'd noticed the tension between Sam and Jason and hadn't wanted to interrupt their moment. Now that she'd greeted him, he couldn't help making his way around the counter to sweep her up in a hug. "Welcome back Sam. I'm so glad you came home." He released her. "I'm real sorry about your mom."

Sam nodded clenching her jaw to stay the tears. "Thanks Mike."

"You bet. Now, what can I get you? I thought I just heard something about a chocolate shake. Make it your usual?" Mike carried on as naturally as possible in hope of making the moment a little easier.

"Perfect." Sam smiled as he walked back behind the counter and grabbed his order pad. "And what about you, Robin?"

"I'd love two bowls of the vegan chili and some of your jalepeno cornbread to go, please." Robin replied. She'd told Patrick she would pick up dinner since he was still scrubbing out when she left.

Mike jotted down the order and headed to the back to give it to the short cook. Normally he was the only cook, but they'd been busier during dinner the last few months so Bobbie had given the okay to hire an extra hand. He stepped back out front. "Order should be up in a few." He told them.

"Robin, can I talk to you?" Jason said as he stood from the stool.

"Sure." Robin puzzled. "Um, Sam ..."

"It'll just be a minute." Jason promised.

"It's fine. I wanted a moment with Mike anyway." Sam responded and Jason nodded as he walked a few feet away with Robin.

"So, what's up?" Robin wondered.

"Sam was upset about something. Is Alexis alright?" Jason shifted his weight as he waited for her response.

Robin sighed. She wondered if he knew she was married. It was going to crush him and after everything else ... "She's holding her own. That isn't why she was so upset. Well, I mean she was upset to see her mother that way, of course, but it wasn't anything to do with Alexis that had her crying so hard."

He was glad to hear it, but nervous about what else it could have been.

"I want to thank you, young lady." Mike told the pistol standing in front of him.

"Thank me? For what? I wanted to thank you." She told him confused.

Mike chuckled. "For keeping your word and dropping me a post card every once in a while. I really enjoyed getting them and hearing how well you were doing. Gave me something to look forward to each month."

"Oh, well." Sam fidgeted. "You're welcome."

"I gotta confess though, I did show them to Jason when he asked around about you. I had a feeling you wouldn't leave any clues on them that could lead back to you, so I didn't think it would hurt to let him know you were alright. He was really worried." Mike hoped Sam wouldn't be mad with him.

"It's alright. No harm no foul." Sam dismissed easily. She knew there had been the possibility Jason might ask Mike if he'd heard from her and hadn't given her location away because she didn't want to put him in the middle.

"Thank you. So, what did you want to thank me for?" Mike asked.

"I stopped by the cemetery before coming here. I saw the flowers you laid down today and I just wanted to thank you for keeping your word too." Sam told him.

Mike's forehead creased. "I wasn't able to go today Sam. The diner was way too busy. It must have been someone else. Uh, but I did keep my promise. I visit them the 13th of every month."

"Oh, well... thank you just the same then Mike." Sam smiled softly then turned a thoughtful gaze on Jason. He was the only other person that knew about the wildflowers and lilies. Now that she thought about it, those boot prints had seemed awfully familiar.

"Mommy?" Sam heard a little voice question and turned to the soft urgency that caught her attention.

A little girl stood in the hall leading to the restrooms and she was beautiful. She was just a little thing with dark brown hair and big blue eyes that had Sam locked in her sights. Sam found herself lost in her gaze and then the strangest thing happened. The little girl screeched giddily as she bolted toward her and launched herself into Sam. She barely had time to brace herself for the impact and was far too stunned by the little girl's next words to have any of her own. "Mommy! Mommy mommy! I knew daddy would find you. He promised. He promised he'd bring you home to me."

Sam was speechless. The little girl was obviously very confused. She looked around the diner for anyone that might be with her and spotted Monica of all people watching from the spot where the little girl had come from. She was covering her mouth with a giant smile as her eyes shimmered with tears. Did Monica know this little girl?

"Monica, what ..."

Jason heard her voice and was unable to speak as he watched the two of them reunited. He finally found his voice.

"Hope!" He called out. He wasn't angry with the little girl. He couldn't blame her at all for her reaction. He'd just wanted to be able to break the news to Sam before she met her. He wasn't sure what Sam might want anymore.

Sam's head turned to him in a flash, her eyes searching his for confirmation she'd heard right. Hope? Could this be her Hope, her second chance? The emotion in Jason's eyes said it all as he nodded, answering the silent question in hers.

"Hope?" Sam pulled back and knelt down to see her better.

The toddler smiled as bright as sunshine, instantly filling Sam's heart with warmth. "It's me mommy."

"Oh!" Sam released in whispered emotion far greater than she could ever express in that moment. "Oh, my God." Her voice, her entire body, trembled as she pulled the little girl back into her arms and looked back over at Jason as she hugged her to her tightly. 

It was really her. It was really their little girl and somehow Jason had found her and brought her back home where she belonged.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had very nice holidays. I referenced something from Sam's last on air scene with Hope in her reunion with her this chapter. Let's see if anyone catches it. Thank you for reading. Your thoughts are appreciated.

**7.**

It was really her. It was really their little girl and somehow Jason had found her and brought her back home where she belonged.

Sam scooped her up into her arms as she stood with her, unable to let her go. She was a tiny thing, even for her age, and light as a feather. She'd just had a birthday. Hope was three years old now, but the day of her birth and every precious moment they'd ever shared flooded Sam's consciousness as if yesterday. She'd helped deliver her during the snow storm and been the first woman to hold her. Hope was the first baby Sam had ever bathed, fed, changed and rocked to sleep. She hugged her close and breathed her in, exhaling in a thick whisper. "I've missed you sweet-pea."

She buried her face in the crook of Hope's neck and inhaled her sweet little girl scent. Hope still smelled like a hint of the baby lotion she remembered using on her, baby lotion and ... "You smell like jasmine!" Sam grinned at her in wonder.

Hope smelled like her. Her daughter smelled like her. It wasn't sensible to think such things, silly even for such a thing to matter, but it did. In her heart, she'd loved Hope as her daughter and always would and the fact that they shared even the most trivial of likenesses ... It mattered. And if hearts could dance out of sheer happiness, hers was doing a jig.

The corner of his mouth twitched in amusement as Jason walked over to them. "Hope found your bubble bath the first night I brought her home. Now she does her best to talk me into giving her one every night." 

He paused, recalling all the times Sam had tried to talk him into a bubble bath too and wondered if she might be remembering the same. He couldn't tell. The only thing she seemed focused on was the little girl in her arms.

"Jasmine is her favorite." He continued. "But we're almost out and I have no idea where to get more. So it's good you came ho, back." He frowned. She probably no longer thought of Port Charles as home.

Sam pulled her gaze from Hope to him trying to make sense out of what she was hearing. He'd kept her stuff. Why had he kept her stuff? She was sure he would have thrown it all out after the way things ended between them. He hated clutter. They had forever been engaged in a silent war over it. Every morning she would enter their bathroom to find Jason had neatly stored all of her make-up, hair product and lotions on a shelf in the linen closet rather than the counter where she'd conveniently left them the day before.

Hope shook her head, catching her attention again as she tragically confirmed their plight. "Me and daddy can't find it anywhere."

Sam's elation erupted into laughter at the thought of Jason shopping, with this determined little girl, for bubble bath, especially since that particular brand was only sold at select luxury spas. "Well in that case I guess it is good I'm back. We can't have you going without your favorite bubble bath, now can we?"

Hope grinned shaking her head in enthusiastic agreement with preventing such a travesty. 

Jason held a tight fist over the full-fledged smile forming at the sight of them. In that moment, all was right with his world.

"Daddy!" Hope turned, excited by her newest idea. She had a million of them a minute it seemed. "Now mommy can come to Awahii with us!"

Jason was caught off guard with how quickly her mind worked, though he shouldn't have been. He'd learned in his short time with her that she was exceptionally bright and of course she would want Sam with them. He wanted Sam with them too.

"Hope," He began uncertain how to explain such complexities to a three year old, but she'd already turned back to Sam, too thrilled with the idea to sit still.

"Daddy said you love it there. He wants to take me so I love it too. Now we can all go love it together!" Hope shined.

It came to her in that moment that it had been Jason.

Jason was the father who'd rented her home, their special place, so his daughter, their daughter, could feel closer to her mother, closer to her. 

She stilled the emotion that stirred and focused on letting Hope down gently. "I want to be with you on your first trip to Hawaii more than anything, but I can’t leave right now. I'm sorry."

"Why?" She asked, blue eyes deepening with curiosity. It seemed simple enough to her. Mommy was there so mommy could go.

Sam began to speak then paused and pursed her lips, considering the best way to explain as honestly as she could. "My mom is in the hospital and she needs me to stay close until she gets better."

The toddler's brows furrowed and Sam felt her tense in her arms. "Did the failure get her?"

This confused Sam. She looked to Jason for direction.

"No, Hope." His tone was rich and full, resonating firm reassurance. "It isn't the same as your mom."

What did that mean? Hope had gone to live with her great grandmother, Rita Sullivan, who Sam later learned had changed Hope's name and refused to let her biological mom, Bridget, help raise her.

Hope turned to Jason still questioning his words until she looked into his eyes then turned back to Sam with an understanding no child should have.

"I'm sorry your mom is sick." She consoled as her little fingers pat Sam's shoulder.

Sam hugged her close again and nuzzled her cheek, breathing deep before kissing it. "Thank you."

She pulled back to see her again. Dark chocolate strands, almost black, like hers spilled over delicate shoulders from the soft pink and taupe spotted hat she wore. Someone, Jason she imagined, had dressed her in a ribbed pink wool mix dress with puffball skirt and taupe spot design and matching tights. The collar and cuffs were fluted with taupe tipping and the waistband was knitted in taupe with flower and bow decoration. She was adorable and Sam couldn't get enough of her. She just wanted to hold her and look at her and memorize every little thing about her. There were so many questions, but her reaction to Sam's mom being sick prompted the first. "Was your mom sick too?"

Hope nodded. The bright and beaming little girl had turned sullen and Sam hated that she didn't know her or her story well enough to offer the words to make it better.

"I'm sorry." She offered. 

Hope responded by laying her head over Sam's heart.

She studied Jason as Hope rested against her, noting the familiar hue of cerulean sadness in his eyes, and knew something terrible must have happened to Hope's family for her to be with them now. She felt bad for whatever horrible thing happened to give her that wonderful moment, but she couldn't deny the joy she felt as a result of it. Hope was there, in her arms, loving her and calling her mommy and the word had never sounded so sweet.

This was crazy!

xxxxx

Insulting is what it was!

Carly fumed, arms crossed to flailing, as she paced before the gleaming Brazilian Cherry desk of her large corner office. How dare Jax show up now to interfere with progress? As if he had a right? This was her five star luxury hotel. Five stars, achieving that rating in such a short time had surpassed even her expectations. 

Her goal had been one year from the day Jax left her and she’d beaten it with two months to spare. The hotel had garnered great buzz among the rich and famous both domestically as well as abroad and her working plans would channel that momentum into a lasting impression. Once renovations were complete and with a little more time for her hotel’s reputation to grow she was sure to receive the little 's' next to those five stars indicating Superior. That was the highest ranking in the country. That would be the best. She would settle for nothing less and she didn't want or need Jasper Jacks' help to do it.

At first, it had been about keeping her connection to Jax alive. The hotel failing meant her final connection between them dying as well. She'd already lost him, but losing the hotel felt as if she would be losing any future hope of him too and she couldn't accept that, wouldn’t accept it. So she'd done everything in her power to prevent it from happening.

It was also a convenient escape.

She would always care for Sonny, despite herself and better judgment, it seemed. He was the father of her children and the reason for so many good things in her life, but she wasn't in love with him. Hadn't been in a very long time and it was difficult living in that house with him, knowing what he wanted of her, and seeing him hurt because it wasn't something she could give him anymore. It was easier to throw herself into her work and her children and her best friend than to face the painful truth each time they were alone together. 

And then she learned of his lie and she could give a damn about his hurt.

He'd ruined her chance for happiness with Jax by convincing her that a marriage of convenience was the only way to keep him from prison. He hadn't forced her to do it. It had been her choice and so she never blamed Sonny for the consequences of her actions, not until she learned there was a witness that could have saved him. The marriage was never necessary and he knew it all along. He let her believe she had to give up Jax to keep her kid's father free and it was a lie. To add insult to injury, he'd subjected her to the humiliation of an affair with that producer then pursued Kate Howard all over town like a horny teen.

She couldn't get to Guam fast enough. 

As a U.S. territory its courts were U.S. jurisdictional meaning the divorces it issued were valid in all U.S. states. After a little seven day vacation, earning residency, she'd signed the papers stating irreconcilable differences and three weeks later she was a divorced mom of two again. It was better than waiting the one year legal separation period New York required for no-fault divorce.

Construction was in full swing by that time and work was keeping her busier than ever, but she still found time to make a nice home for her and the boys. They were disappointed things hadn't worked out between her and their father, but her sons were adjusting. Better than adjusting, they were thriving. Carly had never felt more self-reliant and it was a good feeling, a sustaining feeling, that proved she didn't need a man to be happy and the happiness she felt as a result spilled over into Michael and Morgan's life as well. 

And then the unthinkable happened and her life would never be the same.

Leticia was murdered in their home. She was more than the boy's nanny. Leticia was family. Jason had hired her when Michael was an infant. She'd been there for all of his firsts and Morgan's too. She loved Carly's boys with all her heart, but more than that she'd loved Carly too. Whenever she'd secretly doubted her role as a mother it was Leticia who usually picked up on it first and always found a way to reassure her. Leticia would offer a kind word or insight about the boys, yet she did it in a way that never made Carly feel like the horrible parent she feared being. Leticia wasn't a substitute. She was an enhancement. She helped them love and understand one another better. She added warmth to their lives and her death left them all a little colder.

That had been early September, but marked only the first in a chain of tragedies to come in the months ahead. The worst for Carly hit sixteen weeks later when she lost her son, her little man. How could he be gone? In the first days she shouted, railed, denied, begged and pleaded until numbness set in. She still felt numb most of the time, that is when her heart wasn't aching for him to still be with her or her mind wasn’t wracked with guilt for not being there to stop it.

She didn’t know how she'd managed to go on after burying Michael. Jason was her only answer. They'd kept one another standing somehow. Sonny hadn't been much help contrary to the way she’d talked him up to Sam and Jax. He tried, but it had just been too much for him. He stopped taking his medication and withdrew to that dark place inside himself and for the first time in her life Carly hadn't had the strength or compulsion to pull him back from the edge. She was too close to that edge herself. It was all she could do to keep it together for Morgan. Sonny had Kate now and that would have to be enough.

Carly hadn't counted on Jax to be there for her, but she'd hoped, wanted, needed him to be. Instead, she received flowers and a note of dearest regards and sympathy for her loss. She realized then anything they once shared must be gone. She had to let it go and move on without him. Morgan, Jason and Hope helped with that. She'd quickly fallen in love with that little girl. Hope's return had given them something good when life seemed intent on offering nothing but bad.

The four of them shared movies, meals and play time together and those good times were helping her cope with the loss of Michael and her feelings toward Jax. It hurt that he hadn't been there for her, but she hadn't been angry with him for it. If anything she’d been angry with herself for putting that distance between them in the first place, but not now. Now that he'd returned three weeks after Michael's death seemingly determined to reclaim something he'd tossed aside, something that was hers now, she was furious with him.

She hadn't seen or spoken to him in nearly a year and now he had the nerve to show up with his new wife and baby and try and use her assistant to spy on her hotel, her baby? Technically she supposed she couldn't really call it spying since legally he was half owner, but that was only on paper. The reality was he had abandoned his interest in that hotel the same as he'd abandoned her. 

He wasn't an incompetent businessman. She knew he had to have been kept abreast of the broad strokes through the quarterly reports, but it had been her love sweat and tears that had salvaged what was left of the place after his brother had done his worst. It wasn't easy to lure guests back at luxury rates after your hotel had been taken hostage, guests and staff terrorized, and a bomb set off in your lobby and yet she'd managed it.

She'd never felt such a sense of accomplishment with anything in her life as she had with that hotel. She'd failed her parents, marriages, friendships and even failed her children to her eternal shame, but she never failed that hotel and the hotel hadn't failed her either. Just like her children had never failed her and perhaps that was why she'd grown to love the place as if it were a living breathing thing.

It was on the verge of dying and she'd loved it, nurtured it and gave it life like one of her own. It was her baby and she'd be damned if she would lose another. It wasn't about a connection to Jax anymore. It wasn't about an escape. The Metro Court had become an extension of her own being and allowing Jax to come back and assert his will over it would be tantamount to allowing him control over one of her very own arms or legs.

She wasn't entirely sure what Jax was up to, but he'd ordered her executive assistant to provide him with copies of all the latest figures and reports for all previous and pending changes to structure, contracts, personnel, policy and procedure since the hostage crisis. He was arming himself with information, the first step in any takeover. Fortunately, though her assistant knew of Jasper Jacks, she didn't know him personally since Carly had hired her after his departure. So, she'd run his request by her boss before complying. That had earned Abigail several more points as far as Carly was concerned. Loyalty was a rare commodity these days. She'd authorized her to carry out his request with instructions to deliver the report to her, rather than Jax. Carly intended to hand deliver that information to him personally, along with a little warning.

"Here you go. That’s everything." Abigail hefted the large binder from her hip into Carly's waiting arms.

"Thanks Abby. I really appreciate you staying late to finish." Abigail Haver was a bright and beautiful girl, but more than that she was a hard worker and incredibly efficient. She'd had a rough start in life, but hadn't let that stop her from achieving her goals by any means necessary and made no apologies for it. It was a trait Carly related to well, and valued, so when they'd hit it off in her interview, she'd decided to give her a chance despite her somewhat rather lacking resume.

"No problem. I keep all of this current for you anyway, so it was only a matter of making copies. Besides, I had some time to kill before I meet up with some friends downstairs at Percolate. It should be a good time. Chelsea Handler is performing with the rest of the Comedy Club Tour." Abby’s vibrant smile after a fourteen hour work day was only one of the things Carly liked about the young woman.

"I heard she’s great. You go and have fun. Tell Lulu I’m sorry I couldn’t make it tonight, but we're still on for coffee in the morning." She was proud of the success her cousin had made of herself. 

Lulu Spencer had been through a tough year with Dillon Quartermaine and an unplanned pregnancy followed by a temporary recovery of her mother, but she hadn't allowed it to set her back. She'd graduated PCU one day and approached Nikolas the next with a thorough business plan for a coffee house that served light breakfast and lunch during the day and beer, wine and live entertainment at night. He’d agreed to loan her the start-up capital and Carly had agreed the rear lobby would make a great location for it. It was a wise choice. Lulu was raking in cash hand over fist and Carly's guests were pleased to have great coffee, music and comedy on site.

"Thanks. You have a good night too. See you bright and early." She told her as she made her way back to her desk to shut down and grab her purse.

Carly headed for the elevator, binder in hand, and used the ride from her spot on the 18th floor to the 20th to prepare for battle.

xxxxx

Monica held back along with Robin and Mike, honored to simply share in the long-awaited moment as a silent observer. For months she'd wished for nothing more than Sam's return so that Jason would have an opportunity to set things right, but it hadn't just been about putting her son's pain to rest. She'd seen firsthand the love and devotion Sam gave to her son. That and her spirit was what endeared the young woman to her and she knew that kind of love, had felt it for Jason's father and also the pain of both betraying and having that love betrayed which put her in the unique position of empathizing with them both. 

She'd hoped for reconciliation if that would make them happy, but had prayed at the very least for them to find forgiveness in themselves and each other so their past may finally be at rest. Now with Hope, there was even more reason to wish her home. It was a chance for Sam to finally know more of the joy of motherhood than the sorrow and Monica had always wanted that for Sam, very much. She was reluctant to intrude, but could tell now might be a good time for an adult conversation.

"Hello Sam. Welcome home." Monica greeted.

"Hi Monica. Thank you." Sam returned happily, but still a little dazed.

"Hope, honey." Monica addressed her granddaughter. "How about you and I place our orders while your mom and dad talk for a minute?"

Hope clutched Sam tighter and shook her head against her chest. She just got her mommy. She didn't want to let her go. Sam rubbed circles on her back and hugged her as they swayed, offering gentle reassurances as she did so and soothing them both.

"It's okay." She murmured. "I'll be right here. You'll be able to see me the whole time. I promise I won't go anywhere without telling you first."

Sam felt her grip loosen slightly as she lifted her head from her. "Promise like daddy?"

Sam smiled. They couldn't have been together more than a few months and she already thought he hung the moon. It was just how it should have been, would have been, if Hope had never left them.

"Has your daddy ever broken a promise to you?" Sam said, hoping the answer was no and nodding as if she'd expected as much when Hope shook her head that it was so.

"No." Sam confirmed. "Then yes. I'll keep my promises to you just like daddy." She solemnly swore and Jason was once again reminded of the promises he hadn't kept to Sam or Michael or to Jake. He wouldn't fail this time. He couldn't.

Hope nodded and turned. "Okay, GrandMon." She said, satisfied with that answer, as Sam placed her back down on her rose pink button boots and she accepted the hand her grandma offered.

"Can we have starberry waffles for dinner?" She heard Hope ask followed by Monica. "May we have strawberry waffles and why don't we take a look at the menu first?"

Sam smiled after her as the two made their way to a booth. She was totally enamored and finding it hard to take her eyes off of the little girl she hadn't allowed herself to dream of in such a long time.

"Sorry to interrupt." Robin apologized. "I don’t want to rush you. I thought you might prefer to have dinner here now?" She smiled over at her boss and the little girl then back to Sam. "I'd be happy to pick you up when you're ready."

"Oh! I'm sorry Robin, of course. You go ahead before Patrick's food gets cold. Don't worry. I'll just call the hotel to send a limo."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." Sam assured her. "But you be careful. Okay? And tell Maxie to check her phone and call or text me back when you hear from her."

"I will thanks, you too. I'm stopping by Spinelli's next, so I'll tell her. I have a feeling she's there."

Sam nodded and hoped she was right. She really was worried for her friend, but couldn't possibly leave now.

Robin paid for her order and accepted the to-go bag from Mike.

"Have a safe trip Jason, and take lots of pictures." She ordered with a smile as she bid him goodnight.

"Yeah, thanks, wouldn't want to upset Hope's fan club." Jason smirked, but he was only half kidding. That little girl had managed to charm everyone she'd met so far.

Robin gave a final wave on her way out as Sam watched her go.

"So..." Jason started with no clue of where to go from there.

Whatever he’d said was lost to her as her eyes slid right past him and back over to Hope who was thoughtfully perusing her own menu as if she could read. She couldn't read yet, could she? Three year-olds didn't read, did they? Sam wished she knew. She wanted to know everything about her. Her heart thudded just looking at her, watching her and allowing herself to believe... 

"Jason." She said so full of emotion, so full of all the things that could have been, should have been, and weren't. 

Jason looked down at her appreciatively, longingly. Those toffee eyes shimmering with unshed tears had been his undoing, every time.

He pocketed his hands with a sigh. "I know." 

And he did know. He was the only one that could possibly understand what that moment meant to her, what it truly meant.

"Hope." She was too overwhelmed for any other words.

He breathed deep to steady the growing desire to pull her to him and celebrate the moment with her in his arms. 

"I know." He breathed again instead.

"Here." He told her, stepping aside and pulling a chair out for her.

She thanked him for the gesture as he sat across the table from her struggling with where to begin. There was so much to say, but he knew her first concern would be Hope.

"How did you find her? What happened? I mean, I can't believe this." She shook her head as her gaze glided back to Hope. "How is she here? Not, not that it really matters as long as it isn't a dream." She turned back to him in earnest. "This is real, isn't it? She's really here, to stay? This is so, so amazing. Can she read? How long have you had her?" Sam rattled off.

She made him want to smile again. Should have known she would make it easy for me, Jason mused. He'd missed her rambling, the sound of her voice, those expressive eyes and the feel of her near. He breathed deep and exhaled slowly to sober his thoughts. "I got a call the day before Hope's birthday."

"December 22nd." Sam noted, vividly recalling Hope's birth the day before Christmas Eve.

Jason nodded. "It was Bridget. She said it was about Hope and asked me to bring my lawyer. I asked where we should meet, and that's when Bridget told me she was in the hospital and there wasn't much time."

Jason brushed his hand over his mouth and chin with an instinctive glance over to Hope and her surroundings, and back. "I grabbed Diane and hopped the jet. Three hours later we were at Mass General in ICU where Bridget authorized her doctors to explain. They said they were doing all they could to save her, but it didn't look good."

Sam shook her head, confused. "What, what happened?"

"Acute liver failure." Jason sighed then began to elaborate. He knew she needed more. She needed the whole story.

"Bridget was working at a daycare where she could also watch Hope then leaving her with a neighbor to attend night classes. She wanted a better job with benefits and decent pay to support Hope. The daycare didn't offer insurance, so when she injured her back she tried a homeopathic pain remedy she found on a website a coworker recommended. Twelve hours after taking it, she felt like she'd caught the flu. Twenty four hours later she felt worse, so she had her neighbor watch Hope and went to a free clinic. They treated her for flu symptoms and sent her home. Thirty six hours later she was calling me from ICU. The doctors had told her they'd found potentially toxic levels of a rare wild mushroom in the herbal medicine she'd taken. It caused an acute allergic reaction that was destroying her liver. They determined a transplant was her best chance, but her liver failed before they could find a donor. Nine hours after Diane and I arrived, she was gone."

"Oh my God." Her eyes sought out Hope again, her heart breaking for her loss and for the young mother. It had been three years, but she still would have only been 19.

Jason's fists clenched and unclenched, itching to take her hand.

"What about Rita? I thought she was with Rita." She inquired, returning her attention.

"Rita was diagnosed with advanced Alzheimer's seven months ago and was unable to care for Hope any longer. Custody was granted to Bridget." There was so much more heartbreak to that story than the two simple sentences he'd reduced it to, but he didn't want to overwhelm her. 

"I'm sorry. I know it's a lot to take in. I wanted to ask earlier if we could meet to talk about it, but when Hope called I..."

"That call was from Hope?" Sam cut him off before he could finish. She'd assumed it was business as usual until she overheard him tell the caller he loved them too, and wondered just who it was he was loving now. 

"Today was the first time we were apart since I got her back. I had to take her call." He reasoned anxiously, relieved when she almost smiled at his words.

"She's lucky to have you." Sam confessed as relief she hadn't expected washed over her.

"About that." Jason hedged. "That's part of what I wanted to talk to you about. I've been looking for you since the night you left, but the search became even more important when we got Hope back."

Sam was surprised to hear he'd been looking for her all this time. She didn't feel she'd gone to great lengths to hide. She'd used her own name aboard the cargo vessel and other than the couple months she spent in Brisbane with Jax, she'd been living right in their cottage on the North Shore of Maui since she left. She'd purchased it with a portion of her settlement from Everyday Heroes after learning she was pregnant. She wanted to raise her child in her own piece of paradise right from the start. At one time that had meant wherever Jason was, but their place in Hawaii had become that for her now. 

She'd first learned of his attempts several months ago, after the fact, when Gus and the locals reported to Roger that a man by the name of Jason Morgan had been flashing her photograph around Brisbane while asking about her. She must have done something to engender their loyalty because they claimed to have either never seen her or not known where she went off to next. Since he never found her, she figured he must have given up the search.

"We?" She inquired, choosing to ignore the other questions his statement begged asking.

Could Jason still want to raise Hope with her? It didn't seem possible, except that it did. Hope recognized her. She'd called her mommy. How would Hope know to do that unless Jason encouraged it?

Jason looked at her strangely. "Of course, Sam. I would never keep our child from you."

Sam licked and bit her bottom lip swallowing guilt and irrational fear back down with a nod. "So it's official? You have custody now?"

Jason nodded. "Bridget named me as Hope's legal guardian before she died and nominated me as an adoptive parent in her will. As soon as the state's mandatory three month placement period is up, I'll officially be Hope McCall Morgan's dad. I had no idea how much your life had changed these last few months. I should have waited to speak with you before I said anything further to Hope, but Bridget had already told her about us ..."

"McCall? You're giving her my name too?"

"She's ours Sam, and Hope wants both of our names. Bridget didn't just nominate me in her will. She also named you to be Hope's adoptive mother. We were meant to raise her together." Like the first time, before I gave up, he thought. "But I know things are different for you now." His eyes fell on the gold band of her left hand. "And I understand if you don't ..."

"No." She denied, pulling her hands into her lap when she noticed where his gaze had landed. "In my heart, she's always been my little girl and I never stopped wanting to be her mother."

Jason nodded, thankful her feelings toward him hadn't prevented her from still wanting to raise Hope together.

"So..." He repeated, unsure yet again where they went from there.

"So." She smiled hesitantly, reminding him of when they were first falling in love with each other and making it so easy for him to forget they weren't still. "I guess we have a lot to figure out."

"I guess we do." He nodded as his attention was drawn from her over to Mike serving Hope's plate. He looked back at Sam. "But for right now how about we just enjoy dinner with our daughter?"

She smiled, glad he hadn't pressed to talk about anything else. There were still so many issues to address, but she refused to let anything discolor her reunion with Hope. He seemed to feel the same and it was as if they both held a silent understanding the rest would come soon enough.

"That sounds good. I'm starved." Sam agreed as they stood and made their way toward their daughter.

xxxxx

Long slender fingers with impeccably manicured nails rapped against the door ignoring the do not disturb on its handle. She glanced up and down the hall, relieved to find it empty. That floor was fitted with their most extravagant suites and reserved for owners and VIPs only. It wouldn't do to make a scene. She regretted the spectacle she'd made of herself in the lobby earlier as she thought it over now. Completely unprofessional, she chided herself. She wouldn't let Sam or Jax get the better of her again, at least not at her place of business. She would simply say what she needed to say and leave.

She took a deep breath as the deadbolt disengaged and felt the heat of her words die in her throat as she was met with an unfamiliar face. Had she knocked on the wrong door? She spied the gold numbers to her right. No. This was his suite, but this man was definitely not Jax. He was older, old enough to be his father, but Carly knew Jax lost his dad several years ago. He was a few inches shorter than Jax, but fit his designer suit well. She admired his jet black curls tapering to perfectly trimmed salt and peppered edges as his piercing blue-green eyes focused on her with a shrewd understanding that caused her to shift uneasily from heel to heel. Did he know her or something?

"Jacks residence. May I help you?" His booming baritone greeted her with a hint of bored indifference. He had an accent, but not quite the same as Jax. There was definitely an Australian edge to it, but underneath was a proper English enunciation that reminded her of Nikolas' butler.

"I'm here to see Jax." Carly told him expecting the door to open wide, but the man didn't budge. His body filled the carefully measured opening with his hand firm on the handle as if ready to snap it shut at a moment's notice.

"I'm sorry. Mr. Jacks isn't receiving visitors this evening. If you'd like to leave your card I would be happy to let him know you stopped by." His tone was pleasant enough, but Carly got the feeling his enjoyment was at her expense somehow.

"Tell him it's Carly. He'll want to speak with me." Maybe this guy didn't know who she was after all.

"Once again I offer my apologies, but Mr. Jacks left strict instructions he is not to be disturbed. For anyone, even you, Mrs. Corinthos." Her eyes widened then narrowed speculatively. So he did know who she was. His face remained neutral, but Carly got the distinct impression he was smiling underneath.

"This is important. It's business. I have some information he's requested." She shifted the thick binder in her arms as proof of her claim.

"I would be happy to deliver anything you like to Mr. Jacks, but I'm afraid he has made it perfectly clear that no business is more important than the business of caring for Master Daniel and his wife. Shall I?" He extended a hand to accept the materials she carried.

Carly's jaw tightened at being stonewalled even as her heart clenched painfully with the reminder of his wife and child. Apparently Jax didn't intend on making it easy for her. Well, two could play that game. "No. I thought I would extend the courtesy of delivering this to him in person. It contains information which requires my personal insight, but I too value my time so if he needs the information, he'll just have to come to me next time."

With that, Carly turned and stormed back the way she came. Jax wasn't the only one with a life. She may be forced to play his game, but she damned well wasn't going to play by his rules.

Roger's eyes narrowed on the woman's retreating form as a devilish smile crept over his lips. He'd only ever seen her in pictures, but they could never do her justice. Half her beauty lie in the fire of her daring personality. He could see why Jax had fallen in love with her. She was a beautiful woman with intelligence clearly written in those blue eyes, eyes that seemed to size him up in seconds despite his best attempts to hide it. 

She was tall, but carried herself as if she owned every inch of whom she was. Golden blond hair fell straight across tanned shoulders that squared with a confidence ready to meet any challenge head on. If he hadn't witnessed firsthand the ruins she'd left his dear boy Jax in and wasn't head over heels in love with someone else, he may have been tempted. He'd seen it in her eyes and felt it in her presence. She was a force that had a way of getting in a man's blood. 

He shut and bolted the door behind him with a new-found knowledge from their brief encounter, a knowledge that Caroline Corinthos would be even more trouble than he'd anticipated.

"Who was at the door?" Jax inquired as he entered the living area.

"Mrs. Corinthos. She was here to drop off some information you'd requested, but thought better of it when she learned you were ... otherwise occupied."

Jax chuckled with a shake of his head. He knew Roger must have enjoyed giving her the door. "Would that be the same information in this binder here?" He lifted the 5 inch binder from its spot on the coffee table.

"It appeared one and the same, sir." Roger smiled delighted to have once again anticipated Jax' needs so well by acquiring the same information Carly had just wielded as a ticket to enter.

"Excellent. You saved me a headache. Thank you Roger." He sat on the sofa, preparing to give the binder some undivided attention now that he'd sent Viola on her way and checked to make sure Daniel was sleeping soundly.

"It was my pleasure. May I be of any further assistance before I retire?"

"No, no thanks. You get some sleep. I'm going to look this over while I wait for Sam. She should be back soon." Jax pulled the heavy report into his lap.

"Very well. Goodnight to you, sir." Roger bid him as he made his way to the smallest of three bedrooms within the suite.

"Goodnight."

xxxxx

Dinner was tense, but wonderful. Mike had taken the liberty of holding Sam's order and placing it with the one for Monica, Jason and Hope. The adults ate together peaceably as the little half pint chatted away. Occasionally Monica or Jason would chime in to help tell one of the many adventures she'd had since moving to Port Charles. Sam followed up with questions, hanging on every word.

Everyone was so wrapped up in Hope that the awkwardness of the situation was seemingly forgotten, but on the inside Sam was constantly editing herself. Jason and Monica seemed to as well. All tried to avoid conversational landmines such as Michael, Emily, Jake, where she'd been all this time, why she'd left in the first place, the ring on her finger, the blue-eyed baby she showed up with, the serial killer on the loose and the list went on. Fortunately, Hope had been too busy sharing stories to pick up on it. 

"Hope, dear, I think we'd better go to the restroom again to wash your macaroni cheese and spiced apple face and fingers." Monica instructed.

Hope held her hands up in front of her to inspect for herself and nodded.

"I'm proud of you, Hope. You ate every bite of your steamed broccoli." Sam doted as she stood to allow her exit.

"I love little trees." She told her as she scooted across the bench. "Mommy, I want you to take me."

"Well." Monica sighed as she sat back down next to Jason. "I guess it had to happen sooner or later. I've officially become chopped liver."

Sam laughed and Jason smiled, well not really, but almost.

Hope shook her head with a thoughtful brow. "You're not chopped liver, GrandMon." She'd had chopped liver and onions. Her GG had forced her to eat the yucky stuff. "You're starberry waffles wif extra cream." She told her matter of fact.

"Strawberry waffles? Well that's much better. Does that mean I still get goodbye hugs and kisses?"

"Yep and hello ones too." Hope nodded soundly.

"Good, then once you and your mommy are done washing those hands and pretty little face of yours I intend to collect." Monica told her as Sam held Hope's hand while she climbed down from the bench.

"I saved the sweetest one for you this time. Aunt Carly tried to take it again, but I told her you said sharing is caring." Hope told her grandma, causing Monica to grin back at her as Sam led her away. She bet Carly just loved hearing that.

Sam was concentrating on balancing Hope over the sink as she helped her lather the soap on her hands.

"You're prettier than my picture." Hope said, bringing Sam's eyes up to the mirror to find two beautiful blue ones staring back at her.

She smiled at the little girl she could still hardly believe was there with her. "Thank you. You're prettier than my picture too."

"You have a picture of me?" Hope's brows rose.

Sam nodded as she rinsed her little hands under the water and lowered her back down to grab a towel.

"I must have pictured the beautiful little girl you'd grown into more than a million times in my mind, but you're even better than I imagined." She told her as she wiped her hands dry.

"You too." Hope told her while grasping a clasp of silken strands between her fingers as Sam bent forward to wipe her face clean. "Daddy was right. Your hair is really soft."

Sam smiled curiously at her. "What else has your daddy told you about me?"

"Lots." Hope revealed as they began walking back to their table. "There was a box with pictures of you. We made it into a book. Me and daddy look at it every night and he tells me stories."

Sam didn't have time to internalize that revelation before Monica spoke up. "Alright little miss, how about that hug and kiss you saved just for me?"

Monica stood by the table, adjusting her scarf over her coat as Hope ran to her and gave her what she'd asked for. She hugged her grandbaby tight and gave her an extra kiss for good measure and made her promise to call all the time while she was away.

"Sam." Monica stood upright once again. "I'm so glad to have you home, but I really am sorry for what brought you back. I know Alexis is in the best care with Dr. Scorpio and Dr. Drake, but if you need anything, anything at all, you just have me paged and I'll see to it. If I'm not there, have them call me at home day or night."

"Thank you, Monica." Sam told her sincerely as the older woman gave her a hug. 

She'd learned from Robin that Monica had been promoted last September and it was comforting to have the Chief of Staff extend herself so generously. Monica had always been kind to her ever since she'd been pregnant with Lila.

"Think nothing of it. It's the least I can do." She released her and turned to her son.

"Thanks for watching Hope." Jason told her as he stood to say goodbye.

"Of course, thank you for letting me, finally." She teased lightly. She and Carly had been hounding him since the toddler arrived to have her all to themselves for a day, but Jason and Hope had been understandably attached at the hip after all they'd been through.

"Hope had a good time, so I'm sure she'll want to do it again when we get back." Jason acknowledged, though he wasn't sure just how good he would be letting her go again. It had been hard to focus on anything other than Hope while she was away. What was she doing? Was she nervous? Was she safe? With Sam there now, he also wondered if Hope would still want to go to Hawaii. He wanted to stay, but he'd made a promise. So if she still wanted to go, they would go.

"I'm glad to hear it." Monica smiled as she gave him a hug.

She was still Monica more than mom, but their relationship had grown tremendously in the last several months. They'd started having lunch once a week with Emily after he first told them about Jake and then they lost some ground after Emily's death. It was Thanksgiving with Jake that helped get them back on track again and since Hope had arrived they talked several times a week. Her favorite part was that it had become customary for Jason to hug her or allow her to hug him goodbye whenever they parted. It was a habit Hope had helped him acquire since she insisted he hug everyone too.

"I'll call you tomorrow." He told her and then watched as one of the guards he'd assigned casually drew from the shadows to fall into step behind Dr. Quartermaine, and see her safely home.

And then there were three.

Sam and Hope sat back down at the table as a waitress cleared some of their dishes and left the check. Jason picked it up and pulled several bills to cover it with a generous tip and dropped it off at the register before returning to his seat as well. Sam knew it would have been pointless to argue to pay. She decided to save her breath and return the favor at some point.

Hope was busy playing with Mrs. Salt and Mr. Pepper who were currently interrogating a crowd of sugar packets for the whereabouts of baby Paprika, so Sam took that time to check on Daniel. She'd sent texts to Jax and Viola earlier that she might be another hour. Viola had assured her everything was fine and to take her time. Jax had inquired if everything was alright to which she'd quickly replied during dinner: Wonderful. Dinner at Kelly's. Explain later. Send car for me?

She checked her messages now and read a reply from Jax that a car and driver was outside the diner and ready when she was. It was getting late, but she didn't want to leave. She wanted both of her children with her. She felt torn, but she'd only pumped enough milk to last Daniel another hour at most. They'd used formula before in emergencies, but Sam preferred to breastfeed. Plus, this was the longest she'd been away from him since coming home from the hospital.

"I think I better be going too. Daniel will be hungry again soon." Sam explained to Jason as Hope's eyes shot up to her.

"You're leaving?" Hope didn't want her to go yet, not yet, not ever. "Who's Daniel?"

"He's my baby boy." Sam smiled. She couldn't wait for them to meet, to have them in the same room together.

"You have another baby?" Curiosity and anxiety blended together.

"Yes. He's very little, so I can't be away from him for long." Sam explained, not picking up on the anxiety.

"Congratulations. I didn't get a chance to say it earlier, but I'm happy for you."

Sam's eyes left Hope's as he'd thanked her and she could clearly see he meant it, but she could also hear how difficult it had been to say it. "Thank you, Jason."

He nodded.

"Little like when you had me?" Hope persisted, still curious as to what this meant.

Sam turned back to the little girl at her side. "Yes." She smiled. "Just like that."

"Are you gonna give him back too?" 

It was an innocent question that had Sam's heart and smile shattering.

"No." It was all Sam could manage as she swallowed thickly.

"Oh." The little girl's confusion and hurt was acutely evident in that simple utterance.

Sam set her phone on the table and brought her bent leg up on the bench as she turned to give Hope her undivided attention. "Jason and I gave you to your great grandmother because she and your birth mom couldn't bear the thought of being without you. I'm Daniel's birth mom and that's how I feel about him. I couldn't possibly give him up."

"You want to keep Daniel because he's your real baby." Hope struggled to understand.

"Yes, no." Sam stumbled. "Hope, I carried Daniel in my tummy and gave birth to him, but my love for him isn't any more real than my love for you. I wanted to keep you too. I love you. I've always loved you and I always will, but everyone agreed it was best if your great grandmother raised you instead."

"She was mean." Her eyes wandered to the salt and pepper shakers as she whispered it as if saying it out loud might summon the old woman to reappear.

Sam's eyes filled with tears as she looked to Jason whose jaw clenched as he blinked. She shifted her gaze back to Hope. "I, I'm sorry."

"Hope, we talked about this remember?" Jason interrupted, unable to endure their pain. "Sam wanted to keep you, but I made the decision to give you back. Rita wanted to love you and take good care of you and I really believed it was the best thing for you. You were her family."

"I wish I stayed with you." She told them both, but unable to look at either.

Sam pulled her into her lap and hugged her tight. "I wish I never let you go." She whispered.

Jason moved from his side of the table to theirs. One hand found Sam's back as the other wrapped around his little girl and he kissed her on top of her head.

"Come here." Jason encouraged as she slid off Sam's lap into his.

He pulled her into his embrace with his head over her shoulder as he hugged her.

"I'm sorry." He told his little girl while latching on to Sam's watery gaze. "I should have fought harder for you. I promise I'll never make that mistake again."

His eyes never left Sam's as he said that and Sam never said a word as her tears steadily betrayed her. She pulled a napkin from the dispenser and dried her eyes before Hope could see. 

He released Hope from their hug to look at her. "You're with me now, forever."

"Mommy too?" She looked over to Sam and back again. Doubt and fear swirled in those blue depths, but there was trust there too. Hope would believe whatever he told her. He knew what he wanted to tell her, but he wasn’t sure any longer if it was the truth and he would never make another promise he couldn’t keep.

"I..." Jason swallowed and looked to Sam for help.

"Yes." Sam insisted as she reached for her hand. She didn’t fail to notice the way her little fingers never tightened their hold this time. "I love you and I'll never let you go again."

Hope studied her for what felt like several long minutes without speaking. Jason gave her a little nudge in his arms and she finally nodded, but Sam wasn't so sure Hope believed her. And why should she, she asked herself? All Hope knew was that the woman who'd given her back once was about to walk away to go take care of another baby.

Sam wanted to make things right, but she sensed the little girl withdrawing. She looked tired and pushing the issue now would probably only make matters worse.

"I'm sleepy daddy. Wan," She yawned. "Go home."

"You don't want to go to Hawaii?"

She shook her head no as it lay against his chest. "Home daddy." Her fingers curled around the neck of his black shirt as those incredibly blue eyes, so similar to Jason's, quietly contemplated the woman next to her. "Home with you."

He knew she'd be tired after her long day. It was almost bedtime now. He'd planned it that way so that Hope would be asleep for most of the long flight, but he was relieved to hear she didn't want to go anymore. "Okay. We'll go home."

Jason stood from the table with Hope in his arms. "Sam could you?" He motioned his head toward Hope's coat bunched in the corner where she'd been sitting.

Sam followed his gaze and reached for it. She turned back to them as she grabbed it, missing the stuffed toy that fell from under it and landed beneath the table as she did so. She stood as well to assist Hope in putting on her little navy wool peacoat as Jason shifted her in his arms.

"Why don't you ride with us? The hotel is only a block away from us." Jason suggested.

"Thanks, but Jax just sent a text to say the limo is outside waiting. I'm good." She told him as she pulled Hope's coat closed to button it.

"At least walk out with us." An urgent plea registered in his crystal blue eyes. He didn't want to mention the TMK to Sam in front of Hope. She was a smart kid and Jason wouldn't risk her associating the two and causing her to worry for her mother as Michael had with Carly. Michael, he hastily blinked back the sting in his eyes and ignored the way his gut churned each time he thought of how he'd let his nephew down. He subconsciously drew Hope a little closer, thankful when Sam nodded her assent without explanation and walked ahead to hold the door for him as the three exited together.

Jason stood holding Hope as the driver stood waiting to open Sam's door for her.

"Goodnight sweet-pea." Sam told her as she leaned in for a kiss. "I love you." She whispered as she held her gaze and softly nuzzled her nose.

"Goodnight mm ... mommy.” The little girl hesitated and Sam felt her heart falter. Hope wasn't so sure about her now.

"I'll see you very soon." She promised, determined not to cry. We'll get through this, she told herself. Hope just needed a little time to see she meant what she said. She would never walk away from her again.

Sam looked up at Jason. "Tomorrow?"

He nodded with faint traces of a smile. "Any time. She's up between 7 and 7:30. We have breakfast around 8 and lunch at noon. Nap time is from one to three."

He eyed the driver carefully as he finished speaking, mentally verifying him as one of Carly's employees. Jason had familiarized himself with the entire staff by sight since he and his team had taken over security on the Metro Court. The hotel was now one of a select few to make Morgan Allied Security's elite list of clientele.

Sam considered her schedule. Nikolas had been unavailable tonight, so he'd invited her to his suite for breakfast in the morning to make up for it which she'd already accepted. Jax volunteered to stay with Daniel which would also allow her to visit Alexis afterward. She'd hoped to catch up with Maxie at some point in the day too. Now all she wanted was to be with both of her babies all day from the moment they woke, but maybe it was better if she and Jason spoke privately first. "Why don't I come over an hour before she wakes from her nap? It'll give us a chance to talk."

Tonight Jason had given her a daughter. Tomorrow she would give him a son.

The thought of Sam under his roof again was a good one. "So, the penthouse, tomorrow at 2?"

Sam sighed. The thought of being in the penthouse again was not a good one, but it was Hope's home and the best place to get to know her would be in the environment she was most comfortable.

"See you then." She agreed with a final wave to Hope as Jason turned toward his Range Rover. The driver opened her door and she slipped inside as it closed behind her.


	8. Chapter 8

**8.**

"No, I'm Sorry. We checked everywhere. There's no sign of it, but I'll be sure to call if it turns up."

"Thanks Mike. It's kind of like her security blanket. She has a hard time sleeping without it."

Mike's brows furrowed, recalling a similar incident. "Try warm milk and reading to her until she falls asleep. It worked for Morgan that time the boys spent the night and he forgot Jeet."

A smile curved Jason's lips picturing his godson carting that stuffed dog around everywhere he went the same as Hope with her bear. Michael had given it to him for his birthday after their parents refused to let him get his baby brother a real dog. He even convinced Morgan to name it after his favorite Yankee shortstop, but the two year old ended up shortening it to Jeet. Morgan was four now and fourteen months older than Hope, but they were a lot alike. Maybe Mike's suggestion would work with Hope too. "Thanks. I'll give it a try."

"Sure thing. You two have a good night." Mike said as he busied himself shining the silverware. He despised water spots.

Jason hung up on a sigh as he looked over to meet the hopeful eyes of his three year old and regretfully shook his head. She was freshly bathed and in her lavender cupcake pajamas next to him on the couch. Her eyes teared up and lower lip trembled, but she didn't cry.

"GrandMon said she remembers you carrying it into Kelly's, but she's going to check her car and with Alice and every place you visited today to make sure. Mike has everyone on the lookout for it too." He tried to reassure her without promising they would find it because he wasn't sure they would.

"He was hiberlating next to me under my coat." She sniffled.

Jason smiled in spite of the situation at her love of words. She didn't always pronounce them right and she was even known to make up a few of her very own, definitions included, but her vocabulary was extensive for a three year old.

"Hibernating?" He corrected.

She nodded. "That's what bears do in winter." She told him and he could see her struggling to hold that stiff upper lip in place.

She was still uneasy about crying in front of anyone and he had yet to find out why, but he didn't like his little girl afraid to cry if that's what she needed. "It's okay to cry if you want. I know how much you love him."

That didn't seem to offer much relief so he tried something else that might distract her. "He's a polar bear, right?"

Hope nodded and Jason nodded too as if considering something thoughtfully. "Did you know polar bears don't actually hibernate like brown and black bears?"

Her big blue eyes filled with the wonder of a child learning something new. "Only female polar bears ever enter a den and only when they're getting ready to have their cubs. All other polar bears do something called walking hibernation. They don't go to sleep."

Hope's eyes got big with this news. "Snowball never went to sleep? I bet he went for a walk to hiberlate like other polar bears. Maybe he's on his way home and he'll be here when I wake up!"

Jason smoothed his hand over her finely brushed hair pulling a few trapped locks from beneath her collar. He knew it would do no good to feed into that innocent hope, but found it impossible to crush completely. "That's a very long walk for such a small bear. It could take him a really long time to find his way home. He might get distracted or lost along the way."

Hope shook her head. "Snowball is smart and he's a good bear. He'll come straight home. I know it."

Jason sighed. He wasn't sure if he should push things any further tonight. It was times like this he wished he had Sam there to help. She would know just what to do and say to make everything better. "I'm going to call aunt Carly and let her and Morgan know to be on the lookout too, okay?"

"Okay and the guards too?"

"Sure." He obliged as he dialed his friend's number. He thought of ringing Sam at the Metro, but they had left together. He would have seen if she were carrying Hope's bear and Sam would have asked if it was Hope's if she saw it. He didn't want to worry her with it when she already had so much on her plate with her mother and a new baby.

"Hey you. I didn't expect to hear from you so soon. Did you make your flight?" Carly had made it to Sonny's just in time to tuck Morgan in and read him a story before bed as promised. 

She was just entering the guest room across from her little boy when she heard her cell go off on the bedside table. Twelve more nights under Sonny's roof and she would be free again, she reminded herself.

"Hey. No. Something came up and Hope decided she wanted to stay home."

"Is everything okay?" He sounded distracted.

"Hope met Sam tonight. She ran into us at Kelly's." He wasn't sure if things were okay or not. They hadn't really talked about anything other than Hope, but he'd taken the fact that Sam was willing to talk with him privately as a good sign. It would give him a chance to apologize and start to make amends.

"Oh. Wow. How did it go?" Carly wondered if Sam would change her mind now that she had a new family.

"She said she never stopped wanting to be Hope's mom. She promised Hope she would never let her go again." He glanced down at his daughter who was now burrowing into his side and wrapped his arm around her.

"So that's good then, right?" Somehow his words failed to put her concerns to rest.

"Yeah." He could feel the anxiety pouring off of Hope as she clung to him and wondered if it was over the mention of her new mom, worry for her bear or a mixture of both.

He wondered how they would make things work now that Sam was married with obligations to another family.

"You don't sound too convinced. I know it didn't turn out the way you wanted, but she did agree to raise Hope with you right? She's not going to fight for custody or anything?" Carly tried to keep the panic and accusation from her tone, but it was hard.

Sam had always made for a comfortable target, if not deserving. It was just another bad habit she needed to break, but not if the woman intended to bring any more pain to Jason or Hope.

She tried to remember Sam would be Hope's mother and she owed it to Hope not to make their reunion more difficult. She also reminded herself Sam had never spoken bad about her to her boys. As angry as she was with Sam, she respected that about her and intended to return the courtesy. Children didn't deserve to be brought into their parent's messes.

"No. It's good. She seems to want to do this together. She's coming over tomorrow so we can talk before Hope wakes up from her nap."

"Good, because I think you two have more to talk about than you realize."

Jason's brows furrowed as his face skewed skeptical.

"Like what?" He prayed he wouldn't regret asking.

"Like that blue-eyed baby Sam hauled into town tonight. I mean, how do we know for sure you aren't the father after all?"

"Carly." He groaned. He knew he would regret it.

"No, listen. I was in shock at first which is probably why my math was a little off, but even if that baby were only a day old Sam would have had to give birth prematurely in order for it to be his."

His heart raced at the thought. It couldn't be true, could it? She hadn't corrected Kristina's assumption and there was no way Sam would ever keep his child from him let alone allow another man to raise him as his own. No. He couldn't let Carly's unwillingness to accept the truth allow him to set himself up for a fall. "It's very likely she gave birth early considering her medical history."

"It's also very likely you are that baby's father. Think about it Jason. She left town May 31st and the baby didn't look more than a month old. Even if she conceived June 1st she would have had to give birth somewhere between her 32nd and 33rd week and I doubt an infant that premature would have been authorized for travel so soon."

Carly was starting to make sense and that was scary in and of itself, but what she proposed was terrifying. It was a possibility too painful to entertain for fear of being proven false. "Sam would never do that. She's the one who encouraged me to claim Jake. I told you about her letter, remember? She wouldn't say those things, feel that way and then turn around and do the same thing as Elizabeth."

"Look, I'm not judging." Yet, she qualified to herself. "I'm sure she has her reasons if she did." Not that Carly could think of a single one that was justifiable enough at the moment. "But you can't ignore the possibility. You need to know for sure. I'm a pretty good liar which makes me an excellent BS detector. I could always ..."

"No, Carly. I want you to let this go. You need to let me handle it." He didn't relish the idea of asking Sam a question he already knew the answer to, but if he didn't address the issue with his ex-fiancee he knew Carly would and that could only make things worse.

The worst confrontation between Carly and Elizabeth he'd ever bore witness to flashed through his mind. It was the day of Emily's funeral and Carly had come to escort him to the service only to find him refusing to go. She wouldn't give in until he'd been forced to reveal his reasoning. 

Elizabeth and Lucky had told him if he or Sonny attended the memorial then Jake wouldn't for fear of the threat of violence posed. They blamed him for Emily's death and, in the worst of her grief, Monica had too. His mother needed comforting and since she refused to accept it from him, the least he could do was see to it that both of her grandsons were there so he'd decided not to go. He probably could have found some flimsy excuse to keep the lie going as to why it mattered if Jake was there, but he'd grown tired of lying so he'd revealed the truth to her instead. He told Carly he was actually Jake's father and not Lucky as everyone was led to believe.

It took a moment for Carly to brush off her shock and cast her hurt aside for the day, but she'd then insisted he at least show up to pay his respects even if he only stayed in the back, out of sight until the other guests left. Emily would want him there, she'd said. So he'd gone and done his best to remain hidden, but Elizabeth spotted him during her eulogy and both she and Lucky had confronted him afterward. 

Carly managed to hold her tongue out of respect for Jason's love of Emily at first, but lost it when Lucky refused to allow him to hold his son to say hello and Elizabeth agreed. Lucky claimed the killer could be watching their every move and plotting his next victim which so far all had connections to Jason or Sonny. They didn't want to risk anyone connecting him to Jake or Elizabeth. Jason was too numb to argue, but Carly had gone on the attack at that point. It was brutal and something he was determined to avoid with Sam.

Carly huffed and debated whether she would let it go or not. An entire minute passed before she spoke again and Jason wondered if she'd actually just counted to ten? "You promise you'll ask her about it tomorrow?"

"Yes." He dreaded it, but he would do it to keep the peace.

Carly sighed deep. If Jason promised, she knew it would happen. "Okay. Call me as soon as she leaves."

"I don't want you to get your hopes up only to be crushed again when she tells me what I already know, Carly. I'm not the father."

"My hopes, or yours?" She probed gently.

Jason sighed. "I'll call you tomorrow." He didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Goodnight. Give Hope hugs and kisses for me." She could tell he was done talking with her about it for the night.

Hope shrugged his shirt and looked up at him expectantly. "Oh, Carly. I almost forgot."

"Yeah?"

"Snowball is missing. We think she last had him in Kelly's, but Mike didn't have any luck finding him. I thought I'd tell you so maybe you could check around the hotel and see if it somehow turns up there."

"Poor thing. She loves that bear as much as Morgan loves Jeet. Tell her I'll call the staff right now to check around and call back if I find him."

"Thanks, Carly."

"No problem. If she can't sleep you should try warm milk and reading to her. It worked for Mike once when ..."

Jason's chuckle broke her off. "Yeah. Mike suggested the same a few minutes ago."

"Oh." Carly smiled. "Well goodnight then and good luck."

"Goodnight, Carly, thanks."

Jason hung up and breathed deep. His mind now racing at Carly's suggestion that Sam's little boy could be his little boy. He shook the thought off as he picked Hope up and carried her into the kitchen to prepare the warm milk. That suggestion was a dream too good to be true.

xxxxx

Sam was thankful to have made it through the lobby with no sign of Carly. Although she empathized with her loss, she refused to subject herself to another round of malicious meddling. She would give her time to adjust then extend her condolences. She would have been content to leave it there, but it became apparent over dinner Hope was already quite attached to her 'aunt'. Unless she wanted to further disrupt her daughter's life, they would need to find a way to peacefully coexist. Sam hoped that was possible. She would hate to disappoint her little girl if forced to cut the woman out of their lives.

She inserted the black and white key card into the door and stepped into the owner's suite to find Jax on the sofa; his feet up while engrossed in one of his monstrous reports.

His tired eyes shined brighter as she stepped into the room and returned the warm smile he greeted her with in kind. "Just in time. Daniel John should be waking soon."

He sat forward setting the report on the coffee table in front of him then zeroed in on what she was holding. "Gift for Daniel?"

Sam set her key card and phone on the receiving table to remove her coat. She laid it across the table for now then smiled down at the plush bear in her hand as she made her way over to him. 

"No." She shook her head as she sat next to him. "It belongs to a little girl I had dinner with tonight. My little girl, it turns out."

Sam was grinning ear to ear, but Jax stared at her in concern. "Robin thought Maxie might be at Kelly's so we went there to check on her, but when we arrived we found Jason and Monica instead."

His face morphed into even more concern. He doubted Jason would make a scene in public. That had never been his style, but it wouldn't take much for him to hurt Sam. His continued neglect and dishonesty would be enough. She didn't seem bothered by the run-in though. In fact, she seemed happy and what did this have to do with her daughter? 

"What do you mean? What daughter?"

Sam took a deep breath. "Hope." She smiled. "We got Hope back and this time it's for keeps, Jax. Bridget gave Jason legal guardianship and elected me to be her new mother. Hope, she, she called me mommy."

His concern began to fade with the light of her smile and realization she hadn't been stressed into hallucinations about the baby that had passed away. They'd discussed Hope, Lila and Jake at length during her pregnancy. They'd discussed all her fears and hopes and dreams about ever actually getting a chance to hold and keep a baby of her very own. He'd done everything in his power to see to it she got her wish with Daniel John, but now it seemed she'd been doubly blessed. 

"Sam, that is wonderful." He moved to hug her and she practically leaped into his arms, thrilled that her best friend was happy for her. She knew he must be worried for how this might further complicate things, but as always he'd put her happiness first.

"I'm so happy for you. So, Jason has no issue with shared custody?"

They pulled from the hug to continue as they settled back into the cushions. They remained angled toward one another as they spoke. "No, just the opposite. He said we were meant to raise Hope together and actually seemed relieved when I confirmed I still wanted to be her mother."

"That's good." Jax was relieved to hear Jason wouldn't try to keep Sam away from Hope, but wondered if he might try to use Sam's love for the child as a means to manipulate his way back into her life. That had been a concern of his for Daniel as well, but he reminded himself what he knew of Jason proved his fear to be unfounded. 

Jason had always put the interests of the children in his life ahead of his own. Jake was a perfect example. Sam believed Jason should be raising Jake as his father and, while Jax agreed he had a parental right to do so, he respected Jason for wanting to keep his son far away from a life of violence. He wished Michael could have benefited from that new-found wisdom, but the only thing he really held against Jason Morgan, aside from his chosen profession and danger it posed to those he loved, was how he'd hurt Sam.

"So, how did it go with Jason? And how did you get Hope back?"

She opted for the easier answers first. "Hope's great grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's several months ago and Hope went to live with her mom, but Jason got a call from her last month. Bridget suffered a severe allergic reaction and it killed her before the doctors were able to perform a transplant that may have saved her."

"How horrible." His face creased with sympathy for the poor woman. "How is Hope?" 

Jax was an adult when he lost his father and it had still affected him deeply. He couldn't imagine how scary it must be for a child to lose the only parent they had left.

Sam sighed. "She was really sad when I mentioned her mother, but that isn't what worries me most."

"What do you mean?" Jax shifted into a more comfortable position.

Sam looked down at the stuffed bear in her lap, running a finger over its right ear and noting the way it was worn thin. It was obviously well-loved. "I think it hurt her to hear I have another baby." 

She recalled the hurt and confusion on her little girl's face and was moved all over again to go to her, to hold her and love her pain away. She spoke without looking up. "She asked if I would be giving him back too."

"Oh Sam." Jax grasped her hand in his. He wished happiness could come easier for her. Sam always had to fight for every bit she got.

She bit her lip on a sigh and found her gaze drifting from their clasped hands to her room where Roger had arranged for Daniel's bassinet to be set up. "Jason and I, we tried to explain why we gave her back and assured her of how much she's loved and wanted. I, I'm just not sure she believes it still, at least not from me."

He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and she looked back to him finally revealing the pain and confusion swirling in her gaze. "I think my leaving to go be with another baby made her doubtful of my commitment to her and on top of it all, I'm not exactly sure Rita cared for her as well as we thought. Hope said she was mean and seemed almost frightened to speak about her."

Sam leaned her side back further into the cushions, seeking comfort as she hugged the little white polar bear to her. She remembered that bear.

"Do you think she was abused? What did Jason say?" He'd heard the horror stories some monsters were capable of. He prayed that hadn't happened to the little girl Sam loved.

"We didn't really have a chance to talk about it. Hope was so upset I didn't want to go into it in front of her." In spite of the bad feeling she got, she prayed she was wrong.

"That was probably for the best. It sounds as if you two have a lot to talk about. How were things with the two of you outside of Hope?" He'd realized he and Sam shared equally deep connections with Jason and Carly. If Sam had been able to keep her guard up with Jason, it gave him hope he might be able to do the same with his former fiancee.

"It was odd, but I think we handled it as well as possible with Hope there. The space between felt just as wide and empty as before I left, but when it came to Hope it was like we were as in sync as we'd ever been."

"So you were okay spending time with him? No temptation to fall back into old habits?"

Sam smiled softly. She knew he was worried of the same for himself when it came to Carly and wished she could tell him what he hoped to hear, but she just didn't have those answers, at least not yet. "I think I was too overwhelmed with Hope's return to feel anything else. We're supposed to talk privately tomorrow though, so I guess that will be the real test."

"You're worried." It was written all over her.

Sam nodded. "I have no idea how he's going to take the news and outside of Hope tonight Jason and I ... Well, we weren't who we used to be with each other. Until I was shot, we were always straightforward with one another. It wasn't like that before I left. We'd lost that and it wasn't there tonight either. I didn't like filtering myself. That's who I was becoming before I left, but that isn't me and it isn't Jason either, at least not when it came to me. Maybe I should write tonight off though. I mean it isn't like we could really speak freely in front of a three year old. I just hope he's ready to move forward so we can be good parents to our children."

"So you still plan on telling him?" He was more confirming her resolve than questioning it.

"I could never keep this from him, Jax." Her voice was soft when she spoke, tinged with the pain of the struggle she'd endured in making and sticking to her decision to keep it from him as long as she had. 

"I never intended on returning to Port Charles, but I always intended on telling Jason about his son. One more week and I would have called to invite Jason to come meet him. The funny thing is, he wouldn't have had far to travel."

"How so?" Curiosity crossed his features as his arm moved to rest casually along the back of the sofa.

"He doesn't know it, but Jason is the father who rented my cottage. He wanted to take Hope there to help her feel closer to me. It would have been a pretty short trip to your place to see us."

That surprised him. "You could have very well woken over breakfast on the lanai at my place one morning to find the two of them playing on the beach."

Sam shook her head in wonder. "I can't imagine. I can still hardly believe I ran into them tonight, but to know that it was fated to happen either way ... It just, it reinforces that I was right all along."

"You mean about Jake?"

Sam nodded. "Jason has always wanted to be a father. It was Elizabeth's fears that reinforced his own into giving Jake up. I admit a part of me was a little scared he might reject Daniel at first for the same reason, but Hope proves I was right. He may not have claimed Jake, but he's adopting Hope and he's doing that knowing I am to be her mother. It proves he knows I have complete faith in him as a father and that I have no reservations about him in our child's life unlike Elizabeth. My faith in him reinforced his faith in himself. If he accepts our daughter, then I know he'll accept our son too."

"It makes sense. I hope you're right Sam." He wasn't appeasing her. It would hurt her immensely if Jason were to reject their son, but he couldn't help worry about them and that's what he told her. 

"You know I can't help worry. I love you and Daniel John, but I would never try to stand between a father and their child again." They both knew he was referring to his ex-wife's son. Jax attempted to raise him as his own knowing the baby's true father was her lover, Nikolas Cassadine. Losing the baby he'd so desperately wanted for his own had been a pain nearly unbearable. He wasn't sure how he would have gotten through it without Carly, but it taught him one thing. He never wanted to put himself in the position of losing another child that way ever again. He loved Daniel with all of his heart and would do anything for him, but would never let himself be fooled into thinking he was that boy's father. "Perhaps I should have corrected Kristina earlier, but with Jason and Carly standing there ... Well, I didn't think you wanted it to come out that way."

"No. That's not the kind of news I want to share in the middle of a hotel lobby. I plan on telling him tomorrow and then I'll set things straight with everyone else." She curled her legs under her. "I'm excited to finally share this with him, but I'm nervous too."

"I'm sure he'll understand. You did what you thought was best for you and Daniel the way he did what he thought was best for Jake."

Sam bit her lip. "Yeah." But she wasn't so sure. That would just be too easy and her life had never been easy.

"Hey, none of that now. You here?" Jax put his arm around her and she leaned into him. "Jason has no room to judge. You're barely out of the hospital as it is. You needed those two weeks you were going to hold off to rest and heal."

"I know. I know you're right. I did what I felt was necessary to keep our baby safe and I'd do it again. It's a waste of time to second guess what might have happened had I told him sooner. All we can do now is move forward."

She felt his chin nod against her forehead. "Any ideas on just how you and Jason plan to do that?"

She sighed deeper this time. "All I know is it has to start with the truth."

He considered her words. "Does that mean you want to tell him about us too?"

"No." She answered without hesitation. "You're my best friend and in my life whether we're married or not, so the bond you develop with Hope and Daniel is important either way. I may have faith in Jason as a father, but that is all he'll ever be to me now, the father of my little boy and girl. I'm not even sure he wants me back, but on the off chance he does and on the probable chance Carly comes chasing after you I think it's safest for us both if we keep the story in place."

"So as far as anyone other than you, me or Roger knows we are a happily married couple?"

"Yes." No one else needed to know they weren't legally married. She pulled her head back to see his face. "Unless you've changed your mind?"

"No. No, no this was my idea so I'm perfectly fine to go along with it as long as you are. I just want you to know it's okay if you change your mind. I don't want you to feel obligated to me if your feelings should change about Jason. I know you still love him and maybe, maybe now that you're forced to be in the same orbit with one another you'll actually find a way to work things out?" It was just a statement of fact. Love that strong had been known to survive worse, just look at Monica and Alan. But he wouldn't encourage her to take the man back. Jax only wanted the best for Sam and he wasn't convinced Jason was it.

"I do love him." Sam admitted freely. "I may never stop, but I don't trust him, not with my heart."

She sat up out of his hold needing to see his eyes to make the point clear. "It took a lot of suffering to see it, but I finally woke up. Now that I know I deserve better I won't accept anything less. It used to be enough to be loved, but I realized I was selling myself short. I want to come first with the man I love or, I should say, I want our family to come first. Every decision I make and every action I take is with the forethought of how it will affect Daniel and now Hope as well as my own peace of mind. I was running a distant fifth with Jason at the end. The business, Carly, Sonny ... Elizabeth all rated higher and I can't live like that anymore. I won't."

"I'm proud of you. You deserve someone to put you and Daniel John first. Hope too, but aren't you worried Jason will put those same priorities ahead of Daniel and Hope?"

"I'd be lying if I said some small part of me wasn't, but I won't allow that fear to stop me from doing the right thing. Jason deserves the chance to be a father to his children. If he decides to throw that chance away, that will be on him."

Jax grinned at her show of strength. Her resolve shined bright as the flecks in her amber gaze lit up like golden flames. "Any man that would take you for granted is a damned fool."

"Guess that makes you lucky you wised up then." Sam teased.

"Incredibly." He smiled bright.

Slyness danced in those whiskey eyes. "So much so ... that you'd be willing to take on extended babysitting duties tomorrow?"

"Absolutely." He agreed without question. "You know I love spending time with my godson, but I thought you'd want to take Daniel with you when you tell Jason."

"I do, but I wanted to visit Alexis first. How was she when you left? I figure you would have mentioned any changes."

His face grew somber. "No change. I sat with her and talked. I'm not sure it did any good, but I just wanted her to know I was there."

"I know." Heaviness settled in her heart. "I agree with Robin. It could make all the difference."

"You're right." Jax wrapped his arm around her again and gave her shoulder a squeeze sounding as upbeat as he could. "We just need to be there for her as much as possible."

Sam half-smiled and nodded leaning into his side again. "I'm going to do my best, but it isn't only Daniel that needs my attention now. I need to be there for Hope too. I have to show her that it's safe for her to rely on me and that I won't disappear on her."

Jax smoothed a comforting hand over her arm as his head leaned against hers. "She's endured a lot of changes in a very short time. Continuity, a schedule she can depend on, may help her feel more secure. Help her feel it's safe to trust that the new life she's been given won't be taken away again."

Jax was right. "I'll talk to Jason about it tomorrow. It'll benefit Daniel too." She wasn't sure how they would work out a schedule between Hawaii and New York, but they would have to find a way.

A few moments passed before she spoke again. "So. Are you ready to tell me those things you've been keeping from me now?"

She felt Jax tense next to her. "I'm sorry I wasn't completely honest with you."

"I believe you. I wish you would have told me, but I understand why you didn't. I was on bed-rest. We'd already had several close calls. The doctors were very clear how important it was for me not to carry any additional stress. Hearing about Emily, I would have wanted to be there for Jason and Nikolas, but I was grounded and stuck in a hospital bed thousands of miles away. That would have been stressful."

"There's more ..." He trailed off hesitantly and Sam could hear the tension now as well as feel it.

"Michael. I know." She swallowed thickly as she felt him sigh. "I visited the cemetery earlier. I found him next to Lila."

He turned to her then wanting her to see his sincerity. "I'm so sorry. I didn't hear about Michael until the next day. You'd just delivered. You were unconscious and the doctors weren't sure you were going to make it. I wanted to go to Carly. No matter how carelessly she treated my love for her, I would have been there."

She smiled sadly and cupped his cheek. "I know and I'm sorry I held you back. I wasn't able to take care of Daniel and you were there for him when he needed me. I'll never be able to thank you enough for that."

He breathed in relief with a slight smile as he grasped her hand on his cheek and kissed her knuckles. "You already have. You share your friendship and your son with me and that is more than enough."

She nodded, but needed to understand. "I know why you didn't tell me while I was pregnant. I can even understand why you waited until I was out of the hospital, but why didn't you tell me once I came home?"

Jax sighed. His reasoning seemed valid until that moment when faced with the hurt in her eyes. No reason was good enough to justify that, but he would tell his rationale just the same. "Alexis was due for her visit with us at the end of the month. She'd been keeping a few things from you too and wanted to explain and apologize in person. It was only two more weeks and you were still recuperating from major surgery. It didn't seem like so much to ask, so I agreed to wait for her."

She sat forward planting her feet back on the carpet and setting the bear on the table in front of her. "I wish you would have told me on the plane. I just, I understand, but I hate that feeling that came over me today with Carly. It was the same feeling I had when I found out about Jake."

Jax shook his head. "I hate that I left you open to ever feeling that way again. I'm truly sorry, Sam. I tried to tell you on the plane, but Daniel was so fussy and you had to keep nursing him so the pressure wouldn't build up in his ears. When you weren't nursing you two were sleeping and you're so exhausted these days I just didn't have the heart to wake you. I was going to tell you once we were in the suite, but we were both so anxious to check on Alexis I thought it would be better to tell you tonight after we'd seen her. There's no good excuse for it really. I should have told you sooner, especially once we were headed back to Port Charles."

Sam studied him for a moment and breathed deep. "Okay."

The surprise on Jax' face was almost comical. "Okay?"

Sam nodded, but she wasn't smiling. She was very serious. "On two conditions."

"Anything." Jax swore. "I don't want this to ruin the trust we've built between us."

She didn't want that either, but it would all depend on his ability to do as she asked. "First, you need to tell me everything. I need to know everything you knew. Did you know about Hope? Oh my God. Alexis must have known. Did she tell you? Did you know?"

She wasn't sure how she would handle it if Jax had kept news of her daughter from her.

"No. I swear." Jax insisted. "I had no idea. I don't know if Alexis knew."

Sam shook her head. "It's a small town. How could she not know Jason Morgan inherited a little girl? She and Diane are friends. She had to know it was Hope."

Jax knew she was probably right, but he didn't want it to set her and Alexis back. They'd come a long way. "If she knew I'm sure it was to protect us. It turns out there were several things she was holding back from me as well. She wanted to protect you and Daniel from the stress and protect me from keeping anything else from you and from worrying about her."

Her brows furrowed at that. "What do you mean? What other things?"

"Leticia, Maxie, Georgie, I had no idea and I had no idea Emily's death was related to some serial killer stalking women. Had I known I would have insisted Alexis fly out to us sooner and stay until this psycho is caught." 

Jax rose to his feet to pace off the anxious energy that filled him as things began to fall into place for Sam. "She wanted your focus to be on me and Daniel. She didn't want either of us to worry. Mom must have known about Hope too, because it makes perfect sense now."

"What does?" Jax turned for her answer.

She shifted in her seat. "The sudden 180 with telling Jason about Daniel. She was completely against him finding out at first. Once she saw him with Hope she must have changed her mind. That's why she kept pushing me to call Jason the second I was released from the hospital."

He had asked Alexis about her change of heart, but she'd never given them a satisfactory explanation. It made perfect sense. She would have known how important Hope was to Sam. There was no way she would deny her a second chance with one of the daughters she'd lost. "You're probably right. I just wish she would have told me about this damned lunatic on the loose. Why the hell wasn't Nikolas looking out for her?"

He rose to his feet again, angry.

"Jax." Sam cautioned.

Jax shook his head with a frustrated huff. "I'm sorry. I can't imagine what he must be going through after losing Emily. He's probably barely functioning as it is, but someone should have been looking out for her. Where was Sonny? She's the mother of his child!"

"Ric too." Sam threw in for good measure. Jax made a good point. Nikolas may have a good excuse, but he wasn't the only one who had cause to look out for her. "He's the District Attorney. You'd think he could rate some pull to have a guard detail on her."

Jax felt the knot grow in his stomach. "Sam ..."

She looked up at him and didn't care for the dread she saw there. "What?"

He crossed back over to her and sat next to her. "I think I better tell you everything now."

"What is it?" He was making her nervous.

"Ric is no longer DA." He began.

Her eyes narrowed as the wheels in her brain turned to figure out what he was getting at. "Why not? Was he involved in another scandal?"

Jax took a breath and told her as directly and calmly as possible. "Not exactly. He was killed."

His words hit her with a jolt. "What? Ric? Ric Lansing is dead? Molly's father is ... When? What, What happened? Do they know who did it?"

Jax nodded and prepared to tell her what he knew. "It happened the same night Emily died. Half the town attended the Black and White ball at Wyndemere that night and there was a terrible storm. The lights went out and to make matters worse a psychotic rival of Sonny's by the name of Anthony Zacharra showed up and started killing people. He went after Lulu Spencer with a gun because he disliked that she was dating his son. A nurse was shot and killed instead. Next, he started going after people connected to Sonny and Jason."

She shook her head scarcely able to believe. "Ric. Oh my God!" Fear gripped her as the next thought struck. "Was mom there too?"

"Yes. Anthony cornered them, but Ric diverted his attention long enough for Alexis to escape. By the time she found help and returned it was too late. Anthony had stabbed Ric and left him for dead."

Sam felt numb to his words. After some of the heinous things he'd done to her she'd actually wished the man dead and now he was, but he wasn't just a man she hated. He was Molly's father. Her baby sister was only fourteen months old now and wouldn't have a single memory of her father by the time she was grown. Sam honestly wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad, but it was a hurtful thing. Her sister would grow up with a void only a loving father could fill.

Jax took her hand in his unsure if he should continue by the look on her face, but not having the heart to make her work for the answers he knew she would want. "He bled to death before they could get him off the island. Robin and Patrick attempted a rudimentary transfusion with Sonny who shares the same blood type, but it wasn't enough to save him."

She could see his hand holding hers, but she couldn't actually feel it. Strange, she thought, that learning of Ric's death would have such an effect on her. Maybe it wasn't about Ric though as much as it was the accumulation of everything she'd learned in the last several hours. "I just, I can't believe all of this."

Her eyes turned back to focus on Jax. "Is Sonny alright? Was anyone else hurt?"

"Sonny is fine." Jax assured her and tried to keep the contempt from his voice. The man would probably survive Armageddon. "No one else was injured to my knowledge."

"Bridget, Leticia, Georgie, Emily, Michael and Ric." She listed the names of all the people she'd just learned were no longer a part of the world she knew. "They're all gone and Maxie and mom might be too if it weren't for Georgie and Jason."

She pulled her hand from Jax and ran them both over her face rubbing her tired eyes. She spoke with her fingers pressed to her chin as her eyes stared unseeingly before her. "I wanted to thank him."

She shook her head. "I should have thanked him tonight, but I didn't know how to bring it up without bringing up Emily too and Michael. I just ... I can't imagine what he's been through. It makes Hope's return even more of a blessing. It gave him something good to focus on."

She paused considering something. "He says he's been looking for me since I left."

Jax sat next to her at the edge of the sofa with his forearms over his thighs watching her. He worried all the news would send her into emotional overload and she would shut down, but she was still talking which was a good sign for Sam. He decided to just follow along wherever she directed the conversation until she'd had a chance to say whatever she needed. "Do you believe him?"

She looked at him briefly for a moment before returning to that far off gaze ahead of her. "It's hard to believe, but I can't think of any reason for him to lie."

Jax tended to agree. Jason had lied to Sam about Jake, but he wasn't one to play games. "Does that change how you feel?"

Sam exhaled deeply. "I can't say it doesn't matter. It means something to know he at least cared enough not to let things end the way they did, but it doesn't change the facts. He's still the same man who walked away from me. Twice, and I'll be damned if I let anyone play me for a fool again."

Jax knew he needed to tell her the rest now. It was the only thing he hadn't shared with her yet. "There's one more thing I have to tell you, one more thing I've known for a while now and I don't know if it will change anything, but I think it matters too."

She turned to face him again and wondered if she was ready to hear it, but knew she wouldn't sleep knowing there were any secrets left between them. "What is it?"

"There's a very good reason Jason didn't show up looking for you in Brisbane until August." Sam remained quiet not even realizing she was holding her breath as Jax continued. "Jason was arrested the morning after you left. He was held without bail and stood trial for the 1st degree murder of Lorenzo Alcazar. He wasn't released until August 16th after a jury verdict of not guilty."

Her head hurt and she felt like she was spinning. "He was in Brisbane the 17th. He must have followed up on Spinelli's lead the day he was released." She said the words aloud, but more to herself than Jax.

Jax nodded. He didn't know what to say, was sort of scared to say anything. Sam had every right to be furious with him. He wasn't sure how he would react to someone keeping things of such significance from him for his own good.

"I don't, I don't know what to say." Sam told him. She didn't know what it meant either, to Jason or to her.

"I'm sorry I kept it from you. Again, you weren't allowed to fly and you needed constant monitoring by the time we reached Hawaii which was when I found out so sailing was out then too. There was nothing you could do, not really. Maybe call or write, but I know you. That wouldn't have been enough and you would have stressed over it and worried about him the entire time." He was rationalizing again and hated it. He wished he'd never found out about Jason, Michael or Emily so he wouldn't have been in the position to risk one of the best friendships he had.

"I know you're right." In her head she knew he was right which was why she could find it in her heart to forgive him. "I just, I don't like my choices taken from me and by keeping those things from me they were. I know you had the best of intentions and all things considered Daniel and I might not even be here today if you hadn't done what you did, but I need you to promise me something."

She looked him straight in his clear blue eyes. "I need you to promise there will be no more secrets."

His gaze was unwavering. "None, I swear it."

She sighed loudly releasing some of the stress that had built up and managed half a smile as she pat his arm. "Good."

It was that moment Daniel decided to make himself known. He began to stir and fuss over the monitor perched on the end table. 

"Someone's hungry." Jax smiled and she returned it. She could really use a little cuddle time with her baby boy right now. "I'm going to check on him and turn in."

She stood to head toward her room grabbing the little bear as she rose then retrieving her phone, room key and coat from where she'd placed them on the receiving table. "Goodnight Jax."

"Goodnight." He paused then spoke again. "Sam?" 

Sam turned to see the hesitancy on his lips. "We're okay, aren't we?"

She gave him a reassuring smile. "We're good. I'll see you in the morning."

Jax seemed to accept her answer by breathing a little easier. "Okay. Sleep well. I'm here if you need me."

"I know." She turned back toward her room then thought better of it. "And Jax?"

Jax had already turned back to his report. "Yes?" His head turned back to her.

"Thanks for always looking out for us. I'm thankful to have you."

"I'm thankful for you too, Sam." She nodded and smiled faintly before entering her room and shutting the door behind her.

"You'll never know how much." He said to the empty room as his thumb rubbed against the gold band on his finger. 

Sam had helped him through one of the worst times in his life, was still helping him. She said she wasn't sure she was strong enough to face Jason again yet, but he didn't believe it. She was a rock and she would stand her ground. Jax felt like the one on shaky ground where Carly was concerned. She moved him like no other woman ever had and she would move him to ruin if he wasn't careful. Sam was his heart's first line of defense against the one woman who just might be the death of him if he allowed her into his heart again and for that show of friendship he was eternally grateful.

xxxxx

Sam tossed her coat over the back of one of the comfortable sitting chairs in her room then laid her phone, key card and Hope's bear on the bedside table as she made her way over to the ivory silk bassinet. It was adorned with a large baby blue ribbon at the center of the covered hood with each end trailing over the sides. She attempted to allay his hungry cries with her voice as two little fists swatted angrily at the air. 

She felt her breasts respond instantly to his cry as they filled enough to spill over so she made fast work of unbuttoning her blouse and lowering one of the straps of her bra to nurse. 

"Sh Sh sh sh Daaaniel." She soothed with a gentle sing-song trill as she picked him up from his bed and cradled him to her.

His cries ceased almost immediately as he began to root while she assisted him in latching on. The echo of unhappiness was quickly replaced by the sounds of contented suckling. She smiled down at her baby boy as he ate his fill. 

"I'm sorry I was gone so long baby, but I promise it was for a good reason." She stroked his soft cheek with the back of her curved finger as she spoke.

Sam sat on the edge of her bed and lowered the zipper of first one high-heeled boot and then the other before kicking them off and scooting back against the pillows at the head of the large bed. She placed one under her arm to aide in her comfort as she breastfed and rested against the ones at her back breathing deep. The moment was always one of the most peaceful, just her and the little miracle she'd prayed to hold just that way for so very long.

"I ran into your daddy again tonight and you'll never guess who was with him." She said as his eyes tried to focus on hers.

It was an intense gaze of the brightest blue and she felt her heart and soul get lost in them just as easily as she had with his father.

"What. No guesses?" She teased.

He stopped suckling at that and his brows knitted together. "Oh alright. I'm sorry. No more teasing. Your daddy had your grandma and your big sister with him."

She wasn't sure if it actually happened or she'd imagined it, but his eyes seemed to go wide at that revelation. "I know. Surprising stuff huh?"

He suckled twice then paused again as if waiting for her to provide details. "I've told you all about your grandma Monica, but your sister's name is Hope, Hope McCall Morgan, and she's three years old. I was there with her the day she was born just like you."

Sam brushed her finger against his little cheek again and he went back to nursing as she continued. "I know you've had a very long day and your entire schedule is thrown off due to the time change, but we both need to get lots of rest tonight. It's important, because tomorrow you're going to meet your daddy and your big sister for the very first time."

He continued nursing as she smoothed her fingers against his dirty blond hair and down around the curve of his ear. "I don't want you to worry though. Your sister and your daddy are going to take one look at you and fall completely in love with you just like me."

Daniel closed his eyes at that and rested his open palm against her breast as he fed. Sam sighed at the contentment that washed over her. She was worried and nervous about Jason's reaction as well as Hope's and also about her mother's recovery, but there in that moment with her baby boy there was nothing but his love and acceptance. It filled her completely and felt better than she could have ever imagined.

She proceeded to burp and change him before placing him back in his bassinet to sleep. She took a quick shower and fell asleep in her bed almost as soon as her head hit the pillow clutching the first present she'd ever bought for her daughter, a now rag tag little My First Christmas polar bear named Snowball. She couldn't believe Hope had kept it and loved it all that time.


	9. Chapter 9

**9.**

Jason rubbed an open hand over bloodshot eyes hooking a yawn in his fist. He was never one to require much sleep. In fact, he'd become accustomed to even less since Sam had left him, but two hours a night was pushing it even for him. He stood there, long fingers curling into palms, as his fists pressed against the smooth granite that bore the weight of his upper body. The chill of the polished stone shocked his skin, but still wasn't enough to jar him awake as he awaited the fresh grounds to brew. He inhaled deeply, encouraging the dark roast to permeate his senses, and relieve the burden of heavy lids.

Seconds later his eyes fluttered open in success, and a groan escaped over the time as he noticed the display on the microwave. It was half past seven and he needed to wake Hope now if he intended to keep them on schedule. He grabbed his travel thermos from one of the cabinets above and filled it and his mug just as he had every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday since Hope returned to his life.

At the risk of ruining his taste buds, he took several scalding sips and flipped the coffeemaker off before setting the cup back on the counter and then made his way upstairs. Hope was generally a very agreeable child, but he'd learned the hard way all bets were off when she was sleep deprived. He stepped into his darkened room to find her curled into a little ball, exactly where he'd left her, in the middle of his bed.

Carly and Monica had each warned him against starting bad habits like letting children sleep anywhere other than their own beds. But they both agreed there were exceptions to the rule and so did he, and last night had definitely been one of them. The warm milk and reading worked to put her to sleep just as Mike advised. It just hadn't kept her that way.

Jason had tucked her in minutes before nine and she was out by five after. He wasn't ready to turn in yet, so he went back downstairs to check his email for status updates and to inform his team he hadn't left town after all. It was right around eleven when he finally shut down the computer and headed up to bed himself. As usual, he ducked into Hope's room to check on her and was surprised to find her wide awake.

She was obviously distressed, but she wasn't crying and she hadn't sought him out as most kids her age would when woken in the middle of the night. He wished she felt more at ease reaching out to him or to anyone when she clearly needed comforting, but he reminded himself their relationship was still new. He hoped that was all it was, but wondered if the time she spent with Rita may have done more damage than anyone realized. He had done his best to allay her anxiety until she finally fell asleep again thirty minutes later then made his way down the hall to find some sleep as well. 

It was less than two hours later when he woke to what sounded like quiet little sniffles over the monitor. Sure enough when he checked, Hope was sitting up in bed again and still unable to sleep. It was a good thing he was such a light sleeper or he never would have heard her. He offered her another stuffed animal for company, but they both knew it wasn't the same. That bear had been the one constant in Hope's life since as far back as she could remember.

She fell asleep once again after another twenty minutes and he'd sat with her for another forty before going back to bed himself. He had just fallen back to sleep again sometime around 3 a.m. when he got the scare of his life. The alarm sounded waking him to an intruder. He grabbed the gun from the custom lock-box in the drawer of his bedside table and rushed to check on Hope, but she wasn't in her room. He raced downstairs and found her at the front door. It was cracked open and she was holding her hands over her ears to drown out the security system's high-pitched wail. He pulled her away from the door and aimed his weapon as he cleared the outside hall only to be met by his armed response team. Jason allowed them entry to check his home while he stayed with his daughter and silenced the alarm, but there was no intruder.

He'd dismissed the team after apologizing for the false alarm. Hope explained she woke up again and remembered how he always bolted the door before bed, so Snowball might be locked out and waiting for her on the other side. She had gone downstairs and used the desk chair to unbolt the door to see. Once his heart settled back in his chest and he'd put his firearm back under lock and key, Jason patiently explained to her why she must never open the door on her own again until she was much older. 

She had nodded and promised to listen and they had gone back upstairs, but when the time came to tuck her back into her own bed again Jason just couldn't do it. She wasn't crying and she wouldn't tell him that she wanted it, but he could see she was still anxious about being alone so he picked her up and asked her if she wanted to sleep in his room for the night. She sighed in relief and nodded her head as she cuddled into him and he was sold on the idea as well.

They slept peacefully for nearly an hour, but it was him that was unable to remain that way. Jason had tried his best to take his own advice and not allow himself to get his hopes up over Carly's suggestion, but it hadn't worked. He was plagued by the beautiful dream Carly conjured of Sam confirming her son was his too and it had left him too excited and far too nervous to get any rest. He had been that way all night and between his nerves and Hope's anxiety he had barely slept a wink. 

Hope hadn't woken up again since falling asleep sometime after four, but he'd been wide awake since 5 a.m. He'd laid there on his side of the bed with his daughter cuddled into him. It reminded him so much of Sam that his heart ached. Every time he moved over to give Hope room she scooted over to snuggle against him again in her sleep, just like Sam.

He smoothed her almost raven hair from her face with the soft pads of his fingers and smiled. He felt so incredibly lucky to call this beautiful girl his daughter. Her dark silken hair, petite frame and heart-shaped face reminded him of Sam while her long dark lashes slumbered over eyes that couldn't match his own more than if he had given them to her. It was amazing to him how the little girl that came from neither one of them seemed to belong to them just as much as if she had been born from their love. He adored everything about her, but the way her little lips protruded in her sleep, pronouncing her sweet cupid's bow mouth, was possibly one of the cutest things he'd ever seen.

He'd remained there next to her for another hour thinking things over. He wondered where they would go from there and found himself staring at Sam's side of the bed wishing she was there with them. As good as it felt to have Hope in his life, he worried it would never feel right without Sam. It was on that note he felt frustration and anxiety rise and decided to slip out of bed before Hope picked up on it too and it disturbed her rest.

He grabbed a fresh change of clothes and went to the guest bath to shower, groom, and dress so he wouldn't wake her. It was during his shower he decided it might be best to stick to their schedule as close as possible since they had canceled their vacation, but as he stepped into the room now and stared down at the cuddly ball hidden under the covers he wondered if maybe they should just take a free day.

It was Thursday and they spent the day in his office on Thursdays, but it wasn't as if the day would go exactly to schedule anyway since Sam planned on visiting. They would only be there a half day so the schedule would be disrupted no matter what. He'd just decided to let her sleep when she began to stir. The top sheet was clutched in her hands and she brought it up to rest under her chin, but didn't speak. She just watched him quietly with those bright blue inquisitive eyes.

A soft smile found him as Jason locked eyes with her and waited for her to fully wake. She liked to be the first to speak when she woke up in the morning. It was an odd quirk to her personality and perhaps some would say overindulgent of him to abide it, but he had witnessed her entire day set off course by the simple act of initiating the topic of conversation that would start her day. He reasoned it must have something to do with needing to have some form of control over her life, and he didn't see the harm in giving that to her if that was all she needed to feel more secure.

"Good morning." She smiled and his heart was fuller for it.

"Good morning." 

Maybe she got enough sleep after all, he thought, and then her brows furrowed causing his abdomen to tense. 

"Did Snowball come home yet?"

Jason shook his head. "Not yet."

Hope sighed and noticed the clothes her daddy wore. He dressed in tee shirts and jeans with black boots and a soft leather jacket when they stayed home, but not on work days. On work days he wore shiny black shoes, dark pants and soft sweaters or shirts with buttons, but no coat or tie like great grandfather. 

Hope loved going to work with her daddy. They had breakfast every morning with aunt Carly and Morgan at Lulu's and Lulu always gave her yummy new things to try like banana chocolate muffins and those soft buttery moons with the jam of the week. All the people that worked with her dad were really nice and her aunt Carly would always come up and visit with her and sometimes she had Morgan with her and they would have lunch or playtime together when her daddy had a meeting, but the best part was just being with her dad. He never left her and that made her feel like he never would.

She loved work days, but today she was feeling kind of fluttery about leaving. What if Snowball shows up and I'm not home, she worried, he might think I left him or forgot about him. "Are we going to work today?"

Jason could see her reluctance and knew it probably had to do with the missing bear she expected to knock on the front door any minute. "Yes, but I thought we could stop by Kelly's first and maybe take the path through the park to look for Snowball and put up some reward signs I had Spinelli make if you want."

Hope sat up, suddenly much more alert. "Really?"

"Really." Jason half smiled. "But you'll have to hurry and get ready or we'll miss breakfast with Carly and Morgan."

She was hopping off the bed before he could finish his sentence. She bounded down the hall toward her room like a tumbleweed in a dust storm and Jason chuckled at the sight as he followed to help hurry her along. 

Ten minutes later he was shaking his head as he took in her appearance and ran the lavender little comb through her hair. Hope had a very definitive idea about her selection of clothing. It was a battle he usually picked to let her win and today was no different. Her outfit of choice was a statement, that was for sure, and she certainly wasn't afraid to make it. There were stripes and polka dots and just about every color in the rainbow and then some.

With shoes on, coats on, teeth brushed and hair combed Jason gulped the remainder of his first cup of coffee and prepared to leave. He helped Hope put her little tiger backpack on over her coat and then grabbed his things before resetting the alarm. His daughter led the way clutching the Most Wanted flyers to her chest as they exited the penthouse. Hope's primary guard, Calvin, met them with the waiting elevator like clockwork and the three made their way to Jason's SUV with the rest of her protective detail falling in around them as their day officially began.

xxxxx

Sam waited in the living room precisely where Alfred had left her before setting off to inform Nikolas of her arrival. Leaving Daniel behind again that morning hadn't been any easier than the night before, but she was at least comforted to know he was in very good hands with Jax for the few hours she would be away. 

She stood magnetized to the view of the harbor as it sparkled in the morning sun. It wasn't Maui, but Port Charles really did have a certain beauty all its own. Stepping foot inside her cousin's grand entry and living room, she was immediately struck by how beautifully appointed it was with attention down to the finest detail in both construction and design. She could only assume the rest of the residence must be as well. It was far more luxurious than any other part of the hotel she'd seen so far, but nothing about it was more spectacular than the two story floor to ceiling view encompassing two walls of the room. It overlooked the harbor and a portion of the bustling city twenty three stories below.

The entire room shined in its brilliance making it a complete and total contrast to the dark and foreboding castle Nikolas once called home. Sam smiled faintly. It was a relief to know he wasn't left all alone in that dreary abode which now represented a place of so much heartache, the place where the love of his life had been taken from him. She couldn't imagine being faced with living her life after losing Jason, not completely anyway, not like Emily had been taken from Nikolas. And she especially could not fathom living day in and day out in the very place it happened as the memories tore at her soul. Tears burned at the thought as she considered her cousin and his loss.

"Sam, welcome home." She heard Nikolas greet from behind and quickly turned with a smile she hoped was bright enough to disguise any sadness wetting her lashes.

"It's good to see you." She returned as she walked over to him. 

Her smile warmed the room more than the sun shining into it ever could. Nik had forgotten how much that smile affected him, but now that he was privy to it again he realized just how much he'd missed it, and her, despite the issue he took with her actions.

"You were greatly missed." 

He afforded her a small smile as he welcomed her embrace, but his tone falling just shy of the warmth she knew him capable of made her question if he had actually been one of those that greatly missed her. His statement, however, had been more declarative than accusing so she took it in the spirit she hoped it was given.

They pulled out of a brief hug and Nikolas gestured his hand toward the sitting area.

"Please, let's sit. Shall we? Alfred has gone to notify Viola and Spencer's nanny of your arrival. They should be down soon with all three."

Sam took a seat near the center of the sofa as Nikolas opted for the nearest chair. 

"I can't wait to see them again. This condo is amazing." Sam looked around admiring it once more. "Someone should tell Jax the owner's suite has nothing on this place."

She was still smiling and looking about, but made contact with him as the last of her comment slipped out. She watched as whatever sliver of cheer he may have had at her arrival disappeared with a tightening of his jaw and hardening of his eyes. She'd realized too late that she'd put her foot in it.

"Thank you." Nikolas replied with a detached politeness. "I'm certain there are many things he will need to be told after neglecting his commitments here in Port Charles for so long."

An unease settled like fog as her stomach churned. She wasn't altogether sure if his comment had been solely directed at Jax. It felt like he may have been talking about her as well, but perhaps that was just her guilty conscience speaking. She hadn't been there when her mother and sisters needed her. Alexis and Ric may have been divorced at the time of his death, but he was Molly's father, Kristina adored him and her mother had been very much in love with him only a year ago. In addition to that if what Jax said was accurate, then Ric died saving her mother's life. Her mom must have grieved his loss and been so worried for the girls and yet she'd still managed to be a solid source of support for her the entire time.

"He's been a little preoccupied the last several months." It was an answer that worked for each of them. Neither owed him an explanation, but Sam hoped to smooth the way rather than incite it.

"So it would seem." He quipped with a tilt of his head toward her lap as he continued. "I take it that is his wedding ring you wear?"

Sam followed his glance to her hands which had somehow neatly folded themselves one over the other on her thighs in a way that prominently displayed the gold band. 

"Yes." She told him as she held his gaze and prepared for the worst.

"I see." 

It sounded as if it took everything in him to hold back his disgust at the very idea, but he swallowed it down and continued politely as she was sure his royal upbringing insisted he must.

"Well then, I guess congratulations are in order not once but twice."

"Twice?" Sam wasn't sure what he meant.

"A marriage and a baby." He explained. "It is a double blessing when shared with the one you love." 

The contempt she'd heard a second before was lost as his words became more strained and hollow toward the end, haunted. She knew he must be thinking of the things fate denied him with Emily and any anger or disappointment she may have felt with his reception of her so far was washed away by his grief.

She could almost imagine his pain, but not completely. At one time when Jason was her everything she'd nearly lost him to his aneurysm, but they'd been fortunate enough to receive the miracle Nikolas and Emily had not. Her cousin had lost the woman he loved and now Alexis was at risk and even though he and Sam weren't very close they were still family. Learning of her marriage to the man that had stolen his child must have felt like some sort of betrayal. She felt for him and didn't begrudge his issue with Jax, but she'd hoped somehow it wouldn't come between them. She still hoped for that and so she opted to change the subject.

"Yes, it is." She agreed. "So how long are you staying at the Metro Court?"

He seemed to relax and welcome the change as he let out a breath.

"Indefinitely. I needed a place closer to town. It was originally to be a home away from home, but I now find it a more suitable environment for Spencer."

Now ... He had to fight the derisive laughter threatening to burst forth. It was perversely humorous to him the euphemisms he'd managed to come up with in order to avoid triggers that only served to further torment him or elicit obligatory and much unwanted condolences. Now that his love was gone and his life had been ripped to shreds.

Sam wasn't sure there was ever a right time to remind someone of all they'd lost or even if he cared to hear her apologies, but she could sense the sadness in him at that moment and felt compelled to offer any comfort she could. 

"I just learned about Emily last night, Nikolas. I'm so sorry." Sam consoled. "I don't know if there is anything I could ever do or say to make it better, but I'd really like to be here for you if you need anything. I know how much you loved one another. She was such a good person and always so good to me."

Sam chanced a quick glance toward the heavens in search of lightning as those last words left her lips before turning back into his solemn gaze. Emily was a good person and Sam should have left it at that because to say she'd always been so good to her was a slight stretch. The truth was things had become a little strained between them in the weeks before Sam left. 

It took her a while to figure out why, but eventually she realized Emily was in favor of Jason pursuing a relationship with her best friend despite the fact that he was still in one with her. It hurt to think Jason's sister and someone she'd grown to care for as a friend would turn on her when she'd always been so supportive before, but Sam chose to focus on the years of goodwill they'd shared for one another instead of what came between them at the end.

"Thank you for remembering her that way. You were good to her too. She confided to me after you'd gone how much she misses your friendship and how much you helped her after the rape. You were there for her in a way not even her best friend nor I could be and I never really thanked you. Your support of Emily and our relationship means a great deal to me, to both of us." She took a good look at him. It was the first sighting she'd had of the truly loving and loyal man since her return.

Sam shook her head. "There's no need to thank me. You were good for each other. You're family and she was a good friend. I was just doing my best to be a good friend and cousin in return."

Nik sighed. "I suppose there is a lesson for me in there somewhere."

"How so?" She puzzled.

"You were supportive of my relationship with the woman I love. You were a good friend and cousin. It stands to reason I owe you the same courtesy with Jax. I'm just not sure I can return the favor."

"Nikolas, you don't owe me anything." Sam insisted. "I understand why you feel the way you do. I can't say I wouldn't feel the same if I were you, but Jax has been nothing but good to me. He's become my best friend. He's a big part of my life now. I would really love for you and I to bond the way we talked about when we first found out we're family, but it won't be as good as it could be if I'm forced to filter such a huge part of my life from you."

"I understand where you're coming from, but I don't believe you quite understand what you're asking of me. Jax is your friend in the same way Elizabeth is mine. How would you feel if I married Elizabeth and asked the same of you?"

The mere suggestion sickened her much in the same way he appeared sickened moments ago. She knew Nikolas was aware of the one night stand Elizabeth had with Jason, but wondered if he may know the rest of it as well since he'd compared her dislike of that woman to his vehement animosity toward Jax. He made a good point regardless, but she wanted both men in her life. Maybe it was selfish, but she didn't want to be forced to choose. Sam had very little family to begin with and refused to give any of it up without a fight. Alexis was best friends with Jax and yet her relationship with Nikolas appeared no worse for wear.

"It wouldn't be easy, but if she truly made you happy I would never ask you to deny the future you chose for yourself." It was true, she wouldn't, but she also had to admit she'd just said a small prayer of thanks that the assertion hadn't been put to the test.

"You would never have reason to ask." Nikolas replied, implying she would never have to ask because he would never put her in that position.

Sam wasn't sure she believed that and, in mourning or not, her nature would not allow it to pass without question. "You're telling me that if you fell in love with Elizabeth you wouldn't be with her, marry her, because I might not approve?"

Sam shook her head. "I'm sorry, Nikolas. I just don't buy it."

Nikolas regarded her with an affectionate albeit heartbroken smile. "I could never allow myself to care for any person so deeply as to commit my life to them after hurting someone I love as much as Elizabeth hurt you."

What the heck was she supposed to say to that? He'd basically just admitted he loved her, a whole heck of a lot, and it wasn't as if she could point out Emily had hurt her too. He might not even be aware of how Emily felt regarding her relationship with Jason toward the end and whether he was, or not, Sam would never intentionally hurt him by bringing that point up now. Besides, he was right. Emily's betrayal didn't compare to the damage Elizabeth caused.

She felt bad now for not considering her cousin's feelings at all before reestablishing her friendship with the man who'd hurt him at least as much as Elizabeth hurt her, but she'd been in such need of a good friend at the time and Jax had been that for her. She couldn't and wouldn't regret what she had with Jax now no matter what. 

"Fair enough." Sam conceded. "But how do you and Alexis make it work?"

"Alexis and I don't speak of him, ever, as a general rule, though she knows if she truly ever needed my counsel concerning him I would do my best to advise her as objectively as possible. It would be nice if you and I could have the same arrangement, but then again Jax isn't her husband or the father of her child."

Sam cringed wanting to confess Jax wasn't really her husband or father of her child either, but pursed her lips until the impulse passed. 

"I respect your feelings about him. I hope you can respect mine and maybe one day things won't be so strained. There's plenty for us to bond over outside of Jax until then. But I am curious though. It's clear you don't want anything to do with him, so why would you ever move into his hotel?"

Nik chuckled, but the humor seemed to mock his misfortune. "It was a different time then, a time when Emily was alive and I still dared to hope."

He swallowed almost painfully and Sam couldn't bear the thought that his loss had caused him to give up on hope.

"This was to be a wedding gift for her and ... I hoped Jax would never return." He admitted somewhat abashedly.

He noticed the slight confusion cross her features and realized Alexis must not have mentioned it. "I asked Emily to marry me again and she accepted. The Black and White Ball was in honor of donations to the hospital in memory of her father, but it was also the night we announced our engagement."

He clenched his teeth to hold a trembling smile in place as he watched his beautiful cousin wipe the tears from her eyes. "I had no idea, Nikolas. That's wonderful. I, you both must have been so happy. I'm so sorry it didn't last."

Nikolas nodded, but didn't speak of that night again. "I planned to surprise her. Emily would never mention it, but I knew the grueling hours of third year rotations coupled with the commute to Spoon Island was wearing thin. I decided to look into purchasing a condo near the hospital for us as a second home on her busier days and it just so happened Carly was in the second phase of construction here. When she got wind from Lulu that I was in the market, well, let's just say the mob wife herself ended up making me an offer I couldn't refuse."

"No doubt every bit as good for her as well." If not more, Sam guessed.

Nik gave a sly smile. He'd almost forgotten how well his cousin knew Carly. "No doubt, but I really must say these are the finest condominiums in town and possibly even the state. The security and amenities in this building bar none. She gave me first pick as well as an incredible deal in exchange for adding a little prestige to the hotel now that one of its most notable residents is actual royalty."

That sounded just like her. Carly was nothing if not opportunistic, but Sam couldn't totally fault the woman. It also sounded like smart business. However, it did leave her wondering about the double-standard Nik presented. "I guess I'm just a little confused. Carly helped Jax keep Spencer away from you, but you don't seem to hold resentment toward her the way you do with Jax."

Nik nodded. "I doubt Carly and I will ever become great friends, but you're right. I do now hold her in a higher esteem than Jax and that has everything to do with something she gave me that Jax never has, a heartfelt apology. She already knew my conditions regarding the sale. The contracts were signed and she had no reason to come to me the way she did other than out of a sincere wish to do so. Jax never bothered to give a true apology for what he did. All he ever offered up were excuses to justify why he was right to do what he'd done."

Again Sam didn't really know what to say to that. There were, of course, three sides to every story so she couldn't say for sure it wasn't true. If it was, she couldn't really argue his reasoning. Either way it was clear, even if Jax had offered what he felt was an apology, it hadn't been received as such by her cousin and offering another might go a long way toward mending the rift.

Fortunately her lack of response was covered by the cheerful cries of her little sisters as Kristina clambered up onto her lap with Molly tottering closely behind. 

Sam was lavished with as many hugs and kisses as she gave while the girls worked to settle themselves on either side of her. Sam watched Nikolas rise to his feet as Viola and another lady entered behind the girls with Spencer on her hip. Sam and Viola exchanged good mornings and Viola had to smile at the exchange between Sam and her sisters as Krissy filled her in on their scheduled activities for the day. 

Viola was very thankful for the happiness and reassurance Sam's presence offered the girls. They'd suffered so much loss and upheaval recently. Kristina was still saddened by the loss of her daddy Ric and had now become withdrawn since learning of her mother's accident. Molly's mood had also become crankier as if the toddler was tired of everyone else and ready to see her mother again, but Sam was a wonderful distraction and the best medicine for them she'd found so far aside from having their mother back.

"Sam, this is Spencer's nanny, Siobhan McKenna. Siobhan, this is my cousin, Samantha McCall." Nikolas introduced.

Sam rose from her seat to extend a proper greeting and get a better look at her baby cousin. She was surprised to find such a beautiful young woman in the role of Spencer's caretaker although she wasn't sure what she'd really expected, something more grandmotherly she supposed. Ms. McKenna, however, looked to be a couple years younger than herself and they were about the same height. She wore a dark teal top that highlighted gorgeous long locks of fiery red hair and the most expressive dark brown eyes along with a fitted pair of teal and chestnut herringbone tweed slacks and stylish brown leather calf length boots which complimented her petite frame by accentuating her slender legs. Emily must have been extremely confident in her relationship with Nikolas to have hired such a knockout which was surprising considering the troubles they'd endured during their marriage, but Sam found she was happy for what it implied. 

If Emily had been comfortable with this woman hanging around her prince and bonding with her step-son, she and Nikolas must have been in a really good place before she passed. They must have come through everything stronger in the end and she was genuinely happy for them, but couldn't help the tinge of envy it engendered. It was ridiculous that she could stand there and feel envious of Emily and Nikolas ending up stronger than ever when she and Jason had been torn apart over similar circumstances, especially considering the way her cousin and Emily's happiness had been so brutally cut short, but it would be a lie to deny the feeling lingered nonetheless.

Sam also hadn't missed the way Nikolas conveniently forgot to add the last name Jacks to her introduction, but she didn't bother correcting him either. "Ms. McCall, it's a pleasure! I've heard so much about you. It's wonderful to finally meet you."

Sam was surprised and just a tad nervous to think who might have been telling tales on her. "Please, it's just Sam and I assure you half of what you've heard was likely greatly over-exaggerated."

"Well then, Sam, I look forward to making fast friends with that half of you for she's a woman to be reckoned with. Definitely someone I'd want on my side in a tight spot and, I'm simply Siobhan." Sam found herself smiling at the woman's lively spirit which seemed even more endearing with her faint Irish brogue. It was about as noticeable as Jax' Australian accent and Sam figured she must have worked very hard to tone it down, but there was no denying her heritage.

"Siobhan, I think you and I need to have a little chat about these stories sometime and I'm afraid if you've got any dirt on me I'll need you to give up some of your own." Sam teased.

"Oh, I can't be giving all my secrets away for free. I'm afraid you'll have to play me for them sometime, McCall. I hear you're pretty good at pool." Siobhan challenged.

"Only one way to find out, McKenna. We'll have to play while I'm in town."

"I look forward to it." Siobhan smiled as the baby in her arms let out a loud gurgle instantly drawing Sam's attention and everyone else too. 

"Oh my gosh, Nikolas, he's gotten so big!"

Sam held her arms open wide to receive the cutest little Cassadine she'd ever seen as Siobhan freely handed him over. Spencer had his father's strong chin and handsome smile with matching deep brown eyes and a head full of dark brown hair, but the shape of his face and cute little nose reminded her of Courtney.

Siobhan handed him over with a bright smile. "Careful." She warned. "This little guy will steal your heart away from you if you don't watch out. He's already won mine from me the moment we first met."

As if on cue, the 11 month old chose that moment to place both of his hands on each of Sam's cheeks and plant an open-mouthed kiss on her closed lips. Sam couldn't help the way her heart melted into his dark chocolate eyes. She smiled lovingly at him.

"Sweet boy." She cooed as she rubbed noses with him then looked over at his father who seemed pleased with the scene before him. "I see he's inherited his father's charm as well as his good looks. You're going to have your hands full in a few years once he's become a teenage heart-throb."

Nik actually smiled the first real smile she'd seen from him hearing that, but then something dark swooped back over him and she could only imagine it was the grief he must still be battling.

"Breakfast is served, sir." Alfred announced.

"Thank you." Nikolas acknowledged as Alfred returned it with a nod before retreating to attend to other duties. "Shall we ladies, and gentle man?"

"We shall." Kristina nodded regally as Molly mocked the gesture, but garbled the words. Sam and Siobhan laughed along with Viola. Clearly their cousin, the prince, had already worn off on her little sisters.


	10. Chapter 10

**10.**

Jason was nervous, more nervous than he'd been the night before if possible. The day had dragged along as his anticipation grew, but it was finally almost two o'clock and one of the guards had just informed him Sam was on her way up. 

He glanced over at the front door and then his eyes were drawn to the little girl planted not ten feet in front of it. It was an hour past nap time. So much for my plan to keep her on schedule. But after the night they'd had Jason knew it was pointless to expect her to get any sleep without her bear or him lying next to her. 

She'd asked if she could stay up until her mommy got there to read her a story and maybe lie with her for a little while. Jason hadn't had the heart to deny her, but that wasn't the only reason she was staked out at his front door. Nope, she wasn't just waiting for her mother; she was waiting for her bear too. Hope was convinced Snowball had to have almost made his way home by now and would show up any minute.

Jason sighed and prayed Sam might have an idea of how to help because he was at a loss. He'd spent the better part of the morning trying to track down Snowball and then he'd switched his efforts to searching for an exact duplicate. He figured he'd find a way to age it up a little and hopefully she'd never know, but the manufacturer didn't produce that particular stuffed toy any longer. It was a limited edition and, out of 938 matches for stuffed polar bears on e-bay, he'd found a total of zero that even remotely resembled Snowball. He'd had half his staff scouring the internet for the better part of the morning, but they came up with nada. 

Out of all the predicaments he and Hope experienced since she returned home, this was the first that had left him so thoroughly stumped. Carly suggested bribing her with some new toy, but Jason doubted it would work. Hope was different from most kids in that regard because, while she appreciated new clothes and toys, she wasn't enamored by them like other children he knew.

Bridget had informed him that Rita never allowed Hope many toys, only books, which was probably why she was so fond of reading and already had such a strong grasp of the English language. But it was also likely why she had such a strong attachment to Snowball. He was the one toy she'd been allowed to cherish. According to Bridget, Rita donated all the toys Bridget ever bought for Hope to charity after only a month or so of play claiming she didn't want Hope spoiled. She'd tried several times to give Snowball away too, but Bridget always rescued him and helped Hope keep him hidden on donation days until Rita finally relented. 

Maybe it was because Hope had so little to rely on in her life that she loved the constants she did have even more. Jason knew Snowball was at the top of that list and, though he doubted any good would come from delaying the inevitable, he just wasn't ready to take that sense of security from her by forcing her to accept Snowball was lost forever.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door followed by Hope's squeals of delight as she bolted from the floor. She halted as her hand hovered over the knob then looked back at him, obviously recalling their talk the previous night. Jason took a calming breath and gave a half-smile to his mindful little girl as he made his way over to answer it.

Sam was a nervous wreck by the time she exited the elevator on the penthouse floor. Nothing most could detect from the outside, mind you, but inside she was a bundle of nerves, a conflicting mixture of enthusiasm and trepidation all at once. She was about to introduce Jason to his son, a son he didn't even know existed, and finally bond with her long lost daughter. That was the exciting part, but they would also have to talk about things she'd rather stay in the past. She dreaded rehashing it all, or, was it hashing since they'd never really discussed it in the first place? She wasn't sure, but she was sure it was necessary if they were to clear the air enough to be good co-parents to their children.

Their children... She looked down at Daniel sleeping peacefully in his stroller and smiled; just the sight of him calmed her. She'd dressed him in a navy onesie underneath an adorable navy blue kimono-style top and pant set made of soft cotton jersey with a matching beanie and baby blanket. It was nice, but simple and comfortable and she thought it appropriate for a first meeting with his dad. She sighed contentedly at him then stepped up to her ex-fiance's door and gave a good knock.

"Is it Snowball?" Hope inquired as her dad peered through the peephole.

Jason looked down at her and shook his head. "It's your mom and your baby brother."

He watched as her eager demeanor gave way to something enigmatic. He thought he detected a hint of disappointment, but found himself unable to read her completely and remarked how unnatural it seemed for a three year old to be able to mask their emotions so easily. Once again, he wondered what damage her time with Rita Sullivan may have caused her and whether, or not, it was irreparable. The thought sickened and saddened him at once, but he shook it off as another knock sounded and turned to answer the door as Hope withdrew to the comfort of her original spot near the arm of the sofa.

"Hey, come in." Jason opened the door wide and stepped aside to make way for Sam as she pushed a black pram ahead of her. She was even more beautiful to him than she had been the day before. Her dark brown hair was down today, longer than when she'd left town. It cascaded past her shoulder blades in big loose curls he yearned to run his fingers through the way he once had. She wore little make-up, as none was really needed, but the warm tones only enhanced her natural beauty. She had a glow about her and he could only guess motherhood and marriage suited her well. The mere thought sent pangs of guilt and regret coursing through him. It should have been him, could have been him, if only he hadn't messed it all up, he lamented. Her familiar fragrance assaulted his senses and he couldn't stop the slow perusal of her body as she passed by oblivious to the effect she had on him. 

The heel on her gray suede boots wasn't enough to pose any danger walking along the ice and snowy sidewalks of New York, but just enough to elongate her toned legs and position her perfect breasts in a most enticing way. Her charcoal jeans sculpted her curves like a second skin and he suppressed a sigh at the memory of what remained hidden underneath. She finished the look with an over-sized off the shoulder gray and white striped sweater and gray leather jacket for added warmth. It was simple and comfortable and yet she still took his breath away. Seeing her in their home again was a long-awaited wish come true, but he forced another deep breath to keep his emotions at bay. Things were different now.

"Hello, Jason." She responded with a sincere, albeit hesitant, smile then widened it considerably when she spotted their daughter standing by the sofa. Her joy at Hope's unexpected presence kept her from experiencing the full weight of discomfort she'd anticipated upon entering the home she once believed she'd never see again.

"Hey there, sweet pea. I thought you'd be sleeping when we got here. What a nice surprise." She greeted her daughter as she took in her appearance and had to smile again in wonder of the little personality shining through in her choice of attire.

It was a stark contrast to the conservative soft pink and taupe sweater dress, tights, hat and boots she'd first met her in the previous night. Hope wore a sleeveless navy dress with an asymmetrical hemline ending just below the knees. It was covered with polka dots in varying shades of pink, lavender and green and accented with a thin apple green satin ribbon at the waist and neckline. The dress was paired with a three-quarter sleeved hot pink top underneath and navy leggings with thin stripes in the same colors as the polka dots. She also donned a pair of black leather boots with silver buckles and a red and white cowgirl hat identical to the one the little cowgirl doll tucked in her arm wore. "That's a really cool outfit. Did you and your daddy pick that out?"

Jason closed the door behind him and turned to see Hope smile at the compliment as she shook her head. "I picked it all by myself."

Sam smiled. "I love all the colors and I really love your boots. I wish I had a pair like those."

"These are all my favorite colors. That's why daddy let me pick it. He bought these boots for me too. They're black like daddy's e'cept mine have butterflies. See?"

Hope turned her ankle to reveal a better view of the stitched design covering the front and sides. 

"How pretty." Sam declared. "Now I really want a pair of my own. I wonder if they make them in my size."

Hope smiled thinking she would like it if her mommy had boots just like her. "Maybe daddy could take us to see and you could get some too."

"That sounds fun. I can't wait to take you shopping." Sam told her and she couldn't. She had lots of Christmases and birthdays to make up for.

"May I take your coat?" Jason offered and Sam turned her attention to him and nodded as she slipped it off and handed it over.

Jason accepted it from her then hung it next to his and Hope's in the coat closet by the stairs. He couldn't help the warm feeling that settled over him as the three coats nestled together.

Sam peeked in the covered pram to find Daniel still sound asleep so she repositioned his stroller behind the arm chair near the desk so he would hopefully stay that way while she spent some quality time with her daughter. She couldn't wait to see Jason with his son in his arms, but thought it best to wait until Hope wasn't in the room before she shared such emotional news with him.

Jason observed his daughter watching Sam carefully as Sam's attention returned to the baby. Hope seemed curious, but reserved and he had to admit that was exactly how he felt about Sam's baby too. He wanted to know everything, but at the same time felt the need to hold back.

Satisfied her son was perfectly happy, Sam was about to take a seat in the arm chair nearest him when she remembered something. Jason walked to the far end of the sofa and took a seat there as both he and Hope watched her with interest. She retrieved a diaper bag from beneath the stroller and set it on the desk as she rifled through it.

"I came across something very interesting today." Sam pulled out a rolled up piece of paper from a side pocket and unfurled it facing them to reveal one of the posters they'd put up that morning. Spinelli had fashioned them after a WANTED poster as seen in old Westerns. 

"That's Snowball, my bear." Hope told her. "He got lost yesterday." She said with a frown.

"I know. It says here there's a reward and that it's negotiable. Does that mean the person who finds him can name any price?" Sam inquired.

Jason wondered how she could possibly know that missing bear belonged to Hope. Even if Sam remembered buying it for her as a baby, it didn't mean the bear on the poster was Hope's. The photo on the poster was of Snowball, but Hope had been cropped out and no names or addresses were listed for safety's sake, only a phone number which was to Jason's new cell so Sam couldn't possibly have recognized that either. 

"Yes." Jason answered. "But how did you know it was Hope's?"

Sam looked from Hope to Jason and back again. "Because..." She drew out the word as she rooted through the bag again and pulled out a white ball of fluff. "I happen to be the one who found him."

Hope chirped out Snowball's name like a happy little songbird as Sam held the bear out in front of her. She ran toward her mother and engulfed the bear in an asphyxiating embrace. Sam grinned and Jason breathed a huge sigh of relief as they watched their toddler twirl in circles with what just might be her very best friend in the whole wide world.

"Where did you find him?" Jason said and Hope stopped twirling to listen as well.

"Kelly's." Sam answered as her smile lingered on her daughter then looked back at Jason as she explained. "After we said goodnight last night I realized I'd left my phone on the table, so I went back in and as I leaned over for it my foot hit something. I looked to see what it was and found him there. The table hadn't been cleared yet, so I knew it had to be Hope's. I held on to him so I could bring him with me today."

"Snowball spent the night with you?" Hope was surprised and Sam nodded.

"Thank you." She said as she wrapped her little arms around Sam's upper thighs which was as high as she could reach. "You kept him safe." She murmured against her with Jessie the cowgirl in one hand and Snowball in the other as she gripped tight to them and her mom.

Sam lowered herself to take full advantage of the hug causing Hope's little cowgirl hat to slip off her head and settle on her back as they embraced. 

"You're so very welcome." She told her as she picked her up and sat in the chair with her.

Hope sat with her legs across Sam's thighs and leaned against her chest as Sam ran her fingers through Hope's dark hair. It was fine as silk and just as soft and Sam couldn't resist pressing a tender kiss to the top of it while inhaling its sweet scent.

Jason looked on oblivious to the soft smile adorning his lips. "Where did you see the poster? Was it at the Metro Court, GH, or the park?"

Sam's gaze left the little girl in her lap to look at Jason and she shook her head. "No, I saw it in Kelly's about an hour ago when I met Maxie there for lunch. Wow, you guys work fast. It sounds like you've already blanketed the town with posters."

She felt Hope nod against her breast as she clutched her bear rubbing his threadbare ear with her little thumb and index finger.

"Hope has a hard time sleeping without him. That's why she isn't napping right now. We kind of had a rough night." Jason explained.

Sam suddenly felt bad for not considering how much distress it might cause Hope to go without her bear. She could tell from its wear that it was well-loved. "I'm so sorry, Hope. I had no idea you needed him to sleep or I would have brought him home to you as soon as I found him. I should have done that anyway."

"It's okay, Sam. You didn't know." Jason defended and again she felt Hope shift against her bosom as Hope looked up at her.

Sam looked down into her sparkling blue eyes. "It's okay, mommy. I'm not sad anymore. You and Snowball came back. That makes me happy."

Sam smiled at her and nuzzled her soft lips against her daughter's forehead as she whispered against it. "It makes me happy too, baby, so very happy to be here with you and your bear again."

Jason flashed to a memory of Sam nearly three years before when she held an infant Hope on her lap as she made that same bear dance for the brand new baby girl they planned to raise as their own. He'd stood behind the chair and watched from over Sam's shoulder as Hope's bright blue eyes followed the bear's every movement and she waved her little arms in excitement as if attempting to grasp it, but too uncoordinated to do so. "Hope, do you know who gave you that bear?"

Hope turned in her mother's lap to see her daddy better. She shook her head no. Nobody ever told her where Snowball came from. He'd just been with her as long as she could remember.

Jason met Sam's eyes with a gentle smile then looked back to his daughter. "Sam." He told her and her eyes widened as she looked back up at Sam.

"You, mommy?" Sam grinned at her and nodded. "It was the first gift I ever gave you." Sam had given it to Bridget as a gift for Hope before Bridget decided she wasn't ready to be a mother and gave her baby girl to Sam.

Hope's eyes lit up hearing that. She'd loved her mama and after she lost her she never thought she would ever have another one as good even though her mama and daddy told her she would, but now her new mommy was finally there and she'd given her Snowball and he was the most favorite thing she ever had. Snowball had always been there for her even when her mama wasn't.

Sam took note of the bear again and asked a question she'd been wondering since last night. "Why are one of Snowball's legs whiter than the other?"

Hope sat Snowball upright on her lap to look at it as she spoke. "Mama said we had to keep a sock on it or else GG would give him away."

Sam looked down at the bear and noticed the leg he must have had the sock on was also the one that said "my first Christmas." 

She looked at Jason, perplexed, and made a mental note to find out later just exactly what the hell Rita did to their daughter. Hope and Sam sat there for several more minutes discussing the adventures of Snowball and Jessie and other things Hope liked. Hope seemed perfectly content to stay on her mother's lap forever, but then the baby began to stir and Sam quickly put Hope down as she stood and rushed to Daniel.

Sam missed the look on Hope's face as if she felt literally tossed aside, but Jason caught it and his over-protectiveness flared for a second before he realized Sam wasn't favoring one over the other. She was just excited that the baby was awake so she could introduce Hope to her brother.

Hope leaned against the edge of the coffee table as she watched her mother lift the baby out of his stroller and walk back to the chair to sit. Jason stayed where he was, but he recognized that same look of interest mixed with apprehension on Hope's profile as she watched Sam interact with the baby in her arms. 

Sam shifted Daniel so that he was tucked into her right arm and freed her left as she held it out to Hope. "Would you like to meet your baby brother?"

Hope looked to Jason and he nodded reassuringly as his heart thumped in his chest for reasons he didn't want to think of. Hope looked back to Sam and nodded shyly as Sam waved her over and helped her climb back up into her lap.

"Hope, this is your little brother, Daniel John. Danny, this is your big sister, Hope. You two now have each other to look out for and love for the rest of your lives."

Hope looked down at the baby and back up to her mom. She was quiet for a couple of minutes just taking it all in. "He has the same name as uncle Danny."

Sam's eyes shot up to Jason who remained silent as Sam looked back down at her daughter. "You know about your uncle Danny?"

Hope nodded that she did. "Daddy told me. There's pictures in my storybook when you were all in Awahii."

Sam blinked back tears as her penetrating gaze returned to Jason. He'd kept her brother's memory alive in Hope, he'd shared stories of her with Hope too and planned to take their daughter to their special place in Hawaii so that she could feel closer to her until he could find her and bring bring her home to Hope like he'd promised.

She mouthed thank you to him, too overwhelmed to actually voice the words. He simply nodded and took in the scene before him of the woman he loved with two children they never thought she'd have tucked safely in her arms. If he weren't already deeply and irrevocably in love with Sam McCall that sight alone would have him falling hard and headfirst.

A silence stretched between them and Sam finally pulled her gaze from his as Daniel swatted his little fists in the air and Hope continued to observe him. It was Hope that finally broke the silence with the same observation Kristina had made the day before. "If he's your real baby why doesn't he have your eyes and hair like I have my mama's?" 

Sam smiled with a secret on her lips she could hardly wait to share. "He gets those from his daddy." 

She avoided Jason's eyes not wanting to see the pain there or for him to see the truth just yet and reminded herself she was about to make it up to him very soon. 

Jason wasn't sure whether his heart clenched in joy or pain, but it ached nonetheless as he hoped for something he knew he had no business hoping.

"Daddy says I couldn't look more like you and him if I was borned from your love." Sam looked at Jason as he averted his eyes feeling a heat rise up his neck.

He then looked back up at his daughter and Sam saw all the love and pride he felt for their little girl gleaming in his eyes. She couldn't wait to make him a proud father all over again when she placed their son in his arms. She looked back down at their children in her lap and smiled as emotion filled her.

Sam was touched by his words and noticed just how true they were as she took in every single feature of her perfect little girl from head to toe. She knew it was true that Hope inherited her dark hair and blue eyes from her birth mother, Bridget, but it was amazing just how much she resembled what a daughter made from their love might look like. Her eyes were like Jason's and her hair, petite frame and heart-shaped face were just like Sam's. "Your daddy is right and we couldn't love you more if you were born from our love either."

Hope let out a big yawn and Sam began running her fingers through her hair again as she snuggled deeper into her mother's side still watching her baby brother with a curious brow. 

"Now that Snowball's home, I think it's time for a nap." Jason said with quiet authority.

"Will you please tuck me in and read me a story?" Hope shifted her head toward Sam.

Sam looked over at Jason. "Would you be okay sitting with Daniel for a few minutes while I'm with Hope?"

"Sure." Jason said, even though he wasn't so sure about it at all. In fact, the very thought of it filled him with unease.

"Why don't you go up and get comfortable and pick out a story while I change Danny and then I'll be right up?" Sam suggested.

Hope nodded then hopped down to do just that. She was so excited to show her mommy her room and storybook that she completely forgot to hug her daddy for sweet dreams before she ran upstairs.

Sam carried Daniel over to the desk and laid out the padded liner, diaper and wipes from his diaper bag to change him. Jason quietly noted how fast she worked. It was over before Danny even had a chance to fuss. She'd done a good job with Hope too by trying to give her some undivided attention and with the way she'd introduced her to her baby brother. "You're a natural, Sam. You're already good with him, Hope too."

Sam finished putting the items back in the bag then laid Daniel back in his pram and covered him with his blanket. He was such a good baby and quiet like his daddy. The only time he ever really cried was when he was hungry. "Thank you, Jason. That means a lot coming from you because I know just how good you are with children."

Jason nodded in silence thinking of the children he'd been blessed to have in his life and also of the ones he'd lost.

If Sam noticed the melancholy that encompassed him in that moment, she didn't acknowledge it. "He should be good for another half hour before he's ready to eat again."

Again, Jason nodded. He was doing a lot of that he noticed, communicating without words, but he was too nervous about the conversation to come and being left alone with Sam's baby to speak.

Sam gave a thoughtful gaze to Jason and then back to Daniel in his stroller and paused as if she might say something more, but didn't. Instead she offered up a considerate smile as she inclined her head toward the stairs before heading up.

xxxxx

Sam walked down the familiar path of the upstairs hall past the regrettably pink room that once belonged to Spinelli toward the room she assumed was Hope's. It was directly across from the master suite and had been the nursery they prepared for Lila and then redecorated for Hope as an infant. A smile found her heart as she thought of how right it felt to have Hope there again. The penthouse was the first real home Hope had ever known, something else Sam had in common with her daughter.

She opened the door, fully prepared to see a little girl's room, but stopped short as she took in the baby blue and white geometric wallpaper and then a dark cherry crib fitted with linens in a contemporary kaleidoscope pattern of strong blue tones accented with white. Her heart and lungs seized as she read the hanging letters above the crib: j a k e.

Had Jason claimed his child with Elizabeth after all? How could she not know if he had? Surely Maxie would have said something before or during their lunch earlier if it was made public knowledge, but maybe it wasn't. She knew all too well how adamant Jason had been about keeping Jake's paternity a secret, though she wasn't sure how they'd managed to keep shared custody a secret in the gossip-ridden town.

Sam hated that once again, even though she now knew the secret, she was still in the dark. She glanced around the room. The crib was empty with only a blanket resting inside. There was a padded navy ottoman with white piping near it that looked as though the top lifted to reveal room for storage. A small basket of baby books sat on top of it. There were also a few colorful wooden trucks and cars in front of the crib on the blue-toned area rug that covered a good portion of the hardwood in the center of the room. A rocking chair sat near the crib as well with a large blue stuffed elephant on it and colorful blocks stacked at the foot. The room was lovely and everything she would have imagined for Jason's son. 

She wondered if he had decorated it himself, or had help from Carly or Elizabeth. It was evident at dinner the night before that he'd become much closer to Monica. Maybe she had helped as well or perhaps Emily before she passed. Before she knew, or could adequately explain why, her eyes welled with tears. She would have given anything to have been the one to help him decorate this nursery for Jake had Jason only wanted to share his son with her.

She blinked to suppress the tears and exited the room quickly and quietly. She checked the fourth room, but it was still the exercise room as it had been before she left. That meant Hope must now have Spinelli's old room. The door was slightly ajar and sunlight streamed from it, casting light onto the dark thoughts surrounding her. She stood outside, collecting herself for a moment, not really sure what feeling to expect when she entered. Would she feel cheated once more at seeing Hope's room also decorated with the help of some other woman? 

Sam was so tired of the negative feelings Port Charles brought out in her. That was why she'd left, but she couldn't do that now. She couldn't run again. She had to deal with it, all of it, head on. It wasn't just about what was best for her anymore. Hope and Daniel needed their father, despite how angry she still was with him. She believed she'd let that anger go, but now that she was back she knew better. The anger had only been masked by the hurt which had subsided a great deal with the joyful news that she was expecting, but the hurt and anger were still there deep down. She'd felt them yesterday and, she feared, they were as strong as ever.

She took a breath and retrained her focus on what mattered most in that moment, her daughter, then walked into the room with a smile on her face. She wasn't sure what she expected, but looking around the room she realized it was beautiful and exactly what she would have picked. The floors were five and one quarter inch wide rustic cherry with a high glossed dark honey finish, the same as in the hall and nursery she'd just left. 

It was a nice change from the nondescript Berber that covered it before. She remembered Jason telling her once when they were decorating the nursery for Lila that there was hardwood beneath the carpet if she preferred, but she'd worried at the time it might make the nursery feel cold. Jason disagreed. He thought it might actually make it feel even more inviting. They'd kept the carpet after all, but she now realized Jason had been right. Both Jake and Hope's room felt extremely warm and welcoming with the hardwood floors.

From the doorway, Sam had an excellent view of Hope who was practically bouncing on her bed in anticipation. She held her bear at her side and a large book in her lap. Sam smiled more sincerely at the sight and crossed the room to sit on her bed with her. It was a painted white cast iron daybed on the long wall to the left of the shorter wall that held the entry and closet doors. The bed was off-centered away from the closet and closer to the large bay window centered on the adjoining wall opposite the door. The wall behind the bed was accented with an ornate print wallpaper from floor to ceiling in hues of cotton candy pink, pale green and white. The remaining three walls were pink, but not the nauseating pink Brenda had chosen years ago. It was now a very soft pink with bright white baseboards and trim.

The bed was covered with a white duvet and pillow sham accented with a hot pink and sage green embroidered rose applique. The sheets were a light pink that matched the color of the painted walls with tiny hot pink and sage green rosebuds all over them. Three accent pillows in alternating pink and white rested against the back, and white mosquito netting flowed from the ceiling down around the sides. It was all very girly without being frilly and, from everything she'd learned of her daughter so far, seemed very Hope-like. 

A shag area rug in sky blue was centered a few inches from the bed and a bookshelf the length of the bed and nearly as high was positioned on the wall directly across from it. It was painted cotton candy pink with an allover fern-leaf stencil design in white. The shelves were lined with books in all shapes and sizes as well as a few baskets and several toys from the Toy Story movies. She'd watched them enough times with Kristina to recognize them. There were a few other toys as well, but more generic in nature aside from a few from Walt Disney's animated Alice in Wonderland. She figured those two movies must be favorites.

There was a child-sized rocker made of pine near the closet side of her bed with an old-fashioned teddy bear seated in it nearly as big as the chair itself. It sported a braided straw cowgirl hat with pink accents and she knew it must be Hope's. She noticed a couple of other stuffed animals about the room, but Snowball was the only one rating a spot on the bed. There was a tall pine dollhouse near the bay window and a hot pink stick pony with white yarn for its mane in the corner next to a tiny white bed just big enough for a doll with linens that matched Hope's.

It wasn't until she was seated, however, with a new vantage point of the room that she laid eyes on something that had her forgetting to breathe. There, on the wall directly across from the bed and to the left of the bookshelf, was a hand-painted mural of one of the last scenic views she'd memorized before leaving Port Charles. It was the exact view from the bed as one had from the small footbridge and she couldn't look away. 

Hope must have noticed her interest in it. "Daddy says that's a real place and one day you, me and him will go there for a picnic."

Sam blinked rapidly as emotion threatened to fall again then looked over at Hope with a tremulous smile. She couldn't speak as her wordless gaze returned to the large Willow tree with sprawling branches blowing in a breeze on the lush green bank of a gentle babbling brook.

"Is daddy right, mommy? Will we go?"

Sam swallowed hard and looked back to her daughter as she nodded. "As soon as the weather is warm enough."

Hope was happy to hear it, Sam could tell. "So, is this the story you picked out?"

It looked more like a large photo album fashioned to resemble an old book of fairy tales. Sam saw the words Happily Ever After printed on the back in a romantic script and the front cover read Once upon A Time. 

Hope nodded. "It's my storybook. The lady in the store showed daddy and me how to make it."

Hope handed the book to Sam then turned to crawl under her covers. She must have taken her boots and hat off before Sam came up because her boots rested just under the foot of her bed and her hat hung by its string on one of the bed posts. Sam laid down next to her and Hope snuggled against her as Sam tried her best to picture Jason Morgan taking instruction from some strange lady on how to scrapbook, but she couldn't. She was convinced it was something you had to see to believe, but he must have done it because when she opened the book there were all sorts of photographs adorned with decorative embellishments.

The first page begun with Once upon A time... there lived a happy family. There were two photographs on that page. She remembered taking the first of Jason as he read a travel guide to baby Hope one night. The other was of Sam rocking Hope to sleep in her nursery. Jason had taken that one. The next page spoke of a Brave Knight with photos of Jason, a fair maiden with pictures of Sam, a handsome Prince with Nikolas, a beautiful Princess featuring Emily, little lads with Michael, Morgan and Spencer and lasses with Molly, Kristina and Hope. She pondered briefly why Jake hadn't been included since he was obviously a part of Jason and Hope's life now. She was tempted to ask Hope about him, but thought better of it. She couldn't be sure what Jason may, or may not, have told her. Danny, Alan, Skye and Monica were Lords and Ladies with Edward and Lila depicted as the valiant King and compassionate Queen.

Hope and Sam took turns sharing stories of each of the photos, but when she turned to the next page Sam had to shake her head. Carly was listed as the Fairy Godmother and Alexis, the Evil Queen. She made note to swap those pictures around later. Sam doubted Jason would ever fill Hope's head with bad things about Alexis, but it made her rest a little easier when Hope confided in her. "Daddy says she isn't really evil. She's just a hippo cuticle."

"Hippo... hypocritical?" Sam guessed and Hope nodded yes with sleepy eyes.

Sam chuckled lightly with another shake of her head then pressed a kiss to her forehead as Hope curled into her. Sam closed the book and set it on the floor then turned on her side as she stroked Hope's hair and watched her baby girl fall asleep in her arms. A supreme contentment settled over her the likes of which she'd only ever felt with three other people in her life. She'd felt that way when Lila was alive and kicking inside of her, when Jason held her in his arms after they'd made love and she felt it whenever she held Daniel in her arms. 

Moments later, though it was not her intention to do so, Sam, too, fell asleep in that peaceful embrace.

xxxxx

Jason wasn't sure exactly how long it was, but Sam had been up there a pretty long while. He remained glued to his spot on the sofa for a good twenty minutes fighting his anxiety and curiosity over the little bundle in the stroller. He was tempted to take a peek, but also afraid of what he might see, afraid to find a mini version of Jasper Jacks looking back at him. Jason didn't think he could take that amount of pain on top of everything else and it hit home even harder just how much having a baby with another woman must have hurt Sam. He knew she would never hold it against an innocent child just as he would not, could not. Still, it didn't mean it wouldn't hurt like hell to look at that baby and see what another man had been able to give Sam that he hadn't. Not since losing Lila had he identified so completely with her pain.

The baby began crying not quite ten minutes ago. Jason pulled the pram over and pushed and pulled it back and forth to soothe him as he spoke calming words to him. It worked at first, but not for long. He'd been reluctant to do so, but now knew nothing short of picking him up would calm him.

Jason reached down inside with both hands and lifted him from the stroller. He was heavier than expected and that called Carly's words to mind. Sam's baby looked new, but not premature which he would have to be if Jax was the father. Armed with that puzzling fact, Jason's curiosity overtook his anxiety and he allowed himself to study Daniel's little face as he cradled him in his arms.

The first thing he noticed was that he didn't see Jax, not at all. He started with his most captivating feature, his eyes. Their shape was all Sam, but they weren't a soft aqua like Jax'. Daniel's eyes were a more brilliant blue and reminded Jason of his grandmother, Lila. His heart thumped in his chest at what that might mean. The baby had his mother's nose and ears, but he could swear Daniel's chin and cheekbones resembled his own. He'd thought he'd recognized Sam's smile on Daniel when he'd seen him yesterday from a few feet away, but realized now Daniel's crooked little smile was hard to miss nor the incredible likeness it bore to him. Still, he was right about one thing. The way Daniel smiled was just like Sam, because when he smiled it shone clear into his eyes as well. He didn't have much hair, but what he did have of it was blond. It wasn't light blond though, it was a dark, almost dirty, blond and Jason was left to wonder if it might one day darken like his as well.

Jason looked into eyes that so closely matched his own it was like looking into a mirror, but he was afraid to believe it. How could something so good be true? He sat there swaying and holding him and, for a moment, was too lost in a beautiful dream to consider the other reason he'd been fearful of holding a baby boy again.

xxxxx

Sam awoke with a sudden start familiar to most new mothers. She'd fallen asleep when she hadn't meant to and her first thought flew straight to her baby. She wasn't even sure how long she'd slept, but it couldn't have been too long because she didn't hear Daniel. Her baby was many things, but patient to eat was not one of them. She carefully rose from Hope's bed and tucked the covers back in around her. The room was so bright she wondered if it might wake her, so Sam pulled the plum colored curtains closed which blocked out most of the light.

With a final heartwarming gaze at her sleeping daughter, Sam closed the door behind her as quietly as possible and made her way back downstairs.

xxxxx

He wanted it to be true so much that he must have fooled himself into seeing something that wasn't there. Logic told him Jax had to be the father because Sam hadn't corrected Kristina the day before, and she would never pass his child off as some other man's. It didn't seem to matter though because whether he was his father or not Jason had already fallen in love with him. It happened just that quick as he gazed down at him and realized he held a piece of Sam in his arms. In his arms was the most precious piece of the woman he loved because, no doubt, this baby was her heart.

"I look at you and I keep seeing traces of me, but I think it's just wishful thinking because your mom and I always wanted one just like you." It was their dream to conceive and raise a family together in their love. He hadn't given up on that dream, but it was obvious Sam had and he only had himself to blame.

"It isn't." Sam was on the second to last step when she'd heard him. 

It wasn't at all how she'd planned to tell him. She'd intended to break it to him more gently, ease him into it, but when she saw him holding their son and wishing aloud that he was Daniel's father she just couldn't deny him another second.

"Sam?" Jason turned to her, not realizing she'd joined them until he heard her, but he still wasn't sure what he'd heard. He was afraid to jump to the conclusions his heart and the look in her eyes led him to believe.

Sam placed a hand over her racing heart as she stared into his eyes and said the words she'd waited so very long to say to him. "It isn't wishful thinking, Jason. He's ours. Daniel is your son."


	11. Chapter 11

**11.**

He wanted it to be true so much that he must have fooled himself into seeing something that wasn't there. Logic told him Jax had to be the father because Sam hadn't corrected Kristina the day before, and she would never pass his child off as some other man's. It didn't seem to matter though because whether he was his father or not Jason had already fallen in love with him. It happened just that quick as he gazed down at him and realized he held a piece of Sam in his arms. In his arms was the most precious piece of the woman he loved because, no doubt, this baby was her heart.

"I look at you and see traces of me, but I think it's just wishful thinking. Your mom and I always wanted one like you." It was their dream to conceive and raise a family together. He'd come close, but he hadn't given up on that dream. It was obvious Sam had though and he only had himself to blame.

"It isn't." Sam was on the second to last step when she'd heard him. 

It wasn't at all how she'd planned to tell him. She'd intended to break it to him more gently, ease him into it, but when she saw him holding their son and wishing aloud that he was Danny's father she just couldn't deny him another second.

"Sam?" Jason turned to her, not realizing she'd joined them until he heard her. But he still wasn't sure what he'd heard. He was afraid to jump to the conclusions his heart and the look in her eyes led him to.

Her heart began to race as she stared into his eyes and said the words she'd waited so very long to say to him. "It isn't wishful thinking, Jason. He's ours. Daniel is your son." 

Seconds passed that felt like minutes, hours and nothing.

She wanted to ask him if he'd heard her, but stayed her lower lip between her teeth instead. He'd heard the words, of course he'd heard the words. There was nothing wrong with his hearing, but Sam still had to wonder because he hadn't said a word. He just kept staring, but it wasn't really at her that he looked as much as it was right through her. 

She stood still and stone silent waiting for her words to register, afraid even the slightest movement or sound may push him too far too fast. She watched as he reflexively cradled their son closer upon hearing her confession. Even in his clouded haze Jason's protective nature remained, once again dispelling any doubt he was the only man she would ever want for the father of her children.

The room was quiet, he noted oddly. And it occurred to him, somewhere in the back of his damaged mind, that everything, including sound, had just simultaneously ceased to be after Sam's last words to him. 

The baby was no longer fussing. Sam hadn't uttered another word and he was too dumbfounded to either. The only thing that hadn't stopped was the pounding of his heart as his pulse thrummed throughout his body, drowning out all other sensations but for the deafening whoosh that filled his ears. It was so loud he wasn't sure he could hear anything else now, even if there were something to be heard.

He swallowed hard and tried to look down at the boy in his arms, the baby Sam just told him was theirs, but couldn't bring himself to do it just yet. So, he settled on staring at the coffee table in front of him as one thought after another riddled his brain.

"Carly was right." He wasn't sure whether that was just a thought or he'd actually said it out loud, but Sam heard it and wasn't sure what to make of it.

She licked her lips raking her front teeth over her lower one in a nervous gesture as her feet dared to move her a little closer. This was good news, the best news, and she wanted him to be happy for it. But there was no telling what Carly may have said to him and she worried how it may effect his reaction. Would he even hear her out, or would he take Carly's side which was to most likely assume the worst of her? There were so many obstacles already in their way to being good parents together. Sam didn't want this to be another. She prayed he would give her a chance to explain because if he jumped to the wrong conclusions things could get very ugly, very fast. 

Jason sat in the middle of his sofa staring out unseeingly into the room. He knew instinctively that his arms were full, full of the tiny weight of his son with Sam, and yet he could barely process that reality on a conscious level. His body and heart took over as his strong arms held the little bundle snug against his chest while his mind continued to reel.

Sam had known she was having his child and she'd still chosen to marry Jax. She hadn't been able to do that when she was pregnant with Sonny's child. To Jason, it proved she'd really given up on them. She'd stopped loving him and must really love Jax, because she hadn't been willing to marry him for the sake of the baby alone in her first pregnancy. That meant she must have fallen in love with Jax. 

He'd done this to them. 

The full weight of consequence sucked any remaining air from his lungs and he found it hard to retrieve. He'd hurt her and pushed her away until she'd truly given up on him and their love. Even Sonny hadn't managed to do that after the way he mistreated her during their relationship.

Suddenly, Jason felt lower and more hopeless than he'd felt since he lost Jake. It really was over. The only thing they had left was the children between them and he needed to accept that. The trouble was, he knew there wasn't a chance in hell he would ever be able to get over losing Sam.

He'd lost Emily, Michael, Jake and even Sonny to a large degree. He and his former partner hardly saw or spoke to one another anymore. He suffered all of those losses and Sam's leaving him too, but, even though she'd left him, Jason had never allowed himself to consider her lost to him completely. He'd told himself he had to face the possibility, but somewhere deep inside of him there had always been hope, some small flicker of a belief that it wasn't too late. If he just had the chance, he could fix things and make it right between them. But she'd moved on. She didn't love him anymore and the golden proof of that glared back at him from her ring finger. She'd gone through with a wedding to Jax when she never went through with marrying him.

He didn't know what to do or what to feel. He felt lost for the first time again since she left and he'd lost so many loved ones. Even carrying their child hadn't been enough to keep their love alive inside her. His little girl was the first and only thing that had given him any hope for his future since Sam left and, suddenly, he was struck with an intense need to hold her. He lost Sam and he lost the family they could have been, but he still had Hope. No one would ever take her from him again.

He forced himself to look down into his son's face, his son with the love of his life, but it was hard. Holding him in his arms now, so close up, it was easier to admit just how much he looked like him. He'd been scared to do that before, scared to hope for such a blessing after the way he'd treated Sam. His son had his dark blond hair and blue eyes and the same serious mouth and brow-line. Jake looked like him too and as much as he wanted to only see his son with Sam when he looked at Daniel, he couldn't help envisioning Jake and the last time he'd held him.

He couldn't look at Daniel and not see Jake and everything he'd lost, everything he'd thrown away. Tears he wasn't even aware of fell down his face. He closed his eyes trying to close off the feelings flooding him, but it couldn't be done. Every feeling he'd refused to feel since losing Jake came pouring over him and an emotion he'd rarely ever felt before loving Sam seized him in its grip; panic. 

"Take, take the baby Sam." His heart raced. He couldn't catch his breath. He couldn't move, but he couldn't sit still, like that, either. He'd die if he did. He had to move, had to get away, had to escape that moment and the memories cutting off his air. Failure, he'd failed his first born son and now he'd been given another son he might fail too and the compounded emotions that brought up were just too much to take.

"Jason?" Something was wrong. Surprise she'd expected, even momentary shock or anger, but this was something else altogether. He was frantic. His breathing was too fast and the look in his eyes, he looked terrified. And Jason didn't do terrified.

"Please take, take him." Jason plead, still frozen and unable to move.

Sam was confused by the severity of this reaction from him, but moved to close the distance between them and take Daniel into her arms. 

"Daddy?" A timid voice called from the landing on the stairs.

He stood from the couch to escape the feelings overwhelming him and turned to find his little girl on the stairs, his Hope. She was exactly what he needed, everything he needed in that moment. He hadn't realized just how true it was until that very second, but she'd become his peace after Sam left and he needed that now more than anything. He rushed to meet her on the landing and scooped her up in his arms. "Hey sweetheart."

"Daddy, you're squeezing my stuffin's too tight!" Hope exclaimed as he held her.

"Sorry." He eased up allowing her to pull back from his chest to look at him, but still kept her close.

"It's okay. That's why I wote up. I forgot my sweet dreams hug. That was a really good one." Hope awarded with a smile.

Jason found a half smile in return as he held her in front of him at his waist. "Let's get you back to bed now, then."

Hope rested her head over his shoulder and sent a little wave and soft smile her mother's way as Jason headed back up the stairs without a look back.

Sam watched, bewildered and more than a little hurt by the sudden calm that seemed to come over him the more distance he placed between her and their son. She tried not to jump to the wrong conclusions just as she'd hoped he wouldn't, but her fears took hold. Did he not believe her? Maybe Jax was right. Maybe Jason was rejecting their son. Why? It didn't make sense. How could he turn from Daniel while accepting Hope?

Guilt washed over her when she realized, for a split second, she'd felt envy and resentment toward that little girl, the one she loved and wanted for her daughter, as she witnessed Jason embrace her so eagerly while turning his back on them. Hope held no blame for how Jason treated her or their son. How could she feel that, even for a second, toward her little girl? This wasn't on Hope. This was on Jason and Jason was exactly who she intended to hold accountable the second he came back down those stairs. If he thought she was about to stand by and allow him to deny her son love as he freely gave it to Jake and Hope without a piece of her mind, she was about to make him think again.

Daniel began to fuss again, the tension in her body surely only adding to his agitation, as he rooted for her breast. Her son was hungry and in no mood to be put off any longer. She disrobed partially and began to nurse him. As she did so, the peaceful feeling that always came over her as she shared that special connection with her baby began to take hold, causing anger and insecurities to give way to logic and reason.

Sam didn't know what to think, but making assumptions and lashing out without giving Jason a chance to explain himself wouldn't resolve anything. They needed to talk openly and honestly with one another. It was the only way any arrangement between them would ever work. She replayed his reaction in her mind as she placed Daniel over her shoulder to burp. 

It was like Jason had gone into some kind of traumatic shock or something. She didn't understand the intensity of it, but reminded herself it must have come as an incredible surprise to hear he had another son on top of all he'd been through recently. Maybe he just needed a little time to process it. Still, something just didn't sit quite right with her about it. The last few months had been no picnic for her either and yet she'd accepted Hope with open arms when she found out about her. She knew Jason wasn't great with change, but something more had to be going on with him. She only hoped he would share whatever it was with her. They were no longer a couple, but she refused to tolerate him shutting her out again if it was something that effected their children.

Jason stood in the upstairs hall just outside Hope's closed door with his forehead resting against it. True to her word, she'd only needed that one hug from him before settling back into bed for her nap. He'd taken his time tucking her in and smoothing her dark hair out of her face before placing a kiss to her forehead and wishing her sweet dreams. The moment with her had given him peace and he felt calmer now that he'd been able to stuff those unwanted feelings back into their box. He couldn't deal with that now. He could only imagine what Sam must think of him considering his reaction. A son, Sam had just given him a son and he couldn't run away fast enough.

He cursed himself for allowing his feelings to get the better of him. Hearing he was the father of Sam's baby had been the last thing he expected to hear and yet everything he'd ever hoped to hear. That news had triggered the release of emotions he'd refused to experience for too long, and had completely overwhelmed him as one feeling after another flooded him. He took a deep breath. Sam was downstairs, waiting to talk, and it seemed they had more to talk about than he ever imagined. He'd already hoped for the chance to offer his apology to Sam for how things ended between them and now, it seemed, he owed his son one too.

He still couldn't believe it was real. He stayed his mind from getting ahead of himself with all the questions he had for Sam and refused to give voice to the conflict creeping up regarding answers he may not want to hear. He needed to stay in control, keep his feelings tightly maintained. Hope couldn't afford for him to lose it and alienate Sam even further and either could his son.

Sam had finished feeding and burping Daniel by the time she heard Jason's footfalls on the stairs. She'd had a few minutes to take closer note of her surroundings and was happy, for reasons she didn't want to think of, to find not much had changed. The framed photographs on the mantle had been updated with a few added to the collection, and a basket of toys rested on the lower shelf of the table behind a sleek new sofa. The armchairs had been replaced to match as well, but he'd kept everything else including the pool table and their coffee table. 

How many nights had they shared meals and themselves with one another on the floor in front of that table? Sam sighed at the beautiful memories and closed her eyes to them as she tried to push those thoughts away. Things were different now and there was no going back. She pulled her baby boy close and delighted in the weight of him in her arms as she pressed a kiss to his cheek. She pictured Hope sleeping peacefully in her bed as she'd left her and couldn't help smile at the thought. They had an amazing baby boy and a beautiful little girl to think of and put first now. Their happiness and well-being was where her focus belonged.

"Did he eat?" Jason spoke softly so as not to startle Sam or the baby as he touched down from the last step.

Sam turned, holding their sleeping son in her arms to find his father looking entirely out of sorts. Jason couldn't maintain eye contact with her and seemed to have trouble deciding what to do with his hands. It looked as though he wanted to speak from the way he kept pursing his lips, but he must not know what to say.

She didn't either, really. It was hard to know where to start, but she figured it might be best to start with putting Danny in a bed where he could rest comfortably.

"He did." She replied with a slight smile as she looked down at their miracle baby and brushed a finger across his cheek. Danny always brought a smile to her face. "He's had his fill and promptly fallen asleep, as usual."

She glanced back up at Jason and noted the slight smile touching his mouth at her words along with an unmistakable look of longing in his eyes as he gazed at their son. She wanted to offer for him to hold Daniel again, but she wasn't sure if he was ready by the way he seemed to hold himself back. She could see the tension in his body, even his hands were clenched into fists at his sides. It was as if he fought with himself against reaching out to Danny and she just wanted to know why.

"It might be best if we laid him down in another room while we talk." Sam suggested and Jason nodded.

"He can sleep in my room." The bed was big enough, he figured, that if they put him in the center, he'd be fine. "He, he can't roll over yet, right?" Jason attempted to swallow down his nerves.

"No." Sam answered as fresh disappointment filled her. Why didn't he offer for Daniel to use Jake's crib since Jake obviously wasn't using it at the moment, she wondered. She then bristled at the possibility Jason may still intend on keeping the details of his relationship with Jake and Elizabeth from her.

Jason felt the tension in the room rise drastically with his last words, but couldn't say if it was something he'd just said, his actions before or just the pending conversation and situation between them overall that caused it.

"After you." He gestured as she made her way past him and up the stairs.

Sam entered the room they'd once shared and couldn't stop the nostalgia that settled over her. This had been the heart of her home, here, with Jason. She'd never felt more secure than when he'd held her there in their bed, the same bed where their son was conceived. He hadn't changed a single thing in the room since it was theirs, including the framed photo of the two of them on his nightstand. Even though it shouldn't matter, it did and she secretly chastised herself for just how much it pleased her.

"Would you mind pulling the sheets down? The comforter is too soft for him to lie on and he shouldn't have pillows too close. It's a breathing hazard." Sam explained as she halted at the side of the bed and Jason was quick to fold the covers down to the end of the mattress for her.

Sam proceeded to lay Daniel in the middle of the large bed and cover his lower half with his white and navy blanket that matched his outfit. As heavy as he'd felt in his arms for an infant, Jason noted, Danny looked incredibly small and vulnerable lying in the center of that large open space. "Are you sure he can't roll over yet?"

Sam rose from the bed after having tucked Danny in. She looked over at Jason and the concern on his face and hesitant tenderness in his voice softened the frustration and disappointment she'd felt toward him only moments ago. "I'm sure, Jason. He may be your little boy, but even his muscles aren't that developed yet. Babies don't usually learn to roll over on their own until their fourth to sixth month." 

She couldn't help tease him about his body. The man was still as fine as ever, all muscle and every bit of it toned to perfection. She quickly averted her eyes. It was best not to go down that particular memory lane, especially considering where they were at the moment.

"What about another blanket? It can get cold in here, you know. You always needed an extra blanket when ... Maybe I should get him another blanket." Jason had started to say Sam always needed the extra blanket when he wasn't there to keep her warm, but stopped himself. It was obvious the way she refused to make eye contact that she was probably uncomfortable. He didn't want to make it any more uncomfortable for her.

"He's fine." Sam assured him. "He's wearing a onesie under his footed sleeper and he has his matching hat and blanket. He'll be fine." She repeated, though Jason still didn't look quite convinced.

Sam could see he was reluctant to leave Daniel's sight and that gave her a measure of relief. It helped ease the fear of his rejection, but they needed to use their time wisely before the kids woke up. They had a lot to talk about. 

"Come on." She urged with a guiding hand at his shoulder to turn him toward the door.

She followed him out and pulled the door to, leaving it open a few inches so they would be sure to hear when he woke up. She overheard Jason mumbling something about the temperature and halted in the hall beside him as he paused to adjust the thermostat. It was located just outside the master bedroom. Sam smirked, finding it sweet that he was being so protective. Maybe she'd judged him too harshly, too quickly for his initial reaction downstairs. Her eyes wandered from his actions to the door directly across from them and Sam couldn't help bring it up. "I thought you'd have given Hope her old room when she returned."

Her eyes weren't on him any longer, but she felt him stiffen next to her all the same. He'd finished his task, but refused to look at her or the closed door that she knew very well hid a beautifully decorated nursery for his other son. Instead, he looked down briefly as he swallowed and then turned toward the stairs. "No." He replied as he continued down the hall. "We don't use that room anymore."

Sam shook her head. Liar, he was lying to her again! She huffed in agitation, prepared to call him on it the second they were downstairs and out of hearing from the kids, but then she noticed the look on his face as he turned on the landing. He looked pained and, after she considered it more, his voice had sounded pained as well when he spoke of that room. What in the hell was going on?

Jason's mind and heart were reeling again with the reminder of the son he'd lost. He hadn't been able to go in that room since the last time Jake had used it. Carly and Emily had helped him decorate. It had been an interesting sight to say the least watching those two come together for a common cause, but, despite their considerable differences, one thing they agreed on was that he deserved to be a father and that his son deserved a special place in his home. 

Words failed him to ever adequately express his gratitude for their unwavering support. The minute Carly, Emily and his mother learned about Jake, they had done nothing but assure him of how good of a father he would make and how fighting to be in Jake's life was the right thing to do by both his son and him self. Robin had been supportive as well.

They hadn't let him down when he needed them and it killed him a little inside to know he hadn't been able to return the favor when they needed him most. He hadn't been there to save Emily or Michael or Georgie and it hurt to know how much it hurt Monica, Carly, Robin and Spinelli because of it. At least he'd been there for Alexis that night. He couldn't stand the thought of failing Sam again or of watching her grieve for her mother as Carly, Monica, Robin and Spinelli grieved for their loved ones now. 

He closed his eyes and said a quick prayer that he never would, that the stubborn woman would simply refuse to die. He pictured D.A. Davis negotiating terms with the grim reaper and almost felt sorry for the angel of death. The thought of Alexis raking the reaper over the coals, so to speak, brought an unbidden smile to his face.

He heard Sam's loud sigh and quickly sobered. He recognized impatience when he heard it. He took note of his surroundings and realized he'd wandered over to the mantle. He closed his eyes. Framed faces of too many people he'd failed stared back at him there. He turned to face Sam, another person he'd failed, and saw that she'd taken a seat at one end of the sofa nearest the door. 

He offered her a half smile, a sheepish one full of apology if she read him right and she sighed again this time more resigned than impatient. The tension was thick. 

"I guess it's time we had that talk." He acknowledged.

"Yeah." Sam agreed. She wasn't sure if she should go first or if she should hold out for Jason. She wanted to explain about Daniel and ask about Jake and Hope, but she wasn't sure where to begin now. His reactions to Danny, and Jake's nursery, confused her. She remained silent another moment debating it as she watched him.

Jason nodded and she wasn't sure whether he was agreeing with her or with something on his mind. It was clear Jason Morgan had a lot on his mind in that moment and, truthfully, so did she. Questions raced a mile a minute and she didn't know what answer she wanted first or what answer she wanted to give first. Because, as much as she wanted peace of mind, she wanted to give him peace of mind too.

"Are you hungry, thirsty? Can I get you anything?" Jason offered and silently cursed the nerves creeping up on him again, forcing the stall.

Just some answers, Sam thought, but shook her head instead. "No, thank you."

Jason breathed deep. This was it. Time to have that talk he'd wanted to have with her since the day he'd returned home to an empty penthouse and found her letter. He'd recited what he'd say to her a thousand times, but somehow, in light of everything he'd learned since her return, he wasn't sure he could tell her most of it. Things were different, far different than he ever could have imagined, though there was one thing that remained the same. He still owed her an apology for what he'd done.

"I'm sorry Sam." Jason began. "I'm sorry for lying to you, and the way I mistreated you before you left. I was wrong. I handled things all wrong. Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do and I wish I could go back and change it. But all I can do is tell you how very sorry I am for everything, and that I'm not the same person you left. Things have happened that have changed me; your letter, for starters."

Sam let out a deep breath as she considered his words. She knew Jason had never hurt her intentionally, and she believed him when he said he was sorry. She'd known that much before she ever left. She was glad to hear her letter had perhaps made a difference in him. She'd hoped it would, but she wasn't sure she was prepared to discuss it all now. She'd wanted answers for his actions since she'd left, but faced with the possibility of them and the anger they might incur she wondered if it was wise to pursue it at the moment. They still had so much ground to cover. Maybe it was best to start with apologies and just accept them in the spirit given, for now.

"I believe you, Jason, and I accept your apology." Sam replied and she could see Jason's chest fall with the breath he'd been holding.

"Just like that?" Jason wasn't sure he could believe it. It felt too good to be true that it could be that easy.

"For now." Sam nodded. "I won't lie and say I don't still have questions or that I'm not still angry with you, but I think it's best if we focus on the kids right now."

Jason sighed. Of course it wouldn't be that easy and why should it? He certainly hadn't made their last months together easy for her. "Okay."

"I'm sorry too, Jason." Sam said, but Jason was quick to stop her.

"Sam, you don't ..." 

But Sam persisted. "I'm sorry for jumping to the wrong conclusion about you and Alexis yesterday and I want to thank you. I heard about the others, Jason, and you saved my mother's life. That's a gift I'll never be able to repay."

"Gifts aren't meant to be repaid, but I only did what anyone would have done. I just hope it was enough. I don't want you to grieve like ... like you did when we lost Lila ever again." He'd started to say like Carly, but he wasn't sure if Sam knew about Michael and wasn't sure how to bring it up. The pain was still fresh and it was hard talking about all the people he'd loved and lost in the last several months.

"I heard about Emily and Michael." It was as if she'd read his thoughts. "I'm so sorry Jason. I know how much you loved them." Sam could see the pain in his eyes at the mention of their names the same as she'd seen it in Nik and Carly's.

Jason swallowed down the emotion threatening to choke him. "Thanks."

Once again Sam wanted answers, wanted to talk to him about what happened, but she reminded herself they were on limited time and she needed to keep the focus on their children first. She could tell Jason had no intention of talking about his loss with her unless she pushed and maybe it wasn't even her place to do so anymore. She wasn't sure where to draw the line with him any longer, so she decided to let it be for now.

"You must have so many questions about Daniel. I know I do about Hope." Sam said in hopes of moving things along.

"A few." Jason replied without further comment. He struggled to withhold a lot of conflicting emotions at bay. He feared saying too much and messing things up between them even more.

"Should we talk about Hope or Daniel first?" Sam could see he was holding back with her and she didn't like it. It made her wonder if he'd changed at all, but maybe he was simply trying not to jump to those wrong conclusions. She wanted to believe he'd be open and honest with her now that the truth was out, but considering how he'd been before she left she didn't hold much faith in it.

"Hope," Jason breathed with relief. He could feel himself shutting down and knew he had to fight that tendency. Maybe it would help him open up if he talked about the things he was sure of rather than the situation he wasn't with Sam and his son. "Should I start from the beginning or ..."

"Beginning," Sam decided. She wanted, needed to know it all, everything she'd missed out on in her little girl's life.

Jason recounted what he'd told her previously about getting the call from Bridget the day she died and how Hope had come to live with Bridget six months before she called him due to Rita being diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

"So what happened with Hope after she left us? Bridget told me Rita changed Hope's name to Alexandra and refused to let her help raise her. How is she still Hope and when did Bridget come back into Hope's life?" Sam had more questions, but those were the most pressing at the moment.

Jason sighed and took a moment to form his words with care. This part of the story had been the hardest for him and he knew it would be for Sam too. She had been right. He should have fought harder. He should have done whatever it took for them to keep Hope with them, safe and loved. "It's true. Rita moved back to her hometown outside of Boston with Hope and changed her name to Alexandra, but allowed Bridget's wish for her to keep Hope as her middle name which Bridget still used with her. Bridget eventually managed to prove to her grandmother that she was serious about getting her life together. She got a job, got her GED. Rita then allowed visitation. Weekends only at first, but eventually nearly every day. When Hope was 18 months old, Bridget began noticing little things that seemed off with her grandmother. Rita would forget the days they'd agreed for her to visit sometimes and argue about it. It got worse over the next year. She would visit Hope and see her still in her pajamas. Often she hadn't had a bath the night before. Sometimes Hope would tell her she was hungry. Rita had forgotten to feed her."

Sam was shaking her head, her tears filling those beautiful dark brown eyes as Jason's heart broke a little more at seeing her pain over all he'd cost that little girl. He didn't want to continue, but she was Hope's mother now and he knew she needed to know. "Bridget begged her grandmother to get checked out, but Rita insisted she was fine. Lainey says Rita was probably in denial. Anyway, Bridget felt like she had no choice other than reporting her concerns to child welfare, but everything seemed in order according to the case worker after an in-home visit. Rita suspected Bridget of reporting her. She accused her of trying to steal Hope away from her and told her she couldn't see her anymore, but Bridget was really worried. She filed to have her rights reinstated, but the hearing was continually delayed by Rita's attorney so Bridget would sneak in at night to check on them. One night she arrived well after Hope should have been in bed to hear her grandmother screaming and shouting. Hope was two and a half, but Rita was so confused she thought Hope was Bridget and she was yelling at her that she was bad and she'd ruined her life with boys and drugs. Bridget called 911 and, after an emergency hearing where the judge ordered Rita to have a psych eval, Bridget was awarded custody of Hope and Rita was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She now lives in a private nursing home specializing in cases like hers, but the disease is already so advanced she doesn't even know friends she's had her entire life."

Sam wiped the tears from her cheeks as more threatened to fall. "My poor baby." She whispered and pressed her hands to her mouth.

Her heart broke for that little girl and ached to love away all the hurts she'd endured.

"There were no indications she was ever physically abused." Jason told her and was thankful to offer her that bit of good news at least. "But, due to the advanced state of Rita's illness and the amount of time Hope was exposed to it, there's no telling what the emotional toll on her might be."

"How could Bridget let Hope stay with Rita like that? How could she not take action sooner to get her away from her?" Sam hated to speak ill of the dead, but she just didn't understand.

"Diane spoke with social services and the attorney that had agreed to take on Bridget's case. She did everything she could to keep Hope safe and help Rita, but the system has a lot of red tape. The laws regarding what qualifies as abuse and neglect for a child are far below what most would find acceptable for their own child. Her hands were tied." Jason also knew from talks with Lainey, whose father had also suffered with Alzheimer's, that the disease was often missed in its early stages. Sufferers tended to deny any loss of mental faculty out of fear or embarrassment. They even developed ways to hide it, so it was understandable how it might take Bridget time before she realized something was really wrong. 

"Her attorney admitted she'd even considered running with Hope at one point, but he talked her out of it. It would have been near impossible to live on the run with a toddler considering her lack of finances, not to mention it would have ruined any chance she had at regaining custody." Jason didn't blame Bridget. She was a young girl and she'd made mistakes, but in the end she'd done everything she could to give her daughter a good life.

Sam sighed full of sadness, realizing how the system had failed not only Hope but Bridget too. She knew Jason wouldn't have defended the young mother had he not believed Bridget had done everything she could to help Hope. "What happened when Bridget passed away? How did Hope take it? How is she now, really?"

Sam wasn't sure how a child that young could possibly cope with so much upheaval and loss. She knew children were resilient. Sam was living proof of that, but she didn't want Hope to ever have to be resilient, not like this. This was exactly why she had wanted to fight to keep Hope, to keep her from ever knowing the kind of hardships she had known as a child. Hope seemed fine, a little unsure of Sam after hearing about Daniel, but otherwise she seemed pretty well adjusted from what she'd seen so far. The truth was, though, that she didn't really know her daughter yet, not like Jason, and so she couldn't help worry.

"It was tough. Bridget spoke with Hope before Diane and I got there, but she told me about it after she explained the situation to me. Bridget knew there was very little chance she'd make it and she wanted to tell Hope what to expect just in case. She told Hope about us, about how much we'd always wanted her for our own and that now she was getting a second chance to have the best mom and dad any little girl could hope for. She told Hope she would always love her and watch over her from the stars above." Sam smiled slightly through her tears. It was so sad, but she knew Hope would always have comfort in looking to the stars the same way Sam found comfort in them when she thought of Lila. She was thankful to Bridget for giving that to Hope and for giving Hope to them, especially considering they were no longer together.

"Bridget was still okay with us raising her, even though we aren't together anymore?"

Jason nodded and wondered how much of that part of the conversation he should divulge. He settled on the whole truth and nothing but. "I explained the situation to her, how I'd lied to you about my son and how you'd tried to fight for us, and how I wasn't able to do right by you, but she wasn't swayed. She said she'd made plenty of mistakes in her life and wasn't about to judge me for mine. She asked only three things of me. Was I willing to do everything it took to learn from my mistakes and not repeat them? Did I still want Hope and promise to do right by her and you from now on? And did I believe you would feel the same? The answer to all of those was yes, and the next thing I knew she was signing the papers that appointed me as Hope's guardian and named us both as her choice for adoptive parents."

Sam licked the tears from her lips. "Wow." She whispered with solemn gratitude. Bridget may have only been 19, but she'd obviously done a lot of growing up since she'd left Port Charles.

"Bridget was really worried about Hope's birthday. It was to be Hope's first birthday party and she was so excited about it. They both were." Jason mused with sadness.

"Rita never had a birthday party for Hope?"

"No. Rita's religion doesn't celebrate holidays or birthdays and she insisted Hope be brought up the way she'd raised Bridget's mother." Jason replied and Sam found herself saddened by that news.

It wasn't that she begrudged anyone of their right to practice whatever religion they believed in. It was just that she'd always dreamed of happy holidays and fun birthdays filled with family and friends for Hope. She'd wanted that for her and, recalling Bridget's words to her years ago, she knew Bridget had wanted that for her daughter as well.

Tell her she's pretty, okay? And always give her a birthday party and if she doesn't understand things in school, help her.

Sam had known from the moment Bridget spoke those words to her that they were things Bridget had longed to have in her own childhood and she connected with Bridget in that moment more than any other, because those were all things she'd longed to have as a child as well. She'd vowed to herself and to Bridget right then and there Hope would have all of that and more. Hope would have every good thing they'd been denied.

"I just wish ..." She wished things had been different, that they'd been able to keep Hope. She wished a lot of things were different, but wishing was a waste. It couldn't change any of it.

"I know." Jason sighed. He wished as well. He wished they'd kept Hope. He wished he hadn't pushed Sam away after Manny shot her. He wished he hadn't taken so long to realize his mistake and come for Sam before she slept with Ric. He wished he'd never turned to Elizabeth and lied to Sam. He wished he'd taken any one of the opportunities Sam had given him before she left to come clean about Jake. He wished Sam wasn't married to another man right now. He wished they could still be a family the way they'd dreamed. He wished he'd fought harder for his son before it was too late. He wished he'd been there to save Jake and Michael and Emily and Georgie the way he'd saved Alexis. He wished. He wished. He wished like he'd never wished before. But no amount of wishing would ever make it come true, any of it. "But you're here for her now Sam. We both are, and all we can do is make the best of what we have now for Hope and our son."

She looked at him then, when he said 'our son' and felt her heart warm at the words, the acceptance in them. He'd said 'we' and he'd included Hope and their son. Commitment shined in his eyes and Sam knew, in that moment, he had no intentions of denying their little boy any of the love he had to give.


	12. Chapter 12

**12.**

He didn't know how he'd make it work, but he knew that he would. He was committed to her and to their children more than anything or anyone he'd ever committed himself to before.

Could she see it, he wondered?

In his eyes, could Sam see his determination to walk through whatever hell his emotions dragged him through in order to make a life with her and their children work? He noticed the tension in her body relax a fraction and hoped she could, did see it, and believed it. But he wasn't sure. He wasn't as good at reading her anymore.

Jason sighed.

He took a steadying breath. He needed to tell her, to actually say the words. He couldn't rely on their unspoken connection anymore, not after all he'd done to sever it. "Sam, I ..."

"So, did Hope ever get her party?" She cut him off with the first question that came to mind, before he could make promises she wasn't sure she trusted him to keep.

She'd known what he was about to say. She'd seen it in his eyes. They gleamed with determination and another look that scared her now almost as much as it once comforted. She'd seen that look of love and devotion from him before when they were at their strongest, when she thought it impossible for him to ever fail her. Now she knew better and, though his intent pleased her beyond words, it also scared her to think he might fail again despite his best intentions.

She quickly reminded herself it was different this time. That look wasn't for her. It was for his children and if there was anything she still believed in, still trusted, when it came to Jason Morgan it was that he was incapable of failing a child. He would and had always put what he believed to be every child's best interests first, even if it meant sacrificing himself. She shouldn't worry Jason would walk away from Daniel, she reminded herself, because she wasn't Elizabeth. And, after all, Jason had only walked away from Jake at Elizabeth's urging. And even that, going by the nursery upstairs, hadn't kept him away for long.

"What?" His brain stumbled over the redirection of thought.

"Hope's birthday, did she ever get to celebrate? I imagine she wasn't up for it right away, but I hope she still got to have her party." Sam licked her lips and tried not to let on how nervous she still was about ... everything, despite her personal pep-talk. 

Why didn't I just let him say what he wanted, she berated herself. How would they make any progress if she stopped him from expressing himself?

"She wanted to wait for you." Hope had told him if her first mom couldn't be there, she wanted to wait until her new mom could. Jason had given her the card and gifts from Bridget on her actual birthday as well as a gift from him, but there had been no party. 

Carly thought it would be good to have something happy to distract them all and had done her best to change the little girl's mind about waiting, but Hope stood firm in her desire and Jason had been impressed to see it. There weren't many adults who could deny Carly for long when she really wanted something and he'd never met a child that capable. After lengthy negotiations over ice cream sundaes, Carly had finally huffed in defeat against the determined toddler and proceeded to tell him that, for someone who didn't share a lick of her father's DNA, it was amazing how she'd inherited his stubbornness. He'd had to almost smile at that. Leave it to Carly to find her unyielding match in a three year old.

Sam was touched by Hope's wish to wait for her, but saddened too. Her little girl had waited long enough to be celebrated. She found herself lost in thoughts of a perfect birthday party that had the toddler surrounded by people who made her feel as special as she was.

Jason was lost in thought too as Sam's questions brought to mind those first days with Hope. The lawyer that had helped Bridget win custody of Hope had met them at her hospital bedside that day to begin the steps for the private adoption. Together, the two attorneys ensured all necessary paperwork was executed and promptly filed with the local Department of Children and Families. 

Bridget had given legal guardianship to Jason before she died and, despite a sketchy arrest record, the assigned caseworker found no reason to object. Jason had never been convicted of a crime and also held glowing references from upstanding members of his community as a responsible and successful businessman, as well as an amazing uncle and godfather. 

Unfortunately, he was unable to leave the state with Hope until the local social services received the go ahead to transfer the case from Massachusetts to the state of New York. So, he and Hope had stayed in Bridget's apartment through Christmas and New Year's to allow Hope time to adjust while Jason began the process of marking items to be moved or donated.

Bridget had no living relatives other than Hope and Rita so, aside from having immediate responsibility for the care of a grieving toddler, Jason was left to handle funeral arrangements for Bridget and to see that her apartment was packed up. He wasn't sure what Hope might like to have of her mother's one day, other than a few items Bridget had specified, so he'd arranged for everything else to be shipped to a storage facility in Port Charles until she was old enough to decide for herself. Hope's things, other than essentials, were boxed and shipped to his penthouse.

Everything had been handled as efficiently as possible. However, due to the holidays, it took nearly two weeks before they received word that the transfer had been accepted thereby allowing their return to New York, and so Jason hadn't been there for Michael or his best friends the night his nephew died. He'd had to learn of that devastating news over the phone, from Robin.

Carly had fallen apart in her mother's arms after hearing Patrick's confirmation minutes before midnight, New Year's Eve. It was her heartbreaking cry for Jason that had Robin calling him to let him know what happened, and that Carly and Sonny needed him. More than that, though, Jason could tell Robin wanted him home so she could be there for him. She'd been a good friend during the trial with Jake and his subsequent losses, as good a friend as he would let her be anyway. 

It was still hard, at that point, to let anyone that wasn't Sam get through his walls, but Hope had already started to change that.

That little girl broke through all his defenses from the moment he'd laid eyes on her again. The hopeful yet timid trust in which she regarded him left him with no choice other than to love her with his whole heart and do anything if it meant doing right by her, whether it was easy or not because that was what he'd promised Bridget and himself. He would always love Hope and do right by her and part of that meant allowing loved ones into his life more, for Hope's sake, and not shutting everyone out despite his grief. So he had, because he wanted his daughter surrounded in love, and he was relieved to have kept his promises to and for her so far.

"We shouldn't make her wait any longer." Sam said suddenly, pulling Jason from his thoughts.

"It's okay Sam. She's just happy to have you here. We can wait until your mom is better."

"I know and I'd love for my mom to be there, but that's the thing. Time is precious, Jason, and I don't want to waste another minute with Hope. I want her to have the birthday party I promised Bridget I would give her." Sam said.

"I guess it couldn't hurt to start planning." He wanted his little girl to have a party too if that's what she wanted, but he knew Sam had a lot going on at the moment and he didn't want her stressing herself out. It really wouldn't hurt to wait a few weeks, at least.

"We should include Hope in some of the decisions." Sam suggested, excited at the prospect of putting a smile on her daughter's face.

Jason agreed. "You two should plan it together. It'll be a good way for you to bond." Plus, he never was big on parties and even less enthusiastic over the planning of one.

Sam eyed him with playful suspicion. "Don't even think of trying to get out of your daughter's birthday party."

"Never," He half-smiled. "There are three ladies on this earth I'd never dream of standing up and Hope is definitely one of them." Jason's raised spirits fell as he thought of the others. "Two now." Emily had been the third. To count Carly would have been a lie because he'd dreamed countless times up standing her up. Not that he actually ever had, but he'd dreamed of it.

She watched his expression sadden and knew he must be thinking of his sister. She wished they were still close enough that she could comfort him, but wasn't sure he would accept it or if she would send a wrong message if she tried. Sam wasn't used to having to maintain boundaries with Jason. They'd always shared everything of themselves with one another, until the end. 

She also found herself wondering who the other one aside from Hope might be, but didn't ask. She was afraid to hear the answer, afraid she already knew from the brief look that had flashed in his eyes. She shook it off. She had to be imagining things. She'd left him and kept his son from him. His feelings toward her were probably closer to hate than love and she refused to give thought to any fine line between.

Jason shifted in his seat and tried to clear his head. His emotions were all over the place. He wanted nothing more than to hold Sam and never let go in one minute and berate her in the next. He fought confusion and anger, recalling he had a son he'd known nothing about until only minutes ago. Would he have ever known his child if Alexis hadn't been seriously injured, forcing Sam to return? In her letter to him, she'd been so against Elizabeth keeping Jake from him. How could Sam turn around and do the same thing? Was it the same? He didn't know.

He was angry at missing out on so much; seeing Sam's stomach grow and swell with their child, hearing their child's heartbeat for the very first time, holding Sam's hand when they learned they were having a boy and feeling his first kicks and hiccups the way he had when Sam carried Lila. He wasn't there to help Sam bring their baby into the world, to cut the cord or to witness his son take his first breath. He'd missed all of that and he felt cheated, but he knew he was more than a little at fault for it too. 

Still, that didn't stop the anger from festering; anger at himself, at the situation and at Sam too as illogical as that might be depending on what she had to say about it. He still didn't know anything for sure and he owed her the chance to explain before he decided on any of his feelings. Some might say she didn't owe him anything considering how he'd handled things with Jake, but Daniel was his son. If nothing else, he at least had a right to know he had a child. He'd told Sam the same thing when she'd been pregnant with Sonny's child and that belief hadn't changed.

There was still much to be resolved and answered regarding Hope, but she could sense the change in Jason and knew he was ready to have some of his questions about Danny answered now too. He had a son he knew nothing about; not even the day he was born. He wouldn't even know when to celebrate his son's birthday.

"I'd like to tell you about Daniel now." Sam began.

Jason could only nod and swallow hard, unable to trust his self not to reveal any of the warring emotions if he spoke.

"The first thing you should know is that I never intended to keep your son away from you, Jason, never! From the minute I found out I was pregnant, there was never any question that I wanted our baby to know you as his dad." Sam didn't want him to think for a second she doubted her faith in him as a father.

"Then why didn't you tell me you were pregnant, Sam? Why didn't you let me be there for his birth?" His voice choked closed with emotion before he could say more.

"There were several reasons, but the main reason was safety." Sam answered and immediately regretted that choice of words as she saw the hurt fill his eyes. "Not like that, Jason. I've never doubted your ability to keep your loved ones safe. You know that. This was about us and the way we left things. It was a miracle I was able to carry to near term. Dr. Lee wasn't wrong about that. My pregnancy was extremely high risk and with the stress between us at the time, I just couldn't risk it. Even with no stress and following all of the doctor's orders, there were still no guarantees. I almost lost him twice and I just, I wanted to spare you that pain and worry if I could. I wanted to wait until our baby was here, and safe, and healthy and then put him in your arms." He could tell Sam wanted desperately for him to understand, to believe her, and he did.

When he looked in her eyes, he had no doubt she meant every word. But he was still hurt and he was still angry. He still felt cheated and he still wanted to rage. But he didn't want to say something in anger he couldn't take back and may not even mean, so he simply nodded his understanding. 

"When ..." He swallowed. He couldn't finish his question.

"When was he born, when did I find out or when was he conceived?" Sam said in effort to help him. She could see he was struggling.

"Yes." He answered simply and she would have laughed if the pleading look on his face wasn't so heartbreaking.

"Last April, the night you and Sonny were almost killed in that ambush with Alcazar." Her voice softened at the tender memory. She didn't have to say any more for him to know that was the night their son was conceived. Things had been strained between them, but that night they were reminded just how lucky they were to be alive and to have each other. They'd made love all night and had finally fallen asleep clinging to one another as if afraid to lose the connection they'd found after weeks of emotional distance.

How ironic was it that, in a way, Alcazar had a hand in both of their children's existence, Jason thought. Lorenzo had found Bridget in labor during the blizzard and delivered Hope, and his act of violence last April was what pushed him and Sam to let go of their troubles long enough to make love, to make a baby. Who knows, Jason considered, maybe if he hadn't been arrested for Alcazar's murder he'd have found Sam sooner and the stressful reunion may have caused her to lose their child before they even knew about him. Maybe it was some kind of screwed up karmic balance since Alcazar had been the cause of him losing his baby with Courtney.

"I didn't find out until a few weeks after I arrived in Australia. I took a spot on the crew of a cargo ship the night I left here and that's where I ended up."

"Port of Brisbane," Jason mumbled and Sam nodded. "I looked for you there." Jason told her as his eyes drifted off. "I should have looked harder." His last remark was almost a whisper.

Any anger in his demeanor had clearly given way to hurt now and Sam just wanted to comfort him. It was so conflicting. She was still angry with him for how he'd treated her, but it still hurt to see him hurt and his words reminded her of how he'd told her he never stopped looking for her and now she knew why he hadn't been there the day she stepped off that freighter the way she'd once wished he would have.

"Jason, I didn't know you were arrested and held for Alcazar's murder. I didn't know about the trial or Emily or Michael or any of it until yesterday. If I had known, I would have been here if I could." Sam swore to him and Jason nodded, unable to hold her gaze.

He believed her, but it wouldn't do any good to tell her just how inadequate those words left him in light of everything now. The emotions coursing through him were his problem and he needed to deal with them without pulling her into it, so he stated the obvious rather than his actual thoughts and feelings in that moment just to break the awkward silence and avoid pushing her further away. "It was probably for the best. The stress wouldn't have been good for you or the baby."

He'd meant what he said, but there was no emotion behind the words. He held those on a tight leash because if he let go, even in the slightest, he wasn't sure he could stop until he'd said too much.

Sam huffed at his words, drawing his reluctant gaze back to her. "Apparently you aren't the only one to think so. Jax and my mom both knew and they kept it from me. They were so supportive throughout my pregnancy, but they kept a lot from me and I'm still not comfortable with that."

"They probably didn't want to worry you. It sounds like they were looking out for you." That was painful for Jason to say, but Sam would have never known it. His voice was as devoid of feeling now as his heart had often been accused. 

He'd reverted to his stone cold survival mode because Jason didn't want to think of another man looking out for the woman he loved or their child. He should have been the one looking out for them. Guilt and anger swirled in his gut, rising like bile, but he choked it back down. He had a tight grip on his emotions and he couldn't afford to let that slip. It could cost him any chance he might have left with Sam, even if it was less of a relationship than he wanted with her.

Although his defense of Jax and Alexis surprised her, it wasn't so much the words he'd spoken that put her senses on high alert. It was the voice in which he'd said them. Sam twisted her body toward her ex-fiance to study him from where she sat. She noted the cool facade that fell over him now, the detached voice, enigmatic expression, controlled breathing, the blinking, the staring and the stillness of everything else on him. She wasn't speaking with Jason Morgan any longer. He was now Stone Cold and Stone Cold had no business speaking to her about the children she shared with Jason.

"You're holding back." It wasn't a question. It was a statement, a condemnation, and Jason knew it. Sam was done holding back, no more filtering. That was what led to their problems in the first place.

He breathed deep and thought better of his actions. Hadn't this been what he'd done the last time they'd talked before she walked out? He'd closed himself off and filtered his responses and she'd seen through it then as clearly as now. He'd once again committed himself to doing whatever it took not ten minutes ago and yet he was already shutting part of himself down. 

He knew he had to do something different, but he still wasn't great at balancing the stronger emotions and there were no stronger emotions for him than when it came to Sam. It had always been all or none with him, but that wouldn't fly this time or ever again. It was past time he learned to do better.

He took another deep breath and went for it, allowing the pain and uncertainty he felt at that moment to show. "What do you want me to say Sam? It hurts. I feel cheated. Would you rather I blow up about it?"

"If that's what it takes to get you to be honest, yes! We need to work this out so we can work together for the kids, and to do that we need to be real with each other." Sam insisted, allowing her annoyance and frustration to show.

"Why do you care, Sam?" He couldn't hold back a slight edge of bitterness in his tone as the glare of her wedding ring hit his eye. Why'd the damn thing have to be so shiny anyway? "It's not like we're together anymore. How I feel shouldn't matter to you."

Sam shook her head as a disgusting sigh escaped. What an asinine thing for him to say! "It matters if you're harboring your emotions and letting them eat away at you! Our children will pick up on that, and they'll pick up on any tension between us as well. We need to work through it!"

"Fine!" Jason shot up from his seat as his voice rose. He couldn't sit still and he began to pace. "I'm angry Sam! I'm pissed off that I missed out on so much with you and our baby, that another man got to be and do all the things I would have done if I hadn't been lied to about my son! But I guess I should be happy now since you can finally relate to what I did." He scoffed with an incredulous shake of his head and felt some of his anger dissipate at the thought. "You lied to keep your son safe just like I did for Jake."

Now Sam was the one squirming in her seat. "What? This isn't the same at all. I always intended to tell you about Danny. You never intended to tell me about Jake! And how, exactly, would telling me about Jake have endangered him anyway? The danger our stressful relationship imposed on my pregnancy was a very real threat, Jason! I was never a threat to your son and the fact that you think otherwise ..." She clenched her jaw and refused to cry. She was hurt, but she was angry too and she embraced it to keep the tears at bay.

Jason held Sam's dark and defiant gaze, his tone softer but as resolute as ever. "I never thought you were a threat to any child's safety, and especially not mine. I was the threat, and I feared telling you would not only hurt you but give me the excuse I wanted to change my mind. But I never doubted you would have loved him. As for our intentions, I don't really see a difference. I mean, I may have been wrong to lie and you may have been right, but the results are the same in the end. We were both hurt by the lie regardless of how long it was kept. We were both just trying not to hurt each other, so how could I judge you?" Jason shook his head and sat back on the sofa, deflated and at somewhat of a loss. "I can't. I can't judge you and I don't blame you either, even though ..."

"Even though, what?" Sam wanted to know and then realized she already did because she'd felt it too. "Even though you wish you could."

Jason nodded. "I know I'm the one at fault, but what I lost because of it, it's a steep punishment to take."

Sam sighed, feeling for him and relating to him more than she wanted. "I'm sorry Jason, but not for doing what was best for our baby. I'd do it again if it meant keeping him safe, but I am sorry my decision hurt you. I didn't do this to punish you."

"I know. I know you didn't and I didn't lie to you to punish you either, but I bet it felt like I did when you found out." Jason hedged.

Sam nodded. Part of her had felt that way, like Jason hadn't truly forgiven her and was punishing her for being with Ric. Even after she'd overheard Jason talking about it with Spin and knew his real reasoning, it took a while for her to truly believe at least part of it wasn't about punishing her.

"I understand why you didn't tell me. In my head, it makes sense." Jason told her. "I guess it's just taking my emotions longer to catch up."

Sam could understand that. It had been the same for her and she still wasn't sure her emotions were all caught up. She figured that was due to the fact they'd never really talked about what happened with Elizabeth and Jake. He'd just given her the perfect opportunity to address it, but it probably wasn't a good idea to get into that any further with the kids sleeping right upstairs.

"When was he born?" He realized in the silence that they'd been sidetracked by his emotions and she hadn't answered that question yet. He wanted to know more about his son. He wanted to know everything about him.

"Three minutes after midnight on New Year's Day," Sam smiled sadly as his eyes registered the significance. She'd learned from Robin that Michael had died only a few hours before Daniel was born. Jason had lost one son and gained another almost the same day. Some might see it as a cruel twist of fate, but she would never see her child with Jason as anything but a miracle, the best gift she'd ever received.

Jason sat in silence for a moment just taking it all in. At the same time he'd sat doubting God's love for taking the boy he'd loved as a son away from him, he'd been blessed with a miracle.

"I struggled during the entire pregnancy with whether or not to call you so you could be there for the delivery. I finally decided I would, but then I went into labor earlier than the planned c-section and everything was happening so fast. I was afraid ... There were complications and I was unconscious for a while afterward." Sam confessed.

Jason's heart dropped at hearing how similar her second labor sounded to her first. He could have lost them both. "Was it the same as before? Are you okay now? Is Danny?"

"Danny is perfect. He was a week early, but he's a perfectly healthy three week old now. It wasn't a placental abruption. Your son was just impatient. Danny was never in danger during labor, but they were unable to stop my bleeding after delivery. There was a problem with it clotting again like before, but I'm fine now too." She watched, touched, as his body visibly relaxed at her assurances. 

Her mother and Jax had made sure she and her baby had the best care money could buy and she was certain that was the only reason her womb was still intact. There was still hope one day she might have another child should she decide to go through with a new reconstructive procedure her doctor informed her about. By the time she was ready to have another child, her doctor had told her, the procedure should have been perfected.

"I wish I had been there." His son had been left without a mother or father to look out for him and from the sound of it Sam had almost died.

"I know, but Jax was there and I'm just so thankful he was. He cared for Danny until I was able to." Sam didn't fail to notice the way Jason's jaw clenched at that news.

"He was just respecting my wishes, Jason. I wanted you there for the delivery, but when I went into labor early I got scared history might repeat itself and I just couldn't do that to you again. I told Jax unless I didn't make it or unless the baby needed consent I was unable to give that I wanted to be the one to tell you about our son. Fortunately, I did make it and our son was born the picture of health." She knew Jason still felt cheated and she couldn't blame him really, but there was nothing to be done about it now and so she just wanted to help him focus on the positives. They were both there now, alive and well.

"I'm glad you're both alright." He knew he should focus on what was most important, but it was hard not to still feel the darker emotions too.

"I owe you and our son an apology."

"You already apologized for ..."

"Not for that, for the way I reacted when you told me Danny is ours. I'm sorry if I made you feel like I was rejecting him or didn't want it to be true. I've never wanted anything to be true more than that."

Sam could tell he was telling the truth and that only made her even more puzzled by his reaction. "I know it had to come as a shock, especially given the way I kind of just blurted it out. It just seemed like there was more to it."

"There was."

"What was it, Jason?" Her voice was so full of compassion it nearly brought tears to his eyes thinking of all he'd thrown away, of all he'd lost when he lost her. No one had ever loved him better.

He swallowed hard and took a deep breath, determined to be as honest with her as he could, but it was still so hard to talk about. He tried to find a way to explain it so she could understand. "You remember the time we broke into Alcazar's looking for evidence, and we found Skye's baby instead?"

Sam wasn't sure how that had anything to do with them now, but she nodded and remained silent allowing him to get it out in whatever roundabout way he needed. She could see him struggling with every word.

"The baby started to fuss and you picked her up to comfort her, but then ..." Jason swallowed again. His mouth had gone dry as if it, too, rebelled at the thought of speaking of it. He forced himself to continue. "But then, when you looked at her, you, you remembered our Lila and you just froze. You froze and begged me to take the baby."

Understanding dawned. "Is that what happened with you? Did holding Danny remind you of Michael?" Tears pooled in Jason's eyes and Sam's heart went out to him.

"Not just Michael. Jake too." Jason's words were spoken in nothing more than a harsh whisper as if his voice had been rubbed raw from the pain that so obviously embodied him now, and it frightened Sam to see him that way. Few things ever left Jason Morgan that vulnerable.

She considered his words and the intensity of his emotions. She thought of the empty nursery upstairs that looked practically untouched and flashed to her daughter's nursery, the one she never got a chance to use. "Where is Jake, Jason? I saw the nursery earlier when I put Hope down. Where is Jake? Why don't you use his nursery anymore?"

Her voice was almost desperate, her eyes pleading with him and he couldn't take it. He couldn't bear to look in her eyes and admit how he'd failed his baby boy. He stood up and started for the fireplace to put some distance between them. He didn't deserve her comfort, not when all she'd ever done was to try to do right by him and his son and he'd shut her out for it.

"He's gone." He still couldn't bear to say the words, that Jake was dead. He could barely stand to think them, let alone say them out loud.

"What do you mean? Did Elizabeth take him? Did they move away?" Sam turned to watch him as he turned from the fireplace and stood before the doors at the terrace, looking out.

"No." Jason sighed. He'd always been so direct and straightforward when he spoke, but he found this outcome hard to formulate so concisely so he started from a place that felt easier to speak about in an attempt to work his way up to the part that wasn't. "About a week after you left, Jake was kidnapped."  
He closed his eyes to Sam's audible gasp and breathed deep. He didn't want her to pity him. He just wanted to explain it the only way he felt able. 

"Oh my God, Jason, I'm so sorry! Is he still missing?"

"Lucky found him a few days later. He was taken by a woman who'd just lost her own baby in a house fire. Jake was returned safe, but that is what made me finally understand what you'd said to me in your letter about danger being inevitable and how important it is for a child to know their parent's love before it's too late. I was still locked up and facing murder charges against Alcazar, but I swore to myself if I made it out I would do whatever it took to do right by you and Jake." Jason rubbed his hand over his face and sighed. He had failed them both. It was too late to do right by Jake and now Sam was married to someone else and it was too late to do right by her too, in the way he'd hoped anyway.

Sam sat silent. She wasn't sure what to think or feel about his revelation of wanting to do right by her and his son so soon after she'd left or of what the kidnapping had to do with Jake being gone if he'd been returned safe and sound. It wasn't like Jason to take an indirect approach. That was more like her, and while he used to take pleasure teasing her about it and she'd laughed right along with him, there was nothing funny about him acting so out of character. It actually kind of scared her. Not for herself, but for him.

"I began to make good on that promise right away. The day I was found not guilty and set free, I had Diane file for joint custody of Jake and I followed up on Spinelli’s leads to find you. Lucky had learned the truth by then and decided to stick with Elizabeth to better their chances in the custody suit. It worked. Full physical and legal custody was given to Elizabeth, but I was granted a few hours visitation each week and a chance for reevaluation in six months time." Jason sat against the edge of the pool table with his hands clutching the side. He still couldn't bring himself to look at her as he revealed his shortcomings, his failures.

"I'm surprised I didn't hear about it. Not that I made any effort to keep up with the news in Port Charles after I left, but I can't believe Maxie never said anything even if Alexis didn't." Sam said.

"Don't blame your mom, Sam. She was bound by client confidentiality and Maxie wouldn't have known. I had Diane move for a change of venue and issue a gag order to protect Jake in case it turned out the way it did. Without legal custody, I wasn't allowed to have a say in Jake's security which meant no guards. I couldn't risk claiming Jake as my son if I wasn't able to protect him." He explained.

"What do you mean client confidentiality? My mother fought against you for custody of your son?" Sam was shocked even though she shouldn't be and definitely pissed. 

How could her mother keep Jason from his son knowing how much she wanted Jason to have the chance to be a father? It was bad enough Alexis tried to persuade her not to tell Jason about Danny before he was born, but now she also helped take Jake away too. Alexis' convictions were so strong that it made her turn around that much more confusing to Sam. Alexis had practically begged for Sam to call Jason right away to discuss their child. At the time, she'd assumed that child had been Danny. But now she knew her mother must also know about Hope. Had Alexis had a change of heart regarding Jason's ability to be a good father, or did she intend to help Sam take Hope away from Jason too? Her mother needed to get better quick. They had a lot to talk about.

"Lucky and Elizabeth hired her knowing how she'd fought against Sonny being in Kristina's life. I don't blame her for doing her job. If it hadn't been her, it would have been someone else." He and Alexis had actually come to an understanding in the last couple weeks. They’d agreed to put the past behind them for the sake of Hope and Sam. Jason had hoped it meant she intended to get word to Sam about their daughter. He was usually a good read of people and that had been his read on Alexis, but then weeks went by and nothing. Now that he knew about Sam's health issues, he figured Alexis must have been waiting for Sam to deliver and recuperate before telling her.

"Well I do care, Jason. At least then I'd be pissed at someone else and not my mother!" Sam couldn't believe how easily he let Alexis off the hook.

"She only did what she felt was right at the time and I agreed with her at one point. We've moved past that now anyway. She's actually been really supportive of my relationship with Hope since she found out." Jason found himself drawn closer to Sam as he spoke. Wanting to ease her distress, he moved to sit with her again on the sofa.

Sam sighed. So it was true. Her mother had known about Hope and kept it from her. She had mixed feelings over that, because while it angered her she also knew her mother's omission came from a place of love and concern for her daughter and grandchild. These people she loved really needed to stop doing this to her.

"Really?" Sam was relieved to hear it was a change of heart in Alexis and not some plot to take Jason's children away from him. She suddenly felt guilty for nearly condemning her mother when she wasn't there to defend herself. Please wake up soon, mom, she prayed. Their journey as mother and daughter couldn't be over yet. They still had so far to go.

"Yeah, I think she planned to tell you about Hope. She said she had no doubt you'd want to be her mom and that she couldn't wait to be a grandma. That was right before she threatened to take me out if I ever referred to her as the g word." Jason mused and was happy to see his recollection brought a smile to Sam's face, even though it was bittersweet.

"She's got to wake up. She never even had the chance to meet Danny." Sam said.

"She will. She's a survivor, just like you." Jason consoled her. He wished he could hold her.

"Thanks." Sam bit her bottom lip. Their conversation had taken an awkward turn. Here Jason was freely comforting her when she'd been reluctant to do the same for him moments ago.

"I'm sorry. We were talking about Jake." Sam needed to know what happened to his son and distract her mind and her heart from the thoughts and feelings Jason evoked when he treated her as if he might still love her.

Jason's jaw clenched. He swallowed hard and nodded. "My visitation with Jake started after the court ruling in early September. I got to have him for four hours, four times a week. The last time was Thanksgiving. We spent it at the Quartermaine's." He shrugged, his eyes focused far off. "It seemed like the right thing to do after all they'd lost."

"I'm glad you told them about Jake. Edward must have been thrilled and I see the way Monica adores Hope. I'm sure she loves Jake the same."

"She did." Jason glanced at Sam as he said that and could see the question in her eyes.

"Lucky had to work, but Elizabeth was off the day after Thanksgiving. She wanted to catch a few early morning sales for Christmas so she let the boys spend Thanksgiving night at her grandmother's. She called me to let me know I could pick Jake up from Audrey's for my visitation that day. I knocked when I got there and rang the bell, but there was no answer. I saw Audrey's car in the drive and called Elizabeth who said the boys were still there and that they should be at home, but Audrey wasn't answering the house phone or her cell. Elizabeth was concerned and I got a bad feeling. She told me where to find the spare key and I let myself in, but it was too late."

"No. Oh Jason," Sam prayed what she already knew in her gut wasn't true. He couldn't have lost Jake too.

"Carbon monoxide, paramedics said. Audrey recovered, but Cam's on life support. The doctors say there isn't anything more they can do for him, but Elizabeth isn't able to let go. They said, they said Jake was just too little. He didn't make it." That was it. He couldn't talk about it anymore. He closed his eyes and prayed for the final vision of his deceased son in that crib to stop haunting him.

He opened his eyes when he felt her hand on his. She'd moved closer, tears in her eyes, as she pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry." She whispered as he closed his arms around her and never wanted to let go.

He reveled in the feel of her, but refused to allow himself to really let go. She was so good to him, even now, when he didn't deserve it.

Jason allowed the hug to linger a moment longer and then forced himself to pull back. Sam held Jason's gaze as their physical contact ended. She ignored how hard it was to let go of him. Things were different now, but she still wanted to help him. He'd been there for her after her daughter died and she wanted to help him too. "I want to help you."

Jason took a steadying breath. It was so hard not to take her up on that offer, but he would never use his grief to ingratiate his way back into her life. "You have. You kept our son safe and allowed me to share in his life."

"I know it won't be easy, but we'll figure out a way to raise our children together." Sam promised.

Jason nodded and took another deep breath. "We can work out a schedule."

He rubbed his hands over his denim-clad thighs to keep from reaching out for her.

"That sounds good. I think it'll help Hope feel more secure if she has a set schedule." Sam agreed, recalling her conversation with Jax the previous night.

Minutes passed, and as they allowed their heightened emotions to settle, Jason and Sam filled one another in on Hope and Danny's daily routines. They even managed to work out a rough schedule to be tweaked as needed for the time Sam remained in Port Charles. Of course, new arrangements would need to be made once Sam returned to Hawaii, but they agreed to defer that conversation until Alexis was better. Jason hoped Sam might change her mind by then and stay in Port Charles, but Sam wasn't sure what she might do now and needed time to think it over.

Sam was pleased with the progress they'd made in figuring things out for their kids. They would start slow, with their little girl spending just a few hours at a time during the day with Sam until Hope felt more comfortable. Daniel would spend those hours with Jason which worked out well since he was still too young to be away from his mother for long. They also arranged times during the week for each of them to have both children at once so Hope and Daniel could bond as sister and brother.

There was a lull in conversation and so Jason offered to get drinks for them while Sam went upstairs to check on Daniel. His emotions had been all over the place today, but he and Sam had made a lot of progress and he felt good about it. He'd pushed through and been honest when he felt himself shutting down. He'd kept his anger in control and prevented any blow ups that might set them back. He may never have Sam for his wife, but he missed their friendship and he hoped to get that part back at the very least. They still had a long way to go, but today's talk felt like a step in the right direction and he took comfort in that.

Jason sat on the sofa with their drinks on the coffee table in front of him as Sam descended the stairs. He turned to see she had Daniel in her arms and his heart raced at the sight. He wanted to hold his son. He just hoped the panic wouldn't hit again.

Sam gave him a warm smile as she moved to sit next to him on the couch. She sat closer than before to allow Jason to get a good look without forcing him to hold Danny before he was ready. She held their baby up so he could see his father. "Danny, this is your daddy. Daddy, say hello to your son, Daniel John Morgan."

"Hi son." Jason placed his large hand over Daniel's chest and felt his little heart beat against his palm. This was the child he'd created with the love of his life and he was alive and well. He swallowed the lump in his throat at the thought.

"Morgan, I thought ..." Jason murmured as he gazed at his son. He was surprised yet thrilled to hear Sam had given Daniel his last name.

"He's your son, Jason, not Jax' and his birth certificate reflects that. You are the father of record and will be in every other way that counts. There has never been any confusion about that with me or with Jax, and there never will be with Danny either." Sam was happy that Daniel's proper surname was already listed on his birth certificate along with Jason's name as father. A signed affidavit from the father of record wasn't required in the state of Hawaii. Although, the law stipulated that any certificate of birth without a signed affidavit gave the father listed the right to challenge it. But Sam knew that would never be an issue. Jason would take one look at their son and know who he belonged to.

"I know why you chose Daniel and I'm glad, but why John? Wasn't that Jax'..."

"Jax' father, yes. Jason, Jax was an amazing friend to me when I needed one. I don't know how I would have made it through my pregnancy without him. There was some unresolved bad history between us regarding his dad, and honoring him ..." Sam shrugged. "It just felt like the right way to help make amends."

Jason nodded in understanding.

"I should probably also mention that I chose Jax to be Daniel's sort of unofficial godfather. I wanted to wait until you met Danny before we talked about baptism. I've never been a very religious person, but I know you may have stronger feelings on that and I'm okay with it if you do. I just ..." Sam trailed off.

"Thank you." Jason told her without looking at her. The actions Sam took to ensure his rights as Daniel's father and include him in the important decisions in his life meant everything to him, but for the first time in his life since Sam entered it he found his eyes drawn to someone else instead. He just couldn't take his eyes off their son. 

He lifted his index finger from the tiny chest and Danny's fingers curled around his larger one. "He's perfect." Jason smiled, a real smile.

"I think so." Sam smiled back unnoticed then looked down at Danny who seemed to be staring at his father just as intently as his father stared at him. "You want to hold him?"

Jason glanced at Sam then back at Danny and nodded as Sam began to hand him over. "Stay, stay close. Okay?"

"I'm right here, right by your side." Sam assured. "You've got him. You're fine. You're both fine."

Jason let out a pent up sigh full of nerves and felt himself relax as he stared, mesmerized, by the miracle Sam had given him. His heart was so full of love for her and the tiny being they'd created together he could hardly contain it. He wanted to thank her again, over and over, but he didn't even know how to begin to thank her for such a gift. So, he just sat there, quiet and full of love for the both of them and vowed he would find a way to do right by them this time. His family deserved nothing less.


End file.
